Skip to main content

Arnold, Please!

Last night to keep up with my Razzie nominations, I watched the epic sequel of "Daddy Day Care," "Daddy Day Camp." Don't pretend you didn't see the posters or see the trailer on a sick loop on the Pay Per View preview channel. You know, the film your kids begged you to see swearing it was the most important thing in their world.
If you took the kids you would know what a piece of crap it is.

If you didn't take them - you can buy my used copy for $27.45.

But whatever you are thinking about this film - it gets worse.

Instead of Eddie Murphy we get Oscar winner Cuba Gooding, Jr. Instead of Jeff Garlin we get a loaf of bread with eyes.

-Fred Savage (yes Winnie's boyfriend or Ben's older brother if you under the age of old) is the director. He directs with a very heavy fist and a crappy gaffer (I bet you never heard of someone reviewing the gaffer.)

- The opening shot is a little girl slowly pulling a sheet cake off the counter onto the floor. (You get it?)But someone is assisting her by pushing the cake forward, even when she is not pulling it.

- They make no effort in pretending that the skunk that strays the bus is not a stuff animal.

You might be thinking - "That's not so bad. It's a kids' film. Cuba knows how to take a kick to the balls. A raccoon may fall on his head. The fat guy farts a few times and blows up the can. Harmless."

Oh. Be warned. It's total crap. But I'm going on and on so I don't have to write about the most objectionably part of the film.

Some background - for no real good reason at all, Cuba risks his family's nest egg on a run down camp with no pool or lake. The owner of the fancy camp next door - that literally has valet and a pizza butler- is an evil dude who wants the land.

"I didn't see that coming."

Don't interrupt. The evil guy wants Cuba to compete in a made up competition. To show he's serious he brings a long of spear that symbolizes that a challenge for this made up this has been made. Cuba refuses and continues onto boring the kids and the audience at the same time.

Later, he gets so mad that he agrees to challenge and grabs the ceremonious spear and chucks it the white guy...

"What did you just say?"

Fred Savage! you were a product of the 60's. You'd think you'd know better.


Popular posts from this blog

10 Lies we tell each other in LA to survive.

We have basketball team called the “Lakers” – but no lakes.
The “LA River” has no water running through it.
We call actual traffic jams, “Sig Alerts.” It’s not an “alert” if it’s actually happening.

Hollywood is a hard town. So we have to tell each other little lies so we don't go crazy and move to a place with realistic housing prices and actual jobs.

I present to you - Phrases translated to English from “Hollywood Speak.”

“Your meeting is at 11 AM.” = “Come at 11, my assistant will get you a bottle of water and you can sit there until noon.”

"We will think about it and get back to you." = “We will not and we won’t. Use that door.” 

“It’s a web show” = “No pay.”

“I’m just out there pitching shows.” = “I’m not working.”

“We’ll keep your resume on file.” = “You didn’t see the door? I just alluded to it.”

"I'm not suggesting this, I'm just letting you know it’s an option."  = “Do this. If I’m right, I get the credit. If I’m wrong, I’m able to blame you.”

Did SVU do a racist episode about tolerance?

Tonight's Law & Order:SVU, "Transgender Bridge" (my DVR called it "Transgender Bride"), was about a hate crime against a transgender teen. While it's great the show is addressing this hot button issue, they used old and racist tropes. Count them.

The transgender victim was a white, lived in a large, bright home with two very supportive parents. The perp is an African American teen who lives in a small apartment and has to make a hot pocket for his little sister because his single mother was "working a double."

The teen perp was in the park with his two friends and his sister. They were counting the money they made dancing, when they see the transgender girl. She was taking pictures. The teens harassed her while tons of African American teens egged them on and filmed it. One African American teen accidentally pushed the transgender teen off the bridge.

All the African American teens scatter. The only two people who stayed around, according to t…

Men left home to starve as wives go to the movies!

"Sex and the City" proved that if yo give women a movie for them that they would want to see, they would see it. Fuckin' shocker. CNN radio's headline was "Girl Power." These ain't girls. They woman folk.

Yes, if you give woman a good movie, they will go and see it. Hard to believe but true. So will men. Not jus tthe ones dragged by their ladies.

People are belittling the numbers, but it is what it is. Great. It did almost three times better than "What Happens in Vegas," the big star vehicle. Better than Narnia II or "Forgetting Sarah Marshal on their opening weekends. In fact "City" made in one weekend almost as much as "Marshall's" did in seven weeks.

Oh, hey expert talking heads, if you are going to go on the TV and talk about this phenom; it's called "Sex and the City" not "Sex in the City."

Do this mean Hollywood will copy it by making more films for women or more movies from HBO series?