Monday, June 26, 2006

Entourage left me alone!

Yes, I watch Entourage! That and Meerkat Manor are my guilty pleasures.

Let me the 100th person to call the new character on HBO's male "Sex and the City" Entourage - Cousin Oliver. They brought in a character that no one needs. All of a sudden last night a character shows up and causes trouble. And guess what? He's not leaving.

This guy was conveniently in jail for the last five years so he never came up. Now that he's out of the joint he's here to stir up some drama and save the writers from coming up with fresh organic material.

I always hated when "long lost friends" are introduced in sitcoms. All of a sudden Tom Hanks is an uncle that no one mentioned - he has a drinking problem that solved just before the end credits.

The first thing is I've always resented their existence. Who are you? Where did you come from? No one told me about you? I've known the Seavers for four season and they never mentioned you. Not once. Now you walk in and everyone is so happy to see you? No one tells me anything. You think you know a family. Why did you hide this person from me? Are you ashamed of me?

The second thing is the introduction. it's always uncomfortable because the writers have four lines to establish what great friends everyone is. So secret handshakes are brought out, force anecdotes are told. Usually it's the new character telling an embarrassing story about the main character, the main character gts embarrassed while everyone else is happy to hear the story.

Thirdly - it's lazy. In the cae of Entourage you have five great over the top characters. You can't come up with something for the four Hollywood hot shots to do this season so you brought in trouble? Entourage had an whole year to come up with a new season of story lines and all they could do is steal a page from the Melrose Place play book? “Next week on Entourage Heather Locklear guest stars as the evil woman from Turtle’s past.”

Maybe at the end of this season Johnny Drama will get pregnant and then the kid will miraculously grow up during hiatus to a cute fast talking four year old.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Hey HBO - I gots to sleep!

Hey - HBO! Why start your 2 1/2 hour Sunday block at 9? Why are the cowboys of Deadwood shooting off bullet and f-bombs at 9 Pm and I have to wait until 10 for my male sex and the city and 10:30 for Louis C.K.'s low budget version of a network sitcom?

The last show on the schedule is Dane Cook's Tourgasm. Which is basically Blue Collar Tour meets the Original Kings of Comedy meets The Queens of Comedy meets... (Cook gets a "created by" credit. What did he create? He just took a well worn idea and plugged in himself. Is Charlie Gibson getting a "created by" credit for hosting "ABC World News Tonight?" Dane should get "pitched by" or "sold on the based on his myspace page by.")

Dane's (I call him "Dane") audience is mainly middle school girls with posters of him on their walls and sticker books in their backpacks. They can't stay up to 11 and sit through Louis C.K. masturbating in a closet to get the cute com cut farts with a 3 comics that are constantly reminded how lucky they are to be on the tour. KISS THE RING!).

Here's how the HBO Sunday night schedule should go so I can get some sleep and get ready for the coal mines early the next morning.

8:30 - Tourgasm
9:00 - Entourage
9:30 - Lucky Louis
10:00 - Deadwood

I put Deadwood at 10 because of the content and because I don't give a shit about the show. I started watching the first season until I realized I had no idea what was going on. It just kept going and going like one long scene. There's no purpose, no end result to any of the show. It just keeps moving along.

Plus, people were just randomly getting shot. So if you lived in the town at anytime you could get shot - for no reason. That's time to move. I get why you you live in a bad neighborhood with house prices the way they are and all, but just getting shot by an Al Pacino look alike is in no way worth it.

It's a great place to start and end a family.

"I'm stepping out to get milk. As you know, I may get shot. If so, you'll have to eat your Corn Flakes dry. I'm sorry. This is Deadwood."

My realtor is showing us places in "Deadwood Adjacent." It's up and coming.

But with Dane and Louis' show getting the worse reviews since HBO jumped into the Mind of a Married Man or saddled us with Arli$$ like a boring uncle that needs a place to hang until his ride gets here -they might not be a problem for long. HBO isn't one to pull shows mid-season, but theses shows might just stink up and down K street.

Enough with the new shows. Bring "The Wire" back already.