Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Good Bad Movie Night - "Samurai Cop"

I won't beat around the bush, this movie is great. "Troll 2" great. This movie has everything. It's bad, and inept, and silly and fun.

It's an 80's buddy cop movie. A white cop on the edge and a straight edge black cop.
The white cop is the "Samurai Cop," of course. Why wouldn't the white cop be an expert in the Asian Arts? No reason to bring in an Asian guy. Just use a white body builder with long Fabio hair.

let's talk about the hair. When we first meet our heroes the white cop is wearing a long wig and a baseball cap just sitting on top of the mess. The black cop makes a point of saying the white cop came up from San Diego, like that explains the wig and his fighting ability. My first thought was that he grows in the film and then he "cuts" his hair and truly becomes a Los Angeles cop. Within 40 seconds I learned that I was over thinking it. He doesn't cut his hair.

They walk into the unmarked police car. Now we cut to them driving and the white cop has real long hair. Then back to the wig for a close up and then back to the real hair.
He must have cut his hair after production and they needed to do insert shots and re-shoots. This goes on a lot in this movie. At first you think, "Ok, they didn't realize they would need a close up there until editing." But by the time you see fight scenes that go from location to location in one fight and long sequences of the hero fighting in a wig, you know there are bigger problems.

Most of the police don't have any badges on their uniforms. Just dark matching clothes. When I say "most" I mean all but one. He must have brought it from home.

Our heroes go to the hospital to question a witness. Guarding the door is one terrible actor in matching dark clothes. The director had to put a mark on the carpet so he would know where to stand. The whole time you can see the wheels turning in his head, "Act, act, act...walk to blue 't' and then say line...act, act, now sit down...and done."

After the witness is murdered the cop watching the door yells, "Someone get security." Wait, aren't you a cop?
Then he runs down the hallway - we cut to the same shot of the hallway and the bad woman running down it. They must have left the camera there and told her to run down. "No one will notice that they are running down the same exact hallway."

Remember in "Beverly Hills Cop" when Eddie Murphy meets the very funny and very gay store clerk. Gosh, that was funny. Well, they try that too. At a restaurant, they meet a very gay waiter that just spills all the beans. It's not funny. I would say it's not funny and not offensive  because it doesn't make any sense. 

The stand out scene is the nurse who hits on the white cop. It makes no sense. Even better is the reaction shots they get from the black cop. He makes these huge faces. He looks like a Michael Winslor for the deaf. 
Look for the blue "t" on the floor in the hallway.

But what about all the samurai fighting the title of the film implies? 
One scene at the end. Which starts in a desert and then appears in 
the woods and then somewhere else.

This movie is great. It's fun and implausible that someone put this out. 
There are so many moments where the director must have said, 
"No one will notice." 
You will, thankfully.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Scarface School Play

I don't know if this is real or not, but it's really funny.

Bring your daughters to podcast day

Today on Marc Berman's excellent daily podcast "The Programming Insider" his sidekick brought his twin young daughters who had the day off for spring break.

There are some unintentionally funny moments in the show. One kid hates the "Zombie." Just the word scares her. But as luck would have it, Marc has a news story about a new zombie TV show. You can hear the poor girl traumatized for the next few moments.
Listen here.

Anyway, if you like TV, you should be listening to Marc. (His column is a must read.)

Monday, March 29, 2010

A post based on an email by Peggy's Steve

Guest writer Peggy's Steve sends in this...

On the subway yesterday I saw someone reading the novel "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire".  Not someone reading "Push" by Sapphire, mind you.  They were reading a movie tie-in called "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire".

Now, I'm assuming that the text they were reading was indeed the novel "Push" by Sapphire.  Because if it were a novelization of the film, the cover would have read "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" -- by (Someone Else).

But it didn't, so I can only assume the novel "Push" by Sapphire was retitled to match the clunky title of the film, which means that the front cover should have read: "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" by Sapphire.  

That's not a great compromise either, because the title implies that what you're reading is only "based" on the novel that you're actually reading.  Unless Sapphire did change the novel "Push" to match the movie more, in which case maybe the title should read: "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire based on the Movie Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire."

I sincerely hope that Sapphire didn't change a word, firstly because it would save literary scholars the headache of debating the relative merits of the novel Push by Sapphire, and the novel "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" (which itself is based partly on the movie "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire").  But more importantly, the absence of any new material would prevent the truly horrifying possibility of selling movie rights to this new work, which could be called "Precious: Based on the novel Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire"

(Peggy's Steve is a hot shot editor, great piano player and wears the hell out of his glasses.)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Star Jones Heart Surgery Update

While the former talk show host recovers from heart surgery the part of Star Jones will be played by actress Mary Reiley.
All Star Jones concerns and business should be referred to the stage actress until further notice.

Please do not confuse Mary Reiley with model Mary Riley, although she is very pretty, she cannot help.

Thank you.

Please view her reel below:

Star Jones had heart surgery, they gave her one.

Star Jones Survives Surgery powered by Target

Former talk show host Star Jones underwent successful surgery. She is recovering nicely in the Holiday Inn Room watching her new Samsung 9002x TV while eating ice chips from her new Kemore freezer.

A rep says she will be driving home in her Audio A6 with dual air bags in no time.

Her people deny that the operation was a publicity stunt tied into a bunch of sponsors. Her person was talking to us from the new Droid smart phone.

She plans to stay healthy by working out at 24 Hour Fitness and where the latest in Under Armor. Her diet will be supplied by Staples.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

A&E Goes interactive

Jumping on the 3-D bandwagon, A&E will add an interactive component to their show Kirstie Alley's Big Life. Now you can throw peanuts at the large actress.
"Most shows on networks like TLC just show fat people and midgets," said TV expect Juan Getter, "But A&E has taken looking at people and passing judgments to another level. Now you can openly mock them by hitting them with peanuts." 

Friday, March 19, 2010

The one black guy per movie rule stays

Hot Tub Time Machine will follow the "Black guy in a movie" rule. In the movie a group of four guys, they have one black friend. Even though there's only one black guy, they have to make sure they are not a threat to the white man's masculinity  - like crazy hair or Martin Lawrence or gay. In this case he's overweight.

These movies make the Black guy a non-sexual threat by making him henpecked, gay or just f'ed up. This way the white star can get the girl. Meanwhile white actors are played up to wacky and fun and get the girl. Like Chevy Chase and Bill Murray in the early 80's. Like John Cusack in the 80's and the 90's and in this movie here. 

Then if they are straight, they are henpecked and have an overbearing wife they are afraid of. Check. We have that too.   

Yes, there are exceptions. there always are. And I know you are searching your mind for them. But there aren't really as many as you think. This spring when the new fall season is announced, look to see how many black people are in each show and if they follow the black guy on a TV show rule. The rule seems to be for network TV, that every show can have no more than one black male and one black female. The woman is usually the best friend of the main character and doesn't get t do more than give out advice to the main character.  

look what you did, democracy!

You! You, America! You went to you voting booth (facebook) and pushed and pushed until Betty White became the host of Saturday Night Live. Well America, you got it. I hope you are happy, because this is what you got...Here's a scene from her upcoming sitcom on TV Land.

It's not too late to call for a recount! After that clip, we should impeach!

Monday, March 15, 2010

good bad movie night- "Baby on Board"

Heather Graham is super hot and a good actress, but she fell into a string a of bad films for a long time. "Baby on Board" is no exception. She plays a career woman who has it all. A husband (Jerry O'Connell), a gay assistant, a bitchy boss, an understanding sister who has the family that heather dreams of. Oh, the sister is married to Jon Corbett from S#x and/or the City.

Corbett is totally miscast as Jerry's wacky, drug taking, wive cheating, fast talking best friend. Basically the John Candy character from "Splash" that seems to be in every kooky comedy.

Anyhoo, Corbett talks Jerry into taking a number from a hot Asian chick at the gym. It's for a message, but she kissed the back of her business card. (The director made a point in the commentary that he was having trouble finding an Asian woman for that role. Does it have to have to be an Asian?)

Heather finds the card and thinks he's cheating. She doesn't accuse him. She just gets upset. Then tries to get him jealous. Now he thinks she's cheating. All they have to do is accuse each other.

Oh, she sees him making out with a woman at dinner. It turns out it was a grateful client. Still, that was cheating. Yikes. The kiss had to be long enough for Heather to see it. So it might be a grey area.

In fact she does accuse him of cheating and he just ignores it. She goes to her mom to find out how to handle the situation. Her mom's advice, ignore him. Corbett tells Jerry to do the same to her.

So they act like children the whole movie. Oh, she's pregnant the whole time. this movie wasn't fun to watch until.

Not a good bad movie. Not fun to watch. Watching the director's commentary is fun. That's all. no reason to get mean. Just not good.

Nikki Fink still on vacation- Hollywood not connected.

While editor/writer Nikki Fink is back packing through Europe, show business is not informed.

"People of LA have to wait two or three hours for a breaking story," said one nervous PR agent. "No one has Toldja'ed me all week. I'm lost."

Howard Stern's JD goes out w/ Spitzer escourt

Here's the sega in three tidy videos.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Where Americans get their news

For a long time studies showed that people got their news from Jay Leno's nightly monologue and the SNL Weekend Update. Then for a long time a generation of viewers got their news from "The Daily Show." Now a new alternative news source has arrived.

A study has found that most Americans get their news from Allysa Milano's Twitter page. It started out as an innocent curiosity of what the "Charmed" star and clothing mogul was up to.

"I just wanted to see what she had for breakfast," said one now informed fan, "And then I learned that Obama gave his Nobel Prize money to charity. I had no idea! Now when ever a news story breaks I check @Alyssa_Milano first and CNN second."

Editor's note: If you were to tell me that I would be getting news from a "Who's the Boss" star - I would've picked Mona.

Rosa Parks movie cast!

A bio pic of fame civil rights leader Rosa Parks is finally in the works. The whole project was cast contingent  The financing finally went through and Blake Lively from "Gossip Girl" has been cast as the woman who stood up for her self and he and an entire race on a bus one winter day 1955.

"We wanted to reboot the Civil rights movements," said one studio executive, "Make it younger so we can get a longer franchise. It worked for Star Trek. "

Friday, March 05, 2010

CBS Finds a TV Friendly Title to "Shit My Dad Says."

According to The Hollywood Reporter, CBS may have found a new name for their sitcom based on the popular Twitter feed, "Shit my Dad Says." (Yes, it's a show based on a Twitter feed. stop writing that book or screenplay and promptly hang yourself. I'll wait.)

The show now stars William Shatner as the shit talking dad. The new title, "Shat My Dad Says."

Which is great, now I can finish my headline in the future and take a day off this fall. "The First Cancelation of the season, 'Shat My Dad Says.'"

A Nice Thing From A Blogger

"Community" was funny last night. 

Thursday, March 04, 2010

3 Corections

1) Yesterday, or last night, we reported that the "Marriage Ref" was a prank show to get celebrities with failed marriages to give advice about wedded bliss. We were informed that the show is actually a show where advice is given from celebrities and the host Tom Pappa. While we are relieved that the show is not that mean, it now just sounds boring.

2) We confused Eddie Izzard with Ricky Gervais or vice versa, we don't remember. 

3) In the title of this post we misspelled "Correction." We apologize.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Marriage Ref: Best Prank Show Ever

Not Since Ali G put on a yellow sweat suit has a show lampooned celebrities so well. Jerry Seinfeld came up with a show that has celebrities right where you want them. He invited famous people with even famous-er bad unions to talk about marriage. Normally you can't get Madonna to talk about her doomed partnership. But call her an expert and she'll fly in her fake accent first class.

The producers are very smart. The first week they put Kelly Rippa on the panel to throw off Alec Baldwin.  "See," Alec's person could tell him, "Kelly has a good marriage. No one is going to find it strange that you're talking about happy marriages after going through a 7 year divorce.

The show has a wrap up done by Marv Albert. "You know the guy who got caught cheating on his second wife? The guy who...never mind," stated an insider, "You get the idea. He has no idea the producers were putting him on to shine a light on his affairs."

Hopefully they can trick John Edwards on the show before the first season is over.

Song Subject Speaks

Even though most of the world forgot or weren't born yet, Carly Simon finally revealed who the song "You're so Vain" was written about. Turns out it was record exec David Geffen.

When reached for comment Geffen told this reporter, "I thought that song was about me."

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Leno Wins, but in an uncool demo

Last night's return of Jay Leno gave the Tonight show a needed boost of almost three full ratings points from when Conan hosted the show a couple a months ago and besting Letterman's competition on CBS.

"But they weren't cool points," stated Stan Worth researcher with the Gold, Worth and Much. "More people watched, which meant the commercials got more eyeballs and Jamie Foxx's movie have more potential ticket buyers...but those people are nerds. They live in the Midwest, eat at chain restaurants and think that Carlos Mencia is Mexican. Sure Tide sold more detergent on Leno, but to uncool flyover state folks."

"They got less people into Olive Garden when Conan hosted," Stan continued, "But those who did were cool and went ironically. That's the audience you'd want."

Poor NBC, will they ever learn?

Monday, March 01, 2010

Oscar Spoiler Alert! opening number

Media Yenta, not Deadline Hollywood Daily Cougar Melloncamp Pinket Smith, has the exclusive footage of the opening number for the Academy Awards. TOLDJA!
Adam Shankman's 1997 Honda Accord broke down in front of Media Yenta HQ (Coffee Bean on Slauson).
Here it is, EXCLUSIVO!
The opening number from the Oscars...