Monday, April 28, 2003


Bigscreen trip can be a bummer
"The Real Cancun" was real disadvantaged by its R rating, but the failure of TV's "Real World" concept to translate to the bigscreen poses unsettling questions about similar projects from 20th Century Fox and Universal.

Who gives a shit?

First of all, I take offense to the term "reality movie." It's a fucking documentary. It just has better music and hotter chicks. How rediculous are people to try and create a new genre or film when allthey did was jazz up and comercialize an already established one.

No one is going to publically go to a movie that we all secretly want to see. "two tickets for 'Hot Sexy Flat White Chicks Touch Eachother?' Oh, hello Rabbi."

Why do I want to see the Real Cancun? Three things, boobs, possible 3 eay sex, and boobs. Otherwise I can watch whiney teens on MTV or in front of my local 7 - Eleven any night of the week. I want to see the stuff that the tv shows only tease us about and never see.

That's why the Springer tapes did so well. You can secretly order them from your TV late at night when no one knew. They'd come to your house in a plain bag and no one was the wiser.

Hollywood soon came calling. "People must love the Springer show," they thought, "We should copy that and make into a movie."

Now to publically go to the movie theater where people could see you and ask for two tickets to the Springer movie so everyone could see, was a huge no-no. The movie tanked. It also starred the guy from the American Nija movies. It also had some unconfortable scenes.

I saw the movie at the former unemployment center annex in NYC better known as, "The Two Dollar Movie Theater." The Worldwide Theater had two dollar films in 5 clean theaters. I spent many an out of work day there. Or in between resturaunt shifts at the three diffeerent places I worked. I'd take off my black Reeboks and watch Michael Keaton, and Christopher Reeves battle it out for a one Genna Davis. (Remember when they starred in films?)

Anyway, at the Springer film, besides me Hank, 2 or 3 homeless folk, were a father and two teenage daughters. What the fuck? My brother and I conned my dad into bringing us to films we shouldn't see growing up, but nothing where a grown woman blows her daughter's boyfriend outside inthe middle of the trailer park to get back at ehr for fuck her boyfriend?

That was some messed up shit. I'v e worked on talkshows where we had people tell stories that were off color. It'sdifferent than showing it. We also had limits. There's nothing more strange than a talks how boss telling you that a story is too sick.

The movie bombed. Then it di really well on video. Why? Because people were secretly ordering it.

Same with the "Real Cancun." The other films should open at the Blockbuster and put "Too Hot For TV" all over the box.

No comments: