Entourage left me alone!

Yes, I watch Entourage! That and Meerkat Manor are my guilty pleasures.

Let me the 100th person to call the new character on HBO's male "Sex and the City" Entourage - Cousin Oliver. They brought in a character that no one needs. All of a sudden last night a character shows up and causes trouble. And guess what? He's not leaving.

This guy was conveniently in jail for the last five years so he never came up. Now that he's out of the joint he's here to stir up some drama and save the writers from coming up with fresh organic material.

I always hated when "long lost friends" are introduced in sitcoms. All of a sudden Tom Hanks is an uncle that no one mentioned - he has a drinking problem that solved just before the end credits.

The first thing is I've always resented their existence. Who are you? Where did you come from? No one told me about you? I've known the Seavers for four season and they never mentioned you. Not once. Now you walk in and everyone is so happy to see you? No one tells me anything. You think you know a family. Why did you hide this person from me? Are you ashamed of me?

The second thing is the introduction. it's always uncomfortable because the writers have four lines to establish what great friends everyone is. So secret handshakes are brought out, force anecdotes are told. Usually it's the new character telling an embarrassing story about the main character, the main character gts embarrassed while everyone else is happy to hear the story.

Thirdly - it's lazy. In the cae of Entourage you have five great over the top characters. You can't come up with something for the four Hollywood hot shots to do this season so you brought in trouble? Entourage had an whole year to come up with a new season of story lines and all they could do is steal a page from the Melrose Place play book? “Next week on Entourage Heather Locklear guest stars as the evil woman from Turtle’s past.”

Maybe at the end of this season Johnny Drama will get pregnant and then the kid will miraculously grow up during hiatus to a cute fast talking four year old.

Hey HBO - I gots to sleep!

Hey - HBO! Why start your 2 1/2 hour Sunday block at 9? Why are the cowboys of Deadwood shooting off bullet and f-bombs at 9 Pm and I have to wait until 10 for my male sex and the city and 10:30 for Louis C.K.'s low budget version of a network sitcom?

The last show on the schedule is Dane Cook's Tourgasm. Which is basically Blue Collar Tour meets the Original Kings of Comedy meets The Queens of Comedy meets... (Cook gets a "created by" credit. What did he create? He just took a well worn idea and plugged in himself. Is Charlie Gibson getting a "created by" credit for hosting "ABC World News Tonight?" Dane should get "pitched by" or "sold on the based on his myspace page by.")

Dane's (I call him "Dane") audience is mainly middle school girls with posters of him on their walls and sticker books in their backpacks. They can't stay up to 11 and sit through Louis C.K. masturbating in a closet to get the cute com cut farts with a 3 comics that are constantly reminded how lucky they are to be on the tour. KISS THE RING!).

Here's how the HBO Sunday night schedule should go so I can get some sleep and get ready for the coal mines early the next morning.

8:30 - Tourgasm
9:00 - Entourage
9:30 - Lucky Louis
10:00 - Deadwood

I put Deadwood at 10 because of the content and because I don't give a shit about the show. I started watching the first season until I realized I had no idea what was going on. It just kept going and going like one long scene. There's no purpose, no end result to any of the show. It just keeps moving along.

Plus, people were just randomly getting shot. So if you lived in the town at anytime you could get shot - for no reason. That's time to move. I get why you you live in a bad neighborhood with house prices the way they are and all, but just getting shot by an Al Pacino look alike is in no way worth it.

It's a great place to start and end a family.

"I'm stepping out to get milk. As you know, I may get shot. If so, you'll have to eat your Corn Flakes dry. I'm sorry. This is Deadwood."

My realtor is showing us places in "Deadwood Adjacent." It's up and coming.

But with Dane and Louis' show getting the worse reviews since HBO jumped into the Mind of a Married Man or saddled us with Arli$$ like a boring uncle that needs a place to hang until his ride gets here -they might not be a problem for long. HBO isn't one to pull shows mid-season, but theses shows might just stink up and down K street.

Enough with the new shows. Bring "The Wire" back already.

Prison Break was nice enough to send a pop up book. I love this show!











And I love pop ups!

The show "House" about a doctor named "House" yet no one gets the pun (I'm sorry I can't make the connection) sent an IV of blood along with a DVD of the show. BUt because the show takes place in NJ, there was a needle floating in it. I'm kidding!
this is a serious show. People are dying!
Yum, homeless blood.



Maybe this wasn't quite a good idea.

Every day for the past three weeks or so it's been free TV Christmas. Studios and networks are sending screener DVD's to voters so they could get an Emmy nod.



Here's the award for best packaging. It's the remake of the original, original "The Ten Commandments"







When you open it up you get two tablets like Moses did.






But this time, it comes with something useful; on the back there two DVD's of the ABC mini series. This is what Moses needed to convince his people. "Behold! DVD's!"




If they really wanted my vote, they should've sent a burning bush.

F Dial up!.

Driving around LA in my vintage SAAB convertible I was struck by this new billboard campaign. Maybe because I have the top down or because if I go over 25 miles an hour, my entire dashboard will shake, I've seen a few things about our urban landscape:

--Even though "Emily's Reasons why Not" only lasted one night, Heather Graham's big head still looms over Sunset like a South American dictator.

--Cable is constantly making and promoting movies about young Russian sex slaves. "We must save them...But first let's watch them dance!"

--Old slow internet sucks.

There are billboards all over LA that have "Dial-up" on them with "Dial" crossed off and the word "Washed" written over it. Way to take a stand! Forget this war thing, I say boo to unplugging the phone in order to get my email.

It's part of an ad campaign to get new users of some DSL.

Who comes up with telling people that something stinks, stinks? Are these the same people who created the unsuccessful, "Drowning is no fun" campaign that was all over the Atlantic Ocean? Or the "Dying is not as fun as living" that was up at Hostices around the country?

I picture a board room, annoying Apprentice rejects line the long table. An intern is organizing a plate of doughnuts.

One corporate a-hole has this great idea. He stand up in Tommy Bahama shirt (It's "Wacky over priced shirt Friday.").

"Instead of getting people who have high speed internet to change to our service because it's better, let's get the new customers. How do we get new costumers? Tell tehm that what they areusing is bad. These poor souls have no idea that dial up is bad. We need to infor them. How? through the internet? No, we established that it will take too long."

I get it. But why tell someone that their inferior product is inferior? They know that. You think there's someone in an igloo in waiting 2 hours for a down load of Paris Hilton's latest nipple slip thinking, "This is great. There couldn't be anything better than this. What? Faster connection? You speak the devil's words! Stop with thee!"

No one knows it's bad? Thanks for taking a stand. Becarefull what you print, the government is watching. You might end up on a list. A list of peopple who make obvious statements.

My guess is that people who still use dial up are doing so because of price and availability, not because they love it.

Why would someone use a third rate product when they can have something better?

Anyway, I have to go. AAA is here to tow my car.

More free TV!
It's Emmy Time and the studios send out episodes of their shows they hope to get nominated in fancy boxes.
The Brothers Warner sent their DVD's in these nifty tin boxes.


The shows might be better than the taste.

Then TNT sent out their favorites.Apparently they think The Closer has a "The Shield" shot in heaven to win the best drama or best actress nomination.
Here's a mystery...how do you open this fucking box?




The 47 hour Into the West is their other option. They were nice enough to send the entire season plus a large coffee table book. if it was a network series the'd throw in a coffee table too.



Look a free Father's Day gift! Shopping, done!

It's time for Free TV!

The Emmys are coming up, so the networks are sending us shutin voters DVD of the shows they wants to win some gold (plate).
Yesterday I got this gem.... It's Chris on a Milk carton. Inside is the season of "everybody hates Chris." Why no Love, Inc pencil set? Or "half and Half" non-dairy creamer? Or "Cuts" pencil sharpener?

About two months ago Showtime send copies of all their shows, even the ones that hadn't aired yet. I got six un aired episodes of "Huff" and the "L Word." HUFF is terrible - even when it's free and early. The L Word has managed to make Lesbians boring. How did that happen?
"Sleeper Cell?" Put me to sleep! NO! Not true. That was too easily. It confused me, then I threw it in the trash and then I went to bed.

Two great finds? Weeds and Barber Shop. Barber shop is actually funny and fun to watch. Omar Gooding is very funny. The characters are fun and the plot moves along pretty quickly. Plus the show has the same creator as Everybody hates Chris - which means I made a call back and I can end this entry.

SONY may pull the UMD movie.




For the PSP hand held gaming system, SONY put movies on cartridges as well as games.

I myself fell prey to the new product. I was convinced it was the wave of the future and I needed to know what it was and how it works. I also bought a $400 video Ipod - only for a better one to come out a month later.



I had visions of me on a plane watching my favorite movie - laughing like a nut - while other people stewed in their seats watching the latest contrived Hollywood love story or that Paul Reiser film where he and his dad Peter Faulk (played by Colombo) spend one day together where they drive two hours to upstate New York, look at a new house, watch a basrball game, go fly fishing , have dinner with two ladies they just met, hustle pool and get into a bar fight.

My fantasy was that I'd buy one of these things and watch it on the plane or at my hotel. The sound on the head phones stunk. I was blasting it in my ears but nothing was working. I found myself strangely leaning forward towards the screen to hear it better.



Plus in reality - I don't fly that much. And the hotel had this "TV" that was 1,000 times bigger than my PSP and had a lot more choices.


The first sign that the PSP movies wouldn't work out is that it;s a special format. You have to buy this UMD cartridge that only works on the PSP. You can't plug it into your DVD player and you can't use your DVD's in your PSP. SO THERE!

That should've been my first warning. New system that force you to buy new formats never work out. Remember the half VHS that fit into a portable VCR type thing? Of the mini disc? The Laser disc? OR even the 8 track - which only had four tracks BTW.

These all failed because you had to rebuy everything you had. f you wanted to see a movie or listen to an album, you had to get it on whatever the new format was and it only worked on one machine.

The PSP selection sucked. It's owned by SONY - so a lot of the movies are SONY properties. Plus it's a game system that's geared to teen boys. Great, how many horror movies can I watch?

I bought a bunch of films I didn't really care that much to see. Matrix I loved ten years ago on the big screen, but I bought it for tiny screen. An action film with Markie Mark and another one with Ethan Eath (Hawk). The only things I could stand watching was "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and the lame "Family Guy Movie." (By the end I was begging for "A Man Called Flinstone."


Finally last month I had second trip in which to use my micro movie theater. I went to the Beast Buy hoping for something good. In fact I was looking for "Jar Head." I wanted to see the movie and I know I'll never rent it since I have an aversion to watching anything over an hour at home.

There I was in the air. My PSP, my new PSP docking system with speakers a headset jack and a new official PSP head set all ready to watch a war movie about a war that had no war.

People complain about movies in theaters costing up to $14 - this one cost me about $200.

It was bound to happen. New York magazine took another swipe at "Generation X" to move units and fill up space.

Their cover story about thirty something that never grow up despite being parents is yet another generalization about a generation.

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/news/features/16529/?imw=Y



This article pisses me off. First of all-stop pissing on my generation. When we graduated from college there were tons of articles about "slackers." Lazy post grads who'd rather work at a coffee shop than get a real job.

Really? I remember there was a recession and I couldn't find a fucking job so I had to work at two restaurants to save so I could take a low wage job to start a career.

Now that every other guy my age -but me-has a kid- they say we haven't grown up? That's it's strange that a dad would listen to he latest music? Or want to see a concert?

I remember my mom listening to 50's music and going to oldies shows. My dad dragged us to Star Wars. We went because he thought it would be cool. He was right.

You mean no one reading this has picture of their mom or friend's mom with an afro? No memories of dad wearing a "Members Only" jacket, trying to look cool? If you do have any embarrassing pictures, send it to me so we can make a point together and laugh at our folks.

Although I love the snide nicknames, I'm tired of Time, Newsweek, New York Mag and others using sweeping statements to sell magazines.

The WB and UPN are merging in a surprise deal unveiled Tuesday in New York.

The merged entity will be launched in fall 2006, with each company owning 50% of
a new network, dubbed The CW. The WB and UPN will continue to broadcast their
regular schedules until that time.

Tribune WB stations and CBS' UPN affiliates will sign a 10-year affiliation
agreement.


To read more, click on the link below

http://www.broadcastingcable.com/article/CA6301540.html?display=Breaking+News&referral=SUPP

Below the Belt Featured in Paper magazine bu they called It Johnny Fayva's Vaudevillians. Go to Belowbelt.com for more information.

NBC finally has a good problem
And I don't mean, "What to do with Zucker?"
What to do with an actual hit?

NBC got an early Christmas present in the form of decent ratings for "Deal or No Deal." They quickly gave the show a pick up and told everyone, I told you so.

Now where so they put the show?

NBC revamped the schedule hiding their failures like a country singer hides his bald spot with a cowboy hat.

They moved moderate hit Earl and almost moderate hit Office to Thursday - putting Joey out of his misery and my favorite show The Apprentice on ice. That's right - I said something positive. Starting the night is the guest that wouldn't leave - "Will & Grace" and their friend that no one at the party knew or invited - new show "Four Kings."

In "EarlOffice's" place is two episodes of another show I like - Scrubs. Obvious NBC is burning off the episodes so we can have more shows like EarlOffice (not funny but low key so think it's funny.)

After killing off Martha Stewart's prime time show they replaced it with 1 hour versions of "The Biggest Loser." Going against a big fat hit like "Lost" will hurt the show's ratings and value. Ultimately hampering another pick up.

I say this - Put "Deal or No Deal" Tuesdays at 9. Push Scrubs to Thursdays at 8:30 after you cancel "Four Kings."

They can also use a boost on Fridays. Maybe 8 PM.

But the best night is Sunday at 7 PM displacing "Dateline." That has to have the embarrassing task of going against mega great news show "60 Minutes." "D or ND" is more family friendly than "news" reports about Shanghai brothels.

Just because you asked...
Other shows I like:
The Wire - Best show
The Shield - runner up.
Lost - first season was so good, I'm putting up with this year's nonsense.
Arrested/Family Guy/Sopranos/Curb - the shows everyone says. It's trite, but true.
Reality shows: Donald Trump, Parco PI, American Casino