Sunday, March 30, 2003

Bullet Proof Crap
Hollywood serves up the same old shit no matter what

Years ago Chow Yun-Fat got attention in America because he made these great action films and was a huge star in Hong Kong. Hollywood called and Chow checked his caller ID and then answered.

Now what do you do with an action star nearing 40 and can't speak English very well?

You put him in a movie with a younger star?

Right and?

You make them cops and have the Chinese guy have to come to America to avenge his partner's death and find the international outlaw with the help of a streetwise cop played by a young established star? Or a Chinese cop who comes to America looking for stolen drugs/weapons/diamonds/child and gets help from an American cop?

Bingo! It worked with Jackie Chan and all started (I think) with a new comer and huge TV star Eddie Murphy and film actor and safe white guy Nick Nolte in "48 Hours." Why not introduce something new with a familure face?

So Chow's first film with Mira "The Oscars was my last seen appearance" Sirvino, tanked. Then his other film with Marky-Mark Walberg(stein), barely made it to the car chase or the bonding moment at the bar.

Meanwhile, another action star Jett Li comes on the screen making gansta movies with rappers and great Black actors. These films didn't make much sense, but at least it wasn't 100% formula. They did well at the box office.

When Ang Lee was set to make a traditional Chinese action movie, Jett Li wasn't available. Sources, EW I think, say he was shooting one of those gansta movies, while he says he wife just had a baby and he was tired. I think he was too big for the art house director and the plum role in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" went to Chow who was one week away from co-starring in a syndicated action show that air on Saturday at 4 pm.

"Crouching Tiger," an art film, with subtitles, two female leads/heroes and no stolen drugs/weapons/diamonds/child; went on to make more than all of Jett Li's and Chow's movies combined!

Now what does Hollywood do?

They make more movies with subtitles, interesting plots, female stars, and older actors with the lead roles.

Wrong! You pressed your luck.


What? Anyway, after that movie, every crappy film had to add wires. That's what Hollywood learned from "Tiger." AMERICA LOVES WIRES! Not intelligent plots and heart felt stories, but flips and kicks.
The movies didn't change; they just added more stunts.

This weekend a film starring Sean where's my car guy from American Pie as a cop who learns to kick ass from Chow and teams up with James King (chick) and they fall in love.
From IMDB:
Set in San Francisco, this is the story of a mysterious immortal Tibetan kung fu master (Yun-Fat), who has spent the last 60 years traveling around the world protecting an ancient scroll, who is now mentoring a street kid (Scott) in the wonders of his ancient ways... (King plays a "Russian mob princess"; Roden plays an evil kung fu master who is seeking the scroll)

I hope Chow saved his "Crouching Tiger" money. Anyone see "The Killer" or "Hard Boiled?" He was great in those movies. Well maybe him and Jett Li can do a WB sitcom together.

And fuck James King. I'm sick of models turn actresses. I know Haley Barry won an Oscar, but she's a great actress. That doesn't mean that every super skinny chick with lots of lipstick and an AA chip should star in a movie over a real actress.

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