Deadline

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Kool Aide to advertise on Fox News

Kool aide will now advertise on Fox News. "We know people are drinking it," said spokesman for the drink. Then the spokesman high fived the people around him.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Andrew Breitbart to Edit This blog

We are proud to announce that Andrew Breitbart 
has joined the masthead of "Media Yenta." 
This is a site with fake entertainment news stories.
But people don't know which are fake and which are real.
"I tried to put a disclaimer. People didn't get it," said the 
Media Yenta himself. 
"But with Andrew as our editor, everyone would know 
the stories are made up and not true."
"As an added bonus, Andrew's blogs get a lot of respect. 
FOX news called him the 'publisher' of 
Biggovernment.com. Publisher? He hits the orange "Publish Post" button 
on his blogger account. They also called him 'founder.'
He has a blog. FOX news is giving his blog credibility. Why? 
Is it on Wordpress? Was it a Tumblr site? Damn. 
Why is his blog a respected news source?"


So please, join us in welcoming Breibart as our Entertainment Editor. 
We need people to know we make shit up too.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

NBC Executives Were Right About Leno

NBC executives are patting themselves on their backs for the recent decline in ratings on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno."

"We called that shit seven years ago when we approached Conan to take over the Tonight Show," said Senior Junior VP Tim Urckson while his assistant assisted him in patting himself on his back. "I knew Leno would soften once he crossed that 60 years old mark. All it took was yanking him off the spot publicly, letting his audience scatter and then putting him back."

Does NBC regret pulling Leno off in the first place? "Are you kidding?" Mr. Urckson asked with a stern look that his assistant quickly put on his face. "We went to Conan because we thought this was going to happen. I'm like Magellan."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

HuffPo will Now steal Travel Stories Too

The HuffingtonPost.com announced the are adding a travel section. They said it will be like the rest of the blog - so they will be "linking to" articles on sites that pay writers. They will "feature" other posts and return the favor with a link to the original article.
"A big thanks," said an actual travel writer, "Now people can see my work and I get nothing!"

"We look forward to  'featuring' other sites. We will re-print more than we should and write summaries of other people's work. That's not stealing. It's reporting...on...reporting."

Friday, July 16, 2010

Canada stereotypes, just like us!

After watching the second episode of the imported "Grey's Anatomy as cops" on ABC, I noticed that the one Jewish cop is struggling to be taken as a threat by bad guys. Somehow they instantly think he's a wimp. His name is Epstein. He also uses an inhaler. Also - not played by a Jew. Nice work Canada. It's good to know that the stereotype of the nervous Woody Allen type is alive and well in the great white north. At least you have free health care.
This is from the pilot episode.

First words out of his mouth... complains about the bill.


He has asthma!


This last episode after making a big bust who does he call...his mother. Then an old timer cop who's mad at him says "You look smart. You could've been a lawyer or a financial guy..." He looks smart?


The actor who plays Dov Epstein is Greg Smith. Nice.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Big Brother cast



From this video we learn that CBS got 10 people in a  house that will say whatever a producer tells them. "Will I do anything to win, well almost." "I will use my gayness for good and evil." - How? Does that sentence make sense?

"I'm an observant Jew. I'm very strict. I might not use the same plates as them. I won't eat the same food." You know who's getting voted off first...as always. Thanks for continuing to make us look annoying for being different.

There's a "Jersey Shore type." the Julie Chen, the host laughs when she says he's from Bayonne New Jersey. Julie is from "Queens"- ha! and her mom is from Ragoon! Ragoon! Wait, it's not the name that's funny. It's the stereotype of the New Jersey Italian. I get it. you know what? Forgetaboutit.

CBS took ten stereotypes - that look like Florida strippers, put them in a house and told them what to say. These guys can read a line.

Friday, June 18, 2010

2nd chance - for the "Proudly Resents" Podcast

Listen to a fun discussion of the movie on "Proudly Resents" on itunes or on Proudlyresents.com.

it's finally here! 
A while back I wrote about a BS 
director/filmmaker 
who made shitty films. 
I finally found it on the internet. 
Was it worth the wait? Is this the worse movie ever made?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oprah goes and makes every other boss look bad

Talk show host Oprah surprised her staff today with $10,000 and a new iPad. She was just rewarding them for being great. Instantly as the news of the talkers generocity spread - so did teh nationwide depression. 

"My boss stinks," said Aron Smallhorn a trader for a large Wall firm, "I got a six figure bonus last Christmas, but nothing today."

"They won't even let us drink from water bottles," said Danielle Leap of Johnson County Social Services, "We have to bring a cup. They get an iPad, I have to wash a cup."

"This is bad for bosses everywhere," confined David Mathers - supervisor at Johnson & Jackson, a part minority owned shampoo company, "No matter what I do, it won't be Oprah."


Fishing shows!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Flash Forward fan leave their basements

Cynopsis.com reports that  Fans of cancelled FlashForward are planning to stage protests at ABC's offices in 5 cities this Thursday.
 --
They plan to start out the protest really strong with lots of promise and then bring in some ringers and then just peter out until no one is left watching. 
--
Fan of Jericho got their show back on the air...but the ratings dropped. they didn't even watch it. CBS spent all this money and they fans didn't turn out. they said it was because the network put the show on at 10 PM. So what? They put it back on, didn't they? ABC made the right choice, ratings wise to lose the show. 
--


Meanwhile, no one is protesting the two wars we have going on. (OH! I went there!)
--

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Banner Day for Nerds!

Loud cries of "I Told You SO!" rang out of mother's basements and North Hollywood studio apartments today when not one, but two conspiracies were revealed.

First George Lucas revealed to the EP's of "Lost" that he had no direction for Star Wars when he started the franchise.

Then in an interview, Shia LeBouf admitted to the LA TImes that the last Indiana Jones movie was bad.

"I thought it was bad,"  said this 45 year old reporter's roommate, "But the actors and the director kept saying it was good and there was a vision." Turns out that vision was blurred.

"This is like Watergate, but actually relevant to my life,"@HarvardGrad1985 twitted earlier while he was supposed to be working.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Stereotypes Needed!

Radar Online ("Where facts are not on our radar") is reporting that producers are casting a reality show about stereotypical Jewish American Princesses. Another show is being cast about Italians living on the beach in Brooklyn. 


Since "Jersey Shore" was such a hit, every cable channel 
(including it's home MTV) is looking for the next (copy of) 
big thing. Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

But all these shows are racist. They take the worst parts 
of a people and show that it's real. 
No one cares that it's racist.


Of course racism rates. So does sex. Starz has a big hit with their 
"300" rip off mostly because it has shirtless men fighting
and fucking hot women. That's the key to success. Shirtless fucking& fighting. 

The challenge is to make a success without going base. Can you do it?
Look for my new show "Jdate my Dog."

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

MOP It Up, Please Take It

Yesterday I got to pitch some TV shows to a friend at a production company. His boss was late (his lunch meeting went late...past 3...) so just my friend and I went into the pitching room to do the awkward dance.

It was a conference room with two large orange half circle shaped couches. We joked around a bit and then I asked like an over booked hooker, "Should we do this?"

He nodded and we got dancing. After my first show he said they had tried to versions of that idea and neither worked. I went on to the second show, not much interest. So I changed the game up and for my wacky, outrageous, out there show idea.

After I finished I waited for the judges reaction. Then he dropped the bomb - "That show is a MOP." "What's a MOP?" "Most Often Pitched."

Some show ideas are constantly pitched over and over again. People, like myself, come into a meeting and pitch an idea that someone else just pitched and someone else to pitch the next day.

So you can walk around for months with a great idea that you think will shake up the history of TV or at least a pilot deal and

This turns out to be a real term. Even Mark (photo with male Tony CurtisSell Your TV Concept dot com uses this term - and they are trying to sell you a product!

So I guess, "Date my Dog" will have to go back on the shelf.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

fan revolt: "That's what 'Avatar' is about?

After selling a record breaking amount of 2-D DVD's the fans of "Avatar" finally got to watch the movie as a movie and not an amusement part ride.

"The plot is so corny," said 12 year old Tommy Boyd, "It's the same plot of 'Ferngally.'"
"What a rip off," stated Emma Besselmint, 46, "In 3-D you didn't notice the plot holes. I was so disappointed I almost cut my super long braided pony tail."

In fact the realization has gotten so bad that fan fiction has gone on a steady decline.
"I've been going to work," one fan told us,  "And actually working. I've never done that before. I just don't have any reason to check the message boards. I was let down worse than Jar Jar. Turns out, I like my job."

"We forgot the bells and whistles," admitted one studio executive, "We thought that the plot, dialogue and acting could carry the DVD. We were way off."

The next round of DVD's will have "The Hurt Locker" on it.

New SNL viewers get ready to be disappointed

SNL had their highest rated show in a year and a half with host Betty White. Next wee is just multi-Emmy winner Alec Baldwin. get ready for Sunday morning emails of people saying it's not as funny as the one with Betty White. It's hard to top a show with everyone's favorite cast member and sketches from the last ten years and Jay Z doing his most popular songs . So no matter what Baldwin pulls out of his hat, the new viewers will not be satisfied.

Here are some sketches that were cut from the show. They are some of the audience favorites over the past few years...enjoy...




Friday, May 07, 2010

Questions about Betty White Hosting SNL

Why are so many people who don't usually watch Saturday Night Live exciting that the former star of the "Golden Girls" is hosting? These are viewers who say things like "I haven't watched the show since Blah-blah-blah" and "The show hasn't been funny since..." now they are excited to stay up late again.

If the ratings go up, will the people be able to pick all the hosts?

If the ratings go up, will Betty White get all the credit? The producers stacked the deck by having Jay Z as the musical guest and bringing back all the great women of the last 10 years for a special appearance.

Will this be a big hit or a flop of "Snakes on the Plane" proportions?

Is there going to be time for "What's up With that?"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Stay Classy A&E

I'm watching their show about late night talk shows when they show the second tower being hit. "Why would they show that?" I thought. "I get you are going to address late night after 9/11 but why do I have to watch this footage again? This is the worst moment in our history. Why are you showing this on a doc about Leno vs. Letterman?
Then they put up Bill Maher unfortunate quote...the one about the cowards...It shocked me to hear that when he said it...sure...but to put the quote over a picture of the tragedy just made it a lot worse. Kind if unfair, don't you think?


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Avatar biggest selling DVD ever: thanks to Brian Glick

Avatar sells 6.7 million units. Marketing executive Brian Glick lead the team to success. In a memo leaked to our site from Mr. Glick sites the contributions of the marketing genius. 


the memo dated January 5, 2010 read - "Putting 'Avatar' on DVD would be a great idea. I really think people will buy it. There seems to be a demand for it."



The memo also has some useful tips that Mr. Glick points out helped in the record breaking weekend. 
"We should advertise. A lot. TV, radio, in store displays, even the internet."

Mr. Glick was more than available for comment, we just didn't know what to ask him. 

Update: Brian Glick found another email where he told the studio that they should work with James Cameron even though he hadn't made a movie in over 10 years. 

Update: Brian Glick will be made VP of Marketing overseeing all the upcoming summer releases.

Update: Liam Fisher is stepping down as VP of Marketing overseeing all the upcoming summer releases to spend more tiem with his screen play.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Worst movie of the Decade?

An interview with the writer of Battlefield Earth... Pretty blunt.
Two writers - one blames the other. Check it out here.

The Razzies named it the worst movie of the decade. But they make choices sometimes based on who will show up to accept. The screenwriters accepted the award.
The worst movie of the decade? I would say "The Room." as for big studio films - "Gigli." But BFE is pretty bad.

Friday, April 16, 2010

happy birthday Dan

The future of comedy just got a little older! Keep the videos coming.

first it was exhaustion, now it's coffee

Last week Ryan Seacrest shocked the world when he acted the fool on "American Idol." He was giving people silly intros and even made a joke about his former on-air co-host that he's been rumored to have had kicked off. Why did he behave this way? Well, it was first blamed on...too much coffee. Finally the whole ordeal was chalked up to playfulness. What a card! (Queen of Diamonds, HA I just LOL'ed on myself!)

Two weeks ago while driving to an ill-fated pitch meeting, the radio announcer said that Foo Fighters Front  figure overdosed. On what? Caffeine. He had too much coffee and that was the root of his bizarre actions.

I don't know why those guys did what they did and who cares? (Is that enough legal mumbo jumbo? Can I move on now?)

In the past, bizarre celeb behavior would be blamed on "exhaustion." Or additions would be to "pain pills" not cocaine.

Saying someone acted outrageous because they had too much coffee just sounds like a lie. Do you know anyone else who said tons of embarrassing things, insulted people, broke stuff etc. because they didn't know a "venti" was bigger than a "grande?" Is Ryan Seacrest the first person in history to insult someone on air because of caffeine? I think you get the point.

Also, it's a bad idea to plant the idea in someone's head that their client had "too much" of anything.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

here's a terrible job

Basically they want you to write, shoot and edit "viral videos" for them. A video is only viral if it because very popular. You cannot just produce a popular video, just like you can't just sing a hit song or write a blockbuster film.

what a great business plan - we have people make us hit videos for free. then we take all the credit. What are you thinking? that magic elves are going to come out in the middle of the night, cobble your shoes, video tape it and get it on Web Soup?





















I love that they plan to then get the videos on "funny or die and similar sites" - you mean other sites that you can get stuff on for free? You have a deal with youtube? You know who else has a deal with youtube and funny or die? Everyone.

If you are applying for this job, please consider working for me. Here's my ad - "Be the next aint-it-cool-news.com. Writer needed to write snarky blog that will get tons of hits and make us some google ad bucks. must know how to write, spell, publish and promote. already having an ip address would help. Also light to heavy house cleaning. Some pay - you pay us."

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Ricky Martin & Sean Hayes win Major Kudos

Gay rights groups announced their big award winners this year. Recently singer Ricky Martin and actor Sean Hayes came out of the closet earning the respect of their fans and a great honor. Tomorrow they will recieve the "Way-to-go-and-come-out-of-the-closet-after-your-career-is-cold-and-during-the-height-when-it-would-have-meant-something-Award" from "Sarcastic Gays of America."

"Way to wait," Christina Max, President of SGA.

Monday, April 05, 2010

25 years later Paper boy still wants his two dollars

Half way into "Hot Tub Time Machine" I realized, "This is a John Cusack 80's comedy." They figured out a way to do a sequel to "Better off Dead" and "Say Anything." What about "Another Crazy Summer" where JC returns, this time with his family in toe and they have to beat the old bully and his family? Just send the checks right to me. 


Other stars from the decade of Reagan and "Where's the Beef" have made a comeback. When studios and stars are desperate for a hit -  they are not afraid to go back in time from characters. Totally, dude. 

Look at the great Bruce Willis - they threw a bunch of money at him to do a fourth "Die Hard." He's older and balder, but still hunting bad guys. They added a young side kick to get the kids in with their parents. (A hacker)

Harrison Ford did a fourth Indiana Jones movie (After the "Last Crusade"). Who knew Indy had to get back in the action? They added a young side kick to get the parents in with the parents. (His long lost bastard son.)




Stalone's movie career was dead in the water.  So he did another Rocky. They added a young side kick to get the kids in with the parents. (A new actor playing his son.)



Crocodile Dundee made a comeback in 2001 after his last appearance in 1988. He brought his son. You know why. 

Now, like the other aging 80's movie stars, John Cusack's movie career was softening. Until his role in "2012" things didn't look too good. 
From IMDB:








  1. Igor (2008) (voice)  
  2. War, Inc. (2008)  
  3. Martian Child (2007)  
  4. 1408 (2007)  
  5. Grace Is Gone (2007)  
  6. The Contract (2006/I)  
  7. The Ice Harvest (2005) 
  8. Must Love Dogs (2005)  
  9. Runaway Jury (2003)  
  10. Identity (2003) 
  11. Max (2002/I) 
Just like his male movie counterparts Cusack had to go back to his well. But he didn't have one tent pole franchise.  He didn't have one character that he was associated with...except for...wait for it...John Cusack's best known character is "John Cusack."  The  80's slacker who's a loner but a cool dude that everyone wants to know. The one guy who hangs out in the 7-11 parking lot that people would want to to "chill out" with.  How do you get the pushing 50 Cusack back in 80's high school? Back on ski slopes? Back in his teen insecurities? Send him through time in a hot tub time machine. 
They added a young side kick to get the kids in with the parents. (Cusack's techno nerd nephew.)  

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Americans wear their Sunday best for "Clash"

Nikki Fink reports that the remake of "Clash of the Titans" made a record $64 million over the Easter weekend. Some thought that releasing a violent movie over a holy weekend would be a big mistake. But studio executives not only knew what they were doing, they planned it.
"It worked for "The Passion of the Christ,'" media analyst Stu Potter told us, "After that super violent movie rocked the box (office) studios rushed violent movies into the pipeline for Easter weekend."

Some might say "Christ" was successful despite the violence and only because of the religious message. "Nope," Mr. Potter states with total confidence, pointing to the outrageous success of a poorly reviewed remake of a shoddily made B-movie from the 80's.
"Next year look to taking the entire family to the 3-D remake of "Caligula."

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Is this the end of New Media?

The New York Times reported on Saturday that the government is cracking down on unpaid internships. The department of labor are afraid that companies are replacing qualified paid workers with unpaid students.
From the NYT article:
“We’ve had cases where unpaid interns really were displacing workers and where they weren’t being supervised in an educational capacity,” said Bob Estabrook, spokesman for Oregon’s labor department. 

 This investigation has send shivers down the spines of new media companies. "How can we produce a full TV show for a website when we have to pay the crew?" Asked Carl "with a 'k'" Boomet from a leading production company and coffee shop. "Free labor is the only way we can meet impossible budgets. Our country was built on the backs of free labor. It worked out for us. If you excuse me, I have to teach an intern how to make Frapacinos."

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Good Bad Movie Night - "Samurai Cop"

I won't beat around the bush, this movie is great. "Troll 2" great. This movie has everything. It's bad, and inept, and silly and fun.


It's an 80's buddy cop movie. A white cop on the edge and a straight edge black cop.
The white cop is the "Samurai Cop," of course. Why wouldn't the white cop be an expert in the Asian Arts? No reason to bring in an Asian guy. Just use a white body builder with long Fabio hair.


let's talk about the hair. When we first meet our heroes the white cop is wearing a long wig and a baseball cap just sitting on top of the mess. The black cop makes a point of saying the white cop came up from San Diego, like that explains the wig and his fighting ability. My first thought was that he grows in the film and then he "cuts" his hair and truly becomes a Los Angeles cop. Within 40 seconds I learned that I was over thinking it. He doesn't cut his hair.


They walk into the unmarked police car. Now we cut to them driving and the white cop has real long hair. Then back to the wig for a close up and then back to the real hair.
He must have cut his hair after production and they needed to do insert shots and re-shoots. This goes on a lot in this movie. At first you think, "Ok, they didn't realize they would need a close up there until editing." But by the time you see fight scenes that go from location to location in one fight and long sequences of the hero fighting in a wig, you know there are bigger problems.



Most of the police don't have any badges on their uniforms. Just dark matching clothes. When I say "most" I mean all but one. He must have brought it from home.


Our heroes go to the hospital to question a witness. Guarding the door is one terrible actor in matching dark clothes. The director had to put a mark on the carpet so he would know where to stand. The whole time you can see the wheels turning in his head, "Act, act, act...walk to blue 't' and then say line...act, act, now sit down...and done."


After the witness is murdered the cop watching the door yells, "Someone get security." Wait, aren't you a cop?
Then he runs down the hallway - we cut to the same shot of the hallway and the bad woman running down it. They must have left the camera there and told her to run down. "No one will notice that they are running down the same exact hallway."


Remember in "Beverly Hills Cop" when Eddie Murphy meets the very funny and very gay store clerk. Gosh, that was funny. Well, they try that too. At a restaurant, they meet a very gay waiter that just spills all the beans. It's not funny. I would say it's not funny and not offensive  because it doesn't make any sense. 


The stand out scene is the nurse who hits on the white cop. It makes no sense. Even better is the reaction shots they get from the black cop. He makes these huge faces. He looks like a Michael Winslor for the deaf. 
Look for the blue "t" on the floor in the hallway.

But what about all the samurai fighting the title of the film implies? 
One scene at the end. Which starts in a desert and then appears in 
the woods and then somewhere else.

This movie is great. It's fun and implausible that someone put this out. 
There are so many moments where the director must have said, 
"No one will notice." 
You will, thankfully.



Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Scarface School Play

I don't know if this is real or not, but it's really funny.

Bring your daughters to podcast day

Today on Marc Berman's excellent daily podcast "The Programming Insider" his sidekick brought his twin young daughters who had the day off for spring break.

There are some unintentionally funny moments in the show. One kid hates the "Zombie." Just the word scares her. But as luck would have it, Marc has a news story about a new zombie TV show. You can hear the poor girl traumatized for the next few moments.
Listen here.

Anyway, if you like TV, you should be listening to Marc. (His column is a must read.)

Monday, March 29, 2010

A post based on an email by Peggy's Steve

Guest writer Peggy's Steve sends in this...

On the subway yesterday I saw someone reading the novel "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire".  Not someone reading "Push" by Sapphire, mind you.  They were reading a movie tie-in called "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire".

Now, I'm assuming that the text they were reading was indeed the novel "Push" by Sapphire.  Because if it were a novelization of the film, the cover would have read "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" -- by (Someone Else).

But it didn't, so I can only assume the novel "Push" by Sapphire was retitled to match the clunky title of the film, which means that the front cover should have read: "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" by Sapphire.  

That's not a great compromise either, because the title implies that what you're reading is only "based" on the novel that you're actually reading.  Unless Sapphire did change the novel "Push" to match the movie more, in which case maybe the title should read: "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire based on the Movie Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire."

I sincerely hope that Sapphire didn't change a word, firstly because it would save literary scholars the headache of debating the relative merits of the novel Push by Sapphire, and the novel "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" (which itself is based partly on the movie "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire").  But more importantly, the absence of any new material would prevent the truly horrifying possibility of selling movie rights to this new work, which could be called "Precious: Based on the novel Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire"

(Peggy's Steve is a hot shot editor, great piano player and wears the hell out of his glasses.)