'Berry Bad Things


At what point did you dismiss the Oscars? Was it when
Driving Miss Daisy won Best Picture, or when the award
went to Titanic or Gladiator? For me, it was about ten
years ago, when Dances With Wolves got Best Director
and Best Picture, beating out Goodfellas, The Greatest
Movie Ever Made.


Don't get me wrong. I do look forward to the televised
Oscar ceremony, aka the Ladies' Superbowl. There'll be
a big party at the Media Yenta's Brother's hut, with
TVs blaring ABC and E! channels. I love watching movie
actors attempt live television. I love how angry the
Academy gets when a celeb does or says something
scandalous, yet they'll rebroadcast it every year in
the pre-show. So don't be controversial, Michael
Moore, or we'll play your clip ad nauseum.


I just don't care about the nominations. It's all
about Renee Z or Ed Harris looking serious. Pass. When
it comes to nominations, I'm all about the Annual
Golden Raspberry Awards. Announced a day before
Oscar's noms, the Razzies celebrate the worst movies
and actors of the year. While their live ceremonies
(presented a day before the Oscars) are, um, still
lacking, you can't argue with their choices. Some
highlights (full list at www.razzies.com):


It wouldn't be 2003 without Gigli. The Bennifer bomb
picked up many nods: Worst Picture, Actor, Actress,
Supporting Actress, Supporting Actor (Pacino), Screen
Couple, Director and Screenplay. Although I haven't
seen it yet (still waiting for the Academy to mail me
a screener), I say, for your consideration, add Justin
Bartha to the Supporting Actor list. Didn't he play
the retarded comic relief?


From Justin to Kelly and The Real Cancun are also
shoo-ins (have yet to receive my copies, Academy!),
but should win special awards for reviving ill-fated
movie genres: beach blanket party movies and
exploitation documentaries. Plus they're both movie
versions of TV trash.


Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz are both nominated for
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (which I do own --
fun, but plotless). Does that mean Lucy Liu was good?
Her Hammer Dancing wasn't as hot as Cammy's, though.


And the winner is? Haven't seen it, but the insidious
"family entertainment" marketing blitz of Cat in the
Hat made me nauseous. Kids deserve a live action film
that respects Dr. Seuss, not one that exists solely to
sell them drek. All the tie-ins had the sickening
slogan: "See the Movie." Why, what crime did I commit?


- Media Yenta's Brother