Thursday, January 29, 2004

'Berry Bad Things

At what point did you dismiss the Oscars? Was it when
Driving Miss Daisy won Best Picture, or when the award
went to Titanic or Gladiator? For me, it was about ten
years ago, when Dances With Wolves got Best Director
and Best Picture, beating out Goodfellas, The Greatest
Movie Ever Made.

Don't get me wrong. I do look forward to the televised
Oscar ceremony, aka the Ladies' Superbowl. There'll be
a big party at the Media Yenta's Brother's hut, with
TVs blaring ABC and E! channels. I love watching movie
actors attempt live television. I love how angry the
Academy gets when a celeb does or says something
scandalous, yet they'll rebroadcast it every year in
the pre-show. So don't be controversial, Michael
Moore, or we'll play your clip ad nauseum.

I just don't care about the nominations. It's all
about Renee Z or Ed Harris looking serious. Pass. When
it comes to nominations, I'm all about the Annual
Golden Raspberry Awards
. Announced a day before
Oscar's noms, the Razzies celebrate the worst movies
and actors of the year. While their live ceremonies
(presented a day before the Oscars) are, um, still
lacking, you can't argue with their choices. Some
highlights (full list at

It wouldn't be 2003 without Gigli. The Bennifer bomb
picked up many nods: Worst Picture, Actor, Actress,
Supporting Actress, Supporting Actor (Pacino), Screen
Couple, Director and Screenplay. Although I haven't
seen it yet (still waiting for the Academy to mail me
a screener), I say, for your consideration, add Justin
Bartha to the Supporting Actor list. Didn't he play
the retarded comic relief?

From Justin to Kelly and The Real Cancun are also
shoo-ins (have yet to receive my copies, Academy!),
but should win special awards for reviving ill-fated
movie genres: beach blanket party movies and
exploitation documentaries. Plus they're both movie
versions of TV trash.

Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz are both nominated for
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (which I do own --
fun, but plotless). Does that mean Lucy Liu was good?
Her Hammer Dancing wasn't as hot as Cammy's, though.

And the winner is? Haven't seen it, but the insidious
"family entertainment" marketing blitz of Cat in the
Hat made me nauseous. Kids deserve a live action film
that respects Dr. Seuss, not one that exists solely to
sell them drek. All the tie-ins had the sickening
slogan: "See the Movie." Why, what crime did I commit?

- Media Yenta's Brother

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Oscar Nom's!

From E! online:

Best Picture:

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Lost in Translation
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Mystic River

Best Actor:

Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Ben Kingsley, House of Sand and Fog
Jude Law, Cold Mountain
Bill Murray, Lost in Translation
Sean Penn, Mystic River

Best Actress:

Keisha Castle-Hughes, Whale Rider
Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give
Samantha Morton, In America
Charlize Theron, Monster
Naomi Watts, 21 Grams

Best Supporting Actor:

Alec Baldwin, The Cooler
Benicio Del Toro, 21 Grams
Djimon Hounsou, In America
Tim Robbins, Mystic River
Ken Watanabe, The Last Samurai

Best Supporting Actress:

Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand and Fog
Patrica Clarkson, Pieces of April
Marcia Gay Harden, Mystic River
Holly Hunter, Thirteen
Renée Zellweger, Cold Mountain

Best Director:

Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
Clint Eastwood, Mystic River
Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Fernando Meirelles, City of God
Peter Weir, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Best Original Screenplay:

The Barbarian Invasions, Denys Arcand
Dirty Pretty Things, Steven Knight
Finding Nemo, Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson and David Reynolds
In America, Jim Sheridan & Naomi Sheridan & Kirsten Sheridan
Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola

Best Adapted Screenplay:

American Splendor, Robert Pulcini & Shari Springer Berman
City of God, Braulio Mantovani
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens & Peter Jackson
Mystic River, Brian Helgeland Seabiscuit, Gary Ross

Best Animated Feature:

Brother Bear
Finding Nemo
The Triplets of Belleville (great movie! It's only just over an hour and cost millions less than Nemo to make, but it's still more fun and inventive.)

Best Foreign-Language Film:

The Barbarian Invasions, Canada
Evil, Sweden
The Twilight Samurai, Japan
Twin Sisters, The Netherlands
Zelary, Czech Republic

Monday, January 26, 2004

The Geeks had a Party, andthe Cool Kids Came

The Golden Globes is just an overblown local awards show. The voters are members of the foriegn press. Why they have as much clout as the Oscar people? I don't know.

The Foriegn press are just jourmalists in LA who write for companies in other countries. But with a groovy dinner, booze, and the right agent, the show has become the Brian Williams of the awards season.

At first it wasn't televised, then it was on TNT, then NBC bought it and made it into something big.

The celebs come to get all tehy can. They eat, they drink, they promote a new project, they get to hold an award and talk about themselves. Someof these people will never win an Oscar or an Emmy, so use it while you got it.

Most people made jokes about forgetting to thank the Foriegn press. Really? They are you hosts. They are the ones paying for all this crap. atleast say thankyou, or bring flowers, a bottle of wine, or some chocolates.

It's like a bunch of high school geeks having a party because their parents are away. They hope the cool kids would come. They do. And they trash the place, drink all the liquor and have sex in the parent's bedroom.

Ok, the show wasn't that bad, but I'm trying to make a point.

The New York Times has an article about the members of the foriegn press trying to figure out how they can afford such fancy dresses so they don't look like the help next to the hot celebs, who get their fancy stuff for free.
"What are you wearing?"
"Free shit."
"And you?"
"Garage Sale."
"Is that a French designer?"
"No, it's a garage sale."
Golden Globe winners:

Best Picture - Drama: LOTR: Return of the King (New Line)
Best Picture - Comedy: Lost in Translation (Focus)
Yes, it was a comedy
Best Director/Film: Peter Jackson, LOTR: Return of the King
Next he's doing King Kong. YIKES!
Actress in a Film - Drama: Charlize Theron-Monster
Has to win the Oscar
Actor in a Film - Drama: Sean Penn - Mystic River
Actress in a Film - Comedy: Diane Keaton - Something's Gotta Give
creepy glove lady
Actor in a Film - Comedy: Bill Murray - Lost in Translation
Deserved it. no one can play Bill Muray like Bill Muray

Best Drama Series: 24 (Fox)
Really? Is that Still on?
Best Actor in a TV Series - Drama: Anthony Lapaglia - Without a Trace (CBS)
Best Actress in a TV Series - Drama: Frances Conroy - Six Feet Under (HBO)
Best Comedy Series: The Office (BBC America)
Best Actor in a TV Series - Comedy:: Ricky Gervais-The Office (BBC America)
Best Actress in a TV Series - Comedy: Sarah Jessica Parker - S*x and the City (HBO)
She won, but why the long face?
Best TV Film or Miniseries: Angels in America (HBO)
Great movie. Everyone won in that movie. Now to use the awards to sell DVDs.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

No reason to keep trying, I have won a date with Tad Hamilton! Sorry girls, but the Yenta won. I just got home from the date! Let me just tell you, he's all hands!

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

The People's Choice Awards?
Sunday CBS aired the 30th annual People's Choice Awards. It was more like a two hour ad for CBS' Fall Line up.

The PCA covers both movies and TV. The hosts of last night's show were two stars of CBS' hit Monday night comedy, "Two and a Half Men; until the cute kid reaches puberty then we have to introduce an orphan or something, but we'll be in Syndication when that happens so we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

I never remember Charlie Sheen or Ducky being host like, but ok. Sheen started with a joke referencing (is that a word?) the movie Platoon he made with Oliver Stone. The audience was silent. Who would get a Platoon reference? That was 15 years ago. Today, when people talk about Old Sheen, they mean Spin City.

Then all these CBS people started winning. Then they tell you how you can vote online. This is already the people's choice, why go on line? Anyway in order to vote, you guessed it, you have to go to

When they announced the internet winner of the best drama was about to be announced; my spy in the audience told me that he heard the entire balcony yell, "the OC." But the popular FOX drama lost. You got it, CBS' "Joan of Arcadia" won. Hmmmm?

The ratings for CBS the Monday after the back slapping fest:


CBS 12.1/17
NBC 8.7/13
ABC 5.6/ 8
WB 4.6/ 7
Fox 4.2/ 6
UPN 3.1/ 4

Two and a Half Men (#1: 12.1/17)
Considering Two and a Half Men managed to hold 84 percent of its Raymond
lead-in, Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer’s abysmal hosting chores on The
People’s Choice Awards this past Sunday were not held against them.

Backstreet Boy Nabs Alleged Jewel Thief

A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys is not letting any bad guys get past him.

The Las Vegas Sun reports McLean was looking at jewelry at Rocks, a 24-hour jewelry store in Las Vegas while another man came in to try on rings and asked his friend what he thought of one of them.

Suddenly, the man made a dash for the door. According to McLean's friend, Vegas club personality Marklen Kennedy, the clerk at the counter screamed that she could not leave the store, so the singer took off after the man.

McLean caught up to the alleged thief in the parking lot, where he and a security guard on a bike nabbed him.

McLean was in town to make an appearance at this week's Adult Entertainment Expo. A spokesman for McLean did not return calls for comment.

Ok, he's a hero, but what was he doing at the Adult Entertainment Expo?
What is a "Las Vegas club personality?" Is he a singer? A comic? Or does he just walk around and say hi to people?
Does anyone notice that I just reported on a story that NBC5 reported on that the Las Vegas Reveiw Journal reported on?

Monday, January 12, 2004

here's the best site on the web. It lists all the scripts bought in September. A Honeymooner's remake starring Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps that "concentrates on the Honeymoon."

I never even thought of their Honeymoon. I assumed they couldn't afford one. I never thought they'd be black either.I mean, did you ever see their apartment? It was a mess.

And I never thought of them as being Black. But that doesn't bother me. The honeymoon does. Casting Black guys takes guts and thought. But making a literal remake of the title is insane!

Chack out the other great movies coming up.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

The Golden Globes. It's a fraud. It's much ado about nothing.

Who votes for Golden Globes?
Well if you trust what you hear from the winners during their speeches: To win an Oscar is great because you judged by your peers. To win a People's Choice is great because it chosen by the fans, like you (have you ever voted?).

So who votes for the Golden Globes?
The "prestigious" foreign press. And that's what makes it great. Huh? The foreign press? Who is that? Well that's the journalists who were kicked out of their country and sent here to cover how fat we are and how much we suck.

A bunch of exiles that couldn't make it in their home town, are just as important as the "people" and the "peers?" They aren't necessarily critics, but journalists.

It's an exposure game. The awards were just a dinner that some would come to. Then TNT needed an awards show and grabbed the Globes. The cable hype machine built it up and eventually NBC bought it. Now it's prime time exposure for you film or TV show.

The Globes became the predictor for the Oscars. People would watch the Globes to see who the front runners for the Oscars would be.

But the announcements for the globes are much earlier than the announced noms for the Oscars. Film companies jump on the good press to sell their product. Now films up and down the calendar section say "Golden Globe Nominee," like it means something. In a town of spin, it can have meaning.

The Oscars moved from March to February, forcing people to move up, because no one wants to follow the Oscars. The Oscars moved to February giving ABC a great sweeps boost and the film companies about three extra weeks to boast the wins.

The Globes are on a Sunday and the announcements for the Oscars are two says later. Will anyone care?

PS> This actor guy moved from NY to LA. His mom is friends with my dad. I offered him dinner and he said he wanted to stay home and see the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Since he's in the guild, he felt the need to see how people voted. Hey, if you didn't want to have dinner, just say so.
From Variety:

'King' dethroned as fantasy makes waves
Sony's "Big Fish" made a $14.5 million splash at the box office, as the Tim Burton fantasy finished No. 1 in its first weekend in wide release.

I hate reading reviews saying that this movie doesn't have the "magic." The movie is great. What else do you need. Leave it alone.

Two-hour telepic to chart rise and fall of classic sudser
Break out the champagne and shoulder pads: ABC is building a new "Dynasty."

Is ABC so desparate for a new hit, that's reach back to an old one? It's a stunt. Hopefully they'l get some ratings and use the advertising $ for new shows. Please cancell "Threat Matric." It's a waste of money.

Showtime is premiring a new series. Like the Sarah Jessica Parker show on HBO is consentrates on a group of single women, but on this show, they are gay. They are calling it "Softball and the City."

Thursday, January 08, 2004

****HACK ALERT**** ****HACK ALERT*****

Tonight's Threat Matrix, unseen show on ABC, has a plot revolving around a main character caught in a bank robbery gone wrong turn hostage situation. This Dog Day afternoon has been used on such shows as "Comish," "Third Watch," and recently on the Sci Fi cop drama " Dead Zone ."

I must go into that bank. One of my men is in there so some strange reason.

Recipe for bank hostage plot:
1 character from the show, put them in regular clothes and have them run to the bank on a quick errand.

Have the character talk to everyone and make small talk. This is where we learn to care about the other people in the bank, in case someone is shot or hyper ventilates, the viewers will care. A pregnant woman who's about to blow would be great.

Then add the irritated about to blow, sweaty bank robber who finally pulls out the gun.
I'm bored and I work here.

The cop pretends to be a normal victim until his/her cover is blown. The cop will negotiate from the inside while the rest of the regular characters try to save the day from the outside.

I am a poor man's Ed Harris

This show is about people who stop terrorism. Homeland security. What are they doing making deposits? But why a bank? Why always a bank, but especially now? Why not the UN? Or a major trade tower?

Survivor was a CSI repeat tonight and I believe Friends was a repeat too. That means Sampling. Viewers check out what else is around. Why go out of your way to under whelm the audience?

THREAT MATRIX is supposed to be the big show that takes the left over people not watching Friends or Survivor and own a TV. With Hacky shit like bank Hostage situations, why would the 3 left over viewers even care. ABC was right when they burned off cheap shows like "Who's Line is it Anyway."

MY stock is falling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update: You say you just saw a promo for the ill fated cop drama "10-8" where there's a hostage situation at a school. Well the difference is that it's not at a bank, it's at a school. The hostage thing might be contrived on its own, but chosing a bank, when people use ATMs, is crazy. It's like that movie "phone booth." On what planet do they have old style phone booths?

I think "10-8_ is a decent show and ABC should've left it on Sundays. They cut back the order for 22 to 15. Silly. They should market it to familes.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

To stay on top of the game we are featuring postings from a fashion website. We know people in LA are talking about Von Dutch and putting their letters on the hand bags and hats. But do you know about the fashion sweeping the nation?

From Fatrosexual:

There are many styles to the latest man about town.
There's teh Kevin Smith look. Even after he amassed millions for movies that didn't maek any money he still dressed like a 20 somethign still living at home with his parents in New Jersey.

He's confortable in his LONG SHORTS look. The boys of th eOC have a simular look, but Smith has got the East Coast Represented.

It's the kinda messy hair, big Glasses, full but trimmed beard, sweatshirt and t-shirt under itand long shorts that end just above the ankle. The Fatrosexual always feels more confortable in a long short. I don't know why. It might be the waistband.

Smith with his hot wife.

Topped off with a running shoe.

The OC men take that look and give it a little rock and Roll. the beard is only at the chin and it's long. Plus the hooka shells or string around their necks. Then an ironic bowling shirt.

They both share the common trait of the opened oxford shirt over the first shirt as almost a jacket for all times.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

ABC has chosen a slot for their new hit show. EXTREME MAKEOVERS: HOME EDITION, which is a big budget remake of the many cable home repair shows, has found a date and time.

Sunday at 8 PM. What a load of shit. The show premiered on Wednesday at 10 PM against the unstoppable Law & Order: Law and Order. The home improvement show did much better than the "Karen Sisco" crap that was in the space. It was in fact, one of the only shows that ABC and CBS had against the Law & Order.

So why not leave it as counter programming against the sop show? The home show cost less and it narrows the gap between the shows' ratings. I don;t get it.

Why bail out on their Sunday at 8 PM cop show 10-8? The ratings are so bad and there's potential to grow.

the most important question: Why don't they want my Disney stock to grow?

Friday, January 02, 2004

From E online

GOING TO THE CHAPEL? Natalie Imbruglia marrying Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns in a secret New Year's Eve ceremony on a tropical island off the coast of north-eastern Australia, according to the Aussie press.

It's going to be a mixed marriage. He's white and she thinks she's black.
The Exec's at TV show "Friends" give crew free Mini Coopers.

It is traditional for TV shows to gifts to the crew and staff for Christmas. What started as a mug with the show's logo gesture, has become big business. From jackets to computers, the free gifts, or swag, have become more elaborate.

One crew guy on the Warner Bros. lot reported that the crew of "Friends" all got Mini Coopers. This crew member went on to say that he did pretty well himself. He recieved an iMac from the producers of "Everyone Loves Raymond."

ER raised the bar by sending everyone on a big vacation. After they milked NBC for millions, they gave lavish gifts to their staff and crew. Now everyone in Hollywood wants to show how sucessful their shows are by the gifts they give to the staff.

Oprah Winphrey is known for giving large monetary gifts to staffers, sometime 3 or 4 weeks of salary. This should be no big deal to people in business who are used to getting bonuses and some infact rely on it.

But it is common in the entertainment field to give a crappy medium black t-shirt and teel the staff they should be happy that the show is a hit and everyone has a job.

We don't know if the story of the Mini Cooper is true, but we do know that the guy spreading that rummor wants it to be one day.
Some new Laws have been passed in Hollywood just in time for the New Year.

1) You cannot call yourself an actress/model is you have never acted or modeled.

2) If you make definate plans with someone, you don't have to keep them if something better comes up.

3) If you are a waiter and your customer is in anyway related to the Show biz industry, you are required to give them your script or reel. This rule now includes people that are security and catering for a movie studio.

4) If your movie career fails, you get a sitcom deal automatically. If that sitcom fails, you get a talk show.

5) no more than 5 reality camera crews are allowed in a coffee shop at one time. Unless they serve mocha.

6) Seeing Erica Estradda at an audition is now considered a "celebrity sighting."

7) If you want a cup of coffee in Silver Lake, you must have "Von Dutch" some where on your person.

8) If you saw and enjoyed "Something's Gotta Give," you are wtill allowed to make judgements on films.