I totally forgot, but I booked Bin Laden when I was producing Jenny Jones.

It was the mid-nineties. Daytime talk shows were all the rage. I was two years out of college and working as an associate producer on the popular talk show. There was serious pressure for me book good guests. During the show a show topic and phone number would come on the screen.
“Is Your Brother’s Wife a Hoochie Momma? Then call us at 800 JENNNNY.”

People leave their stories and phone numbers on “carts.” Interns worked 10 hours a day straight transcribing the names and numbers on long sheets of paper.

Hard working interns and production assistants would listen to the phone messages and then give us the information. They all sit next to each other at a long table in the basement of the studio with headphones a blue Bic pen and a stack of paper. They have to put at least five names on each sheet of paper and they have to get through the stack each day. They couldn’t get up from the table. The volume of calls was so high, the EP had to limit bathroom breaks.

This one guy, Eric, started as an unpaid intern – I recommended him for an unpaid PA job. Eric always gives me the best names. Eric really liked it there. He was afraid he might have to leave because like most of the other guys he developed a urinary track infection. I promised to keep it secret.

Eric ran to my part of the cubical, he had a sheet of paper in his hand. He ran up taking two or three stairs at a time. He did so because he had a great lead and he had to get back to the long table.

I thanked Eric and told him if these pan out I’ll put in a good word for him to get a paid internship.

Originally, bin Laden was just an audience plant. Our host, Jenny, went over to him went over to him and handed him the mic. "Yes, um, Jenny, I have a question for that one over there," he pointed to the heavy woman on stage. "You think you're all that. But you need to be on Jenny Craig, not Jenny Jones." The crowd went nuts. The heavy woman stood up and slowing twirled around. "You can't handle all of this!"
"I wouldn't want to," he yelled back barely making over the screams of the audience.

Originally he called in for “My Mom Dresses too Sexy.” I told my producer that this guy was great.
“Do you love him?” she asked?
“Yeah, I love him.”
“Do you love him, love him or just love him?”
“I love him, love him.” That should have sealed the deal. She got on the phone with him to check him out.
“So Osama, I hear your Mom dresses too sexy…”
That was his cue to just start going off on his mother just as we planned.

Bin Laden was great. He went right into his thing about how she embarrassed him and his country and brought shame to his home and how she should be killed in public and so on.

My producer wasn’t impressed. “I love him. But I don’t love him, love him.”
“He has an accent. People will be turned off.”

Besides, she continuded, his standards for “too sexy” was way different than the people who watch our show. I couldn’t argue with that. We were looking for woman in short shorts and tank tops, not totally covered but showing some leg. I think he understood.

Finally I made him an audience plant.

I didn’t tell her, I just did it. I was allowed to book the plants, so I brought him in without telling her.

When the fat woman spun around and give Osama the “hand” that was the money shot. You hear about the hand, but you seldom see it. It’s a talk show staple. Like when the monkey peed on Carson - it meant I had arrived.

For the audience plant we paid him $50 and gave him a car to and from his non-disclosed location. After his appearance I asked him if he would come back. He was very excited, but needed me to cover his day’s wages. I made it sound like a big deal, but it was no problem.

Our boss loved him. I gave Eric some of the credit and Eric got a promotion and a salary.

I was then promoted to producer.

Bin Laden appeared on one of my many Boot Camp shows. His son was too wild and Bin Laden was at the end of his rope. We had to call in "Moses" the retired general who runs a boot camp style place where bad children go to be whipped into shape.

Osoma was pretty calm until someone in the audience (Eric’s plant) said that if Bin Laden spent less time at work creeping around caves and more time with his children, his son might not need to act out. Bin Laden did not take this lightly. He stood up and pointed at the guy. "You don't know," Bin Laden yelled at the guy, "You don't know me. You don’t know me. And besides, you need to sit down with those tired ass Jerry Curls." The audience loved it; they went nuts. Osama was right; the guy's hair-do was tired.

Years later I saw him on a video on the news. The footage was grainy, but he had lots of energy and charisma. I wondered how his kid turned out. I thought about my producer who almost didn’t put him on because she didn’t people would listen to him. Boy, was she wrong.

ENOUGH! Maybe the Emmys wouldn't snub the best show on TV.

The Wire has been snubbed again for best show.
24? great show - enough already.
Lost? not that good last year.
Big Love - never seen it
Heroes? never seen it.
Grey's - really good show

But "The Wire" is simply the smartest and most exciting TV show on TV. Why not recognize it? What's the hold up? Did people really see Big Love and say it's better than The Wire?

Today I was talking to my agent. He finally put a meeting together with the right agent. Apparently my agent for the last year does not specialize in my field. He's for writers, I'm a producer. It was like finding out i was wearing the wrong size bra.

He introduced me to the producer agent. As we talked it came out we went to the same school. I told him I graduated in 1994. I assumed he was younger than me...maybe '97 or '98.
He graduated in 2002. What the? He's been out of school for 4 years?
Questions arrise:
Can he rent a car?
Does he still have a sticker with his college's name on his back windshield?


We talked today. He feels we should go into the pitch meeting with a show runner. "Aren't I the show runner?" Apparently since I never ran a show a network would trust handing their money over to me. Understood. I get that. I don't want to do teh heavy lifting anyway.

He pitched a couple of clients.

He tells me, "We need someone young and hip."

My mind races. "Aren't I young and hip? I'm 35. Not young? When I was 25 I couldn't tie my shoes let alone run a show. Apparently at 35 I still can't run a show."

Who am I? Martin Landau in "Entourage?"

You find me someone the networks would trst with their money and I promise to only hire kids who ride skate boards. Now get going before you miss wing night.

This morning as I was reading my USA Today (What can I say - I love a graph.) I couldn't figure out why the review for the new TBS show "10 Items or Less" was in the movie section. Turns out there's a movie with the same name that came into theaters the Friday after the Monday that the wacky sitcom premiered. I haven't seen either but the ads for the TV show told me if I thought an Office was funny – wait until I saw a grocery store.


A lot of times movies that have the same plot like "the Core" and "Armageddon" or TV shows like “er” and “Chicago Hope” and the laugh out loud "30 Rock" and the unintentional laugh out loud "Studio 60" come out at the same time. Sometimes it's easy to explain - everyone wants a movie about the hot craze of break dancing, the Lambda or Christopher Columbus.

But it's always weird when a TV show and a movie with similar concepts come out. Like “Day Break” about a black cop caught in a time warp type thingie and tries to solve a murder and protect his girlfriend from dying and “Déjà vu” about a black cop using a time machine to solve a crime and save the woman he loves.

Then there's this fall's hit TV show "Ugly Betty" about a non fashionable woman working at a fashion magazine who befriends the stylist (the woman from the British "Office") who hands out wisdom and this summer's big hit "The Devil wears Prada" -about a non-fashionable girl who works at a fashion magazine who befriends the stylist (Stanly Tucci) who hands out advice.

They couldn't be copies of each other. They did not steal Ugly Betty from the Prada movie. They stole it from Spanish TV. The TV show is a copy of a Spanish TV show and the movie is based on a book that's based on real life.

Which do I like better?
Let's compare. I'd do columns like they do all fancy in EW (ewe) magazine. I can barely type.
The unfashionable girl –
Winner? Betty!
She really is unfashionable. They didn't mind making her really unattractive. they gave her terrible hair and braces and outrageous clothes. The Ann Hathaway girl is guilty of wearing last season's skirts and putting her hair up. Also it only took 20 minutes for Anne to have a make over and conform. 12 hours in and Betty is still ugly. At least one fictional character can stick to her guns.

As for the Fairy godmother stylist...
Winner?Stan the man Tuchers.
You can understand what he’s saying and it's fun to see him gay it up just a little - -but not too much.

That was a complaint about the film - The mean, mean boss wasn't that mean actually. OH NO! She wants things done on time and she doesn't want people to know about her failing marriage. Not quite "9 to 5."

Betty went on the air with lots of unfair comparisons to the movie - But now things have turned around- "Prada" is being developed into a sitcom for FOX. When and if the show goes on the air, it will be put side to side with "Betty" but this time with out the help of M. Streep and the Tuch.

This happened years ago when a movie called "Three Men and a Baby" came out right after a TV sitcom came also about three bachelors bringing up a girl(s) - "Full House." the movie became a monster hit that prompted a sequel that no one saw and Tom Seleck leaving Hawaii for Hollywood to do films. That worked out.

"Full House" ran for a 1,000 years.

Just for the fun of it here's where they are now:

Bob Saget .... hosting game show and making a comedy about penguins

John Stamos .... On "er" and other ladies.

Mary-Kate Olsen .... college student?

Ashley Olsen .... college student?
Dave Coulier .... in penguin movie

Candace Cameron Bure .... acting
Jodie Sweetin .... Hosting “Pants off Dance off” on Fuse

Gawker this:

Who am I Tyler Durden?

Saturday night I entered Hollywood spot Vine Street Lounge on vine Street. Sitting at one of the VIP tables was Andy Dick. My brother from out of town turned to his wife, "Well we have our celebrity sighting." Oh, boy did he not know what was happening.

Over on a balcony in the VVIP section was a dancing Lindsay Lohan. She was wearing a white Oxford, a belt and high boots. Also some tight black shorts no pants. She was wearing underwear but not much else.

Dick introduced the bands that night. Before bringing up the headliners, Ringside, Dick came up with two underage looking girls on his arm. He told his two ladies to "Vamanos" twice. They only left when he told them what it means. Then he brought on Lindsay. She was holding it together. Andy mentioned something about singing a show before bringing out the band. The drummer shot Dick the dirtiest look so he said the name of the band and walked off.

If I'm drinking at the same club as Lindsay Lohan and Andy Dick, does that make me an alcoholic? My sponsor says no.

Entertaiment Weakling Watch

In further effort to explose this glad rag as the hypocritical Entertainment Weekly that it is - I present you with the latest crapfest.

The October 27 issue has Clint Eastwood's face is right above "Is 'Flag of Our Fathers' his next Oscar winner?" is teh question right on the cover.

Inside there's a big fluff piece about the movie. great, they love this movie. I get it.
Now turn to the movie reviews..."B-" That's it? For Clint's next possible Oscar winner you give it a "b-"?

So teh answer is "no." not his next Oscar winner.

Whoopie Goldberg, Alec baldwin and other New York celebrities are doing these public service anouncements.
The plug line is "I'm a New Yorker who cares."
Which has to be better than the original, "I'm a New Yorker. Who cares?"

They say that people in LA don't spend enough time with their kids. Not true. Right now my daughter is at her "Nanny and me" class.

Mariah Cary is doing great. This month she's on the cover of "ebony?" magazine.

Mariah Cary is doing great. This month she's on the cover of "ebony?" magazine.

Stop your Emmy Crying!

Right after the the articles describing the Emmy nominations the items criticizing them start. Columists from everywhere incuding Hollywood Reporter bitch and moan that some shows and actors were ignored.

One cry baby might say, "More Soprano cast members should've gotten a nod this year." - Which is true, it's hard to pull off an episode when nothing happens - week after week. It's really ahrd to pretend teh scripts are as good a they once were and not phoned in.

But really, if you work in the business in anyway shape or form and have the $150 membership fee, you can join the accedemy and vote for yourself.

You write about TV for a major industry publication and you're not in the accedemy? Then join. This isn't Cuba, it's TV.

What's going on with the news? Am I right people?

Big story? No one has seen Tom Cruise's baby. the news isn't that we've seen it, it's that we haven't seen it. I saw a guy from Us weekly on cable news discussing the non event. They had a clock showing the hours since the baby was born.

What's teh big deal about seeling his baby? They all look the same. Just google imagine "baby."

How is that news?

I can tell you when we'll see it: When Tom's next movie comes out.
All his big anouncements that have to deal with his new family revolve around a movie opening. It's more staged than a Hollywood star cermony.

He met and fell in love with Katie right before the "War of the Worlds" opening.
That did so well that a baby was announced and schedule to be bor just in time for MI:III.

So why waste a baby viewing when he has nothing to promote?

He'll tell us when the time is right, his next press junket.

Entourage is back!
They got rid of Cousin Oliver and they made Ari's daughter problem into a funny Showbiz diss. The show was never Seinfeld to begin with, but it's nice to see a little edge back.

Also - preview for the Wire! this September! can't wait.

Entourage left me alone!

Yes, I watch Entourage! That and Meerkat Manor are my guilty pleasures.

Let me the 100th person to call the new character on HBO's male "Sex and the City" Entourage - Cousin Oliver. They brought in a character that no one needs. All of a sudden last night a character shows up and causes trouble. And guess what? He's not leaving.

This guy was conveniently in jail for the last five years so he never came up. Now that he's out of the joint he's here to stir up some drama and save the writers from coming up with fresh organic material.

I always hated when "long lost friends" are introduced in sitcoms. All of a sudden Tom Hanks is an uncle that no one mentioned - he has a drinking problem that solved just before the end credits.

The first thing is I've always resented their existence. Who are you? Where did you come from? No one told me about you? I've known the Seavers for four season and they never mentioned you. Not once. Now you walk in and everyone is so happy to see you? No one tells me anything. You think you know a family. Why did you hide this person from me? Are you ashamed of me?

The second thing is the introduction. it's always uncomfortable because the writers have four lines to establish what great friends everyone is. So secret handshakes are brought out, force anecdotes are told. Usually it's the new character telling an embarrassing story about the main character, the main character gts embarrassed while everyone else is happy to hear the story.

Thirdly - it's lazy. In the cae of Entourage you have five great over the top characters. You can't come up with something for the four Hollywood hot shots to do this season so you brought in trouble? Entourage had an whole year to come up with a new season of story lines and all they could do is steal a page from the Melrose Place play book? “Next week on Entourage Heather Locklear guest stars as the evil woman from Turtle’s past.”

Maybe at the end of this season Johnny Drama will get pregnant and then the kid will miraculously grow up during hiatus to a cute fast talking four year old.

Hey HBO - I gots to sleep!

Hey - HBO! Why start your 2 1/2 hour Sunday block at 9? Why are the cowboys of Deadwood shooting off bullet and f-bombs at 9 Pm and I have to wait until 10 for my male sex and the city and 10:30 for Louis C.K.'s low budget version of a network sitcom?

The last show on the schedule is Dane Cook's Tourgasm. Which is basically Blue Collar Tour meets the Original Kings of Comedy meets The Queens of Comedy meets... (Cook gets a "created by" credit. What did he create? He just took a well worn idea and plugged in himself. Is Charlie Gibson getting a "created by" credit for hosting "ABC World News Tonight?" Dane should get "pitched by" or "sold on the based on his myspace page by.")

Dane's (I call him "Dane") audience is mainly middle school girls with posters of him on their walls and sticker books in their backpacks. They can't stay up to 11 and sit through Louis C.K. masturbating in a closet to get the cute com cut farts with a 3 comics that are constantly reminded how lucky they are to be on the tour. KISS THE RING!).

Here's how the HBO Sunday night schedule should go so I can get some sleep and get ready for the coal mines early the next morning.

8:30 - Tourgasm
9:00 - Entourage
9:30 - Lucky Louis
10:00 - Deadwood

I put Deadwood at 10 because of the content and because I don't give a shit about the show. I started watching the first season until I realized I had no idea what was going on. It just kept going and going like one long scene. There's no purpose, no end result to any of the show. It just keeps moving along.

Plus, people were just randomly getting shot. So if you lived in the town at anytime you could get shot - for no reason. That's time to move. I get why you you live in a bad neighborhood with house prices the way they are and all, but just getting shot by an Al Pacino look alike is in no way worth it.

It's a great place to start and end a family.

"I'm stepping out to get milk. As you know, I may get shot. If so, you'll have to eat your Corn Flakes dry. I'm sorry. This is Deadwood."

My realtor is showing us places in "Deadwood Adjacent." It's up and coming.

But with Dane and Louis' show getting the worse reviews since HBO jumped into the Mind of a Married Man or saddled us with Arli$$ like a boring uncle that needs a place to hang until his ride gets here -they might not be a problem for long. HBO isn't one to pull shows mid-season, but theses shows might just stink up and down K street.

Enough with the new shows. Bring "The Wire" back already.

Prison Break was nice enough to send a pop up book. I love this show!











And I love pop ups!

The show "House" about a doctor named "House" yet no one gets the pun (I'm sorry I can't make the connection) sent an IV of blood along with a DVD of the show. BUt because the show takes place in NJ, there was a needle floating in it. I'm kidding!
this is a serious show. People are dying!
Yum, homeless blood.



Maybe this wasn't quite a good idea.

Every day for the past three weeks or so it's been free TV Christmas. Studios and networks are sending screener DVD's to voters so they could get an Emmy nod.



Here's the award for best packaging. It's the remake of the original, original "The Ten Commandments"







When you open it up you get two tablets like Moses did.






But this time, it comes with something useful; on the back there two DVD's of the ABC mini series. This is what Moses needed to convince his people. "Behold! DVD's!"




If they really wanted my vote, they should've sent a burning bush.

F Dial up!.

Driving around LA in my vintage SAAB convertible I was struck by this new billboard campaign. Maybe because I have the top down or because if I go over 25 miles an hour, my entire dashboard will shake, I've seen a few things about our urban landscape:

--Even though "Emily's Reasons why Not" only lasted one night, Heather Graham's big head still looms over Sunset like a South American dictator.

--Cable is constantly making and promoting movies about young Russian sex slaves. "We must save them...But first let's watch them dance!"

--Old slow internet sucks.

There are billboards all over LA that have "Dial-up" on them with "Dial" crossed off and the word "Washed" written over it. Way to take a stand! Forget this war thing, I say boo to unplugging the phone in order to get my email.

It's part of an ad campaign to get new users of some DSL.

Who comes up with telling people that something stinks, stinks? Are these the same people who created the unsuccessful, "Drowning is no fun" campaign that was all over the Atlantic Ocean? Or the "Dying is not as fun as living" that was up at Hostices around the country?

I picture a board room, annoying Apprentice rejects line the long table. An intern is organizing a plate of doughnuts.

One corporate a-hole has this great idea. He stand up in Tommy Bahama shirt (It's "Wacky over priced shirt Friday.").

"Instead of getting people who have high speed internet to change to our service because it's better, let's get the new customers. How do we get new costumers? Tell tehm that what they areusing is bad. These poor souls have no idea that dial up is bad. We need to infor them. How? through the internet? No, we established that it will take too long."

I get it. But why tell someone that their inferior product is inferior? They know that. You think there's someone in an igloo in waiting 2 hours for a down load of Paris Hilton's latest nipple slip thinking, "This is great. There couldn't be anything better than this. What? Faster connection? You speak the devil's words! Stop with thee!"

No one knows it's bad? Thanks for taking a stand. Becarefull what you print, the government is watching. You might end up on a list. A list of peopple who make obvious statements.

My guess is that people who still use dial up are doing so because of price and availability, not because they love it.

Why would someone use a third rate product when they can have something better?

Anyway, I have to go. AAA is here to tow my car.

More free TV!
It's Emmy Time and the studios send out episodes of their shows they hope to get nominated in fancy boxes.
The Brothers Warner sent their DVD's in these nifty tin boxes.


The shows might be better than the taste.

Then TNT sent out their favorites.Apparently they think The Closer has a "The Shield" shot in heaven to win the best drama or best actress nomination.
Here's a mystery...how do you open this fucking box?




The 47 hour Into the West is their other option. They were nice enough to send the entire season plus a large coffee table book. if it was a network series the'd throw in a coffee table too.



Look a free Father's Day gift! Shopping, done!

It's time for Free TV!

The Emmys are coming up, so the networks are sending us shutin voters DVD of the shows they wants to win some gold (plate).
Yesterday I got this gem.... It's Chris on a Milk carton. Inside is the season of "everybody hates Chris." Why no Love, Inc pencil set? Or "half and Half" non-dairy creamer? Or "Cuts" pencil sharpener?

About two months ago Showtime send copies of all their shows, even the ones that hadn't aired yet. I got six un aired episodes of "Huff" and the "L Word." HUFF is terrible - even when it's free and early. The L Word has managed to make Lesbians boring. How did that happen?
"Sleeper Cell?" Put me to sleep! NO! Not true. That was too easily. It confused me, then I threw it in the trash and then I went to bed.

Two great finds? Weeds and Barber Shop. Barber shop is actually funny and fun to watch. Omar Gooding is very funny. The characters are fun and the plot moves along pretty quickly. Plus the show has the same creator as Everybody hates Chris - which means I made a call back and I can end this entry.

SONY may pull the UMD movie.




For the PSP hand held gaming system, SONY put movies on cartridges as well as games.

I myself fell prey to the new product. I was convinced it was the wave of the future and I needed to know what it was and how it works. I also bought a $400 video Ipod - only for a better one to come out a month later.



I had visions of me on a plane watching my favorite movie - laughing like a nut - while other people stewed in their seats watching the latest contrived Hollywood love story or that Paul Reiser film where he and his dad Peter Faulk (played by Colombo) spend one day together where they drive two hours to upstate New York, look at a new house, watch a basrball game, go fly fishing , have dinner with two ladies they just met, hustle pool and get into a bar fight.

My fantasy was that I'd buy one of these things and watch it on the plane or at my hotel. The sound on the head phones stunk. I was blasting it in my ears but nothing was working. I found myself strangely leaning forward towards the screen to hear it better.



Plus in reality - I don't fly that much. And the hotel had this "TV" that was 1,000 times bigger than my PSP and had a lot more choices.


The first sign that the PSP movies wouldn't work out is that it;s a special format. You have to buy this UMD cartridge that only works on the PSP. You can't plug it into your DVD player and you can't use your DVD's in your PSP. SO THERE!

That should've been my first warning. New system that force you to buy new formats never work out. Remember the half VHS that fit into a portable VCR type thing? Of the mini disc? The Laser disc? OR even the 8 track - which only had four tracks BTW.

These all failed because you had to rebuy everything you had. f you wanted to see a movie or listen to an album, you had to get it on whatever the new format was and it only worked on one machine.

The PSP selection sucked. It's owned by SONY - so a lot of the movies are SONY properties. Plus it's a game system that's geared to teen boys. Great, how many horror movies can I watch?

I bought a bunch of films I didn't really care that much to see. Matrix I loved ten years ago on the big screen, but I bought it for tiny screen. An action film with Markie Mark and another one with Ethan Eath (Hawk). The only things I could stand watching was "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and the lame "Family Guy Movie." (By the end I was begging for "A Man Called Flinstone."


Finally last month I had second trip in which to use my micro movie theater. I went to the Beast Buy hoping for something good. In fact I was looking for "Jar Head." I wanted to see the movie and I know I'll never rent it since I have an aversion to watching anything over an hour at home.

There I was in the air. My PSP, my new PSP docking system with speakers a headset jack and a new official PSP head set all ready to watch a war movie about a war that had no war.

People complain about movies in theaters costing up to $14 - this one cost me about $200.

It was bound to happen. New York magazine took another swipe at "Generation X" to move units and fill up space.

Their cover story about thirty something that never grow up despite being parents is yet another generalization about a generation.

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/news/features/16529/?imw=Y



This article pisses me off. First of all-stop pissing on my generation. When we graduated from college there were tons of articles about "slackers." Lazy post grads who'd rather work at a coffee shop than get a real job.

Really? I remember there was a recession and I couldn't find a fucking job so I had to work at two restaurants to save so I could take a low wage job to start a career.

Now that every other guy my age -but me-has a kid- they say we haven't grown up? That's it's strange that a dad would listen to he latest music? Or want to see a concert?

I remember my mom listening to 50's music and going to oldies shows. My dad dragged us to Star Wars. We went because he thought it would be cool. He was right.

You mean no one reading this has picture of their mom or friend's mom with an afro? No memories of dad wearing a "Members Only" jacket, trying to look cool? If you do have any embarrassing pictures, send it to me so we can make a point together and laugh at our folks.

Although I love the snide nicknames, I'm tired of Time, Newsweek, New York Mag and others using sweeping statements to sell magazines.

Third Annual Razzies Guide

On March 4th, the awards for the worst movies will be announced. But enough
about The Independent
Spirit Awards, let's once
again
handicap the Razzies®!

Warning: The nominees contains high quantities of Jenny McCarthy and other glossy stars. In fact, the Academy - The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, that is - has a new category, Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets. Maybe the Acamedy
finally got E! on their cable box. 2005 was such a lackluster year for bad movies, even AO Scott of the New York Times wrote an article about how 2005 was such a lackluster year for bad movies. Now that's lackluster. We also blame watching movies on tiny iPod and PSP screens, watching movies at multiplexes, and that fact Soul Plane was released in 2004.

(Full List at www.razzies.com)

WORST MOVIE
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, DIRTY LOVE, DUKES OF HAZZARD, HOUSE OF WAX, SON
OF THE MASK

Who will win? Jenny McCarthy's Dirty Love, a Blockbuster wall-filler that barely graced theaters. Plus, Jenny hosts a show on E!
Who should win? Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Be Cool, Sahara, Monster-in-Law (All ignored by the Academy)

WORST ACTOR
Tom Cruise (WAR OF THE WORLDS), Will Ferrell (BEWITCHED, KICKING & SCREAMING), Jamie Kennedy (SON OF THE MASK), The Rock (DOOM), Rob Schneider (DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO)

Who will win? Tom Cruise. He's appeared on E! the most last year.
Who ought to win? Steve Martin (Cheaper By the Dozen 2)

WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba (FANTASTIC FOUR, INTO THE BLUE), Hilary Duff (CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2, THE PERFECT MAN), Jennifer Lopez (MONSTER-IN-LAW), Jenny McCarthy (DIRTY LOVE), Tara Reid (ALONE IN THE DARK)

Who will win? Jenny McCarthy
Who should the winner be? Jane Fonda (Monster-in-Law). No offense, but Mariah
Carey had a better comeback.

WORST SCREENPLAY
BEWITCHED, DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, DIRTY LOVE, DUKES OF HAZZARD, SON OF
THE MASK

Who will win? Dirty Love, because Jenny McCarthy herself wrote it.
Who, yea, who ought it be? Star Wars Episode 3, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Bewitched,
Four Brothers

WORST DIRECTOR
John Asher (DIRTY LOVE), Uwe Boll (ALONE IN THE DARK), Jay Chandrasekhar (THE DUKES OF HAZZARD), Nora Ephron (BEWITCHED), Lawrence Gutterman (SON OF THE MASK)


Who will win? Uwe Boll
Who will win, in a just world? Shame on you, Jay Chandrasekhar, for delivering a PG-13 theatrical release, followed by an "unrated" DVD. The latter had "deleted" tacked-on scenes of topless girls in what seems to be one day of filming. Either
make a raunchy R-rated movie (sans reality star Jessica Simpson) or make a kid-friendly DVD.

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL BEWITCHED, DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, DUKES OF HAZZARD, HOUSE OF WAX, SON
OF THE MASK

Who will win? Deuce. Too bad, it's still better than The Hot Chick.
Winner, in our eyes? All those God-awful remakes of '70s horror films. No wait,
that's this year. In that case, Bewitched.

MOST TIRESOME TABLOID TARGETS
Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Britney & K-Fed, and Ashlee, Jessica & Nick Simpsons

Who will win? Tom Cruise
Who deserves it? We're above watching E! and mocking celebrities. OK, who are we
kidding? Renée Zellweger & Kenny Chesney.

The WB and UPN are merging in a surprise deal unveiled Tuesday in New York.

The merged entity will be launched in fall 2006, with each company owning 50% of
a new network, dubbed The CW. The WB and UPN will continue to broadcast their
regular schedules until that time.

Tribune WB stations and CBS' UPN affiliates will sign a 10-year affiliation
agreement.


To read more, click on the link below

http://www.broadcastingcable.com/article/CA6301540.html?display=Breaking+News&referral=SUPP

Below the Belt Featured in Paper magazine bu they called It Johnny Fayva's Vaudevillians. Go to Belowbelt.com for more information.