Schecky Yenta
The media yenta does a tight 5 upfront.

The Daily Planet, an Australian bordello, said Thursday that it plans to put itself on the stock exchange listing in early 2003.
- The stock is expected to rise and rise, then abruptly explode and become sullen and distant.

ABC announced that an episode of its cult-hit spy drama "Alias" will air after Super Bowl XXXVII on Jan. 26.
-The network says they picked the drama because of its great writing and fast action, and all the rest of their shows have been canceled.

Vermont trailer-dweller Lori Pratt was arrested this week for pointing a loaded shotgun at her husband's crotch and firing it after she found a pornographic video under their bed.
- Ironically, the video was called "Point a Loaded Shotgun at My Crotch and Fire It."
- She found the video while looking for her shotgun.
- The husband was feeling better and was only upset that they couldn't make their appearance on "Springer."

A half-smoked cigar that belonged to Winston Churchill was auctioned off this week for $3,585.
- Which is still much less than a packet of cigarettes in Manhattan.
- Insert Monica Lewinski joke here