Deadline

Monday, March 24, 2008

CBS tells fans to mind their own business


For the second time, CBS has canceled low rated "The Day After" TV series, "Jericho."

The first time CBS tried to clean this show off their shoes, fans sent them tons of peanuts to sway the network to change their minds. What the fans didn't know was that CBS president Les Moonves is a huge fan of "The Ground Round" and old western saloons - he constantly has peanuts crushed on the floor of this Florida mansion. He took this as a high compliment and brought the show back for 7 episodes.

The show had everything going for it: internut buzz, fans chumping at the bit for more stories, and most importantly - there was nothing else on.

Because of the writers' strike, this was one of the only new scripted shows on TV.

Still no one watched. The ratings dropped from last year.

"Take your peanuts and shove them up your ass!" said one CBS programmer. "Don't tell me how to do my job, " he continued, "I don't come to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth." He then apologized for using such a hacky line.

"Next time send them to us," stated a spokesperson for a small starving nation.
"You can't pay your child support, but you can peanuts to save your little TV show?" demanded Sheryl Johnston, a single mother who is so poor she literally can't pay attention. "It's on lay-a-way."
"Looking back, this was a terrible idea."

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