Who Will Lose?

Even with war looming, it's hard not to get angry at this year's movie awards. Looking at the list of
nominations, we see who should win, but know will win:
Madonna.
This Saturday, March 22, one day before the Oscars, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation
announces the 23rd Annual Golden Raspberry (RAZZIE) Awards winners. Celebrating the worst movies of the
year, the Razzies got their hands full for 2002. Swept Away has seven nominations (tied with Star Wars:
Episode II).
We bet it will win all. Why? Because it's all politics, man. Madonna has already won four
previous Razzies as well as the Razzie's Worst Actress of the Century award.
Entertainment Weekly has already handicapped the Oscars, but we're the first to place odds on this year's Razzie race.

We got the list from the Foundation's website, www.razzies.com

Worst Actor:
Roberto Benigni /PINOCCHIO, Adriano Giannini/SWEPT
AWAY, Eddie Murphy/ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH, I SPY and
SHOWTIME, Steven Seagal/HALF PAST DEAD, Adam
Sandler/ADAM SANDLER'S 8 CRAZY NIGHTS and MR. DEEDS

We say:
Roberto. Breckin Meyer dubbed his voice in the first US theatrical release. The second US theatrical
release had subtitles. America suddenly misses Breckin Meyer's dub work.

Worst Actress:
Angelina Jolie/LIFE, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT, Jennifer
Lopez/ENOUGH and MAID IN MANHATTAN, Madonna/SWEPT
AWAY, Winona Ryder/MR. DEEDS, Britney
Spears/CROSSROADS

We say:
Madonna. But why was Enough over-looked in the worst movie category?

WORST Supporting Actor:
Hayden Christensen/STAR WARS/EPISODE II, Tom
Green/STEALING HARVARD, Freddie Prinze, Jr./SCOOBY
DOO, Christopher Walken/THE COUNTRY BEARS, Robin
Williams/DEATH TO SMOOCHY

We say:
Not only did Tom Green win big with last year's Freddy Got Fingered, but he showed up to accept his awards.
Wouldn't be surprised to see the Foundation pandering towards celebrities who show up.

WORST Supporting Actress:
Lara Flynn Boyle/MEN IN BLACK II, Bo Derek/MASTER OF
DISGUISE, Madonna/DIE ANOTHER DAY, Natalie
Portman/STAR WARS: EPISODE II, Rebecca
Ramijn-Stamos/ROLLERBALL

We say:
Madonna was bad but brief in Bond, but that didn't matter, that movie (that honor goes to Worst Original Song
nominee, "Die Another Day"). The Razzie should go to Lara Flynn Boyle for her phone-in job in MIB II.

MOST FLATULENT TEEN-TARGETED MOVIE
ADAM SANDLER’S 8 CRAZY NIGHTS, CROSSROADS, JACKASS:
THE MOVIE, SCOOBY DOO, XXX

We say:
The worst movie of 2002 is on this list and deserves special mention. xXx was awfully crass and crassly
awful, although it can't be worst than xXx 2.

Worst Director:
Roberto Benigni/PINOCCHIO, Tamra Davis/CROSSROADS,
George Lucas/STAR WARS/EPISODE II, Guy Ritchie/SWEPT
AWAY, Ron Underwood/THE ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH

We say:
The Foundation's being a little mean to Tamra Daivs and Ron Underwood, because they can't take full blame
for their features. Guy "Mr. Madonna" Ritchie will get it, but Lucas deserves it for his two hour video game
promo.

Worst Picture:
THE ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH, CROSSROADS, Roberto
Benigni’s PINOCCHIO, STAR WARS: EPISODE II: ATTACK OF
THE CLONES, SWEPT AWAY

We say:
Swept Away. And Pluto Nash. And Crossroads. And Roberto Benigini's Pinocchio. And Star Wars: Eposide
II. And Chicago. And Gangs of New York. And The Hours.
And Lord of the Rings II. And The Pianist. I want to thank the Foundation and my lawyer and everyone
involved in everything. U.S. out of everywhere don't have the orchestra play now, I'm not finished with my
speech!

- Media Yenta's Brother