Monday, January 24, 2005

And the Nominees are...

Forget the Oscars. The one movie awards we follow are the Razzies®, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation's annual pick for Worst in Show. Announced Monday
afternoon, here's the noms, which we'll handicap and, a first this year, we'll tell you if we actually saw the films. Congrats to the Razzie's celebrating 25 years, by the way. We took this off their press release at

Who will "win": This year is a toss-up. All are bad, granted, but usually the Foundation likes to peg projects with big egos who fall short. This summarizes
all of them. We say the Razzie goes the most expensive film, Alexander.
Which ones did we see: None, but we do plan to rent Catwoman and White Chicks.
Who deserves it?: Did we mention we didn't see any of them. But it's nice not to see the funny-at-times Stepford Wives on the list.

Ben Affleck (Jersey Girl, Surviving Christmas), George W. Bush (FAHRENHEIT 9/11), Vin Diesel (RIDDICK), Colin Farrell (ALEXANDER), Ben Stiller (All his 2004 movies
except Meet the Fockers) Who will "win:" 2003 winner Ben "Gigli" Affleck's got
some competition this year. Please, God, give it to Ben Stiller. Which ones did we see: We saw Starsky and Hutch and it wasn't even a movie. Bush and the other politicians nominated (see below) were bigger embarassments in other docs from last year like Bush's Brain and Uncovered: The War on Iraq.
Who deserves it?: Stiller.

Halle Berry, Hilary Duff (2 films), Angelina Jolie (ALEXANDER and TAKING LIVES, but not Sky Captain), Mary-Kate & Ashley, "The Wayans Sisters" (WHITE
CHICKS)Who will "win:" It's either the Wayans or Joliexander.
Which ones did we see: New York Minute is next on our Netflick list, we swear.
Who deserves it?: Wayans

Affleck & EITHER J. Lo OR Liv Tyler (JERSEY GIRL),
Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone
(CATWOMAN), George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR
His Pet Goat (F 9/11), Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, The
Wayans Brothers
Who will "win:" The President and the Goat. They make
such a great couple.
Which ones did we see: New York Minute is next on our
Netflick list, we swear.
Who deserves it?: Wayans

Carmen Electra (S & HUTCH), J. Lo (J Girl), Condoleeza
Rice (F9/11), Britney Spears (F9/11), Sharon Stone
Who will "win:" Former winners usually do, J. Lo,
Sharon, talking to you.
Which ones did we see: All but Catwoman and Jersey
Who deserves it?: Dr. Rice, for her performance in
the doc Uncovered when she emoted: "We don't want the
smoking gun to turn into a mushroom cloud."

Val Kilmer (Alex), Schwarzenegger (AROUND THE
WORLD...), Donald Rumsfeld (F 9/11), Jon Voight
Who will "win:" Lambert deserved it for the Matrix
movies. Gov. Schwar is a long time winner. We believe
Daddy Angelina will get it.
Which ones did we see: We refuse to see the fucking
sequel to fucking Baby Genius.
Who deserves it?: Schwarzenegger

Bob Clark (SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2), Renny Harlin
and/or Paul Schrader (EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING),
Pitof (CATWOMAN), Oliver Stone (ALEXANDER), Keenan
Ivory Wayans (WHITE CHICKS)
Who will "win:" Oliver Stone
Which ones did we see: None, but we promise to
watch...sigh...BG2, followed by...sigh...E4,
Who deserves it?: No brainer. Schrader's version of
Ex4 got shelved and then Renny Harlin made a new
better version. Which apparently really sucked more.

Who will "win:" Exorcist 4, for backstage noise alone.
Which ones did we see: We liked Scooby Doo 2
Who deserves it?: Paul WS Anderson's Alien v

Who will "win:" Alexander or White Chicks.
Which ones did we see: Now that the nominees are out,
we're going to watch all of them. Well, except for
BG2, come on we're only human.
Who deserves it?: Mankind.

Monday, January 17, 2005

It's "the latest example of TV network self-censorship," as CNN reports that FOX blurred a butt on Sunday's re-airing of "Family Guy."

That's some great irony because Family Guy is a cartoon show; that particular episode aired unedited on the network five years ago; and, earlier that night
on FOX, Moe showed his bare butt on the "The Simpsons."

So why the hecka is FOX airing 5-year-old Family Guys - a show they cancelled - on prime time anyway, especially when reruns are on Cartoon Network and TBS,
like, always? DVD sales. The Fox DVD sales of Family Guy rival only Chappelle's Show. To spawn future DVD sales, a new season of Family Guy starts this year.
Fox is now airing reruns for the next couple Sundays, perhaps to test the ratings, but seems more to test their restrait. Here's to Cartoon Network or TBS airing the new shows unedited.
Carter Country

Another year, another MTV film released in January.
Like the 1/01 release Save The Last Dance, Coach
Carter is directed by Thomas Carter (he directed Swing
Kids, too). In the ads, the announcer blares: "Coach
Carter, directed by Thomas Carter." So, are they
related? No. However, the director does have a basketball
connection. According to IMdb
Thomas Carter did act on TV's White Shadow.

"Hey, Salomi! I got the #1 film!"

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Golden Globes - How the other channels successfully sucked off the franchise with pre-show shows.

Let me be the first one to say that Joan and Melissa are a great addition to the TV Guide Channel. As time goes on, I think people will stray over to the "channel channel" and watch the mother daughter team that created the genre of awkward red carpet chatter.

It funny to watch J & M and Star on E! have strange 2 second conversations with the celebs that were just grabbed by a producer and put in front of the camera. It's like a really bad party where you are waiting for one of you to go "freshen my drink."

Star spent much of the time saying, "They say I shouldn't talk about fashion but...," or "They say I shouldn't gush but..." What else is there for her to talk about? The tsunomi? This is a red carpet show not a third date. Get up, see the dress and move on.

Star is a strange choice because she she's not a comedian so she just stands there and gushes, but they won't let her gush. Last year she only talked about her wedding. They stopped that. Again, what else does she have to talk about?

The best thing E! did was add Kathy Griffin to their coverage. She's funny and slightly mean. Other than Kathy, why else watch the pre show? She should have a bigger presence on the coverage. Forget Star.

J & M are funny and crazy. Instead of giving the Rivers only half a screen they put the TV guide stuff on the way bottom. They also put up random Golden Globe trivia. " Awkward!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Prince Harry dressed in a Nazi uniform? Well he was on his way to a "Bad taste Party." he came in second. Someone dressed as his mother in a car wrapped around a pole came in first.

How can the palace apologize now? It's now like he just did it on his own.

You and I get dressed on our own, but the prince? Someone could've stopped him. It's not like he went to the thrift store got a shirt and put the arm band on himself. Someone could have stopped him.


Fox is offering its cancelled series on line - some on a pay-per-view basis, and some free. According to Variety, come Monday you can order up all eight episodes of the busted series Playing it Straight for $9.99 for all eight, or $1.99 per ep. You may recall only 3 episodes of this series made it into primetime. Also available is My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, thought he final five unseen eps of that series are free to anyone interested.

Great, you can pay $10 for something you didn't even want to watch for free. I wonder if it'll have commercials.

This is a great experiment. The internet needs content. Why not try and make some of your money back? Normally these shows get sold off to third world countries. Now they can be pushed off on one of many reality or new gay cable channels or sold directly to the TV watcher.

I think the draw back to internet TV is you have to give people a reason to go over to their computer and watch something. FOX is saying that you can see a show you might have liked that they won't show on regular TV.

Just doing a shitty perverted cartoon doesn't cut it.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Media Yenta -- Out of retirement to slam Entertainment Weakling.

This week's EW's (pronounced "ew") "Must List" has a curious item. They named the CBS reality show "The Will" as the #2 must thing of the week.

"Scheming friends and family compete for a ranch estate on CBS' reality series. Viewers win; their faith in humanity loses.“

The show premiered this Saturday on CBS. It was the lowest rated show on the network for the week.

Monday the Eye Net canned the show making it one of those prestigious "one aired wonders."

Thursday Entertainment Weakling hits the news stands and puts it at #2.

Other things that were lower on the list: #9 Don Cheadle in 'Hotel Rwanda' - Apparently his performance is better than Javier Bardem in 'The Sea Inside" (#10) but not as good as a reality show.

Normally the snarky EW would take opportunity to publish an article about the decline of reality shows because one show got killed in the ratings - ignoring the fact that the show was put on the least watched night of the week and against a play off football game.

Now they can't. Well...they have flipped flopped on their opinions on performers and shows. They'll print a blurb trashing an actor calling him a loser. But once that said actor gets some heat ...they love him. It's not a magazine covering politics.

It's doesn't need a point of view. But a political mag will have on point of view. Left or right. But entertainment has no sides, so EW has arbitrary opinions.

The "ML" is the weekly ass kiss to publicists. The "Must" means they must give a pay back to a publicist.

Fuck EW. It's just Us Weekly with a better spell check.