Monday, April 28, 2003


Bigscreen trip can be a bummer
"The Real Cancun" was real disadvantaged by its R rating, but the failure of TV's "Real World" concept to translate to the bigscreen poses unsettling questions about similar projects from 20th Century Fox and Universal.

Who gives a shit?

First of all, I take offense to the term "reality movie." It's a fucking documentary. It just has better music and hotter chicks. How rediculous are people to try and create a new genre or film when allthey did was jazz up and comercialize an already established one.

No one is going to publically go to a movie that we all secretly want to see. "two tickets for 'Hot Sexy Flat White Chicks Touch Eachother?' Oh, hello Rabbi."

Why do I want to see the Real Cancun? Three things, boobs, possible 3 eay sex, and boobs. Otherwise I can watch whiney teens on MTV or in front of my local 7 - Eleven any night of the week. I want to see the stuff that the tv shows only tease us about and never see.

That's why the Springer tapes did so well. You can secretly order them from your TV late at night when no one knew. They'd come to your house in a plain bag and no one was the wiser.

Hollywood soon came calling. "People must love the Springer show," they thought, "We should copy that and make into a movie."

Now to publically go to the movie theater where people could see you and ask for two tickets to the Springer movie so everyone could see, was a huge no-no. The movie tanked. It also starred the guy from the American Nija movies. It also had some unconfortable scenes.

I saw the movie at the former unemployment center annex in NYC better known as, "The Two Dollar Movie Theater." The Worldwide Theater had two dollar films in 5 clean theaters. I spent many an out of work day there. Or in between resturaunt shifts at the three diffeerent places I worked. I'd take off my black Reeboks and watch Michael Keaton, and Christopher Reeves battle it out for a one Genna Davis. (Remember when they starred in films?)

Anyway, at the Springer film, besides me Hank, 2 or 3 homeless folk, were a father and two teenage daughters. What the fuck? My brother and I conned my dad into bringing us to films we shouldn't see growing up, but nothing where a grown woman blows her daughter's boyfriend outside inthe middle of the trailer park to get back at ehr for fuck her boyfriend?

That was some messed up shit. I'v e worked on talkshows where we had people tell stories that were off color. It'sdifferent than showing it. We also had limits. There's nothing more strange than a talks how boss telling you that a story is too sick.

The movie bombed. Then it di really well on video. Why? Because people were secretly ordering it.

Same with the "Real Cancun." The other films should open at the Blockbuster and put "Too Hot For TV" all over the box.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Doo Doo Day Care
The poo poo down of America

Eddie Murphy's funny, poo poo jokes are funny, so
together you're got comedy gold. Apparently.

In the trailer for the Jeff Garlin comedy, Daddy Day
Care, there's an extended clip of where Eddie enters a
bathroom and start making faces. But this is not the
first Murphy movie trailer featuring Eddie walking
into a bathroom and making faces. Do you know which
movie? Here's a hint: It co-stars a unfunny talking
bear. Answer below (Answer: Showtime)

- Media Yenta's Brother

Monday, April 07, 2003

NBC is a bout to announce the "MOST TALENTED KID."
CBS is about to announce their "STAR SEACH" champion.
ABC announced who was the "hottest person."
USA - Country stars.
NBC soon -- actions star and comedian.

This is outrageous. This should be regulated. You can't just say that this kid on NBC is better than some other. Who's better? The guy Kid from NBC? STAR SEACH? Or SHOWTIME AT THE APOLLO kids?

We need regularization. We need a committee. Like NBA or something. Someone look into that.

Entertainment Weakling reported a couple of weeks ago that ABC had the most primetime news coverage of the war. The article also mentioned how strange it was that after the president declared war, the networks went right back to regularly scheduled crap.

I think the two are connected. ABC doesn't have anything better to put on primetime. You don't see ABC replacing The Bachelor or " simple rules for dating my daughter." The war coverage is during the many holes ABC has. ABC has more war coverage, because it has more holes. They got rid of "The Family" and put on war. The reality show was to be in place of "NYPD Blue" for nine weeks. When the show sunk to forth place, ABC decided they needed more war and pushed the reality show until summer.

ABC also expanded "Nightline." But they also sold advertisers for the extra 15 minutes they had at night. Which is short sighted. They are also hurting themselves by starting "Jimmy Kimmel Live" later at night.

Let' hope ABC gets their shit together before we win this war.
I just got a pop up: "save on just about everything." How did they know I was gonna buy something?