Razzies Round-Up

The year's worst movies were celebrated Saturday, and
no, we're not talking about the Spirit Awards. But
seriously folks, the 24th Annual Razzies Awards
happened in Santa Monica a day before the Oscars. We weren't so far off in our predictions ("Berry Bad Things," 1.29.2004) for the worst cinema in 2003.

Let’s recap:

And the award goes to: Gigli
Winner: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Ben), Worst Actress (Jennifer), Worst Screen Couple (Bennifer),
Worst Director & Screenplay (Martin Brest)
What We Said: It wouldn't be 2003 without Gigli.
What We Say Now: Only the most harden rubberneckers will enjoy the awful cameos, airless environments and paint-peeling dialogue. The fact we're supposed to believe they are professional killers makes "Gigli" absolutely the worst gangster movie ever made. For a good bad movie, go see fellow Razzie winner "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" (Worst Sequel) instead.

And the awards go to: Sylvester Stallone & Demi Moore
Winner: Worst Supporting Actor & Actress (Spy Kids 3, Charlie's Angels 2)
What We Said: I say, for your consideration, add
Justin Bartha ("Gilgi") to the Supporting Actor list.
What We Say Now: After viewing "Gigli", we now admire Bartha. As for Sly and Demi, we feel the Academy has a bias towards previous Razzie Winners. This is Sly's tenth Razzie and Demi's sixth, and last year Madonna won again. The Academy needs to award fresher blood to honor today's horrific shit.

And the award goes to: Dr. Seuss' The Cat-In-The-Hat
Winner: Worst Excuse for an Actual Movie
What We Said: Kids deserve a live action film that respects Dr. Seuss.
What We Say Now: This is why we love the Razzies. Bad movies are everywhere, but crass exploiters like "Cat" need to be singled out.

- Media Yenta's Brother

Real posting from Craigslist.com

As sent to me by one Ms. Susie Felber:
*Job Alert* Get Paid To Kick A Guy In The Balls!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Reply to: dvhour@mac.com
Date: 2004-02-22, 3:28PM EST


Female models wanted in the New York City/Long Island area, for a Jackass style comedy website. Minimum pay is ten dollars an hour to kick a man in the balls. Average wages much higher. Schedule is very flexible. Email us at dvhour@mac.com This is not a joke.

Please email us a photo (optional), contact info, and/or general bio, for
example:
1. Tell us a little about yourself? (your height, age, do you have a sense of humor...)
2. What interests you in the site? (express any ideas, curiosities...)
3. Your physical activity background? (sports, dance, defense, yoga...)
4. You can send a resume, but we prefer non-academic info in relation to yourself and the site

Leave a day and time that is best to reach you, so that we can set up an interview.


Compensation: $10 -$20 per hour This is a part-time job.
Please, no phone calls about this job! Reposting this message elsewhere is OK. This is in or around Manhattan/Long Island


---------------------

This posting is a new low. Is it anything to be on TV? Are they smart business men following the JACKASS business plan?

There is a Japanese DVD that's just women kicking men in the balls. They show the women (kickers) getting chosen right off the street and talked into whacking strangers in the nuts. Then the fun begins. It's a fetish video.

Is this posting porn or a quick way into stardom like Johnny Knoxvillestien.

Good luck. If you need a reference, let me know.

Trashy FOX, returns to its roots.

Fox has ordered a pilot for Spellbound (Warner Bros. TV) - a sort of reversed Bewitched where he's the witch and she's the mortal. Another pickup for Fox is a comedy called Sweden, Ohio where a teenage boy gets what all teenage boys wish for - a Swedish Exchange Student.

This is so FOX 1986. They were a new network then. They were desperate for a hit. A show about a guido (Matt Leblanc) and his father picking up chicks, a fallen angel and his confused teenaged mortal that turned into a show about two horny teenagers, a show about falling love (Duets) turned into a show about back stabbing real estate agents (Open House), a nice comedy about the president that turned wacky.

Besides the mega hit, "Married with Children," which would still be running today if they didn't move it's time slot 9 years into its ten year run, failed. All of them. Some how "Married..." Worked. Every other show with dumb hot broads and the dumber guys that gawk at them, bombed.
Now kids, you stay here and do nothing, while I go and do two more hit shows. Tah."

So here is Fox now, post Simpson, Bernie Mac, X Files, and even Joe millionaire, chasing after that 18-35 male demo, that's apparently very horny and not much else.

From imdb 2/23/04:

ABC Touting Oscars on Sitcoms, Soaps

ABC has…upped the number of promotional spots for the Oscars on its primetime sitcoms, including references to the awards in the scripts…The Wall Street Journal said that writers of the sitcoms agreed to insert the Oscar plugs because they felt that ABC would give their shows additional promo time…Similar references to the Oscars have also been written into the scripts
for General Hospital, One Life to Live and All My Children, the WSJ said.


Today, on General Hospital:
-Doctor, will my twin sister survive?
-She’s got as much of a chance of Jude Law winning
Best Actor.

And later, on My Wife and Kids:
Damon: Whoops, I forgot our anniversary! Think Mom
will forgive me?
Kids: Think Jude Law will win Best Actor?

- As ghost-written by Media Yenta’s Brother

Dear Entertainment Weekly,


Double whammy, EW! Imagine my face -- that is, if an inanimate object had imagination -- when I opened my mailbox and saw the cover [Cover #753] of Oscar Odd Couples (like that pun? see resume, attchd.) like
Charlize & Diane,
and Murray & Penn!

Now picture my bladder when I stared into the eyes of Viggo [Mortensen, Cover #753]. His tately sword pose reminded me of fellow cover photo, the Oscar statue itself! Was that intentional, because it sure was tacky!
Cancel my subscription.


Media [Yenta’s Brother]
ilovewritingaboutmagazinecovers72@aol.com

From the NY POst:
Oprah's pal, Dr. Phil McGraw, meanwile, filmed a role for "The Bernie Mac Show" scheduled to air April 18, when he's drafted by Bernie to deal with an angry Wanda (Kellita Smith) - who feels ignored when Bernie and his pals bring a woman into their group. On today's "Dr. Phil" (3 p.m./Ch. 2), McGraw highlights his visit to the "Bernie Mac" set and also introduces his new "Got Milk?" ad.

This show is called, "Enough about me, let's talk about me." Isn't his show a self help show? Not an informercial.

Plese stay away from the crafts services.

Stuttering John Becomes Jay Leno's new Announcer.

Is Leno so desperate to become edgy? Fan of Howard Stern might not bite and stay away from Leno, noting John as a sell out. Or the wholesome Midwest will stay away from fear of John being too dirty. Which he may not be, but perception is very strong.

No one watches or not watches because of the announcer, do they?

John is always great on Howard, but he has had mixed results outside his bubble. He was a panelist years ago on a now defunct TV show called "Last Call" (not the Carson Daly one). He was brought on to be the trouble maker. He came off as a lame Howard rip off.
Last night he was on "Tough Crows." He wasn't as funny as the other comics, but he held his own.

Good luck. Will Howard reject him?

'Stuttering John' joins Leno
advertisement

Associated Press
Feb. 18, 2004 01:57 PM


BURBANK, Calif. - Jay Leno's new announcer on "The Tonight Show" will be "Stuttering John" from Howard Stern's radio show.

John Melendez starts March 29, replacing Edd Hall, who's leaving the show after 12 years to concentrate on doing movies.

A spokeswoman for the Tonight Show says Melendez is working with a speech coach to control his stutter.

In addition to announcing, Melendez will be in sketches and go out on interviews. But the spokeswoman says they won't be the sort of interviews Melendez did on the Stern show.

The spokeswoman says Tonight Show executives became interested in Melendez after seeing him on the reality show "I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here." She says Melendez came across as a "peacemaker" and "family man."

"Don't take my show! I'll be funny, I promise."

Video is killing the radio stars
The end of an era
How American Idol is ruining pop music

By now everyone knows that LA morning DJ staple, Rick Dees was droped from his station of 23 years for flava of the month Ryan Seacrest. In Dees' goodbye address he claimed his show the most profitable radio show in America.



If that's true, then why let him go? Is Ryan that interesting? Can you make that much money and audience from a show that's established for more than a generation?

Why is Seacrest so appealing? I'm guessing Clear Channel, the media monster that owns the old Dees spot, wants to take the Seacrest morning show national. They are banking that they have the next Carson Daly.

Is he worth it?

My childhood favorite, Casey Kasem was dumped from, HIS American Top Forty, so they can make room to have Seacrest host the weekly show. Casey will continue to do a Weekly Top 20 show.


A young Casey Kasem. Artist rendering.

The last time Casey was replaced on AT40, it was done by none other than Shadoe Stevens. Who? What do you mean "who?" He was the hot guy of the moment at that moment. He was the voice of Hollywood Squares with John Davidson.

"Who?"

Ok, stop, not this is getting annoying. But, still a fair question.


Stevens with his huge 80's hair, quickly became popular, or so they said. Along with announcing the show, he got his own square. But the question is, how much was that a way to fill another square?




Stevens went to star in a low budget feature, and even a TV show that lasted about a minute. But for that moment, he had buzz. At that time, his agent was able to get him jobs he never should've have gotten.

Was the American public looking for a Shadoe Stevens sitcom?
That's what this country needs!

So now, back to year 2004, or as historians will call it, the Tom Bergeran era, Ryan Seacrest is the host of the #1 with a bullet, TV show. He's on FOX 3 nights a week on this mega train.

Do people watch the show for Seacrest?
No, the star of the show, besides Simon, is the show itself. That's the star.

Would they watch it if Seacrest wasn't the host?
Of course.


Seacrust was able to first take his hosting success to daytime TV and 20th Television. They developed a brand new live show, something that we have never seen before. Entertainment news, celeb interviews, live bands, a large picture window as a back drop, and scream fans with signs. Nothing like TRL on MTV...ok exactly like it. To be fair they are trying to make the show their own. Seacrust has had on all the American Idol people you can think of as guests. Everyone. Now what?

There has to be those good talkers but B list celebs to fill a space. Also the in studio games helps kill time. Doing remotes where a fan can win a trip to see their favorite singer/American Idol person.

Clear Channel, the media monster, had used it's clout to get some big music names to come on the show. The rumor is that MTV shot back and told the artists to appear on TRL first or else. Another rumor is that MTV stopped showing Britney videos during the day, because of her recent Seacrust performance. With all the brew-haha about Janet's tit, it's feasible that MTV is putting racier videos at night only.

At the end of the day, his ratings?
Not great. he's getting a 1.1, which isn't much.
check out the other shows:

TALK
Oprah (8.8), Dr. Phil (5.5), Live! With Regis & Kelly (4.3), Maury (3.6),
Jerry Springer (2.9), Montel (2.8), Ellen (2.3), Ricki (1.6), Sharon
Osbourne (1.4), John Edward and Living it Up! With Ali & Jack (1.3 each),
Good Day Live, Starting Over and Wayne Brady (1.2 each), John Walsh and On
Air With Ryan Seacrest (1.1 each), Ask Rita (0.6)
(From Media week.com and Mark Marc Berman)

The only show he's beating is Ask Rita, and she's on at like 3 Am in most cities. Shows that have been cancelled, Osborne, Edward, Brady, Walsh, are doing better than him. So it's nothing to crow about.
Who's that?
Exactly.

Carson Daly's 1:35 AM talk show averages about a 1.5. Daly?s show is also cost effective. It's cheap to do, so it makes a profit even at 2AM. Seacrust is a big money gamble.



Is Seacrust such a draw, that they have to kill off institutions likes Dees and Kasem? Or will he be doing dinner theater with Shadow Stevens? Odd Couple anyone?

While we are asking questions, didn't Rick Dunkleman leave the super hot American Idol to pursue other avenues? Somehow, Seacrust has been able to work all his jobs in.

this is a test. only a test. not more than a test. That's it, a test

Oscar Shuffle
ABC moves Oscars for ratings and ticket sales

I remember as a young yenta, my brother and I trying to stay up on a Monday night to see who won best picture at the Oscars. That was rough.

The Questions prevailed: Why was it on a Monday anyway? That's pretty Random.
Why was it in March? It's three months after the year ended. It's almost the following year already.
Why wasn't Star Wars named best picture? Ok, I was young.

I don't have the answer to those questions, but I do know that someone else thought it was a problem and changed it up.

Night and time:
A few years ago ABC moved the telecast from Monday to Sunday. Sunday is considered the most watched night of TV. It's one of the most competitive nights. It's also considered the family night. At what better family entertainment than to watch Charlize Theron win an Oscar for playing a killer prostitute. *

Monday nights, has been traditionally one of the least competitive nights. Why waste a guarantee score on a lame duck? Why pretend people are watching Alias, when you can replace it with a hit? Sunday can also promote the rest of the week. Viewers can now see ads for ABC shows that will be cancelled soon.

They were also able to tweak with the show times. ABC always had the 8 O'clock hour for their Barbara Walters special. So the show wouldn't start until 9 pm. At that time my brother and I were already in our R2d2 pj's.

With primetime starting at 7 pm on Sundays, ABC is able to show the dated chat fest** and still not go to midnight.

Money to be made before the show:
In the past years, E! has taken a free press opportunity and turned it into a two hour special. They cover the red carpet with as much detail as CNN gave the Gulf War (parts one and two; "The Empire's Son Strikes Back.") It's become a tradition in house holds now to yell at he screen, gasping at what people are wearing. Once E! turned a profit, or at least looked like it, everyone wanted a piece of the pie.

Now a days the Oscar people produce their own damn preshow, thank you! That starts at 8 and only pushed the Oscars up a half an hour. So now we start at 8:30, not 9. Thanks for the extra 12 minutes of sleep.


One month earlier:

Now ABC has moved the pat on the back fest to February.

In terms of TV ratings, February is way more important than little old March. Feb. is not only Black History month, but sweeps. So ABC is right in wanting to have this deathstar of a show in a month that matters. Sorry Women's History Month.

The studios profit too.

A lot of times, the only chance a smaller movie can get to be seen, is if it's nominated for an award. So why wait until March, hanging on for dear life in a small movie theater? Why not move up the date and get the money rolling.

It also stops a lot of the imitators.

It seem everyone from the AARP to the Screen Actors Guild have an awards show. By the time March rolls around, people are either tired of hearing it, or they can't wait for it to end. Oscar is like the "Return of the Jedi" of award shows, after it airs the other shows just don't matter.

*Sunday was once only family fair. The thinking was that everyone was watching TV with their families, so nothing naughty. Meanwhile, Sopranos, Sex and the City, and the Practice are all ratings winners.

**With 5 celeb news shows, six late night talk shows and prime time news shows, is it still impressive that BW can get a celeb interview? She also talks to famous folks on her daytime talk show.