Saturday, December 28, 2002

Gangs of New York

It was like the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride with characters from "The Warriors."
Media Math
In honor of Martin Lawrence's new movie, here's one of those trivia thingies.

Cop, Jewel Thief, Thief, Both

In his movies, he plays 2 different roles: Cop and Crook. To prove it, check out his last nine non-concert, non-Black Knight (it doesn't fit) movies. Tell me what role he played.

1. Blue Streak 2 (2003)
2. Bad Boys II (2003)
3. National Security (2003)
4. What's the Worst That Could Happen? (2001)
5. Big Momma's House (2000)
6. Blue Streak (1999)
7. Life (1999)
8. Nothing to Lose (1997)
9. Bad Boys (1995)

Is that all he can do? Every time he does a new cop movie, they have to introduce his character's surroundings: family, work, car. The rest is the same. "Martin as a cop." "Martin as a crook."
I think they should do a series of cop movies starring Lawrence. Like the "Dirty Harry" movies. That way we can go and see a new bad guy and new cars getting blown up. Less time introducing the characters and more time for Martin fast-talking bad guys and pulling his gun on people.

I'll watch anything he does, as long as it's not set in medieval times.
The host for E!'s "Star Dates" dating show is so bad that if I worked there, after one episode, I would've fired him and then myself for hiring him.

Monday, December 23, 2002

From the "No Shit" section of the Hollywood Reporter:

Apollo Theater files trademark suit
Dec. 23, 2002

The legal saga of Harlem's famous Apollo Theater continues with the filing of a civil complaint in New York by the Apollo Theater Foundation against Western International Syndication and Inner City Theater Group for alleged violation of federal trademark law and unfair competition. Western International and Inner City Broadcasting produced and distributed the syndicated "It's Showtime at the Apollo." Western's association with the theater ceased earlier in the year, after which Western launched the entertainment series "Showtime in Harlem." The complaint filed Friday refers specifically to alleged infringements of the "Showtime at the Apollo" trademark. A statement by David Rodriguez, executive director of the Apollo, said: "The continued use of the Apollo Theater's trademarks by Western and ICTG's 'Showtime in Harlem' is the source of considerable confusion in the marketplace, in the mind of the consumer and among other interested parties, which injures and dilutes the Apollo's distinctive brands -- many of which have been symbols of the Apollo since 1934 -- and its affiliated properties, including the original 'Showtime at the Apollo.' This confusion, if it is not stopped, will hurt our ability to make needed improvements to the Apollo Theater and to carry out the important purposes of the foundation." (Steve Brennan)


The Showtime in Harlem totally stole the format, title, Sandman Sims, and hosts from "Showtime at the Apollo." I can't believe the rip-off show made it to the air.

Sunday, December 22, 2002

If you look at my site meter, you'll find lots of people go on my site looking for nude celebs. Here's how I'll get traffic: Pictures of Kelly Ripa nude.
Sharon Osbourne nude.
Who else?

I of course don't have these or want these, but there you go.
Don't Attack BET
White media outlets can't throw stones.

Recently BET canceled three of their news shows and one of their video shows. That leaves one news program and 14,000 video shows. They also made Comic View into a comedy show.

News sources around the country attacked BET for denying African Americans of news. HUH?
To be clear: No news source attacked BET. They reported that other people were upset. They pointed the finger without being the pointer.

The obvious question: Is BET the only channel that black people watch? Don't they have 400 channels like the rest of us?
The reality: BET was the only channel that was airing news and news programs for African Americans.

That's not what it's about
BET's decision was purely economic. They must have felt that not enough people were watching those shows and they could make more money with other programming. That's the same reasons that other news sources don't have minority news. Why should BET lose money if other news sources don't want to?

BET's job is not to inform African Americans. Its job is to make money. It's a TV station, not a civil rights organization. It's a shame that there aren't more news sources on TV for African Americans, but the blame shouldn't be put on BET.

There is a theory that Paramount bought the channel to make it a music video channel. The theory is that they bought the channel and are trying to make it into an "urban" partner with MTV.

Viacom/Paramount owns:
MTV: Young white kids and people in their 30s who don't know that it's over.
VH1: Apparently for no one, but originally for white people in their late 20s on up.
CTM: Country music.
So why not add BET to their radio station of cable channels?

If you don't like it, you can: write letters, boycott the station, or watch the news shows, giving them great ratings.

Other stations for African Americans are starting up. Viewer loyalty and pressure can be put on them to have more news shows than annoying videos.

To avoid a witch-hunt: This is about the media, not race. This is not about me, but about the media. Put the soapbox down.

This may prove my point about the news coverage of the lack of news coverage. If taken quotes from the almighty book, only read on special nights in the Spring.

From the Hollywood Hagaddah

The incredulous son would ask: "Why don't news sources who reported this 'upset' put on or print more news and news programs geared toward minorities themselves?"

You should answer: "Advertisers feel they don't want to reach minorities. Advertisers decide what goes on the news."

The son who doesn't know how to ask a question would then ask:
"Wouldn't you think that this would open up an opportunity for other news sources to pick up the ball and start running? It would make sense that at least locally in LA, KCAL could pick up the ball. The station is owned by the same megacorp as BET and Paramount. They run 3 hours of prime-time news every night. THREE HOURS! How many times can you say 'A rapist was caught... A cat was found... A car was chased'? Since Paramount owns both stations, they can share money and resources. Repurpose the BET on KCAL."

You would answer: "That wasn't even a question. Take your flat bread and go to your room. Be careful the sullen son."

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Some sick f*** found my site because they were searching for naked pictures of Dan Hedaya.

I do have the pictures, but I was forced to take them down when it was discovered that I superimposed the head on another body. It's hard to find real shots of him naked. I'll trade 2 naked Bob Newharts for a naked Judd Hirsch.
This morning on Howard Stern, he was about to play a tape of J. Lo and Ben Af-flack talking about the King of All Media. The catch was this: director Kevin Smith had to be on the phone to set it up. OK, the producers bit, and the Jersey director was allowed on air to set up this clip of two superstars discussing the DJ.

Smith got on and complained that he couldn't get on in the past. Anyway, the tape played...
It turned out to be dialogue from Smith's next film.

That wouldn't be so bad...



Jennifer Lopez and Ben Af-flack are so popular b/c they are so good. They have a natural way about them that makes them stars. Like most movie stars they play variations on themselves. As many classes of Misner will teach you, acting is just the exercise of putting yourself in different situations.

This clip was so bad that you'd think it was from a student film using the director's parents' friend's cousin's dog walker's next-door neighbors. With only two lines of dialogue he stripped away years of acting lessons and on-camera experience. With only four lines, he was able to make top-line, A-list movie stars sound like community theater actors doing "Grease" in a converted barn.

Is there no way to deliver his lines? His gig is that he writes realistic, natural dialogue, but his actors always seem uncomfortable getting their mouths around his run-on sentences and $10 words. The only time someone would use half those words is when they were studying for their SATs. Nobody talks like that.

How can a man make 5 movies and direct the biggest names in Hollywood and make their performances more wooden than my coffee table? He made Jennifer Lopez into Rebecca Pidgeon.

I'm a Jersey boy. I love Southern Jersey. I look forward to Kevin Smith's movies. I want them to be good and do well. But his films get stupider and flatter as time goes on. His only talent is that he got the first film off the ground. Bless him for that... but what the fuck?

How can he make the hottest couple of the year as boring as Fox's midseason lineup?

Their acting is slower than the new DA from "Law & Order" on 33 rpm.

Monday, December 16, 2002

Checklist for when you need a celeb for a show where you need a celeb
If you're working on a reality or game show and your boss yells out "We need to do a celebrity edition," just go down this list of readily available celebrities.

Gary Coleman
Todd Bridges
Kathy Griffin
Tommy Davidson (comes with Griffin)
Greg Brady
Any cast member from "Mad TV"
Any cast member from "Baywatch"
The wrestler holding onto the name "Chyna"
Stephen Baldwin

Is there no creativity to casting these shows? Or are these the only people who'll do shows?
Like flies to shit

Robin Williams once said that when he was addicted to coke he'd go to any Hollywood party, because there would be drugs there. He'd "go to an opening of an envelope."

I feel the same holds for the very funny comedian Kathy Griffin when it comes to TV shows. I'm in NO WAY saying she does drugs. I doubt she could afford them anyway. But it would be a good explanation of why whenever a "celeb" is needed, she's there. She's been on every talk show, game show, and reality show. She was a special correspondent on the Halloween Parade alongside fellow TV whore Tommy Davidson.

If there's a show with the word "Celebrity" in the title, she's on the panel. OK, maybe not the boxing show, but let's wait for part 4.

I just saw her in the credits of the Anna Nicole "E! Exploits a grieving widow/unstable person Christmas special." That means she was on the show. Is there a show she hasn't done?

She outed Stephen Baldwin. When he called into the radio show she was on, she told the listeners that she and the slow brother were going to do "Celebrity Mole." She also said that each celeb got $25,000. I don't know if that's total or per episode.

She was in NYC to shoot a pilot for CBS where celebs and funny folk talk about shows that jump the shark. Too bad that show jumped the shark, halfway through taping the pilot. (Have I used that catty joke before?)

This new trend of TV casting will keep Kathy Griffin working to a point where we won't know why she was famous in the first place.

What is she famous for? She was on a sitcom that was canned a few years ago and that nobody liked.

Saturday, December 14, 2002

I was told by a reader that she'd enjoy the site better if there was an "About me" section.

About the Yenta

The Media Yenta is a mench who works in the entertainment business. He lives in the Hollywood Hills Adjacent Heights. He obtained the power of show biz insight. He could clearly solve programing gaps, plot twists, and celeb makeovers. But with increased media powers, he lost the ability to spell or proofread. The Yenta realizes the irony and enjoys using that word incorrectly. He also insists that "irregardless" is a word.

Media Yenta wants to let the readers know that this is not a gossip site. NOT! The Yenta works in the biz and has to look at these people every day. His site is meant to inform, provide insight, and let people know how smart he is. He also doesn't want to pull a "Ron Fineman" and lose his job.

He also supplies links to media news sites, jobs sites, and other media blog sites, making it possible to get your daily entertainment news from one place.

Media Yenta will never forget the last words of his Uncle Ben (no relation):
"With great power comes bad spelling."

Friday, December 13, 2002

Schecky Yenta
The media yenta does a tight 5 upfront.

The Daily Planet, an Australian bordello, said Thursday that it plans to put itself on the stock exchange listing in early 2003.
- The stock is expected to rise and rise, then abruptly explode and become sullen and distant.

ABC announced that an episode of its cult-hit spy drama "Alias" will air after Super Bowl XXXVII on Jan. 26.
-The network says they picked the drama because of its great writing and fast action, and all the rest of their shows have been canceled.

Vermont trailer-dweller Lori Pratt was arrested this week for pointing a loaded shotgun at her husband's crotch and firing it after she found a pornographic video under their bed.
- Ironically, the video was called "Point a Loaded Shotgun at My Crotch and Fire It."
- She found the video while looking for her shotgun.
- The husband was feeling better and was only upset that they couldn't make their appearance on "Springer."

A half-smoked cigar that belonged to Winston Churchill was auctioned off this week for $3,585.
- Which is still much less than a packet of cigarettes in Manhattan.
- Insert Monica Lewinski joke here

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

If I were a transvestite, my name would be "Miss Speller."
The late-night doctor is in

From: Cynthia Turner's Cynopsis (12/11/02):
"FX is getting into the late night chat mode with Orlando Jones' new talker scheduled to debut this summer. Billed as an entertainment talk-variety show, the show will be just 30 m long, airing Monday-Friday."
Why? Why do we need another late-night talk show? Why does the network feel they need one? I mean, do all original programs after 11 p.m. have to be celebrity chat shows?

Anything would be good to prevent Jones from making any more movies, though. "Double Take" was the worst movie I saw all year, until I saw "Evolution."

They should spend their money on something the audience can't get on all the other channels. Is a celebrity chat show the only thing people will watch at night? I think Skinamax would disagree.

You can't say that. Orlando Jones is a big name, a draw if you will. A little network like FX should be thrilled to have him.

I hear ya, but after an initial sampling of the show, people will go away and back to what they watch. Then after 20 episodes, the thing gets canned and FX throws a bunch of Buffy reruns on.

Well, what would you do, you misspelling, high-on-the-hog, run-of-the-mill blogger?

Well, they should repurpose (or re-show) "Good Day Live," the Fox syndicated daily boobs and "news" show. I'd put it at 11 or 12. It's a stupid show, but it's sooooooooo brainless that it'd be perfect for falling asleep, or watching alone. They also go from story to story to story, perfect for flipping and zoning. It's perfect fast-food TV.

Why not reshow "Texas Justice?" It's their crazy daytime court show. For the smart upper-crust FX viewer, they can see something wacky without anyone knowing about it. Late night is the ultimate personal viewing experience. The viewer's spouse is asleep and the kids are in bed. No one will know what they're watching.

I know FX is trying to smart up the joint, but late at night people want to watch something different. They're alone, tired, and up for some reason. The late-night viewer wants something unique, totally crazy, and fun. Well, maybe a little dirty too.

TRIO is going to rerun the old NBC Letterman shows at 10 p.m. If it was at 11:30 I'd watch those over the new CBS Letterman shows.

ABC, NBC, and CBS all have talk shows. The network shows are already established and have a lot more money and pull than FX ever will. No one is turning down Leno to do Orlando.

Monday, December 09, 2002

When are leg warmers coming back into style? It's important. Legs are freezing.

Monday, December 02, 2002

ABC Late Night ... As simple as ABC

Driving back from Santa Barbara yesterday, C-Horse turns to me and says, "I don't know who told me this theory -- it might've been you -- but I have to agree with it."

Well, it was me. Only two weeks earlier, we were at the White Horse Tavern and he asked me why ABC would launch a new late night show. I broke down my theory. For the record, here's my theory on why ABC is right in launching a new talk show now. Remember, ABC has lots of money and can stand losing some cash in the short term for a long-term place on late night.

About six months ago, when Letterman was renegotiating his contract with CBS, things weren't going well. All of a sudden someone leaked that ABC and the gap-toothed comic were in secret negotiations. Then CBS stopped treating Dave like Bryant Gumbel and gave him the money he wanted for a five-year contract. He then announced on his CBS late night show that he was going to end his career at CBS...

1. Since he announced it on "The Late Show," no one saw it.
2. He made it sound like he was being loyal to the Eye Net.
3. A more honest approach: "It's all about cash money, yo. Dolla bills, y'all."

The Aftermath
That left ABC standing there with their pants down. They showed the world their cards: they wanted Koppel out and a regular talk show in.
"Ted, why the long face?"

Ted Koppel freaked. People freaked! "How can you replace a news show with a talk show?"

1. F' Koppel. He's on the air twice a week, if that. What if Leno only hosted his show twice a week?
2. F' Koppel. He makes $5 million a year. Take the money and run, to CNN.
3. IT'S TV. The only responsibility they have is to get ratings. If "Nightline" is so sacred, then more people should watch it.
4. Why should ABC not make potential millions so you can feel better about owning a TV?

Then What Happened?

ABC signed Jimmy Kimmel to do a one-hour talk show at midnight after the all-of-a-sudden-important "Nightline."

The Theory (Finally!)

- By Putting Kimmel at midnight, they are establishing him as a late-night option.
- Koppel has a three-year contract. When that expires, ABC can give the strange-looking deadpan news guy a proper send-off and put in the already established Kimmel at 11:30. It'll be as if he inherited the spot.
- Now there's three white men talking to the same stars about the same movies.
- Letterman's contract is up two years after that.
- With him gone, CBS has to introduce yet another new white male talk show host, making him the dark horse. (Jon Stewart may finally get out of the gate.)
- Now you've made it a two-horse race, Leno or Kimmel, with "that new guy who sucks and isn't as good as Letterman was on CBS" bringing up the rear.

So if ABC is willing to put up with losing money upfront and Kimmel can take early criticisms at a "Conan O'Brien rate," then ABC can pull the talk show rug out from under NBC and CBS.