Shit, I'll Say it.



Today (9/28/04) the NY Post page 93 Starr report gives the most important ratings report. The guy doesn't write full stories, he writes blurbs. So in a blurb next to other blurbs regarding talk show ratings, he included this gem.

"Life & Style" ranks first in women 18-34 in its timeslot on Ch. 11 (3 a.m.)

Really? Women from the ages 18-34 at 3:00 in New York? Is that the whole island? or just uptown.

You mean the infomercial for hair loss/real eastate get rich plans or the farm report didn't win?

Who's to say winning your timeslot at 3:00 isn't anything to crow about? Well, me.

This is obviously an item put in by a publicist/friend.


Accordign o a source at the show, they have been getting close to 2's at 3 am. Which is better than they are doing at a decent time like 10 AM. Is there a market for the overnight viewer? Is there an overnight viewer?

The Guest Hosts Line Up for the Late Late Show
The first week of the post Craig Kilborn talker brought us a tired and embarrassed looking Drew Carry and a DL HUghley who reminded the audience at every turn that he's black and the rest of world is white and there's a noticable difference.
These guest hosts are supposed to be auditions to replace the tall talker with perfect hair.


Here's a list of the other guest hosts for the Late Late Show on CBS:

Michael Ian Black - boring correspondant from Vh1's I love the 80's is so not funny. In fact no one from the over blown The State is funny. Somehow they continue to fool people and work.
He's bland and smug.

Ana Gasteyer - (Saturday night Live) Very Funny. Very likable. She'll need to stop squinting so she could make eye contact.

Tom Arnold - (Once married Roseanne) Not likable. Always seems to work. Made a deal with the Devil. Might get the job because he's an obvious choice. That's not a bad thing. But most celebs and viewers already don't like him.

Tom Dreesen (Letterman) Been a comic since the dawn of time. Good friends with Letterman, the EP of LLS. He'd be good I think, but no oneknows who he is. He's not proven. It'll be hard to get guests and viewers.

David Allen Grier (In Living Color) Funny. Will he listen to guests or go for the joke? Might be good. Will he moody on the air too?

Ahmad Rashad (Sports guy) Safe choice, not that riviting. By that I mean deadly boring.

Jim Rome (Sports radio) great fan base, two fail sports shows on cable. This guy is a radio god, but can't get a good enough ratings for cable? That's bad. Even McEnroe and Dennis Miller are surviving on cable.

Aisha Tyler (Talk Soup, Friends) She killed a late night comedy franchise on E! That's a bad sign. I think she's very funny. Can she interview? We shall see. It mgiht be interesting to see if she can get ratings.

It seems a lot of these people are on the last leg of their careers. This is it. If they don't get this gig...then it's cabert shows for now on. In fact talk shows seem like a last stop on lots of people's careers.

You would think CBS could get better talent for a late night spot. They seem to be caught with their pants down. No one to replace Craiggers. Maybe they should've given him the money (Although he insits it's not money) that he wanted. At least he worked.

Now that a late night spot opened up, why can't they attract bigger names? Hughley, Greir, Dreesen, Arnold and company are all easy gets. They could possibly be last minute replacements, not full time hosts. If David AG is teh host, then who's going to be the show's last minute replacement guest?

From a fan: OK- so I’ve been getting mildly pissed off at that Graham Norton promo on Comedy Central tonight where he bleats that “Newsweek likes me, they really like me” as though that speech hasn’t been parodied about 90 times.
So I looked up the article, and it’s not really a good review, it just says that what he does might be funny to you if you like gross stuff. I rented his BBC “best of” tape, and it’s awful.

June 28 issue - Graham Norton is a very naughty man. He thinks nothing of whipping a sex toy out of a drawer and offering it to an unsuspecting guest, just for laughs.
He still giggles about the time he found a Webcast of a woman playing "God Save the Queen" on a penny whistle—and she wasn't using her mouth to play it. When he met Dolly Parton a few years ago, she took one look at Norton's flamboyant outfit and remarked: "My grandma had a couch just like that."
To which the openly gay Norton retorted: "Well, probably more people have sat on me." All of which would be hilarious or hideous, depending on your taste.
In Norton's case, it's also shocking, considering that he gets away with all this on English television, where his talk show "Very Graham Norton" has made him the bad boy of Britain.
This week Norton brings his low-rent version of "The Tonight Show" to America, and the timing couldn't be worse.
The show, renamed "The Graham Norton Effect," will tape in New York and broadcast Thursdays on Comedy Central. It will still traffic in the eclectic stew of dishy celebrity chitchat, R-rated show-and-tell and raunchy humor. Will this fly in our post-Janet Jackson universe? Norton himself isn't sure. "It's an odd climate to be launching this in,"
he says. "There's bound to be suits twitching in the wings. They don't want to be causing more trouble."Not that Norton plans to cut his comedy to fit this year's fashions.
He says Comedy Central won't interfere with him—he actually backed out of a deal with NBC when the network started to muck around with his work. Still, Norton knows the danger of being a stranger in a strange land. "Jay Leno was over in London filming our show, and we had this stupid calendar. It was really clean for us—just pictures of dog turds in the snow.
Leno was like, 'God, that's funny, but we could never show that.' But you can see that on the street!" says Norton. "We may hit walls we do not know exist."—Marc Peyser© 2004 Newsweek, Inc.

I Heart Alf

Who else is with me? Alf rocks! The gruff yet lovable hand puppet crash-landed into the Tanners' house and wackiness ensued. I love me some Alf. My freshman year I wrote an essay comparing Alf to Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes. My thesis, as it were, was that both Alf and Arnold are attention-craving children, with Alf being the destructive child and Arnold the needy ass-kisser. I didn't even get an F on the paper; I got a "See Me" from the professor. A "See Me!" That's how much Alf rocks!

Remember when Alf got a newspaper route, but couldn't deliver them in public, so he forced the dad, Willie, to do it? "Willie, people need to get their news, their sports, get their Doonesbury," Alf said. "Well,
it's hard to get Doonesbury nowadays, it's too esoteric." (I know, I'm not doing Alf's jokes justice!)  IMDB's memorable quotes page brings back more memories:

Alf: Do I smell bacon?

Willie: No.

Alf: Well, I'd like to.

My brother and I do the best Willie Tanner impressions: "Alf! Mrs. Ochmonek called. Apparently her cat… is… mis…sing!" (HA! I slay me!) And, of course, in 2004, the Year of the Ben Stiller Movies, who can forget Ben's best movie: Permanent Midnight, the hilariously black comedy about a junkie who writes for the ALF sitcom.

For years there was talk about Alf hosting a talk show. There were even commercials where Alf indeed hosted a talk show. Alf appeared on late night talk shows and the puppet just plain tore it up (I credit the quick wit of Alf operator Paul Fusco). And now, finally, on July 7, on TV Land, Alf hosts Alf's Hit Talk Show, with his second banana, Ed McMahon.
This could be the second-greatest show in TV history.

- Media Yenta's Brother

LA Times finally finds the hottest show in LA

To get tickets on line go to johnnyfayva.com/belowthebelt

From the LA Times:
Copyright 2004 The Times Mirror Company; Los Angeles TimesAll Rights Reserved Los Angeles Times
July 22, 2004 Thursday Home EditionSECTION: CALENDAR WEEKEND; Calendar Desk; 

 THE ALTERNATIVES; A modern man of leisure; Wisecracks, whips and back flips: They're all in Johnny Fayva's revue.
BYLINE: Leslie Gornstein, Special to The Times

A leisure suit clinging to his generous behind, pinkie rings gleaming, Johnny Fayva, the self-described champion of the old-school variety show, just wants to do it for the kids.Every few weeks, the swingingly single Fayva co-produces and hosts a comedy-musical revue that combines Borscht Belt camp with modern twists.

After the house lights come back up, Fayva reverts to his mild-mannered real self: Russell Steinberg, a New York-born actor married to Tatiana von Furstenberg, daughter of fashion designer Diane. He's also the father of a 4-year-old daughter.

Since the show's introduction two years ago, Steinberg's character has attracted a growing fan base of anti-clubbers eager for alternatives to throbbing DJ riffs, self-important rock bands, iffy stand-up comedians and other hazards of L.A.'s live-entertainment labyrinth.A typical show? Start with a fan dancer here, a baton twirler there, a yo-yo champ from some South American country. Throw in some new-school stuff -- say, a sexy modern number by a foxy skirt like Kelly Osbourne.

Bookmark the whole beautiful shebang with one or two sweaty cover performances by the man himself. And you get a night that's -- well, as Fayva might say -- Boom. Gorgeous.Steinberg prefers to be interviewed as Fayva, the Catskills vernacular rolling off his silver tongue."I'm influenced by everything from Allan Sherman and Mickey Katz -- old Jewish comics -- to the more obvious masters, like Mr. Tony Bennett, Mr. Frank Sinatra," Fayva says over the phone. "I also like the rock 'n' roll, you know? The Ozzy Osbourne, the David Lee Roth -- whatever the kids are listening to today. "

His other line clicks in."Hold on, honey, that's Taryn Manning," Fayva says. "I'm trying to get her to sing on my show."Alas, the "Cold Mountain" actress was calling with bad news. "Oy, she canceled on me," Fayva growls. "Now you're gonna see me hustle."(Within hours, Fayva would rope in Kelly Osbourne.

The following night, Fayva and the baby-faced heavy-metal heiress belted out an over-the-top rendition of Bonnie Tyler's 1980s power ballad "Total Eclipse of the Heart.")Fayva likes to begin and end each show by singing lounge-style covers of current pop tunes. Fayva's finale tends to involve stripping down to pasties, thong, socks, garters, gold chains and very little else, all while blasting out a teen anthem.

His latest sign-off performance? Reinterpreting Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful," followed by a full back flip in his black socks."He's quite unexpectedly nimble," marvels Valerie Michaels, a Hollywood publicist who frequents Fayva's shows. "Like a cat landing on his feet."The modern origins of Fayva's shtick date back to the grand opening of the Standard Hotel in downtown L.A. two years ago.

Organizers booked Fayva to do a set in the lobby, while celebrity guests such as Tobey Maguire milled about. Soon afterward, Fayva was invited to perform a few gigs with Camp Freddy, an all-star rock band fronted by Donovan Leitch and Dave Navarro. Fayva went on to play other gigs, , eventually moving his show to the Argyle Hotel on the Sunset Strip.

Fayva's fans skew a bit older than the typical 11 p.m. crowd over at the Spider Club or Concorde. Sporting the telling bright-red lipstick of the Silver Lake set, the women in the audience seem less interested in being seen than in seeing their friends, or whatever kooky thing Fayva's up to onstage.

Fayva fans also seem to keep the cellphone shenanigans to a minimum.Fayva has found favor among a slew of celebrities, sitting in on live performances with other bands and getting his photo taken at events with Carmen Electra, supermodel Rachel Hunter, Guns N' Roses musician Slash and others.

Starting Tuesday, Fayva plans to move his variety act to flamenco and sangria joint El Cid.

The rich interior and too-cool Silver Lake locale attracted Fayva instantly."It's red inside. All red," he says. "Red's sexy."Tagging along with him will be his ever-shifting stable of oddities, including Kristen Andreotti, lovely assistant to Brian Chic, whose business cards bill him as a "bullwhip artist."

For several minutes during every show, Chic, primly dressed in business attire, appears to whip the leggy Andreotti while '60s-style tropical lounge music burbles in the background. It's a stunt act; Chic is a bullwhip master whose lashes only sound as if they draw blood.Andreotti -- a professional fetish model, fantasy wrestler, go-go dancer and construction worker -- says Fayva never auditioned the partners before hiring them. Fayva heard about the performers through another of his acts, a magician who goes by the name Christopher Wonder, and that was good enough."

The acts are all old school; different, like Elvis meets 'The Full Monty' meets I-don't-even-know," Andreotti says. "
And the audience is bizarre and trippy in its own right."As Fayva might say, it's just a gorgeous thing.*

Johnny Fayva
What: A kitschy-cool Borscht Belt-style lounge act with guest performers ranging from fan dancers to baton twirlers
Where: El Cid, 4212 Sunset Blvd., Silver LakeWhen: 9:30 p.m. TuesdayPrice: $10Contact: (323) 668-0318;
show contact (323) 653-4361
 www.johnnyfayva.com/belowthebelt

Pop Will Eat Itself Dept.*
Q Ratings be damned, who's the S.O.B. green-lightingtalk shows with athletes as hosts?

Those expecting "McEnroe," MSNBC's new talk show, to
be as bad as "The Magic Hour" will be disappointed. While the show is indeed dreadful,
it's just nottrain-wreck awful (hint: it's dull). The set's thebest part.

There's wacky shit spewed all over it, likea pinball machine and a black piano (meant for themaiden guest, Sir Elton John).

Why "McEnroe" will go down in the pop-cult historybooks has to do with its opening credits. John walksthe nighttime streets of NYC like a native, doing NYC things.  (The show is actually shot in the right to work state of NJ, avoiding those unions.) It ends with John getting an actual tattoo parlor, a first for a live-action show. I say"live-action" because cartoon anchorman Kent Brockman already got a tat in the opening montage of "Eye onSpringfield," a phony newsmagazine show featured on"The Simpsons."

That's right, Mac, Simpsons did it.*

 In other news, Imdb.com reported a sequel is already lined up for "I, Robot," with the unfortunate title "I, Robot II." It's not the worst sequel title ever --"More American Graffiti," "Breakin' 2: ElectricBoogaloo," and "Zapped Again!" come to mind -- butsince "I, Robot II" features three "I"s, why not cutyour losses and call the sequel, "II, Robot"?

- Media Yenta's Brother

Note From the yenta:

John McEn-NO is terrible idea gone wrong. It's a train wreck (no offense to train wrecks). Who says we want another late night talk show rip off? Johnny Mac is a known trouble maker and passionate debater. Have on more sports guys, political guys, make a show that would fit JM, not make him fit a show.

How does this happen?

Well it's called the "Wheel of Shows." When you are a falling or rising star you walk into a network office and they rent the wheel. (It is considered rude, for the network not to suply the wheel or coffee.) On the wheel are different genres of talk shows. No matter what you are known for you must pickt ehshow that comes up on the wheel.

There's:
Late night talk
political talk
four women just sitting around chatting
four men just sitting around talking
cooking chat show
self help show
daytime one hour topic
psychic talk show

 
The last one is very tricky and most people don't want to get it. Tony Danza originally got the psychic talk show, but they gave it up after he kept telling people, "You will have zitti for dinner." 

Well the great tennis star's wheel landed on Late night talk show, even though it's on at 9 PM and on a network for finacial news. 
Durring the day, CNBC is very popular with all business people around the country putting the channel on the background with the ticker tape running. So why not use that time to advertise a late night show that those veiwers will want  and need to see? You come home from a long day at work, pull out an Amstell Light and check out Johnny Mac yell at someone.

Look what I just found on myway.com!

Michael Moore takes title without asking. The AP reports that Ray Bradbury is furious at Moore for tainting his book with his movie.

Although as an Artist, Michael should be ashamed of himself to steal from another. I'm not surprised that he's that self centered. People have often written about his arrogance and hypocrisy. There's even a website IhateMichaelMoore.com. But there must one of those about everyone.

I don't thinks the stolen title will confuse people or ruin the book.

I love the fact that no one returned Bradbury calls for six months. Then Michael calls personally, after it's too late.


Moore Film Title Angers Author Bradbury

Jun 19, 5:52 AM (ET)

By PAUL CHAVEZ
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Ray Bradbury is demanding an apology from filmmaker Michael Moore for lifting the title from his classic science-fiction novel "Fahrenheit 451" without permission and wants the new documentary "Fahrenheit 9/11" to be renamed.
"He didn't ask my permission," Bradbury, 83, told The Associated Press on Friday. "That's not his novel, that's not his title, so he shouldn't have done it."
The 1953 novel, widely considered Bradbury's masterpiece, portrays an ugly futuristic society in which firemen burn homes and libraries in order to destroy the books inside and keep people from thinking independently.
"Fahrenheit 451" takes its title from the temperature at which books burn. Moore has called "Fahrenheit 9/11" the "temperature at which freedom burns."
His film, which won top honors in May at the Cannes Film Festival, charges that the Bush administration acted ineptly before the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, then played on the public's fear of future terrorism to gain support for the war against Iraq. It opens nationwide next Friday.
Bradbury, who hadn't seen the movie, said he called Moore's company six months ago to protest and was promised Moore would call back.
He finally got that call last Saturday, Bradbury said, adding Moore told him he was "embarrassed."
"He suddenly realized he's let too much time go by," the author said by phone from his home in Los Angeles' Cheviot Hills section.
Joanne Doroshow, a spokeswoman for "Fahrenheit 9/11," said the film's makers have "the utmost respect for Ray Bradbury."
"Mr. Bradbury's work has been an inspiration to all of us involved in this film, but when you watch this film you will see the fact that the title reflects the facts that the movie explores, the very real life events before, around and after 9-11," she said.
Bradbury, who is a registered political independent, said he would rather avoid litigation and is "hoping to settle this as two gentlemen, if he'll shake hands with me and give me back my book and title."
Moore's film needed new distributors after Disney refused to let its Miramax subsidiary release it, claiming it was too politically charged. The documentary was later bought by Miramax bosses Harvey and Bob Weinstein, who lined up Lions Gate and IFC Films to help distribute it.
The movie's distributors are appealing to lower its R rating to PG-13 and a screening has been set for Tuesday by the Motion Picture Association of America's appeals board.
Bradbury's book was made into a 1966 movie directed by Francois Truffaut. A new edition of the book is scheduled for release in eight weeks, Bradbury said, and plans are in the works for a new film version, to be directed by Frank Darabont.

From Variety:
LIBERALS LINING UP FOR 'FAHRENHEIT'
MoveOn wants Moore seats filled for docu
In an effort that could goose box office for Michael Moore's controversial doc, liberal activist group MoveOn PAC has announced plans to pack "Fahrenheit 9/11" shows on opening night.

Who do you think is going anyway. You can't take credit for something that's going to happen anyway. Liberals will got see this movie on the first night. They don't need MoveOn to tell them.

Not since my brother had the Batman symbol cut into his head has there been such convincing hype for a film.

Thanks to MoveOn I'll have to wait in a longer line of people eating soy and drinking Fiji water.

I hope people don't yell at the screen like in "Super Size Me." It was like "Rocky Horror Picture Show," but no one had seem the movie before.

They all read so much hype on the movie and waited so long to see it, that they couldn't contain themselves. They cheered when the title card came up.

People laughed at things that weren't jokes. One guy laughed when someone got into a car. No one joined in. He trailed off in embarrassment. "HAHAhahahaha....

At the end of the film, it said that 6 weeks after the movie premiered at Sundance, MCD took out Super Sizing. The audience cheered like they were in the rally scene of the warriors. Then it said that MCD was doing healthy Happy meals. They all laughed. "How dumb!" What? It's the same thing.

I was just afraid, being the heaviest person in the theater, someone was gonna stand up and yell, "GET HIM!" Then be chased by pitch forks and torches to my car.

Reaching to the Choir

From travelling religous road-shows to Battlefield Earth, shilling to the service is nothing new. Part of Passion of the Christ's $370 million domestic gross came from "grass roots" marketing aimed at repeat viewings from church groups.

Now these groups can pay more. According to the AP wire, Sam's Club will offer 50-DVD "penance packs" of Passion of the Christ for $898. That's just $17.96 a Passion pop. Get your customized INSERT YOUR CHURCH'S NAME HERE video slipcases, then sell it back to the choir at $30 even.

Secular movies aimed at the "grass roots" market could also benefit with a 50-pack and customized slipcases. Yes, we're talking to you, Fahrenheit 9/11 and Day Without a Mexican.

- Media Yenta's Brother

Some new Laws have been passed in Hollywood.

1) You cannot call yourself an actress/model is you have never acted or modeled.

2) If you make definate plans with someone, you don't have to keep them if something better comes up.

3) If you are a waiter and your customer is in anyway related to the Show biz industry, you are required to give them your script or reel. This rule now includes people that are security and catering for a movie studio.

4) If your movie career fails, you get a sitcom deal automatically. If that sitcom fails, you get a talk show.

5) no more than 5 reality camera crews are allowed in a coffee shop at one time. Unless they serve mocha.

6) Seeing Erica Estradda at an audition is now considered a "celebrity sighting."

7) If you want a cup of coffee in Silver Lake, you must have "Von Dutch" some where on your person.

8) If you saw and enjoyed "Something's Gotta Give," you are wtill allowed to make judgements on films.

Last year's Matrix sequels opened a Pandora's box of crass synergistic tie-ins with the simultaneous release of TheAnimatrix. The straight-to-DVD comp ofanime shorts awkwardly complemented themovies with long backstory expositions andquestionable character introductions. Since
producers had the time between flicks, itgave animation's finest the time to sculpt somewhat decent entertainment.

Screw entertainment, something clicked withThe Animatrix that had nothing to dowith entertainment. Now three major summerreleases come with their own DVD toons. TheShrek DVD comes with Shrek 3-D,
fifteen bonus minutes of new content. TheChronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury, a standalone DVD release, features titularstar and veteran VO talent (Iron Giant)Vin Diesel. Van Helsing: The London Assignment is the animated prequelstarring the voice of Hugh Jackman (although
everyone knows VH sucks without David Lee Rothor Sammy Hagar). While these cartoon adventures take food out of Saturday morning cartoon
executives' mouths, it does broadenthe "myths" of the franchise-ready characters.

While I haven't succumbed and grabbed thesefrom Best Buy's impulse aisle, I think theymight be better than the Star Wars
Holiday Special. Marginally.

Why stop there? Here's a few suggestions for summer toon tie-ins:

Collateral Comics. Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx's likenesses return in this space-age sequel. The moody hit man, the gregarious taxi hack, and their talking dog Gulp accidentally fall into a spaceship and get sent to the Dark Side of the Moon, where it's always night. Jay Thomas (Cruise) and Nancy Cartwright (Foxx) provide voices.

Harold and Kumar Go to In-N-Out. West Coast prequel.

Today: The Day Before Tomorrow. Actually a comp of old Captain Planet episodes. Voice talent includes Jake Gyllenhaal's chest.

Brown Bunny Babies. Starring Vincent Gallo's prepubescent trouser snake.

Got a better one? Send it to comments. Winner gets photo of Jake Gyllenhaal.

- Media Yenta's Brother

From: CYNTHIA TURNER'S CYNOPSIS

Fox will launch a new reality series on June 7 called, Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay. In this show, two straight guys try to pass themselves off as gay. In the show, the two guys will be judged by a panel of gay people who will decide which of the two straight guys they believe is actually gay and therefore wins the cash prize of $50k. Raising a red flag on the potential of this series is GLAAD, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, who allows they have not seen the show yet, but based on the premise it could be potentially offensive and the show "speaks to negative stereotypes." Fox has said they will make an advance copy for the show available for GLAAD to view.

If I was a judge my first and only question would be, "Will you suck this?" End of story.

Why is FOX doing another "Are they gay or not" show the last one they did was a huge bomb. They had to end it before the conclusion of the series.

these "R they gay" shows are a strange reflection of our times. We aren't quite ready to fully accept homosexuals yet. But we are willing to recognize them. On TV they are decorators or over the toop queens.

The RUGAY shows reflect the fear the Americans still have. "IS he a queer?"

TV shows still have punchlines where two men are put in "uncomfortable gay situation." What's so funny about that? Get it on!

MTV has fone a great job of introducing gay life to children. They just show it as regular life. The way too explicit dating show they had where a lucky person gets two suitors on a date and choose one mixed straight couples, interrogated couples, and gay couples.

Teens watching the MTV would accept gay and interracial couples as normal because that's how they saw it on TV growing up.

Instant reader feedback:With your theory, will they also accept going on a date with two people and fighting for a guy?

Do you think I'm Nazi?
FOX NEWS REPORTS ACTOR'S DAD WAS A NAZI

Is that news? Should we know very damaging thins about an actor?

Just when you thought that Keving Spacy was in trouble when he was "mugged" in a park, his brother tells Sharon Churcher (reports Fox News) that dad was a Nazi. (story below)

Most peopele speculate that Spacy is gay. In fact to be "in the know" in Hollywood you have to have a story ready about him and a partner.
"I work at this resturant and Spacy would come just to take out the waiter."
"When I drop off my shirts I see Spacy in the back with the back with the laudrer."
" I saw him walking his dog. It was a little dog in a big dog suit."


I don't know if these stories are true, but this guy sure can get around. When does he have time to shoot subpar films if he's spending all his time being gay?

Today's report is the most damaging. What does Spacy do? Come right out and say, "Ok, I'm gay. please ignore the Nazi stuff."

I feel bad for his brother, the low rent Jermain Jackson of the one celeb family that used a famous name and a family secret to ge this name on TV. He's a Rod Stewart impersonator by the way.


Wednesday, April 28, 2004

By Roger Friedman



Kevin Spacey's Family Secrets: Dad Was an American Nazi, Rapist and Abuser

Years ago I was told by a confidant of two-time Oscar winner Kevin Spacey that his father, Thomas Geoffrey Fowler, had been a member of the American Nazi party.

From Fox:
Kevin Spacey's Family Secrets Are Out

AOL has lowered their prices to $17.95/month to compete with other services. Now if they could just stop knocking me off line and stop pop ups and spam...

However, they're not doing much to inform their loyal customers of the potential savings.

If you call AOL at (888) 265- 8008, you can arrange to have your monthly fee lowered. It requires you to commit to a year of continued AOL service. You also have to have had AOL service for at least one year. You can be assured that this is legit, as they do not ask for your credit card number. It's quick and easy.

Has AOL admitted defeat? They walked around like a peacock and now they've been out done by fast and cheaper services.

A song from the band Modest Mouse is used for a Nissan mini van comercial. Are they trying to target the depressed soccer moms?

LESS THAN CLASSY

Two of the main characters from the ABC Sitcom, "Less Than Perfect" sent out emails to all their friends to help save the office based comedy.

Desparate hours! ABC hasn't renewed the show yet. So why not write to everyone you know to get them to watch your show.





Dear all,

I know you've gotten a couple of mass emails from us recently, but none is as important as this.

After a brief hiatus, Less Than Perfect is back on the air, and we need to get the word out to everyone.

As the season winds down and there is still no word on a pickup for next year, now is the most crucial time to have strong viewership. Please, please, please, tune in on Tuesday (ABC 9:30pm, 8:30 central) and forward this email to everyone you know.

Thanks for your continued support. Every TV counts.

Sara and Mischa

PS - And if you're so inclined don't hesitate to write a letter to the president of ABC, explaining why you think Less Than Perfect is the best show on television.

ABC, Inc.
500 S. Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521-4551
Phone number: (818) 460-7477

For ABC's Primetime and Daytime shows, as well as our Movies and Specials:
Audience Relations Department at netaudr@abc.com

----------------------------------------------------
To EVERYONE in my address book,

Yes EVERYONE. Don't think I'm a total a-hole just yet for sending you a mass email... This one's kinda important (but not really, in the grand scheme of things).

That TV show that I'm on, the one where I play the wacky neighbor / cheeky co-worker, yeah well that show is coming back on the air this Tuesday Night on ABC (9:30, 8:30 central 4/27/04) after a month-long hiatus (the network wanted to test out some show about gay in-laws in our time slot for a while). Anyway, that gay show is back on ABC's "Totally Gay Wednesday Family TV Night of Laughs and Gays and Fun! - TGWFTVNLGF!" and we're back on for the "May Sweeps" ratings period.

See, here's the thing, a few of us in the cast (not me so much) thought that it would be a great idea to let our close friends and family (EVERYONE in our address books) know that the show is back on the air tomorrow night. Anyway, we're a super-tight bunch and where just one goes, we all go (except for when just one of us goes somewhere cool on ABC's dime or to rehab for a while... then it's just the rest of us) so we're ALL emailing our close friends and family (EVERYONE in our address books) to let them know that "the single-funniest show NOT about gay people in America" is back on the air! WAHOO! Well, there is one gay on the show (not me), but you'll have to tune to find out who! (not me)

Past that, I want to thank you, whomever you are, for being in my life for what ever reason that would require that I have your email address. And again, please don't feel slighted for not receiving a more personal email from me. This email is the same one that my dear parents will be receiving, as well as a guy who did some crappy brick work on my home so if you're between those two parties, you're alright with me!

Here's the email that Sara Rue (star of "Less Than Perfect") sent out to EVERYONE in her address book that better explains... why I'm still sitting at my computer.

Thanks,
Will

Below the Belt vaudeville
9:30 PM
4/26 Monday
$8 cover
Tangier
2138 Hillhurst Avenue
just south of Los Feliz blvd.
323-666-8666

Hosted by Johnny Fayva
Comedian Mike O'Connell (Jimmy Kimmel Live)
Magician Christopher Wonder
Fan Dancer: Kitten Deville
Hot Pirate dancer Gypsy
MED the most dangerous Yo-Yo kid

Christina's own song makes her barf?


Each month I do variety/vaudeville show, "Below the Belt." We are developing the show in LA to take to Las Vegas.

Last night as the host Johnny Fayva was doing his rendition of Christina Aguilera's song, "Beautiful." By the end of the song, he strips to nipple tassels and a g string with hearts on it.

Christina was in the bar. She peaked her head into the performance room where her song was coming out from. There was Fayva in a G string eating food off of people's plates. She proceeded to go right into the bathroom to puke. We'd like to thin k it was Fayva's singing... She was so drunk, she went to the bathroom to puke. She had a girlfriend holding the stall door and her two huge security guards standing in front of the door. Then they tried to leave the restaurant. They were carrying her out the door. All you could see was her curly wig and hat in a sea of people holding her up. Then they brought her back in and she recovered in the dining room with her goons guarding her.

We like to think Johnny Fayva's version made her sick.

here's pictures of the show:

Martha leaves void in Daytime talk.

With Martha going to the can, some stations have dropped her. Others have stay with the guru of crap. KING WORLD says that they will continue to sell her show. That nice of them. Since they have contracts and tapes in the can. Why would they stop?

They'd only stop if there wasn't a demand for it anymore. That's called biznax.

But the question is who will replace the hole that Martha, Sharon Osborne, Wayne, Ricki!, and John Walsh will leave behind next year?

John Walsh: That hole was created By NBC Enterprises to make room for The Jane Pauly show. Walsh was doing ok, and over time he could've replaced Maury and Montel. Pauly won't work. She ain't warm or friendly. too newsie. Her naem appeals to advertisers, but not day time audiences.

Wayne is being dropped for Tony Danza. Even after Wayne won two Emmys advertisers still fled. That's worse than being found guilty for securities fraud. No advertisers? Now, that's a reason to pull a show. I guess Danza can be more appealing than Brady and Pauly. BUt it's another show that will fight over the same guest. Somehow Ellen became the place to bring the A-list celebs in LA. Maybe Danza's appeal will be the same with publisits.

Spalding Gray RIP
I can't count the times I sat through some performance artist's one-man show and thought, "God, why can't this guy be as good as Spalding Gray?" Gray, whose body was found today in the East River, remains one of my favorite performers from the 1980s. Anyone who thinks one-man shows are glorified yapfests should see "Monster In a Box." Pieces about writer's block can be self-indulgent, but I was hooked within ten minutes.

I remember this fantastic article he wrote about him and Laurie Anderson posing for pictures at the bowling alley in NYC's Port Authority, only they couldn't figure out how to look as if they were bowling. His self-deprecating humor will be missed. He deserves better than the ironic dek currently on the SF
Chronicle's website: "Star of 'Swimming to
Cambodia' is pulled from the East River in N.Y."

I can't find the picture right now, but Benicio Del Toro looked like a goat. All ganews is good ganews.

Oscar Winners:
A complete list of Oscar winners:

What follows is a listing of the winners:

Best Picture: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Best Actor: Sean Penn (Mystic River) (I guessed Murray)
Best Actress: Charlize Theron (Monster)
Best Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins (Mystic River)
Best Supporting Actress: Renee Zellweger (Cold Mountain)
Best Director: Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the
King)
Original Screenplay: Lost In Translation
Adapted Screenplay: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Foreign Film: The Barbarian Invasions (Canada)
Animated Feature: Finding Nemo
Animated Short Film: Harvie Krumpet
Art Direction: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Cinematography: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Costume Design: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Documentary Feature: The Fog of War
Documentary Short Subject: Chernobyl Heart
Film Editing: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Live Action Short Film: Two Soldiers
Make-Up: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Original Score: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Original Song: Into the West (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the
King)
Sound Mixing: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Sound Editing: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Visual Effects: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King


Lord of the Rings won all 11 catagories that it was nom'ed in. What if they lost one? Could you imagine being the one guy who lost while ten other people won. You're at the Vanity Fair party...People come up to you,
"What movie did you work on?"
"Rings," you reply, looking down, hoping for an explosion or something to get you out of there.
"Oh, where's you Oscar? Did you put it down? Did you leave it in the coat room?"
"No, I..."
"HEY," the person starts screaming to the rest of the party, "If anyone sees Bill Johnson's Oscar for Lord of the Rings, please tell him."

Razzies Round-Up

The year's worst movies were celebrated Saturday, and
no, we're not talking about the Spirit Awards. But
seriously folks, the 24th Annual Razzies Awards
happened in Santa Monica a day before the Oscars. We weren't so far off in our predictions ("Berry Bad Things," 1.29.2004) for the worst cinema in 2003.

Let’s recap:

And the award goes to: Gigli
Winner: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Ben), Worst Actress (Jennifer), Worst Screen Couple (Bennifer),
Worst Director & Screenplay (Martin Brest)
What We Said: It wouldn't be 2003 without Gigli.
What We Say Now: Only the most harden rubberneckers will enjoy the awful cameos, airless environments and paint-peeling dialogue. The fact we're supposed to believe they are professional killers makes "Gigli" absolutely the worst gangster movie ever made. For a good bad movie, go see fellow Razzie winner "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" (Worst Sequel) instead.

And the awards go to: Sylvester Stallone & Demi Moore
Winner: Worst Supporting Actor & Actress (Spy Kids 3, Charlie's Angels 2)
What We Said: I say, for your consideration, add
Justin Bartha ("Gilgi") to the Supporting Actor list.
What We Say Now: After viewing "Gigli", we now admire Bartha. As for Sly and Demi, we feel the Academy has a bias towards previous Razzie Winners. This is Sly's tenth Razzie and Demi's sixth, and last year Madonna won again. The Academy needs to award fresher blood to honor today's horrific shit.

And the award goes to: Dr. Seuss' The Cat-In-The-Hat
Winner: Worst Excuse for an Actual Movie
What We Said: Kids deserve a live action film that respects Dr. Seuss.
What We Say Now: This is why we love the Razzies. Bad movies are everywhere, but crass exploiters like "Cat" need to be singled out.

- Media Yenta's Brother

Real posting from Craigslist.com

As sent to me by one Ms. Susie Felber:
*Job Alert* Get Paid To Kick A Guy In The Balls!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
Reply to: dvhour@mac.com
Date: 2004-02-22, 3:28PM EST


Female models wanted in the New York City/Long Island area, for a Jackass style comedy website. Minimum pay is ten dollars an hour to kick a man in the balls. Average wages much higher. Schedule is very flexible. Email us at dvhour@mac.com This is not a joke.

Please email us a photo (optional), contact info, and/or general bio, for
example:
1. Tell us a little about yourself? (your height, age, do you have a sense of humor...)
2. What interests you in the site? (express any ideas, curiosities...)
3. Your physical activity background? (sports, dance, defense, yoga...)
4. You can send a resume, but we prefer non-academic info in relation to yourself and the site

Leave a day and time that is best to reach you, so that we can set up an interview.


Compensation: $10 -$20 per hour This is a part-time job.
Please, no phone calls about this job! Reposting this message elsewhere is OK. This is in or around Manhattan/Long Island


---------------------

This posting is a new low. Is it anything to be on TV? Are they smart business men following the JACKASS business plan?

There is a Japanese DVD that's just women kicking men in the balls. They show the women (kickers) getting chosen right off the street and talked into whacking strangers in the nuts. Then the fun begins. It's a fetish video.

Is this posting porn or a quick way into stardom like Johnny Knoxvillestien.

Good luck. If you need a reference, let me know.

Trashy FOX, returns to its roots.

Fox has ordered a pilot for Spellbound (Warner Bros. TV) - a sort of reversed Bewitched where he's the witch and she's the mortal. Another pickup for Fox is a comedy called Sweden, Ohio where a teenage boy gets what all teenage boys wish for - a Swedish Exchange Student.

This is so FOX 1986. They were a new network then. They were desperate for a hit. A show about a guido (Matt Leblanc) and his father picking up chicks, a fallen angel and his confused teenaged mortal that turned into a show about two horny teenagers, a show about falling love (Duets) turned into a show about back stabbing real estate agents (Open House), a nice comedy about the president that turned wacky.

Besides the mega hit, "Married with Children," which would still be running today if they didn't move it's time slot 9 years into its ten year run, failed. All of them. Some how "Married..." Worked. Every other show with dumb hot broads and the dumber guys that gawk at them, bombed.
Now kids, you stay here and do nothing, while I go and do two more hit shows. Tah."

So here is Fox now, post Simpson, Bernie Mac, X Files, and even Joe millionaire, chasing after that 18-35 male demo, that's apparently very horny and not much else.

From imdb 2/23/04:

ABC Touting Oscars on Sitcoms, Soaps

ABC has…upped the number of promotional spots for the Oscars on its primetime sitcoms, including references to the awards in the scripts…The Wall Street Journal said that writers of the sitcoms agreed to insert the Oscar plugs because they felt that ABC would give their shows additional promo time…Similar references to the Oscars have also been written into the scripts
for General Hospital, One Life to Live and All My Children, the WSJ said.


Today, on General Hospital:
-Doctor, will my twin sister survive?
-She’s got as much of a chance of Jude Law winning
Best Actor.

And later, on My Wife and Kids:
Damon: Whoops, I forgot our anniversary! Think Mom
will forgive me?
Kids: Think Jude Law will win Best Actor?

- As ghost-written by Media Yenta’s Brother

Dear Entertainment Weekly,


Double whammy, EW! Imagine my face -- that is, if an inanimate object had imagination -- when I opened my mailbox and saw the cover [Cover #753] of Oscar Odd Couples (like that pun? see resume, attchd.) like
Charlize & Diane,
and Murray & Penn!

Now picture my bladder when I stared into the eyes of Viggo [Mortensen, Cover #753]. His tately sword pose reminded me of fellow cover photo, the Oscar statue itself! Was that intentional, because it sure was tacky!
Cancel my subscription.


Media [Yenta’s Brother]
ilovewritingaboutmagazinecovers72@aol.com

From the NY POst:
Oprah's pal, Dr. Phil McGraw, meanwile, filmed a role for "The Bernie Mac Show" scheduled to air April 18, when he's drafted by Bernie to deal with an angry Wanda (Kellita Smith) - who feels ignored when Bernie and his pals bring a woman into their group. On today's "Dr. Phil" (3 p.m./Ch. 2), McGraw highlights his visit to the "Bernie Mac" set and also introduces his new "Got Milk?" ad.

This show is called, "Enough about me, let's talk about me." Isn't his show a self help show? Not an informercial.

Plese stay away from the crafts services.

Stuttering John Becomes Jay Leno's new Announcer.

Is Leno so desperate to become edgy? Fan of Howard Stern might not bite and stay away from Leno, noting John as a sell out. Or the wholesome Midwest will stay away from fear of John being too dirty. Which he may not be, but perception is very strong.

No one watches or not watches because of the announcer, do they?

John is always great on Howard, but he has had mixed results outside his bubble. He was a panelist years ago on a now defunct TV show called "Last Call" (not the Carson Daly one). He was brought on to be the trouble maker. He came off as a lame Howard rip off.
Last night he was on "Tough Crows." He wasn't as funny as the other comics, but he held his own.

Good luck. Will Howard reject him?

'Stuttering John' joins Leno
advertisement

Associated Press
Feb. 18, 2004 01:57 PM


BURBANK, Calif. - Jay Leno's new announcer on "The Tonight Show" will be "Stuttering John" from Howard Stern's radio show.

John Melendez starts March 29, replacing Edd Hall, who's leaving the show after 12 years to concentrate on doing movies.

A spokeswoman for the Tonight Show says Melendez is working with a speech coach to control his stutter.

In addition to announcing, Melendez will be in sketches and go out on interviews. But the spokeswoman says they won't be the sort of interviews Melendez did on the Stern show.

The spokeswoman says Tonight Show executives became interested in Melendez after seeing him on the reality show "I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here." She says Melendez came across as a "peacemaker" and "family man."

"Don't take my show! I'll be funny, I promise."

Video is killing the radio stars
The end of an era
How American Idol is ruining pop music

By now everyone knows that LA morning DJ staple, Rick Dees was droped from his station of 23 years for flava of the month Ryan Seacrest. In Dees' goodbye address he claimed his show the most profitable radio show in America.



If that's true, then why let him go? Is Ryan that interesting? Can you make that much money and audience from a show that's established for more than a generation?

Why is Seacrest so appealing? I'm guessing Clear Channel, the media monster that owns the old Dees spot, wants to take the Seacrest morning show national. They are banking that they have the next Carson Daly.

Is he worth it?

My childhood favorite, Casey Kasem was dumped from, HIS American Top Forty, so they can make room to have Seacrest host the weekly show. Casey will continue to do a Weekly Top 20 show.


A young Casey Kasem. Artist rendering.

The last time Casey was replaced on AT40, it was done by none other than Shadoe Stevens. Who? What do you mean "who?" He was the hot guy of the moment at that moment. He was the voice of Hollywood Squares with John Davidson.

"Who?"

Ok, stop, not this is getting annoying. But, still a fair question.


Stevens with his huge 80's hair, quickly became popular, or so they said. Along with announcing the show, he got his own square. But the question is, how much was that a way to fill another square?




Stevens went to star in a low budget feature, and even a TV show that lasted about a minute. But for that moment, he had buzz. At that time, his agent was able to get him jobs he never should've have gotten.

Was the American public looking for a Shadoe Stevens sitcom?
That's what this country needs!

So now, back to year 2004, or as historians will call it, the Tom Bergeran era, Ryan Seacrest is the host of the #1 with a bullet, TV show. He's on FOX 3 nights a week on this mega train.

Do people watch the show for Seacrest?
No, the star of the show, besides Simon, is the show itself. That's the star.

Would they watch it if Seacrest wasn't the host?
Of course.


Seacrust was able to first take his hosting success to daytime TV and 20th Television. They developed a brand new live show, something that we have never seen before. Entertainment news, celeb interviews, live bands, a large picture window as a back drop, and scream fans with signs. Nothing like TRL on MTV...ok exactly like it. To be fair they are trying to make the show their own. Seacrust has had on all the American Idol people you can think of as guests. Everyone. Now what?

There has to be those good talkers but B list celebs to fill a space. Also the in studio games helps kill time. Doing remotes where a fan can win a trip to see their favorite singer/American Idol person.

Clear Channel, the media monster, had used it's clout to get some big music names to come on the show. The rumor is that MTV shot back and told the artists to appear on TRL first or else. Another rumor is that MTV stopped showing Britney videos during the day, because of her recent Seacrust performance. With all the brew-haha about Janet's tit, it's feasible that MTV is putting racier videos at night only.

At the end of the day, his ratings?
Not great. he's getting a 1.1, which isn't much.
check out the other shows:

TALK
Oprah (8.8), Dr. Phil (5.5), Live! With Regis & Kelly (4.3), Maury (3.6),
Jerry Springer (2.9), Montel (2.8), Ellen (2.3), Ricki (1.6), Sharon
Osbourne (1.4), John Edward and Living it Up! With Ali & Jack (1.3 each),
Good Day Live, Starting Over and Wayne Brady (1.2 each), John Walsh and On
Air With Ryan Seacrest (1.1 each), Ask Rita (0.6)
(From Media week.com and Mark Marc Berman)

The only show he's beating is Ask Rita, and she's on at like 3 Am in most cities. Shows that have been cancelled, Osborne, Edward, Brady, Walsh, are doing better than him. So it's nothing to crow about.
Who's that?
Exactly.

Carson Daly's 1:35 AM talk show averages about a 1.5. Daly?s show is also cost effective. It's cheap to do, so it makes a profit even at 2AM. Seacrust is a big money gamble.



Is Seacrust such a draw, that they have to kill off institutions likes Dees and Kasem? Or will he be doing dinner theater with Shadow Stevens? Odd Couple anyone?

While we are asking questions, didn't Rick Dunkleman leave the super hot American Idol to pursue other avenues? Somehow, Seacrust has been able to work all his jobs in.

this is a test. only a test. not more than a test. That's it, a test

Oscar Shuffle
ABC moves Oscars for ratings and ticket sales

I remember as a young yenta, my brother and I trying to stay up on a Monday night to see who won best picture at the Oscars. That was rough.

The Questions prevailed: Why was it on a Monday anyway? That's pretty Random.
Why was it in March? It's three months after the year ended. It's almost the following year already.
Why wasn't Star Wars named best picture? Ok, I was young.

I don't have the answer to those questions, but I do know that someone else thought it was a problem and changed it up.

Night and time:
A few years ago ABC moved the telecast from Monday to Sunday. Sunday is considered the most watched night of TV. It's one of the most competitive nights. It's also considered the family night. At what better family entertainment than to watch Charlize Theron win an Oscar for playing a killer prostitute. *

Monday nights, has been traditionally one of the least competitive nights. Why waste a guarantee score on a lame duck? Why pretend people are watching Alias, when you can replace it with a hit? Sunday can also promote the rest of the week. Viewers can now see ads for ABC shows that will be cancelled soon.

They were also able to tweak with the show times. ABC always had the 8 O'clock hour for their Barbara Walters special. So the show wouldn't start until 9 pm. At that time my brother and I were already in our R2d2 pj's.

With primetime starting at 7 pm on Sundays, ABC is able to show the dated chat fest** and still not go to midnight.

Money to be made before the show:
In the past years, E! has taken a free press opportunity and turned it into a two hour special. They cover the red carpet with as much detail as CNN gave the Gulf War (parts one and two; "The Empire's Son Strikes Back.") It's become a tradition in house holds now to yell at he screen, gasping at what people are wearing. Once E! turned a profit, or at least looked like it, everyone wanted a piece of the pie.

Now a days the Oscar people produce their own damn preshow, thank you! That starts at 8 and only pushed the Oscars up a half an hour. So now we start at 8:30, not 9. Thanks for the extra 12 minutes of sleep.


One month earlier:

Now ABC has moved the pat on the back fest to February.

In terms of TV ratings, February is way more important than little old March. Feb. is not only Black History month, but sweeps. So ABC is right in wanting to have this deathstar of a show in a month that matters. Sorry Women's History Month.

The studios profit too.

A lot of times, the only chance a smaller movie can get to be seen, is if it's nominated for an award. So why wait until March, hanging on for dear life in a small movie theater? Why not move up the date and get the money rolling.

It also stops a lot of the imitators.

It seem everyone from the AARP to the Screen Actors Guild have an awards show. By the time March rolls around, people are either tired of hearing it, or they can't wait for it to end. Oscar is like the "Return of the Jedi" of award shows, after it airs the other shows just don't matter.

*Sunday was once only family fair. The thinking was that everyone was watching TV with their families, so nothing naughty. Meanwhile, Sopranos, Sex and the City, and the Practice are all ratings winners.

**With 5 celeb news shows, six late night talk shows and prime time news shows, is it still impressive that BW can get a celeb interview? She also talks to famous folks on her daytime talk show.

'Berry Bad Things


At what point did you dismiss the Oscars? Was it when
Driving Miss Daisy won Best Picture, or when the award
went to Titanic or Gladiator? For me, it was about ten
years ago, when Dances With Wolves got Best Director
and Best Picture, beating out Goodfellas, The Greatest
Movie Ever Made.


Don't get me wrong. I do look forward to the televised
Oscar ceremony, aka the Ladies' Superbowl. There'll be
a big party at the Media Yenta's Brother's hut, with
TVs blaring ABC and E! channels. I love watching movie
actors attempt live television. I love how angry the
Academy gets when a celeb does or says something
scandalous, yet they'll rebroadcast it every year in
the pre-show. So don't be controversial, Michael
Moore, or we'll play your clip ad nauseum.


I just don't care about the nominations. It's all
about Renee Z or Ed Harris looking serious. Pass. When
it comes to nominations, I'm all about the Annual
Golden Raspberry Awards. Announced a day before
Oscar's noms, the Razzies celebrate the worst movies
and actors of the year. While their live ceremonies
(presented a day before the Oscars) are, um, still
lacking, you can't argue with their choices. Some
highlights (full list at www.razzies.com):


It wouldn't be 2003 without Gigli. The Bennifer bomb
picked up many nods: Worst Picture, Actor, Actress,
Supporting Actress, Supporting Actor (Pacino), Screen
Couple, Director and Screenplay. Although I haven't
seen it yet (still waiting for the Academy to mail me
a screener), I say, for your consideration, add Justin
Bartha to the Supporting Actor list. Didn't he play
the retarded comic relief?


From Justin to Kelly and The Real Cancun are also
shoo-ins (have yet to receive my copies, Academy!),
but should win special awards for reviving ill-fated
movie genres: beach blanket party movies and
exploitation documentaries. Plus they're both movie
versions of TV trash.


Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz are both nominated for
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (which I do own --
fun, but plotless). Does that mean Lucy Liu was good?
Her Hammer Dancing wasn't as hot as Cammy's, though.


And the winner is? Haven't seen it, but the insidious
"family entertainment" marketing blitz of Cat in the
Hat made me nauseous. Kids deserve a live action film
that respects Dr. Seuss, not one that exists solely to
sell them drek. All the tie-ins had the sickening
slogan: "See the Movie." Why, what crime did I commit?


- Media Yenta's Brother

Oscar Nom's!

From E! online:

Best Picture:

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Lost in Translation
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Mystic River
Seabiscuit

Best Actor:

Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Ben Kingsley, House of Sand and Fog
Jude Law, Cold Mountain
Bill Murray, Lost in Translation
Sean Penn, Mystic River

Best Actress:

Keisha Castle-Hughes, Whale Rider
Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give
Samantha Morton, In America
Charlize Theron, Monster
Naomi Watts, 21 Grams

Best Supporting Actor:

Alec Baldwin, The Cooler
Benicio Del Toro, 21 Grams
Djimon Hounsou, In America
Tim Robbins, Mystic River
Ken Watanabe, The Last Samurai

Best Supporting Actress:

Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand and Fog
Patrica Clarkson, Pieces of April
Marcia Gay Harden, Mystic River
Holly Hunter, Thirteen
Renée Zellweger, Cold Mountain

Best Director:

Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
Clint Eastwood, Mystic River
Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Fernando Meirelles, City of God
Peter Weir, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Best Original Screenplay:

The Barbarian Invasions, Denys Arcand
Dirty Pretty Things, Steven Knight
Finding Nemo, Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson and David Reynolds
In America, Jim Sheridan & Naomi Sheridan & Kirsten Sheridan
Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola

Best Adapted Screenplay:

American Splendor, Robert Pulcini & Shari Springer Berman
City of God, Braulio Mantovani
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens & Peter Jackson
Mystic River, Brian Helgeland Seabiscuit, Gary Ross

Best Animated Feature:

Brother Bear
Finding Nemo
The Triplets of Belleville (great movie! It's only just over an hour and cost millions less than Nemo to make, but it's still more fun and inventive.)

Best Foreign-Language Film:

The Barbarian Invasions, Canada
Evil, Sweden
The Twilight Samurai, Japan
Twin Sisters, The Netherlands
Zelary, Czech Republic

The Geeks had a Party, andthe Cool Kids Came



The Golden Globes is just an overblown local awards show. The voters are members of the foriegn press. Why they have as much clout as the Oscar people? I don't know.

The Foriegn press are just jourmalists in LA who write for companies in other countries. But with a groovy dinner, booze, and the right agent, the show has become the Brian Williams of the awards season.

At first it wasn't televised, then it was on TNT, then NBC bought it and made it into something big.

The celebs come to get all tehy can. They eat, they drink, they promote a new project, they get to hold an award and talk about themselves. Someof these people will never win an Oscar or an Emmy, so use it while you got it.

Most people made jokes about forgetting to thank the Foriegn press. Really? They are you hosts. They are the ones paying for all this crap. atleast say thankyou, or bring flowers, a bottle of wine, or some chocolates.

It's like a bunch of high school geeks having a party because their parents are away. They hope the cool kids would come. They do. And they trash the place, drink all the liquor and have sex in the parent's bedroom.

Ok, the show wasn't that bad, but I'm trying to make a point.

The New York Times has an article about the members of the foriegn press trying to figure out how they can afford such fancy dresses so they don't look like the help next to the hot celebs, who get their fancy stuff for free.
"What are you wearing?"
"Free shit."
"And you?"
"Garage Sale."
"Is that a French designer?"
"No, it's a garage sale."

Golden Globe winners:



Film:
Best Picture - Drama: LOTR: Return of the King (New Line)
Finally
Best Picture - Comedy: Lost in Translation (Focus)
Yes, it was a comedy
Best Director/Film: Peter Jackson, LOTR: Return of the King
Next he's doing King Kong. YIKES!
Actress in a Film - Drama: Charlize Theron-Monster
Has to win the Oscar
Actor in a Film - Drama: Sean Penn - Mystic River
Dude!
Actress in a Film - Comedy: Diane Keaton - Something's Gotta Give
creepy glove lady
Actor in a Film - Comedy: Bill Murray - Lost in Translation
Deserved it. no one can play Bill Muray like Bill Muray




Television:
Best Drama Series: 24 (Fox)
Really? Is that Still on?
Best Actor in a TV Series - Drama: Anthony Lapaglia - Without a Trace (CBS)
Best Actress in a TV Series - Drama: Frances Conroy - Six Feet Under (HBO)
Best Comedy Series: The Office (BBC America)
Best Actor in a TV Series - Comedy:: Ricky Gervais-The Office (BBC America)
Best Actress in a TV Series - Comedy: Sarah Jessica Parker - S*x and the City (HBO)
She won, but why the long face?
Best TV Film or Miniseries: Angels in America (HBO)
Great movie. Everyone won in that movie. Now to use the awards to sell DVDs.

No reason to keep trying, I have won a date with Tad Hamilton! Sorry girls, but the Yenta won. I just got home from the date! Let me just tell you, he's all hands!

The People's Choice Awards?
Sunday CBS aired the 30th annual People's Choice Awards. It was more like a two hour ad for CBS' Fall Line up.

The PCA covers both movies and TV. The hosts of last night's show were two stars of CBS' hit Monday night comedy, "Two and a Half Men; until the cute kid reaches puberty then we have to introduce an orphan or something, but we'll be in Syndication when that happens so we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

I never remember Charlie Sheen or Ducky being host like, but ok. Sheen started with a joke referencing (is that a word?) the movie Platoon he made with Oliver Stone. The audience was silent. Who would get a Platoon reference? That was 15 years ago. Today, when people talk about Old Sheen, they mean Spin City.

Then all these CBS people started winning. Then they tell you how you can vote online. This is already the people's choice, why go on line? Anyway in order to vote, you guessed it, you have to go to CBS.com.

When they announced the internet winner of the best drama was about to be announced; my spy in the audience told me that he heard the entire balcony yell, "the OC." But the popular FOX drama lost. You got it, CBS' "Joan of Arcadia" won. Hmmmm?

The ratings for CBS the Monday after the back slapping fest:

From Mediaweek.com:

CBS 12.1/17
NBC 8.7/13
ABC 5.6/ 8
WB 4.6/ 7
Fox 4.2/ 6
UPN 3.1/ 4

Two and a Half Men (#1: 12.1/17)
Considering Two and a Half Men managed to hold 84 percent of its Raymond
lead-in, Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer’s abysmal hosting chores on The
People’s Choice Awards this past Sunday were not held against them.

From nbc5.com:

Backstreet Boy Nabs Alleged Jewel Thief

A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys is not letting any bad guys get past him.

The Las Vegas Sun reports McLean was looking at jewelry at Rocks, a 24-hour jewelry store in Las Vegas while another man came in to try on rings and asked his friend what he thought of one of them.

Suddenly, the man made a dash for the door. According to McLean's friend, Vegas club personality Marklen Kennedy, the clerk at the counter screamed that she could not leave the store, so the singer took off after the man.

McLean caught up to the alleged thief in the parking lot, where he and a security guard on a bike nabbed him.

McLean was in town to make an appearance at this week's Adult Entertainment Expo. A spokesman for McLean did not return calls for comment.
Copyright


Ok, he's a hero, but what was he doing at the Adult Entertainment Expo?
What is a "Las Vegas club personality?" Is he a singer? A comic? Or does he just walk around and say hi to people?
Does anyone notice that I just reported on a story that NBC5 reported on that the Las Vegas Reveiw Journal reported on?

here's the best site on the web. It lists all the scripts bought in September. A Honeymooner's remake starring Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps that "concentrates on the Honeymoon."

I never even thought of their Honeymoon. I assumed they couldn't afford one. I never thought they'd be black either.I mean, did you ever see their apartment? It was a mess.

And I never thought of them as being Black. But that doesn't bother me. The honeymoon does. Casting Black guys takes guts and thought. But making a literal remake of the title is insane!

Chack out the other great movies coming up.

http://www.ez-entertainment.net/script/sep03scriptsales.htm

The Golden Globes. It's a fraud. It's much ado about nothing.

Who votes for Golden Globes?
Well if you trust what you hear from the winners during their speeches: To win an Oscar is great because you judged by your peers. To win a People's Choice is great because it chosen by the fans, like you (have you ever voted?).

So who votes for the Golden Globes?
The "prestigious" foreign press. And that's what makes it great. Huh? The foreign press? Who is that? Well that's the journalists who were kicked out of their country and sent here to cover how fat we are and how much we suck.

A bunch of exiles that couldn't make it in their home town, are just as important as the "people" and the "peers?" They aren't necessarily critics, but journalists.

It's an exposure game. The awards were just a dinner that some would come to. Then TNT needed an awards show and grabbed the Globes. The cable hype machine built it up and eventually NBC bought it. Now it's prime time exposure for you film or TV show.

The Globes became the predictor for the Oscars. People would watch the Globes to see who the front runners for the Oscars would be.

But the announcements for the globes are much earlier than the announced noms for the Oscars. Film companies jump on the good press to sell their product. Now films up and down the calendar section say "Golden Globe Nominee," like it means something. In a town of spin, it can have meaning.

The Oscars moved from March to February, forcing people to move up, because no one wants to follow the Oscars. The Oscars moved to February giving ABC a great sweeps boost and the film companies about three extra weeks to boast the wins.

The Globes are on a Sunday and the announcements for the Oscars are two says later. Will anyone care?


PS> This actor guy moved from NY to LA. His mom is friends with my dad. I offered him dinner and he said he wanted to stay home and see the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Since he's in the guild, he felt the need to see how people voted. Hey, if you didn't want to have dinner, just say so.

From Variety:

1. 'FISH' FRIES FRODO
'King' dethroned as fantasy makes waves
Sony's "Big Fish" made a $14.5 million splash at the box office, as the Tim Burton fantasy finished No. 1 in its first weekend in wide release.

I hate reading reviews saying that this movie doesn't have the "magic." The movie is great. What else do you need. Leave it alone.


2. 'DYNASTY' REDUX AT ABC
Two-hour telepic to chart rise and fall of classic sudser
Break out the champagne and shoulder pads: ABC is building a new "Dynasty."

Is ABC so desparate for a new hit, that's reach back to an old one? It's a stunt. Hopefully they'l get some ratings and use the advertising $ for new shows. Please cancell "Threat Matric." It's a waste of money.

Showtime is premiring a new series. Like the Sarah Jessica Parker show on HBO is consentrates on a group of single women, but on this show, they are gay. They are calling it "Softball and the City."

****HACK ALERT**** ****HACK ALERT*****


Tonight's Threat Matrix, unseen show on ABC, has a plot revolving around a main character caught in a bank robbery gone wrong turn hostage situation. This Dog Day afternoon has been used on such shows as "Comish," "Third Watch," and recently on the Sci Fi cop drama " Dead Zone ."

I must go into that bank. One of my men is in there so some strange reason.

Recipe for bank hostage plot:
1 character from the show, put them in regular clothes and have them run to the bank on a quick errand.

Have the character talk to everyone and make small talk. This is where we learn to care about the other people in the bank, in case someone is shot or hyper ventilates, the viewers will care. A pregnant woman who's about to blow would be great.

Then add the irritated about to blow, sweaty bank robber who finally pulls out the gun.
I'm bored and I work here.

The cop pretends to be a normal victim until his/her cover is blown. The cop will negotiate from the inside while the rest of the regular characters try to save the day from the outside.


I am a poor man's Ed Harris

This show is about people who stop terrorism. Homeland security. What are they doing making deposits? But why a bank? Why always a bank, but especially now? Why not the UN? Or a major trade tower?

Survivor was a CSI repeat tonight and I believe Friends was a repeat too. That means Sampling. Viewers check out what else is around. Why go out of your way to under whelm the audience?

THREAT MATRIX is supposed to be the big show that takes the left over people not watching Friends or Survivor and own a TV. With Hacky shit like bank Hostage situations, why would the 3 left over viewers even care. ABC was right when they burned off cheap shows like "Who's Line is it Anyway."

MY stock is falling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Update: You say you just saw a promo for the ill fated cop drama "10-8" where there's a hostage situation at a school. Well the difference is that it's not at a bank, it's at a school. The hostage thing might be contrived on its own, but chosing a bank, when people use ATMs, is crazy. It's like that movie "phone booth." On what planet do they have old style phone booths?

I think "10-8_ is a decent show and ABC should've left it on Sundays. They cut back the order for 22 to 15. Silly. They should market it to familes.

To stay on top of the game we are featuring postings from a fashion website. We know people in LA are talking about Von Dutch and putting their letters on the hand bags and hats. But do you know about the fashion sweeping the nation?

From Fatrosexual:

There are many styles to the latest man about town.
There's teh Kevin Smith look. Even after he amassed millions for movies that didn't maek any money he still dressed like a 20 somethign still living at home with his parents in New Jersey.

He's confortable in his LONG SHORTS look. The boys of th eOC have a simular look, but Smith has got the East Coast Represented.

It's the kinda messy hair, big Glasses, full but trimmed beard, sweatshirt and t-shirt under itand long shorts that end just above the ankle. The Fatrosexual always feels more confortable in a long short. I don't know why. It might be the waistband.

Smith with his hot wife.



Topped off with a running shoe.

The OC men take that look and give it a little rock and Roll. the beard is only at the chin and it's long. Plus the hooka shells or string around their necks. Then an ironic bowling shirt.

They both share the common trait of the opened oxford shirt over the first shirt as almost a jacket for all times.

ABC has chosen a slot for their new hit show. EXTREME MAKEOVERS: HOME EDITION, which is a big budget remake of the many cable home repair shows, has found a date and time.

Sunday at 8 PM. What a load of shit. The show premiered on Wednesday at 10 PM against the unstoppable Law & Order: Law and Order. The home improvement show did much better than the "Karen Sisco" crap that was in the space. It was in fact, one of the only shows that ABC and CBS had against the Law & Order.

So why not leave it as counter programming against the sop show? The home show cost less and it narrows the gap between the shows' ratings. I don;t get it.

Why bail out on their Sunday at 8 PM cop show 10-8? The ratings are so bad and there's potential to grow.

the most important question: Why don't they want my Disney stock to grow?

From E online

GOING TO THE CHAPEL? Natalie Imbruglia marrying Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns in a secret New Year's Eve ceremony on a tropical island off the coast of north-eastern Australia, according to the Aussie press.


It's going to be a mixed marriage. He's white and she thinks she's black.

The Exec's at TV show "Friends" give crew free Mini Coopers.

It is traditional for TV shows to gifts to the crew and staff for Christmas. What started as a mug with the show's logo gesture, has become big business. From jackets to computers, the free gifts, or swag, have become more elaborate.

One crew guy on the Warner Bros. lot reported that the crew of "Friends" all got Mini Coopers. This crew member went on to say that he did pretty well himself. He recieved an iMac from the producers of "Everyone Loves Raymond."

ER raised the bar by sending everyone on a big vacation. After they milked NBC for millions, they gave lavish gifts to their staff and crew. Now everyone in Hollywood wants to show how sucessful their shows are by the gifts they give to the staff.

Oprah Winphrey is known for giving large monetary gifts to staffers, sometime 3 or 4 weeks of salary. This should be no big deal to people in business who are used to getting bonuses and some infact rely on it.

But it is common in the entertainment field to give a crappy medium black t-shirt and teel the staff they should be happy that the show is a hit and everyone has a job.


We don't know if the story of the Mini Cooper is true, but we do know that the guy spreading that rummor wants it to be one day.

Some new Laws have been passed in Hollywood just in time for the New Year.

1) You cannot call yourself an actress/model is you have never acted or modeled.

2) If you make definate plans with someone, you don't have to keep them if something better comes up.

3) If you are a waiter and your customer is in anyway related to the Show biz industry, you are required to give them your script or reel. This rule now includes people that are security and catering for a movie studio.

4) If your movie career fails, you get a sitcom deal automatically. If that sitcom fails, you get a talk show.

5) no more than 5 reality camera crews are allowed in a coffee shop at one time. Unless they serve mocha.

6) Seeing Erica Estradda at an audition is now considered a "celebrity sighting."

7) If you want a cup of coffee in Silver Lake, you must have "Von Dutch" some where on your person.

8) If you saw and enjoyed "Something's Gotta Give," you are wtill allowed to make judgements on films.