If you Like "Hot Ones..." I got a show for you

If you like Hot Ones, buy my new show Punched in the Stomach Ones. It’s an interview show, BUT between each question, the celebrity is punched in the stomach. Each time with a harder punch. First, you’re hit by an overactive toddler who’s ready for a nap. Then you’re hit by an eight-year-old who just found out his parents are getting divorced and that he has to start calling his babysitter “Momma Katie.” It goes all the ay up to the giant bouncer who’s tired of people commenting on his crappy beard.

They say imitation is the greatest form of television. If something works, we want to take a chance on it. There’s a show where celebrities eat increasingly spicy chicken wings. Every media outlet is looking for its own version of the wildly successful Hot Ones. In the early 2000s, everyone wanted their own version of the hit show Blind Date, where cameras followed a couple around and funny comments appeared on-screen. There was a block of all the knock offs. Remember all the Friends knock offs? Some of them featured actors that turned down Friends!! There was even Coupling. It was an American version of the British Friends knock-off! When Rikki Lake’s talk show blew up, every actor under 30 was deemed “relatable to the younger audience” and got a show. Then every show did what Rikki did, but a year later. Judge Judy was a hit, there were copies everywhere. Some worked. I remember Divorce Court shared a studio with Animal Court with Judge Wapner. “The case of Fildo vs. Mr. Cutie Cute.” It’s good to have shorthand when you’re pitching publicists a new idea: “They answer questions while we make fun of them, and then they get eaten by a polar bear for no reason.” Anyway, buy my show. The cast is getting impatient. I’m afraid they might hurt me.