Deadline

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Gay Marriages in New York CIty!

HACK ALERT!

The old bank-robbery-gone-wrong-now-a-hostage-situation story line is back again. Jeez, we almost finished the year without another hacky premise. We came close when "Life on Mars" had a hostage situation in a hospital earlier this fall.
Some shows wait years before going there ("The Comish"), but "Leverage" on TNT only took 4 episodes before going there. I remember seeing Anthony Michael Hall being interviewed about the "Dead Zone's" bank story line. He said it was an homage to "Dog Day Afternoon." That is a great movie, but between the Al Pacino film and the USA network drama there were tons of "homages" to the movie. Making TDZ a rip off.


Mafia show "Line of Fire" decided that a bank robbery would be a good idea within the first 13 episodes of the show. It didn't last much longer than that.

This is a bad sign for "Leverage." Too bad. I like this show.

Latest Watchmen Trailer*

*Until the nest one.

Watchmen Exclusive

Thursday, December 18, 2008

lies we tell each other to survive in LA

This week's column is an audio one. Since Rob Long of Martini shot decided to take on the subject this week, I thought he should do it.

Take it away Rob...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

From Togas to Orange Jumpsuits

From the New York Times:
December 16, 2008
National Lampoon Chief Faces Charges
By RITA K. FARRELL

The chief executive of National Lampoon, Daniel S. Laikin, was charged on Monday with conspiracy and securities fraud in what prosecutors said was an attempt to raise the value of the company’s stock artificially.

The National Lampoon, a media company in Los Angeles with projects in feature films, television programming and interactive entertainment, owns interest in the movies “Animal House” and the “Vacation” series.

Mr. Laikin, who was arrested on Monday in Los Angeles, and five other defendants were indicted by a grand jury in Philadelphia.

Laurie Magid, acting United States attorney for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, said in a statement, “These schemes were designed to corrupt the market and reap large profits for these defendants at the expense of the average investor.”

Mr. Laikin was accused of promising kickbacks to a stock promoter to raise the value of National Lampoon’s stock.

The investigation was conducted by the Philadelphia offices of the F.B.I., the Securities and Exchange Commission and the United States attorney.

Prosecutors said a seventh defendant, the stock promoter Eduardo Rodriguez, 49, of Livingston, N.J., enlisted other promoters to use insider information provided by the companies and drive up the share price of National Lampoon and two other companies, the Advatech Corporation of Florida, and Swedish Vegas of California. Richard J. Margulies, the chief financial officer of Advatech, is a defendant.

The stock buys were made from March to June and timed to the release of public announcements to avoid suspicion. But a witness in Pennsylvania, not part of the government but using F.B.I. funds, exposed the plan after pretending to cooperate in raising National Lampoon’s stock to $2.50 to $5 a share, from $1.87 in mid-March.

Mr. Laikin, 46, controls about 40 percent of the company’s 8.9 million outstanding shares. Had the plan succeeded, the value of his stake could have increased by up to $15 million, Ms. Magid said.

An assistant United States attorney, Derek A. Cohen, who with Louis D. Lappen will prosecute the case in Philadelphia, said Mr. Laikin was working out the terms of his release.

Mr. Laikin’s assistant, Cora Victoriano, said the company had no immediate comment.

The S.E.C. also filed civil charges against the seven defendants. Daniel Hawke, director of the S.E.C.’s regional office in Philadelphia, said paying illicit kickbacks to arrange manipulative trades “is brazen misconduct and threatens to destroy any sense of fairness that investors expect in the financial markets.”

Mr. Hawke said that trading of National Lampoon shares was halted at 9:30 a.m. on Monday. Shares closed Friday at 73 cents on the American Stock Exchange.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Invest in this movie!*

Do you have lots of bail out money laying around just waiting for something to spend it on? Open up your check books. Here's the movie for you ...
According to their Youtube page they are looking for funding.


More from their page...
The first teaser for Iron Sky - the upcoming scifi comedy from the creators of Star Wreck.

Check out our website at http://www.ironsky.net/ and read more about the film - and how you can get involved in the production.

The film is in pre-production and thus the teaser does not contain any actual footage from the film. It is meant as a demonstration of the style and feeling of Iron Sky.

*or don't. It's none of my business. What do I know. Nothing.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Leno Goes Prime Time


From Broadcast & Cable:


Jay Leno Taking Over 10 P.M. On NBC
Jeff Zucker keeps Leno and O'Brien with Leno strip
By Ben Grossman -- Broadcasting & Cable, 12/8/2008 7:19:00 PM

In a surprise move, Jay Leno is taking over the 10 p.m. slot on weeknights on the network.

The move is a huge coup for NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker, who has long said he wanted to keep both Leno and his replacement, Conan O’Brien, in the NBC family.

The move would be a cost-effective manner in which to essentially cut down the amount of hours it must program with fare from the entertainment division. Jeff Zucker foreshadowed the move at a UBS media conference Monday, saying that NBC has to look at options including programming less primetime hours.

It would be a much-needed victory for struggling NBC in the wake of a massive round of layoffs and a re-organization of the entire way the network and studio are structured as the network continues to languish in fourth place.

The move would also bring to an end a potentially messy transition in the coming year that had industry speculation centered on Leno potentially moving to ABC, which would set up a three-way brawl for the dwindling late-night dollars between Leno, O’Brien and CBS’s David Letterman.

Leno’s start date is undecided, but expected to be by next fall.

It must be sweeps

Here's Sophie Monk in "Sex and Death 101."
Check out the site meter. the hit will go from 2 to over 1,000 all looking for this video. as a joke once I put "Sharon Osbourne nude" as a label and got tons of hits. ooof.
It takes all kinds. Anyway, I will return to bad spelling and snide comments later. Sorry to both of you. Meanwhile, enjoy a naked lady.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

NBC promises more ER

With the long running medical drama coming to an end this season, NBC wants fans to be reassured that things will be ok.
ER will be back. "Look, we are out of original ideas," said a source at the network, "We brought back 'Bionic Woman' and that failed. That didn't stop us. Then we followed that up with 'American Gladiator' and 'Night Rider' - they also failed."
"We haven't had an original idea since 'Heroes.' When that show took off, we just copied that." said another exec,"Coming up with original ideas is too expensive."
Look for a new revamped nostalgic version of "er" within 5 years.

More "Lies we tell each other to survive in LA"

We call that creepy strip of water going through LA and the Valley the "LA River." As Wayne Federman points out in his stand up act - It's not a river at all. He has a funny punch line, But I don't want to fumble it. Just go see him perform.Also last night in his funny show " A Very Federman Christmas" he brought up that we have a team named the "LAkers" in a city with no lakes. Or "clips" for that matter.

Also - people from out of town love to complain about our traffic. But I never hear about traffic. When I lived in Jersey, the radio always told us of horrid "Traffic Jams" - which are jams make of traffic. In LA the radio talks of "Sig Alerts." It's not a jam yet, it's still an alert. When I moved here I was waiting for it to be upgraded to a jam - never happened. And the silly word "Sig" not only makes no sense, but has nothing to do with traffic.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Producer Job opens at MSNBC

Get your resumes and cover sheets ready. After this guy went on a curse filled rant, HR might be looking for a replacement. Must have five years news experience and a swear jar.

Friday, December 05, 2008

How to see the Osbournes Live!

Rosie did not completely kill the variety show. The Osbourne's are continuing their plan to stay relevant by singing and dancing. To see see the show live, they are practically begging you to go. Remember, no Hannah Montana Tickets. They ain't that desperate.

Just in time for the holidays we have a very special promotion! Attend a show of our choice and you can get tickets to any show of your choice in 2009! Please read on for more details...
The Osbournes are back on primetime TV with a new show on FOX and from the producers of American Idol and America’s Got Talent! The show features huge celebrity guests, music performances, and comedy sketches, blended with game shows and studio audience participation, giving it a similar feel to classic variety shows with the exception that it will feature the Osbournes and their unique…tastes.
Can you think of a better way to bond with family and friends then by spending a couple of hours together in close quarters with the Osbournes?? Just in time for the holidays, we'll give you a chance to realize that there are indeed families more dysfunctional than your own. The show tapes early evenings in Hollywood on December 10th, 12th, 16th, and 19th and the minimum age to attend is 18.
SPECIAL PROMOTION: If you attend the taping of The Osbournes on Wednesday, December 10th or Tuesday, December 16th we will reward you with a priority ticket to ANY show of your choice in 2009 that we provide tickets to!!! To redeem this offer, print a ticket for the 10th or the 16th and write ‘OCA 2009’ on the top left corner. Then, when you attend the taping of The Osbournes we will collect your ticket and mark how many people are in your party. The number of priority tickets you receive will be the same as the number of people in your party when you attend The Osbournes! You will then receive an email from us the first week of 2009 with a priority code and instructions on how to redeem your priority tickets. This offer is valid for any show on our calendar throughout 2009 EXCEPT Hannah Montana.
For more information and to print free tickets please use the following link:
http://www.ocatv.com/shows/show/237
And if you need one last reason to convince you to be part of the primetime show; with today's economy, how many fun events filled with live music, performance, and comedy can you name that are FREE...?

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Lies we tell each other to survive in LA

People who don't live in LA love to complain about it. The pizza stinks, the traffic sucks and everyone is phony. "I don't know if I could take all the phoniness. At least in New York, if you don't like someone you tell them to 'fuck off.'" That sounds lovely. People slinging f bombs at you all day - only because they mean it.

IN LA we are super nice to each other. Some would even say we lie. But after 9 years (yikes), I've become used to it and actually enjoy the LA way of acting.
LA can be a tough town. Lots of rejection and holding onto hope.

Here are some of the lies we tell each other to survive LA.
(More to follow, as I think of them.)

"We will think about it and get back to you." - They will not and won't. If the person wanted to say yes, they would. This way they can avoid your calls of reject you over the phone and not have to deal with your pleading face to face.
"I'm not suggesting this, I'm just letting you know its an option." Too late, you already suggested it.
"Yes." - No or at best maybe.
"The audience seemed to love it" Means "I hated it, but I guess there's hope?" Why not say something nice. No one wants to know they suck.

Recycle everything?

A new podcast obsession of mine it the "The Moth" podcast. The Moth is like the "The Sit and Spin" or any other essay show. Well established people tell stories to a very accepting audience. An audience who is syked to be there and ready to laugh and have a good time.

In LA, a lot of the time the stories are about some show biz misadventure. The rules of the Moth is a person tells a story without notes.

The first week I listened to the "The Moth" podcast, it was a well known snarky writer talking about his misadventures as a writer for "Facts of Life." In fact he sounds like he was a really bad one. IT turns out all his snottiness hurt his bottom line there. Good. Fuck him. You can't walk into job and say, "This show is below me, I'm going to be half ass." That's like when a comedian threatens the audience, "Do I have to go to my A material??!?" Yes, dick. You should've started with it.

THis week a writer tells a very funny and compelling story about dating a fireman and then wondering if he survived 9/11.
While looking up Katherine Russell Rich (mainly to see what see looks like), I discovered an article she wrote for the New York Times. It was a story about her dating a fireman and then wondering if he survived 9/11. If you want to know you'll have to read it.

You can't just say, "Hey let me tell all you new friends a story off the top of my head" and then retell something any fan would have read in a small local paper like the New York Times! How dare you!

Ok, I'm not that mad.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

I'm not one to tattle but...

If you watched the finale of the "The Shield" [no spoilers]you might have noticed a little confusion on who is paying the bills.

Just before the credits roll and and just after Vic Mackey pokes his eyes out with a hot poker (did not happen) and the show ended the guy with the super deep voice announce that the show was sponsored by Direct TV. Fine. This is obviously a cable show, so you need some thing to watch it on, why not Direct TV.

During the show itself I counted at least two commercials for Time/Warner that attacked Direct TV and said it was crap.

Didn't we learn anything from the Kerry/Bush Campaign? Can't we promise not to sling mud? See how well it worked for new president?

Yes, we will take your money and then quickly shank you twice. Enjoy.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Read the fine print...

I saw this film at Best Buy---I love vampire films...oooh, Bram Stoker! that's official! I love Dracula... oh.... wait...ugh. Here's what I imagined:

INT COMPUTER SCREEN

Guest: "Hey, Drac, it's me your pal from high school. I haven't heard from you in years. I saw you on Facebook. So I thought I'd say hi."
Dracula: "Dude! Remember that woman you both bit at the same time! How are you? Next time you are in town, you MUST stay with us. My wife and I insist. She's dying to meet you...if she could die, but she's undead. You know what I mean.

CUT TO NEXT TIME GUEST IS IN TOWN
Guest: Thanks dude. I'll be gone on Monday. I was hoping we could go out...
Dracula: Stay as long as you like... Please. My castle is your castle.
Guest: Dude, I will only be here for the weekend or until my wife takes me back. She's such a pain. Very unreasonable. She's not cool like you.

CUT TO: THREE WEEKS LATER
Dracula: Bro, bro, bro maybe you should start looking for your own place, maybe? I wouldn't ask you but, Doris is kind of on my back. Maybe you can pick up toilet paper or something...
Guest: Get off my back, brau. This is so uncool. I told you I was looking.!
Dracula: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You'll live forever- on my couch!

Ok, here's the real trailer.

Here's the real trailer:

I guess Joan Rivers is looking for a booker

An ad on Realitystaff.com would not disclose who they were, but with a little, very little detective work I have figured it out!

First they said that it was hosted by a " world-famous talkshow host" and the show is booking millionaires - which is what her show she sold was about.

Here's one thing they left out when they sold the show...They don't know any rich folk.



JOB DETAILS


job title: Other (Interview Booker)

job start: December 1 job end: February 27
total weeks: 12

show name: NA
network: NA

company: NA
location: LA/NY

job description:

News/Talk Bookers

New magazine show hosted by world-famous talkshow host is staffing EXPERIENCED BOOKERS with a track record of booking interviews with self-made millionaires.

Show features high-net worth individuals (NOT celebrities).

We're looking for someone who has the resources to scour the country for self-made businessmen and women with a net worth of at least $50 million
dollars.

You need to be bright, creative and charming enough to land interviews and lock bookings with some of the wealthiest, most powerful, and most influential individuals in the world.

5+ years booking Talk Show or News required

Offices in Los Angeles and New York

Position starts Dec/Jan and will go approx. 12 weeks.

May include travel.

Please send resume/credit list to:
zoojobs@gmail.com
with the subject line "Booker"

Deadline to submit resumes:
November 21, 2008

No phone calls please

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

shows that are pulled from the TIVO

Ok, it's a DVR, but I'm embarrassed like it's the Pathmark version. I was a middle class kid in a rich town. It was embarrassing to grow up with only one cleaning lady.

My new DVR can only hold a certain amount of stuff and HD takes up so much room that I have to let some shows go.
So these are TV series that I gave up on watching and is gone forever. I would rather delete it than watch it.

First to go, like most years, was Prison Break. Last season it took a couple of seasons to declare the plot ridiculous. They are sent to a lawless Panama prison where everyone is American and no one wears Tommy Bahama.

This season all the characters find each other and are working for the government. Like the last season of the A*team. That show ended after season 2.

Gone.
Then, this was a hard one, Pushing Daisies. I really like the show, but they all seem the same. No development. Every episode was the same. I think it's gone anyway.

People say you can't make movies about Hollywood b/c it's too inside and middle America doesn't get it. So my next victim is the biggest insider show of them all. "House." I'm no doctor, I can't guess the ending. I don't know what tests they should run or what it means. Like most people I just watch it because Dr. House is a great character. But I ain't gots the space. So the Doctor is out!

I gave up Ugly Betty, but I went back this weekend to watch last weeks show. It's like throwing out a delicious chocolate cake, only to brush it off and eat it the next morning.

I'm holding out hope for "Boston Legal" which cut out most of the smaller characters and concentrates now on Spader and Shatner. I guess the budget was cut and they figured they needed to use their stars. The show is comfort food. SInce it's the last season I can't delete it. I can't watch it either.
Finally, I'm holding out hope for "Life on Mars." The writing is sloppy and goofy, but I'm holding out hope that it will figure itself out. My guess is they will change show runners.

BUT I have to point out that last week's episode, the one with the hostage situation, used the exact same daunting music that you find on "Lost." You can't do that. It's someone else's style.

I will give the show credit for the episode. When I saw they were doing the old "Hostage" episode. I almost put myself in a coma. There's no bigger hack concept than a hostage situation at a bank. Where one of the characters accidentally shows up and the whole episode is an homage to "Dog Day Afternoon" without the gay parts.

But "LOM's" crisis was at a hospital and they were called there b/c they are cops. Whew. Besides the music issue, I thought it was a good episode. Hope for the future for a show about the past.
(Nice,right?)

Monday, November 17, 2008

DL Hughley Breaks the news

DL Hughley ended his CNN show with "The Sugar HIll Gang" singing "Rapper's Delight." The whole show was really good and I love that that had the TSHG - no need for the latest fly by night band - why not someone everyone loves?

When Hughley took a second to interview them he told his audience - "This ain't your dad's CNN." Meaning that he hipped up the channel. Well it depends on who's father.

Good News for a People who love fonts

I mean the new trailer for the "Angeles & Demons" the new Tom Hanks/wig movie.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

At the Trader Joe's

While grocery shopping at the swanky TJ's on 3rd, I was approached by a man in his sixties. We were in the frozen food isle (Or "Isle of Frozen Food) and he started a conversation. He recommended the BBQ Chicken Teriyaki in a bag.
"It's great when you are alone, like me. It's enough for two meals, when you are alone like me. It's good for a bachelor." How did he know I was a bachelor? The randomly chosen soups, cheese and one tomato?

I'm hung over and staring at the bag now. I feel like I have hit a new all time low, so eating this chicken is appropriate.

Maybe I should call this guy. Get brunch at Urth Cafe or play hoops at West Hollywood park or go to the Abby for Happy hour and tell people while we are not gay, we are not looking for trouble, just a half price choco-tini.

Wait, this is for a microwave. I don't have a microwave. What a waste. YOU MEAN you could tell I live on my own, but you can't tell I don't like microwaves in my home - it feels too much like the office? Party is over!

All time low.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Relax White people!

Rocky III

Tonight at 10:00 PM on AMC: Rocky III.
Again. Whew! If watching McCain lose to a black man without a rematch - AMC has giving you a nice piece of nostalgia.


Beccause kids love references to movies that came out before they were born...



This scene in Risky Business has been copied, parodied, copied, and paid homage to a million times since the film came out in 1983. The sliding across the floor in your socks in an Oxford and tighty whities is the shorthand for freedom.

But it's been 25 years. Let's find other references to steal. Does the writer, set designer and/or wardrobe guy of "Risky Business" get any money when a major commercial "pays homage" to something they came up with?

Sunday, November 02, 2008

The restaurant sounds good and it's always packed. But the chefs/owners seem like huge douche bags. Douche Bags of the week! What happened to Angry coke sniffing chefs? IS that too hard to ask for?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Black Men in White Movies

Black men in white movies usually have one of these qualities. If not all.

Hen pecked. Scared of their over baring wife who screams the whole scene. Maybe even looks at the lead and asks, "Who does this white boy think he is?" (Martin Lawrence in "Wild Hogs.")

Crazy hair. Afros, long curls. Not a normal hair cut. Something that makes them stand out more than just being the only black person in the group.

Not a threat to your women. They are usually the one gay character, they cross dress at some point or they are married to some crazy woman. This way they are not going to have a chance to beat out the white lead. (The Black guy in Greek, the black guy in the last two seasons of "Boston Legal.")

He next time you look at a commercial with a group of people - 20 somethings hanging out or office drones in the break room talking about lunch - check out the one black guy. Not two.

Ok, we've done it. Let's move on.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Friday, October 03, 2008

Starz "Crash"

I'm watching the new Starz channel show "Crash." The show is based on the Oscar winning movie. You would think it's going to be a continuation of the characters from the film -- but instead every week a different Oscar voter apologizes for voting for the film. "Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time." "Sorry, I was too afraid to vote for 'Broke Back.'"

Actually the movie is about a bunch of different people in LA. I guess they will all meet up at some point and then it will snow.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Second show to get the axe (body spray)

Not to go negative, but after today's news that "Do not Disturb" was taken off the schedule, I wanted to chime in with the next pick (picked off). I won't say the name of it so anyone googling themselves won't find it and bitch about bitchy bloggers. But it rhymes with Burst Bleak.

The show has a high concept and an ad campaign that I don't get. They guy is lying in a diaper. Ok, it's a show about some dude pooping on himself? In that case I'm in.

I got to go back to stuffing my mattresses.
BTW - To avoid further connections with the real show, I put up a picture of something I like. Vera Wang deodorant. It burns though. BURNS!

I just watched "Heckler" a documentary about the affects of hecklers, critics and bloggers on comics. It's a really good movie. Now I'm trying not to be a nasty blogger type. So stop crying - if that's ok with you.

Kirk Cameron is a Movie Star


Cameron stars in the faith based hit "Fireproof." The movie came in 4th with a less than half the theaters than the #2 new movie of the week and a much better per screen average. According to Boxofficemojo.com the movie cost next to nothing.
I don't know if the draw was so much the "Growing Pains" star or God. We'll see who gets top billing in the sequel.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

She TOLDYA



Good thing Nikki Fink reminded us that she's not one to to remind us. I'm just glad she's objective.

'member English?


Are 14 year olds selling houses now?

Friday, September 19, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Sure it's hot as hell...but the schools are great

LAsnark.com reports that a new court show "The Hollywood Judge" is looking for cases. You are reminded that the show is unique b/c it's all very Hollywood. Except that the judge is from New Jersey and the show is shot in the Valley.


is this guy a joke?


Either way you should call him. I saw this on a pole on Melrose.

Look out!


This poster for "The Day the Earth Stood Still" makes me think of a whole different movie. I feel like the martians come down and we all hide so they think there's no one here.

This guy gets it done

Thursday, September 11, 2008

CNN loves baby talk

Tonight under the shots of talking heads, news anchors and presidential hopefuls and above the scroll of non emergency news, was a revolving headline concerning a hurricane threat. One of the headlines was written so simply that it felt like it was for children. "HURRICANE IKE PREDICTED TO BE MONSTER STORM." "Monster Storm?" Was that the actual word used? Did the weather center send out a wire, "Warning, Monster storm approaching, dude. Totally. Kegger cancelled. No major rager."

The other one I liked was "FEMA CHIEF: IKE IS "MOTHER NATURE'S WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION." was he explaining it to his 4 year old?
Will all news be geared to our inner idiot? "Chocolate Man and that guy who's the same age as Grandpa are both trying to be King of USA."

CBS goes after the already upset audience

This sign is on a few posts right on the way to a hospital in LA. Who walks by a hospital in LA? People going to visit sick people or people who take care of them.
So what was my reaction when I saw something that looked like a missing poster?

"OH MY GOD! How sad. That local woman is missing and he loved one must have just put that up. Someone took a number...there's hope. I hope it's a real tip not a lonely person faking like they know them. The woman is so pretty too. What a shame...not that only ugly woman should...she looks like the woman from "Grey's Anatomy." Maybe this is a show promotion for her Jane Doe Character? Wait she has a new show about a woman looking for her ex boyfriends...Ugh.

PS: by the next day they were ripped down.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

One Black Person rule.


In TV today it seems that no show has more than one black person on it. Yes there's "Everybody Hates Chris" and "Girlfriends." But that's it. How many shows are on TV? Plus any show with more thank two black people are considered "black shows" and banished to that. There aren't any all black shows. The only person who likes Chris is a white guy and there's one white football couple.

The exception is two black people, but one is male and one is female. Mostly the black is gay, wears woman's clothing or is hen pecked. The women are usually sassy black women. The women are usually the advice giving best friend of the white person who has a life.
Name a show on air now. I dare you.
FOx's two sitcoms go by that rule. They hired JB Smooth to play JB Smooth on "'Til Death," a show about coupling - but he does not get a wife.
On their new sitcom "Do Not Disturb" the sassy black woman from "Reno 911" plays a sassy black woman in a world of white characters.

The updated "90210" has one black person as a regular character which is one more than the original. But what do his black parents do? Oh, well...we don't know. You see that would mean the show would have to hire at least two more black people and maybe even have them in a positive light. This kid is adopted "Dif'rent Strokes" style.

Name me a show on air now. "Greek?" One female back character - plays best friend. One black character, gay.

The Shield? Two. One is the captain (great role) the other is gay and trying to hide it.

CSI? one each.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Comic fined at if.comedy awards

Comic fined at if.comedy awards
Breach of the peace rap for Lederer

American stand-up Andrew J Lederer was given an on-the-spot fine
following a fracas outside Edinburgh's if.comedy award celebrations
last night.
The comic was fined £40 for breach of the peace after verbally
assaulting a female member of security staff.

Witnesses said Lederer unleashed a vicious torrent of four-letter
words after being denied entrance to the comedy industry party in The
Jam House just before 4am.

Police were called and questioned Lederer for about half an hour,
before issuing the fine.

The woman said: 'There is only so much abuse I am prepared to take and
he crossed the line. He'd better hope our paths never cross again.'

New Yorker Lederer has been hosting a daily Free Festival storytelling
club during the Fringe.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Overheard at Hollywood party

Ok, it was said to me. But I like to distance myself.

We were discussing the news that an actress and star of a hit sitcom had breast cancer.
TV Type: "Oh, what is the network going to do? They finally have a hit and now...not that that's the only issue here but..."

Here at the MYblog would like to give our best wishes and prayers to the network and their family and hope for a speedy recovery. Or at least by sweeps.

Nikki Finke, too soon?

I like Finke's column and I most of her predictions are dead-on and it's good when she takes credit for it - but today's headline on "Deadline Hollywood Daily" was a little strange...

TOLDJA! Soviet dissident writer Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn died.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Mr. Moviefone Lives in a Glass House


This morning while looking for a place showing the wacky rom com "Frozen River," for my ten year old nephew's birthday party. I noticed a feature on moviefone.com. In honor of "Lost Boys 2" on DVD they did a "Where Are They Now" type article.
So far we know about the two Coreys the one Keefer and Jamie Gertz.
But what about the other people whose names we can't think of?
Well Mr. Moviefone has go the answer.
The article is a snarky review of people and their lives over 20 years later. Calling people has beens and failures. Showing fat pictures of them. Shitting on them for not keeping up the pace of one hit movie that really wasn't all that. Showing the fattest picture of someone.

Now: (Jamison) Newlander went AWOL after 1988's 'Blob,' but reemerged in '03 to write, direct, produce and star in the straight-to-DVD 'Rooster.' Perhaps he was honing his skills as a quadruple threat during that 15-year hiatus. If so, his efforts didn't pay off; according to his unofficial fan site (what, he's not famous enough to have an official one?), his cameo in 'Lost Boys 2' was cut. Is there any justice in this world?
Wait a second, Mr. Moviefone article writer guy; you work for the biggest has been of all. AOL. Hasn't Time/Warner been tring to dump that company off at Goodwill for the last ten years?
--

Internet providers. Where Are They Now?

Then: JUNO was the free internet provider.
Now: They charge about ten bucks and still has one customer.

Then: AOL ruled the roost with IMs, chat rooms and hometown homepages.
Now: failing to keep up with the times they helped create, they are staying afloat with costumers who either forget they have the service or are too stubborn to change to anything else.

--
Also on the same page is an interview with Corey Feldman. Does Corey know he was called an asshole just one click away?

What if moviefone.com did a where are they now abou tthe "Bad News Bears?"

After not "breaking away" with a career, Jackie Earle Haley was forced to become a limo driver. He started to drive people to big Hollywood events instead of going to them. Oh, he recently had a Oscar nominated turn in "Little Children" and will be starring as Rorschack in "Watchmen.' What a loser!
That guy had 13 years between gigs.

Fame and success comes and goes. You can't predicted it. Or fault someone for not holding onto it...what am I saying?
I know, who am I to talk? I'm a person with a free blogger account and a library card who can express his/her opinion anytime I want (between the hours of 9 AM to 9 PM for 15 minute at a time.)

Hey professional writer guy, leave the snarkiness and misspellings to the bloggers.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Deleted Scene from Star Wars

Which Star Wars? The real one. The first one. No, the real first one. From 1977.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Big announcement, Freddie Prinze, Jr. takes a day job

The Futon Critic gushes:

PRINZE, JR. JOINS WWE CREATIVE TEAM

STAMFORD, Conn. -- Freddie Prinze, Jr., a long-time fan of World Wrestling Entertainment, joins WWE's creative team. Prinze, Jr. will now have a behind the scenes role contributing to WWE's weekly television and pay-per-view programs.

"Freddie Prinze, Jr.'s passion, energy and creativity make him an excellent fit for WWE," said Chairman Vince McMahon.

"Bringing on board an experienced Hollywood writer, actor and producer like Freddie Prinze, Jr. will only increase the level of entertainment to millions of viewers and passionate WWE fans every Monday on USA," said Chris McCumber, Executive Vice President Marketing Digital & Brand Strategy, USA Network.


------------
I like Freddy Prinze, Jr. He seems like a good kid and a good actor. He made that movie about the thing with the guy. His sitcom did well and then it was gone. It deserved a second season.

The press release basically says he'll be working there. Apparently the lead from Egon is now a waiter again. That restaurant didn't send out a press release.

He's an actor, what does that have to do with wrestling? Oh. Never mind.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

5.4 Earthquake in LA, Movie executive not moved

Michael Drake of Lionshead Entertainment/Notentertainment said the quake interested him, but was hoping to get stars in their 30's. Although he does not dismiss the quake, his passing for now.

Every Improv Show ever...

Host:
"What are our two people doing...ok...besides ass fucking...I said besides...can I have a job...besides proctologist...ass doctor is a proctologist."

Host: "Ok, we have a couple of proctologists who are up each other's ass during an earthquake. I need a style of...fuck you is not a style...yes i checked since last show."

Band I likes...

Pinker Tones...

Cheech & Chong are touring again.

Cheech & Chong were the comedy team Cheech Marin was in before he did Nash Bridges and played Hugo's dad on Lost (boy am I old)

#1 Problem with Comic Con: too many Comics

Comic Con's biggest problem this year? Too many comics and artists. It was like they thought it was their show. There's was hardly any room for the tons of TV shows, movies and video games. How was anyone supposed to get to the AB Sea Family booth or the "Big Bang Theory" station? What about the Playstation station? You can't promote the latest Kevin smith film or teen comedy if there are actual comic book artist or collectors in the way!

Without Comic Con, where are the video game people going to go? E4?

Next year, less comic, more con.
Less of this. These rows of comics could be used for promoting Mad Men or the new Ben Brat show. Also the people in costumes are distracting, unless they are promoting a movie screening or a soft drink or a new cop show on USA.

In conclusion, enough with the comic book nerds at Comic Con. The jocks have crashed your party, now get out.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Anne Hathaway's Diary revealed!


Actress Anne Hathaway's diaries were taken by the FBI in connection with her exboyfriend's arrest on for a $6 million real estate scam.
Investigators were lead to the journal by Anne's little brother "Scooter." He giggled all the way up to her bedroom and past the "Do Not Enter" sign on her door. Finally he pointed the book out to them - it was next to her unicorn collection.

Finally the FBI was able to open the little lock on the spine of the spine of the book and we can reveal some of her entries.

"I was not in Star Wars, right? I was the one in the Princess movies. Today my boyfriend bought me a pony to go in the ranch he bought me that he had built in the town he got me for my birthday. He's great with money. It's amazing he can afford that on a temp job salary. Anyway, I hope no one reads this."

Fred Flinstone Loves Cancer

At Comic Con this weekend...yes I went...The World's worst cartoons panel included not only the racist "Sam Basset Private Eye," but old ads with Fred Flintsone enjoying a smoke.

This guy will make you famous

Comic/reporter is offering a change to get you some print...for a price. That's legal right? He's just writing a press release? Or an open minded article that just happens to be paid for by the subject that he is praising?

Here's the email he sent out:
I"VE GOTTEN DOZENS OF COMICS MAJOR NEWSPAPER COVERAGE - NOW I CAN DO IT FOR YOU!!!

Like many of you, I'm a standup comic. Some of you know me from hanging out at the Laugh Factory and Ice House. But some of you know me as well as a writer for the big LA alt-weekly paper LA Citybeat, the LA TImes, Pasadena Weekly and others.

Lately, I started asking a few comics and actor friends if they would be interested in a service that I just came up with recently: I would interview them and write a kick-ass story that is worthy of publication anywhere, and they could use it in their website and press kits. For an additional fee, I would get their tour dates and call newspapers in the towns and cities they're coming to, a month ahead of their shows, and try to sell the stories to those papers, garnering them press and making them look good to the clubs. This has worked out in San Diego, San Jose and Seattle papers so far. For another small fee, I have a layout artist from my newspaper design the article I write to really look like the piece is in a real newspaper.

You can go to my website, www.americasfunniestreporter.com, and see many of my profiles, particularly in my Blog section under the blog "Famous and Funny People." Or in the "Stories" section, you'll see pieces on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia and Michael Moore.
I can do that kind of story for you.

That kind of story is essential to publicity and press kits.
My fees are a fraction of what many other entertainment publicists charge - and you don't have to pay me month after month except for the small ongoing placement fee that I charge for making the pitches. And unlike nearly every publicity firm or publicist, I write an article for you that becomes your concrete property that you control. You actually are guaranteed something good that you can see and use for your money.

No more huge ongoing monthly fees to wonder if someone's going to get you in somewhere.Just good reasonable prices and great concrete publicity.

Drop me a line if you're interested and we'll talk/write.

Thanks for reading,
Carl Kozlowski
Comickoz@aol.com

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Is that cheating?

In LA, where our bread and butter is talking on the phone in our cars* we are awestruck withe the new California law that you have to use a hands free device. It sounds simple enough, but we are just freaked out.

I can't hear people because we are both on speaker.

But one thing I noticed - people too cheap or lazy or whatever to buy a hands free device.

This might be a shocker...holding a phone near your face and using speaker is still illegal. "Hands free" means no hands, sans hands. The problem isn't that you put the phone to your head, it's that you hold it. So holding a phone just under your mouth is also not good.
*unlike on Pepperidge Farm, where bread is there bread and butter.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

SATURDAY BATMAN TAKE - $48 MILLION

She Toldja - According to Deadline Hollywood Daily Cougar Meloncamp, Batman made $48 million on Saturday. Add that to the the almost $70 and then throw in x that it will make today and Warner brothers predict it will make around $155 million.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Batman makes $ on Friday up against Space Chimps

The newest Batman made $66 million on the first day it opened despite no promotion at all. This figure includes the Thursday 9 PM midnight, 3 Am and 6AM shows according to Box Office Mojo. http://boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/

9 Pm shows were added in LA (B/c it's midnight somewhere?) late in the game. One fan complaining that he should not be punished for planning early and buying midnight tickets. "I wanted to be the first to see it," he said seconds before this reporter beat him with a roll of quarters.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

More Weng Weng


Clearly I can't get on the bus to Boca without posting The Weng Weng rap.

Weng Weng is the star of "00" movies. He's the 3 foot Filipino James Bond.

Good Bad Movie Night


Last night we saw three Good Bad movies. Two were duds on was classic. Eddie Murphy's "I Spy" and Chevy Chase's latest movie, "Funny Money" were just plain bad. Nothing Fun or funny about them. It's sad to think that Chase was Fletch, but he couldn't make this film work, at all. Plus, with all the face work, waxing and pulling it looks like Chevy Chase is wearing a CHevy Chase mask.

The great movie was "For Your Height Only." A cheapy 70's James Bond take off with a little person, Weng Weng, as the super spy "00." Filled with silly action sequences, butcher block editing and terrible script that's thankfully dubbed.

Each Filipino actor gets a different voice. One gangster is sounds like a Cagney impression, while another is a bad Bogart. The henchmen are a beautiful variety of ethic stereotyped voices. One Filipino sounds like an awful Latino stereotype. Yet another is an Italian American.

Here's the tarted up trailer someone did...

"Get Smart" fans get ready to lower exceptions again.

Fans that were not that disappointed by the "Get Smart" remake with Steve Carrell now have a direct to DVD sequel. "'Get Smart''s Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control." features the two bumbling characters who spent most of the main movie talking about how they never get to do anything coo. Now you can see it all for yourself.
I saw it on itunes. I was shocked they wanted to charge for it. It looks like an ad for the main film. I liked "Get Smart." So there.

Larry Miller plays Chief or some kind of version there of. They couldn't get Alan Arkin. Remember the days you could? The Jerk Boys Movie?

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

City under seige day one!


Today starts the first day you can't talk on the phone in our car without an ear piece. Do they know I have to live my life? Sorry for getting personal. This is really rough. How do they expect us to settle a strike if we can't drive, talk and drink coffee with one hand?

Monday, June 30, 2008

Wacky police Blotters

From The Montclair New Jersey Police Blotter

LEWDNESS

A Newark man who, according to police, was urinating on the fence of the Social Security building near the Wellmont Theater was given a summons for lewdness, authorities said.

While on patrol, an officer spotted Delcy Harold Ariaspagoaga, 29, relieving himself on the fence at about 2:15 a.m. Friday, June 13, according to police. While police were questioning him he told them, "I guess I’m just having a bad birthday," police said. Ariaspagoaga acknowledged that he had been drinking at Diva Lounge across Bloomfield Avenue earlier that night, authorities said.

After being arrested and issued the summons, he was released.

The Prisoner is finally released

Re-reporting the news...The Futon Critic - a fine collector of press releases reports that AMC will air The Prisoner remake as a miniseries. Which makes sense. The had two main questions - "Why is #6 a prisoner of the island and who is #1?" That's all we need to know.
The show always had a finite ending. Otherwise it would become Lost or Twin Peaks.

It will star (Telephone) Jim (Jesus) Caviezel and Ian McKellen. I'm guessing Caviezel is #6 and McKellen will be the sole #2.

The Futon Critic gives McKellen's credits as "Lord of the Rings, The Da Vinci Code." OH! That Ian McKellen!

Voting for best show.

This weekend I spent 10 hours watching tv dramas on Sunday and about 5 hours watching comedies for the EMMY folk to narrow it down to 5 finalist.

After everyone in the Academy (TV not Police) vote on all the shows - the top ten are picked and a blue ribbon panel of volunteers watches them all and ranks them ten to one. Ten being the best.
The popular vote (ie-the votes from all members who sent in their ballots) and the blue ribbon votes both count as 50% each.

The system is flawed. Each series sends In one episode. the whole season is based on the one episode. They have a sheet of paper with a description, but seriously, no one reads them. So if you never seen Tutors or Lost, it's hard to know what's happening. Or care about a fully developed character.

Without giving away what was there - a couple of shows that I had no idea about took a second to catch on. Still I couldn't help but think the show would be better if I had a relationship with the characters and appreciated how they acted.
Update: Now I can give it away...


Top 10 Comedy Series Finalists

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
Pushing Daisies
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty
Weeds

Top 10 Drama Series Finalists

Boston Legal
Damages
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Grey's Anatomy
House
Lost
Mad Men
The Tudors
The Wire

This might explain why the Sopranos lost many times to "West Wing." Episodes in the mob show worked as chapters leading up to the big (and sometimes disappointing) ending.

West Wingers is a very well written show that can be contained into one episode. That must of helped.
Should 100 people watch 22 hours of each of the 5 or 10 nominated shows? I don't know.


The people running the everything did a great job. I just think the whole system needs an overhaul.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

When FOX news Attacks

FOX News has already start slurring the Democratic challenger.




Obama makes fist bumps uncool.FOX baffled that kids might have strange hand shakes. Break news = High fives.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Laid off from your big time job?

From Craig's List:

Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT


I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $350 up front

Family of faggot fans fly the flag

Actual Headline from BBC news:
A West Midlands family is playing a central role in the quest to raise the profile of a forgotten British dish - faggots.
The Doody family from Wolverhampton has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.

The family will be touring the country extolling the virtues of the dish, which is best-known for its links with the Black Country.

The Doody family were chosen to front the campaign after impressing judges at the Savoy Hotel in London in November.


Oh and this quote:

Her husband Fred added: "It's unfair because faggots were a British delicacy long before any of the others.

"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."

Monday, June 23, 2008

Not this time Durden!


There was an item on many of the gossip blogs(which I fully admit to reading-with my international coffee and Stella Dora breakfast treat) about some young lady from that the CW show. Her dog peed on her and her dress in the car. What did she do? She got out in front of a tons of bored paparazzi looking for something to shoot.

Now they will be stalking this woman to get more copy. "hey, how's our dog?" "You need any seltzer?"

Great. Was this a plan? Are they (the publicists or whomever) trying to push this girl on me now too? All in a desperate plea to make the unwatched show more popular than its "OMFG" ad campaign? The campaign did wonders for slang, but not much for ratings.

No! Not this time.

You got me with Paris Hilton. When she was on the cover with her sister of Stuff or FHM or some other defunct men's mag, I proudly declared that these women had no reason to be famous. I was right.

But the sex tape and the constant media attention got me hooked. Then she got a reality show with her best friend. I fell for that and read all about Nichole Richie. She did not disappoint. Right when worrying about her weight was getting boring she drives the wrong way on a highway. Hooked again.

Paris had BFF's coming out of the wood work. I fell for that Kim Kardashian way before the sex tape. But she even had a sex tape. You got me. Then Kim brought in her entire family. They love the camera.

One great ep. was Kim worried that they were going to talk about her sex tape on Tyra Banks. What else are they going to talk about? Burma? Oh, right... This is real...


Now they want me to care about this woman from a very low rated prime time soap who can't even afford a wee-wee pad? I got my hands full with Britney, Lindsay and various baby bumps.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Match Game complete

From Media Week:
TBS has shot a pilot for a potential new version of classic game show The Match Game with celebrity guests Norm MacDonald, Sarah Silverman, Super Dave Osbourne, The Office co-star Rashida Jones, Reno 911's Niecy Nash, and Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Anne Hathaway is Single - What does that mean for you?


Nothing. E! News and local news casts felt it important to tell the world.
Don't get me wrong - she's super hot - but except for my fantasy baseball type roster of future girlfriends - the news of her doomed relationship means nothing to nobody besides people who know the couple. "Oh, now there might not be a plus one. I better check Evite." "Let me order one extra Christmas card since I can't send it to them jointly. Entertainment news should be more about the business of entertainment. leave the gossip to the gossips. Unless you have a nipple slip.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Match Game update


Funny man Andy Daly will be the host of the show. He's always very funny. It looks like after a break out role in "Semi Pro" this is the year of Andy.