Deadline

Saturday, November 16, 2002

Medium Yenta
Reviews of things to come

That new George Clooney movie looks like a big bomb. You can actually smell the gunpowder from the billboards.

Signs that it's a flop:

- The TV Ads start with "From Academy Award winners James Cameron and Steve Sodenbergstien." They're automatically trying to sell you on the movie based on the two guys who EP'ed the movie, not the movie itself. ("It must be good if those two guys are involved.") Who knows what happened? It might be a regret or a mistake. Those two guys might've lost a bet and in return had to endorse this movie.
I love that it said " Academy Award winners." Just to remind you. ("Oh, THATJames Cameron.") As if to tell you that these guys won Oscars, so this movie has to be good. Remember that Steve Martin was the executive producer of "The Downer Channel" and Robert DeNiro starred in "City by the Sea," plus he starred and "Presented" "Rocky and Bullwinkle."

-The Plot. The commercial has Clooney chasing this young, thin, super-hot girl around trying to get her to marry him. When she says no, he tells her he'll never stop asking. Aw, ain't stalking sweet.
Then, next thing you know, she's dead and she apparently did marry him. Huh? Then she comes back! Talk about a co-dependent. Then he tells his friend about his ex-sex and his friend warns him. Why does he warn him? We never find out. I say his friend is a jerk. He should be happy for George. If old cleft-chin wants to hook up, recycle, and rebound with his dead wife, then let him. It's not his place his to judge. I bet you this is the same friend that told Clooney not to leave "ER."

- It looks like you know what: Dare I say it. It looks like this year's "Vanilla Sky" the way it's shot and cut and lit. All it needs is for the dead wife to say, "J'open jour j'eyes."

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