Monday, December 24, 2007

failed slogans

"Jews! We came up with not eating pork first!"
"Libraries, not just for homeless people to search for porn!"
"AOL. Our business model is that we hope that people just forget to cancel us."
"Legalize Hemp, for shirt and ropes... that we can smoke!"
"Stereotypes. You have to admit; we are right most of the time!"

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Finally - A reason to go to strip clubs

In Hollywood imitation is the highest form of art. If something worked once for someone then everyone figures it will work for them. Also you can't lose y telling your boss that you are working on something that is working.

That's why agents are rushing to strip clubs.

The latest flavor of the month is computer programmer turned stripper turned blogger turned memoirist turned screen writer who wrote the over written "Juno."

That's why when you ask an agent where they've been all day, they will proudly tell you, "The strip club." These fearless men and one sexually harassed woman spend hours gawking at dancers taking off their tops to the latest R&B sensation or "Hell's Bells" from AC/DC and negotiating lap dances. "It's research," one high powered agent in training was overheard telling his assistant in training when he threw down a bunch of receipts from "Jumbo's Clown Room."
(Yes, as you can tell from the club, it was an ICM agent. That's their turf.)

Strippers too are getting into the act. Instead of telling a customer the classic tale of "just doing this to get through law school while raising a kid," the savvy stripper talks about the screen play they are writing about a teenager who speaks in pop culture references and (fill in the blank).

So if you are looking for the next Robert Towne or you have a screenplay you've been dying to write (and you're willing to add Emo Rock) I have one piece of advice for you:

"Get on the pole."

Monday, December 17, 2007

My Bad

Sorry Posh Spice, we thought you'd be more interesting. We'll stop taking your picture and writing about you now. NBC gave you a reality series about you moving to Hollywood. It was canceled during the first episode and became a one time special. (This was the new NBC-not the 90's NBC. They don't have much to replace you.)Sorry about that. Do you have a more interesting sister?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Proof that Snoop is high

Can someone tell Snoop Dogg that he's rich and famous? He's a huge recording star, he doesn't need to do cameos on bad TV shows or be in crappy movies. He certainly doesn't need to do a faux reality show on E! How much could E! be paying him? $10.95?
It makes sense for Peter Brady and his reality show wife or the Kardashians who are not famous for anything to have one of those shows - but a certified hit maker? Why E!? Did he pitch it around and no one wanted Snoop on their channel? I doubt that.
Couldn't he just You'd think if he wanted to do a sitcom he could.

The show had huge ratings. No shit!

Stop illegally down loading Snoops music! He's forced to do this crap!

The show follows all the formulas for a reality. teh wacky family members taht can be boiled down to a type. The wife - "boss ladt." She cleans and tells snoop what to do. The son who's the ladies man - he looks and acts like the character of Chris' brother on the sitcom "Everbody Hates Chris."

There's the cooked story lines, Snoop goes to the doctor and is afraid of needles...guess what? There's a needle. He takes yoga for the first time. What a coincidence! Pretty soon he'll go to a spa.

Why do all reality show people go to a spa? Is that interesting to watch? It is to do - but to watch other people? I'm not sure if they introduced the pet yet. all these shows have a cute pet.

Snoop, put the bong down and get off E! Then pick it up again and do another album.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

you people are sick!

I was just checking my site meter for the 1000th time today. People find my site while searching for something else and then never returns. Here's the latest search "montage of butts." Really People? Sorry dude.

Led Zep is back!

and some dude has the cell phone footage to prove it!

PA Bootcamp

No this isn't Crunch's latest exercise class- although you could strengthen your abs by dodging cell phone while holding hot cups of coffee.

It's an actual course you can take to learn how to, among other things, dodge cell phones while holding hot cups of coffee.

It's a two or three day course on how to do an entry level job. The job is totally basic- someone asks you to do something and you do it right away. No complaints or questions asked.

They teach you things like walkie talkie speak and what different items are on the grip truck.

Maybe that is useful. I remember hearing and retelling the joke on set, "How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?" Answer: "What's a light bulb?"

But isn't that part of being a PA? Learning on the job? You pay me low wages for long hours and I'll run around and do the crappiest of jobs.

If you are going to spend $300 and two days- what about an actual film course? I'm sure they will cover some basics there too.
The prices are:
2 Day Intensive Weekend Course - $250.00

3-Day " Relaxed " Course During the Week - $350.00

All this can get you a job that can pay you up to $100 a day! Where do I sign up? And should I take a class on how to sign up for classes?

But if they "school" can promise job placement, then any amount of money is worth breaking into the business.

I started out as an intern on an after school special. I worked mainly in the office. My first day on set I asked someone what time they thought we'd finish, "What the fuck? We finish we get all the shots. What the fuck?! IS this your first time on a set?" Well yes.

Under a list of duties they do list "out times." See, right there I would've known. They also list Crafty vs. Catering (NO! they are NOT "the same).

Maybe if I took a course, I would've known that and saved a little bit of embarrassment. But i was working on the short film for free so I was allowed to be stupid because in exchange for doing paper work, I learned what it means to work on an actual film and it lead to other jobs and a cool wrap party.

Breaking News! Santa reveals presents early

In a public statement, Santa (aka St. Nick, aka Diddy) has revealed what he is buy some people for Christmas. Under the tree for the director of Friday Night Lights and the Kingdom, Santa will put a tripod.

Santa stated: "That shaky camera thing is making me sea sick. It's either a tripod to hold the shot still or coal which this year will be a copy of 'The Rundown."

OK, Let's make a deal

Hey Hollywood movie people,

I will see the new movie "Juno" if you would please stop advertising this film around every corner. I get it, it's a good film and people like it. Please enough with the interviews, posters and the giant diorama of Juno's bedroom at the KROQ concert this weekend. That frightened me. How did they know I was going to be there?

We get it, the writer of the movie was a stripper who had a blog, then a (funny) book and came out here got a trainer and a divorce. We get it, the director of the movie's dad did "Ghostbusters."

Fine, I'll see the movie, can I have my NPR back?

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

five minutes of Imus - a review

I work up at 4 AM LA time this morning. So it only made sense to check out Imus' second day on the air. I'm more curious now because one of the new side kicks was a PA at a show I worked on ten years ago. So I was only really listening for her. But here's something I noticed: The I man says nothing. He directs traffic, but it's teh other people who attack. A guy doing a half assed Dr. Phil impression made jokes about the former station that broadcasted his show - calling MSNBC "swampland" (it was in Jersey, get it?)- and making fun of their new home. But not Imus. He just laughed. The comments were obviously written and planned. How do I know that it was written? Because he was obviously reading. It was like a community theater production of Oklahoma with bad accents and all.

My former co-worker was fine. She also off the top of her head went into a totally prepared section. She addressed the critics and press. She started out by saying, "Imus, I know you said don't read the press, but I had to..." Imus didn't respond, he just waited for her next line. "They said I was Jewish, black and from Texas (She is the latter two). Like you hired kinky Friedman and he became balck and a woman." They all laughed at this comment that made little sense.

"They got this idea I was Jewish from my stand up. I say I feel like a JAP because I'm high maintenance." They all laughed. That was a shitty comment, right? She's like a Jew b/c she's high maintenance?

I let it slide because th next part made me laugh, "While other people are thinking about what their kids will look like, I'm thinking about picking the right nanny. I want to be a good mother." Funny.

Th rest didn't make much sense. Other people said controversial jokes while Imus sat by and hoped no one would complain.

"It's not me, it's that whacky black, female Kinky Friedman." Wait, did she say Kinky? Like his hair?

News flash

AT&T is getting out of the pay phone business. CNN reports that there are only 1 million phones left in the country. Only seven of them work.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Imus hits its medium

Imus comes back to the radio and to TV. No, MSNBC hasn't forgiven and forgotten. No another news station hasn't picked him up. RFD-tv America's only channel for farmers (no joke) will be broadcasting the political fast talker.

I don't see the connection, except they get a lot of press and a great platform to advertise the rest of their shows.