Monday, September 29, 2003

The rumor is that the sitcom "LUIS " is doing so bad that FOX has cancelled both that show and the never aired Cheech Marin sitcom, "The Ortegas."

First of all, Luis is Puerto Rican and his ex-wife is Dominican. The Ortegas are Mexican. Totally different things. You don't believe me? Just ask a Dominican if they are Mexican or vise versa. You will get a forty-minute tirade about how they are not and the many differences.

FOX's logic once again is horrible. Since "Coupling" was a bomb, should NBC cancel "Friends?"

Besides the glaring fact that they are different nationalities, the fact is people don't want to watch an over written standard sitcom with shrieking characters, shrieking at each other.

The funny part is, what sitcom beat "Luis?" The George Lopez Show! Yeah! So what can we decipher from last weeks win? There is a difference between Puerto Rican and Mexicans: people want to watch Mexicans.

Have you ever seen George Lopez's act? All he ever talks about is he's Mexican. I get it. I'm done.

I have a solution for the Ortegas-gets-canned-because-different-Latino-sitcom-bomded problem. Just call the show, "The O'Tegas."

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Joe Rogan was on Howard Stern They brought in a woman who was coming on the show next, who happened to have a "secret" about Joe.

It turns out that they had a one-night stand when she was only 19 and he got her pregnant. He had no idea until she sprung it on him casually on the show.

When she told Rogaine that she got an abortion, he was so happy and streaming for joy. He had no remorse for getting a young girl pregnant and doing nothing about it. She was a little insane herself, but she was the one who had to go through with the abortion, not him.

It’s strange that event the Stern Show would be ok with bringing the news up to him live on the air. When Gary said this woman had a secret, millions of things must have gone through Rogaine’s mind. “What’s the worse she could say?” He got his answer.

Rogaine’s ( response came off so smug and uncaring that it just feeds into persona of woman hating hunk. Fuck him. Too late.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Kill Bill Sucks Volume 2

(Continued from Volume 1) ...Kill Bill is a one-dimensional revenge flick, about a girl who wants to Kill Bill. Seems likely she'll survive her battles and will commence the titular action at the climax... of the second film. So where's the tension in the first film if I know she won't die and won't kill Bill until February?

- Media Yenta's Brother

Wednesday, September 24, 2003


-Game Show Network Acquires Who Wants to Be a Millionaire:
In the event you want to revisit the former ABC phenomenon called Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Game Show Network will begin airing the quiz show on Sunday, Oct. 12 in a four-hour marathon beginning at 8 p.m. ET. Effective one day later, look for Millionaire each day at 8 p.m. and 12 a.m. ET.

How is that a marathon? Four hours? That's four episodes. How is that a commitment? BRAVO shows Queer Eye more times a day just normally.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Kill Bill Sucks Volume 1

Ads have been promoting Kill Bill as "the 4th film by Quentin Taratino," but that's misleading. The October release is merely one half - excuse me, Volume One -
of a three-hour movie, with Volume 2 being released in February. The film can be screened more times during the day, and two release dates makes the epic eligible
for the 2003 and 2004 Oscars, the logic goes. But there's two good reasons why this insidious logic is flawed, and, in fact, defeats the point of this picture.

First, don't believe the hype. Splitting the picture into two may eke more money for the multiplexes, but it isn't the reason for the divide. Miramax clearly
has its eye on the upcoming DVD boxed set. Two discs cover the two volumes, with another disc for the deleted scenes, international trailers, documentaries
on genre flicks, and the obligatory unwatchable interview with the Q-man himself. Charge $20-$30 and watch the fans snap it up for years to come. Release
it Q4 2004 and it could make more money than the theatrical releases, making the theatrical releases little more than a year-long series of promos for the
DVDs, like this week's re-release of Scarface.

Ultimately, the reason why the bifurcation defeats the point of the movie is... (To be concluded in Volume 2)

- Media Yenta's Brother

Monday, September 22, 2003

No Emmy on The Wire

Why did HBO's great show not win am Emmy for Best drama Series last night on the awards show? Because it wasn't nominated!

But why wasn't it given a nomination? Well here's how the nominations work...
First everyone in the academy vote on everything that was submitted. The ones with the most votes go on to the finals. Then tapes of two episodes of each of the five nominations are sent to the blue ribbon panel that make the final vote.

Before the first round can happen, networks send out DVD's and VHS tapes of the shows they want people to vote for. So if you never saw an episode of the overrated "West 'I'd like to thank Tommy Shalomi for writing with brilliant words' Wing," you now have a fancy intro that you can watch at you leisure and then try to sell the DVD to used record store when you are done.

But with The Wire you need to see the entire first season to make a judgment call on the show. You need to see how all the episodes and characters relate to the stories outcome. Just click here to see how many people exist in this world. that's more than the lead, the lead's too hot for him wife, and the wacky neighbor that most TV shows have.

You really have to see the season to understand why the show is so good. One Episode of the show is just confusing.

Maybe after the season is released on DVD, people will get it and give the third season a chance.

Anything so that West Wing doesn't win again.

Monday, September 15, 2003

The best Channel ever

Ok, I've gone on and on about how channels that say that they are "For Men" or "Pop Culture" have no idea that they are doing and have definitely given up. I'd go on to say those channels have no idea what their programming is, so they gave them a general title. I think I said "TV that's about Pop Culture? Of course it is, it's TV."

But I have found the exception.

TRIO! Once a channel with no focus or slogan, this new power house has both!

Ok, I know I just said that pop culture TV was just an excuse...But right now I'm watching the PJ's!

One of the shows that caught my attention is "Brilliant But Cancelled." How did they knowthat I dreamed of this series? This is great! Why not? Shows that were great but only lasted a little bit, put them together into a series! This is a dream come true! Right down to the title.

Episodes of Action, The PJ's, Bakersfield, PA, and other shows I can't remember. They did a special show about TV pilots. It was well made. It tried to say that the networks were dummies and that the whole pilot thing was a waste of money. If the networks just let the creative people be creative we wouldn't have any problems int he world. Although I disgree with that, I learned a lot from the show.

All week they showed pilots that didn't make it and a documentary about the process. After watching a pilot starring George Clooney and Pam Dauber, and one based on the movie Fargo, you know why they didn't make it. They just sucked. I don't care that 4 years later Clooney got on ER and became a star. He would never have been a star on the other show.

This channel is like a it was run by a librarian of pop culture. It's no Bravo, that's goodness. Bravo, that sell out channel, had a documentary about how bad reality shows are followed by reruns of the crap "Restaurant" and the yet another showing of the best new reality show, "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy." How can you promote a show that you are shitting on during a show that you are shitting on? (That made less sense that I had hoped.)

While we're at it, they have an interview show. It's one host, one guest no audience. But it's more Later with Bob Costas and less Inside the Actors Studio. Unlike the Bravo show, the host listens to the answers (for the most part) and gets something from the guest. The guest is like a big studio head or excec, very cool. One night they had Jon Peters, then after the show, they showed Batman. That made perfect sense. Shoe his biggest film after talking to him.

Shows like Sessions at 54 and Egg are tons of fun.
Anyhow, nightly documentaries about mullets and handguns, old reruns of Letterman from his glory days on late night NBC!

Trio --- The best channel on TV! Now I never have to read.
Replacing John Ritter

The questoin everyone wants to know now that we lost the famous actor, is "How will they replace John Ritter on "8 Simpole Rules for Dating my daughter.?"

Here's some options:

The obvious:
Henry Winkler, Tony Danza, should be brought in to replace Ritter. They should make an anouncement that they miss Ritter, but the show will go on with another well liked actor.

The bad:
Change the show about a widow, Katey Sagal, bringing up two hot daughters and a horny son.

The outside shot:
Deal with Ritter's death, then quickly marry Katey Sagal off to none other than... Mr. T!

"I pitty the step son that doesn't claen his room."

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

The Whoring of America

USA Today reported last week that Hillary Duff is coming out with a new album where she's gonna dress all sluty and call it "Metamorphosis."

Hillary Duff is famous for playing the popular, independent, strong minded Lizzie McGuire in the hit Disney Channel show. After her obligatory spin off movie did better than expected, the mouse and mousy blonde couldn't come up with an agreement for a new contract.

Hilary's camp wanted more, more, more. Disney being Disney felt that it did not have to give that much. In fairness to the mouse, they might've been asking for more than was realistic or just not profitable.

Now what? The parents, the managers, the publicists rack their brains for the next step with the teenage star. The have a prom queen, but no prom.

So, putting out another album is a great idea. She's out there, establishing herself, keeping her name alive.

But why in heaven's name do they feel that they have to whore her up? Why should a pre-teen role model dress down now that she's a teen? Not that I think she should be in a turtle neck and turban, but why slutty?

I understand that sex sells. But Hillary already sells. She's a name brand.

"Metamorphosis" is supposed to refleck the fact that she's a girl becoming a women. It's more like a Lizzie to a Britney.

I feel the title refers to the fact that now Hillary is just another pop culture, cookie cutter, pr/money machine that you can't kill off, like a cockroach.
The Devil is a Dumb-Ass

According to E! Online citing the New York Post,
producers of The Exorcist IV: The Beginning have ousted writer-director Paul Schrader for delivering a
goreless horror movie (Morgan Creek Productions have yet to announce a new director who'll shot the additional blood and guts). Novelist Caleb Carr (who
wrote a draft of TEIV:TB) told the Post: "[Schrader's cut] does have some good dramatic elements which can be rearranged with some good shooting into a very good movie." That's comes to no surprise here, considering Schrader, who was hired to replace the late John Frankenheimer, has made a career of shooting very good movies. His last picture, Auto-Focus, was a stylized look of Hogan's Heroes star Bob Crane. The sick
punchline of that flick was Crane's swinging ways wasn't glossy or slick; despite Schrader's shiny direction, he was a lonely black hole.

Schrader's restraint within exploitation gave that film needed depth (plus the real dirty pictures shown were blurred out in my DVD, thank you Blockbusters). It's that depth that runs through his other films, from Affliction to Blue Collar. It's that depth that Morgan
Creek wants exorcised.

And since when are Exorcist sequels any good? I don't have my dog-eared copy of the Golden Turkey Awards in front of me, but didn't Exorcist II: The Heretic place
as first runner-up to Plan 9 From Outer Space for the Worst Movie Ever? Maybe if Morgan Creek is lucky, original Exorcist novelist and Exorcist III director William Peter Blatty is available.

- Media Yenta's Brother