Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bad Products for Kids

Whose idea was it to give an 8-year-old boy a large buck knife?

I found these treasures when shopping for toys for my friend's kids. They used to live out of town so I would bring them toys whenever I visited. Now the gift giving is the norm and they live 5 miles from me. I don't even get a hello or eye contact - just "What did we get?"

Giving a hyper kid something he can stab people with seems like a bad idea. I gave him a plunger that shoots up a ball that you hit with the bat that came with it. First he was letting the plunger shoot his face then I found him in the kitchen shooting apples into space and laughing like a cartoon villain. The kid can make anything into a weapon why take that creativity away from him?
As the kids get older, the gifts get better. I have to step up my game. Pretty soon, this will look like a good gift.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Quick Podcast Review

If you are looking for an 80's music podcast - "Monday Night 80's" is the best. There are others, but instead of telling you why I don't like them - here's why I likes MN80's.
Low DJ chatter - The host comes on at the beginning, apologizes for not doing a podcast in a while, then maybe he'll come on once before saying good bye
Music variety - Although it's mostly new wave, there's pop and some songs you might not remember. Lots of good stuff. Not just 8675309 over and over again.
great sound quality - other podcasts sound like you are listening on an old boom box. Maybe that's the point...but MN80's sounds great.

The bad part is that new eps are hard to come by. He stops for a long time and then comes back. Luckily there's a ton of recorded episodes available. It's not like there are new songs coming out.

Future Good Bad Movie Night

Lindsay Lohan's latest film, Labor Pains" is going right to cable and DVD. You can be snarky and blame the star, but I blame the film. It's about a woman who pretends to be pregnant to keep her job and wackiness ensues. People believe her and some how she writes a book and goes on a talk show hosted by Janeanne Garofolo. It's like a long "Three's Company" episode (Note: We will be updating our references soon. We've had a delay and everything will be right on track.)

The actors look down a lot - as if they are hiding their faces.
At the very end of the trailer there's a card that reads, "Now in Post Production." Is that a pregnancy joke or are they reassuring their investors? Either way, I can't wait to see this future classic.

more Troll 2 stuff

Thursday, March 26, 2009

good bad movie night: Troll 2

There's a documentary about this film called "Best Worst Movie." I would have to say they are on to something there. First off - it's a movie called Troll 2 and there are no trolls. At all.

My only reservation about slamming this popular cult film is that it feels so amateurish that it feels unfair to slam it. The acting, costumes and special effect make it look like a community theater production.

But they did get the "Troll" name and the director went on to make other films (in his home country of Italy.)

Yes, another vanity project from a foreigner who wants to make a typical American movie. This time a horror film. In Tommy Wiseau's case a love triangle/drama (the Room!)

What both films have in common is that on many occasions it looks like the director said, "No one will notice." Like when a fly landed on victim's forehead moments before turning into a plant.

Yes, a plant. Apparently a nice all American family took a vacation in a house in a town in the middle of nowhere. Also a bunch of teenaged boys got an RV and decided to park it in the same woodsy small town.

The towns people are apparently (spoilers) goblins who feed the unsuspecting victims this brightly colored goo that turns them into a vegan paste. Then the towns people turn into Goblins and feast on the goo.
The goblin costume look like well, goblin costumes. I thought for a second that it was a plot point. But it was not. Like a lot of the scary things in the movie, it looks like they bought on November 1 at a Halloween store.

This movie is bad in so many ways. Bad enough that it's good. If you enjoy terrible films, you will enjoy this one.
How's that for a pull quote?
3 3/4 cans. Rent it here...

Let's see him make butter too

Thursday, March 19, 2009

USA Today

There's actually an article in today's USA Today titled, "Women step up as men lose jobs."

What is this 1946? Don't women work? Is this a new concept? Who will feed our children? Who will pay the milkman or eat the bon bons?

We need to get back to work so our lady folk can return to the kitchen.

News Corp. Tries to return Myspace

Three plus years after purchasing for $580 million, Rupert Murdoch tried today to return the social networking site. When asked for the reason of the return, Murdoch claimed, "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm looking for something in a Facebook."

Luckily for the Australian tycoon, he kept the receipt from the sale in an old shoe box.

Murdoch ultimately kept the once gigantic site, turning down an offer for store credit.

In an related story - Starting in April AOL Time/Warner will charge the yellow AOL Instant Messenger guy rent. "It's time he pulled his weight," said a spokesman.

We know you don't mean this...

From the daily email: Someone should double check that. Or in this of lay off "good" a little.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A remake I Stand Behind

Anyone ever see this show? Sounds great. Has a magnetic rope!

Breaking NEWS:

Ed Marinaro returns to network series TV.


"Hill Street Blues," "Sisters" and "Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon" star Ed Marinaro returns to TV with "Blue Mountain State" on Spike TV. Ed Marinaro will play a football coach. No word on how this will effect the "Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon" sequel.

*I hope this guy doesn't google himself or at least has a sense of humor. I'm a fan, man! Glad you are back.

Station changes it's name to it's name


The Sci FI Channel is getting a new name. On July 7th, both the on-air and online will have the new name Syfy (pronounced sci-fi). The network hopes that by changing the name, it broadens the brand beyond traditional science fiction and into an area more diverse in imagination-based entertainment, including fantasy, mystery, action and adventure, while not ignoring the science fiction element. The tagline will be "Imagine Greater." On July 7th when the new name becomes official, the network will debut its newest scripted drama Warehouse 13, and celebrate the return of its summer series Eureka.

It doesn't make sense until you look at the word "mystery." This is all a way to put on cheap reality crime shows like "Forensic Files" or "The First 48."

The network was doing fine. Why screw it up with f'ed up spelling? Change the name and the tag line - you can shove old Dateline ep's on and no one can complain. "It's part of the new direction. What is that? We have no idea. But have you seen the ratings on trutv?"

I hate Change. Plus now I have cross "Sci-fi" off my Trapper Keeper. It's going to show.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Good Bad Movie Night - "Street Fighter"

Actor, writer, winter coat lover - Justin Halliwell praises the goodness in the bad movie - "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li" the long unawaited sequel-ish to the 1994 JCVD movie - which is available on Blu-ray. Why not?
Here it is!

Shakespeare is dead. Beckett is dead. Even Billy Wilder is dead. Luckily for us, though, Justin Marks is very much alive. As the most bankable screenwriter without any actual movies under his belt, the premiere of Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li marks (ha) an important point for the young screenwriter who already has scripts for Green Arrow, Voltron, He Man, and Suicide Squad under his belt . Happily, I can report Street Fighter as a resounding success. But Marks doesn't deserve nearly all the credit; a film this epic truly requires a concerted failure on every single persons part.

Let's begin at the beginning. No, I can't. We'll begin after the 1st 7 minutes of voiceover, the first time we actually see an adult Kristen Kreuk. Because, let's face it, she may be playing, but she's not playing Chun Li. Nor is she playing any other character besides Kristen Kreuk. No, what she is playing is a concert piano. Because she always wanted to be a concert pianist, see? 'Cause she's a real character. She is not, however, the most interesting or the best character. Those appear in the next few minutes as Bison and Somebody Nash, respectively.

Oh, Neal Mcdonough, how amazing you are. Neal's Bison is a white haired, blue eyed irishman, with half an irish accent. That half is most probably due to the fact that his irish missionary parents died when he was born and left him to grow up in the slums of bangkok. So, while there were obviously no irish influences in his life, young bison must have sought out examples of his native peoples speech patterns and mimiced them in an effort to find his own identity. I can only assume this because the genius of Justin Marks knows that we are smart enough that he doesn't have to explain why a man raised in a bangkok slum would have an irish accent.

But the real jewel of this film is the triumphant return of one Christopher Klein. Or, more accurately, the next evolutionary step of the demigod known as Nic Cage. Klein knows the magic of long hair and big foreheads, he knows the truth of hand-shaking emphasis, and he gives such a tremendously commanding performance, a performance so truly, wonderfully bad, that when I tried to think how I would do it differently, I literally could not come up with a single change. He brought the film down to such a level that I couldn't even imagine how anything besides Chris Klein could be possible.

I realize that I've front loaded this review with my most favoritest things, but there really are so many more things to love, from Vega's mongoloid Alien queen face mask to 4 minute scenes that serve no purpose but to make a PG sex joke, this is truly a masterpiece or filmmaking. Perhaps the best way to explain the impact of this film is to quote the film's theme. After taking his family and fleeing america for china, Chun Li's father gives her a necklace of a flying bird and tells her "the bird is to weak to stay and fight, so it flies away to safety," obviously explaining his actions and teaching his daughter the valuable lesson of cowerdice. Not 4 minutes later, Chun Li's father is kidnapped and her mother says "you are just like your father: you stand when standing is hard." Now, besides being a "that's what she said" reach, these two themes are obviously very closely connected. That connection, of course, is that they are opposites. Once again, Justin Marks shows real faith in his audience and let's US decide what the film should be about. In fact, I would not be very suprised if another 80's staple finds its way into his capable hands: the choose your own adventure. I, for one, will choose his movies every time.

If you don't like reading Check this out!

This review is great too.
Nash out.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

NBC Gives summer sched a time machine theme

In a move unlike no on else, NBC gave their new shows this summer a theme: Shows of the past.

"The Philanthropist" is about a very rich guy gives people who deserve it money. Like the Millionaire. That's from 1978 - but I swear there was one a few years ago. IT's on of those ideas that keep popping up.
"I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE!" - see below. (one one more down)

"America's Got Talent" = "Gong show.""The Listener" - I read the description a couple of times. I honestly don't understand it. I'm guessing it's "Medium" meets "Ghost Whisper." Speaking of total rip offs - how is "the Mentalist" not "Psych" from the USA channel? Yu can't steal from USA!

They have show about Merlin, so did Bernard Hughes.

"Great American Road Trip" is different than the rest. It's based on a hit show. It's just like "The Amazing Race," but not that amazing. It's only in the US - budget cuts. Next summer look out for "Waiting for the F train" only on NBC.

Thanks NBC. Now I have to go outside this summer.

It's that time of year

Last week was the time to set your clocks forward. Also the fire department uses that day to remind you to change the battery in you fire alarm.

This week is the time cancel your AOL and check your Myspace. Be honest, you forgot you have it. will never use it.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Proving you can fail up in Hollywood

From the Futon Critic:

In a bold scheduling move, "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!," based on the international hit from Granada America, will debut as a two-hour television event on Monday, June 1 (8-10 p.m. ET) and will be stripped over four weeks in June.

Didn't they try that on another network 6 years ago to disastrous results? the show was a huge bomb. Yes it works in Europe - but so does ___ (damn I wish i was witty). It also kills time. Like "Big Brother" - a show people watch - it can eat up hours of network time. But if no one wants to see HIACGMOOHUSA2 then you are stuck with empty time slots - just like that other network was stuck with.

Come on, Jet!

Just because a girl is healthy, doesn't mean you need a double issue.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

How to get free drinks in NYC!

Go up to a bartender and hand him/her this from cynopsis,com:

Casting Call: Calling all NYC bartenders! This casting call is for you! Fine Living Network (FLN) is looking for NYC/Tri-State Area bartenders - men and women - who are sexy, confident, have a great personality and are up for a challenge to do battle with other bartenders, whether it's competing for tips, flirting for phone numbers or playing customer matchmaker, on a new series called Bartender Wars If you're interested or know someone who should be on this show, send a detailed description of and why you (or your friend) should be on television. Send a picture, where they bartend and any contact information to: . FLN describes this show as "Candid Camera" at your favorite watering hole with a lot of liquid courage thrown in.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Sometimes random is no good.

I found this image when I was looking up Huckabee stuff. The ad is unfortunate. Hasn't this woman suffered enough?
The ads appear randomly, in fact I had to refresh the page a few times for it to come back. But really?!!???

Huckabee, isn't that Biden's gig?

Former Presidential hopeful, Gov. Mike Huckabee too his act to the people and preaches to the choir every weekend on FOX News. He has guests and talks politics with like minded folks.

Like most talk shows, he starts off standing in front of the audience. After billboarding the show for 10 minutes he starts in on his right slanted jokes. I don't remember them (I'm a 3rd rate reporter - this is what you will get when you lose newspapers and have to get your news from bloggers). But they were funny. Funny enough. Not bad at all. I laughed - then looked around to see if was watching me.

Then Mike pulls out the big guns. He says his jokes were lame, but one guy did it better...He then cuts to clips of Jay Leno making fun of the economy. "The Economy is so bad...(put Monica Lewinski joke here)..."

While looking at his site, this unfortunate random ad popped up under this poor woman. Hasn't she gone through enough?

Now, news shows can show clips of talks shows and such as "fair use" and promotion. George Stepsonopulous on ABC shows a round up of talk show jokes at the end of his news program.

Mike - did his clip during his monologue. Basically he took Leno's professional monologue and place it where his should have been.