Deadline

Tuesday, December 30, 2003


Before the end of the year I had to get in some charity for my taxes (and the good will of mankind). So I throw a bunch of my skinny clothes and out of date shoes in a bag and gave it to the gay thrift store. I also gave some orphanages some cash and candy bars. Plus my college got money for the library and some fresh bong water.

But the biggest charity was last night. I gave NBC one more viewer for their latest semi hit show "Las Vegas." now a days, if a show gets any kind of number, people run around like its the second coming of the Cosby Show. Then they give the show a 47 year deal and no one is the wiser.

"Las Vegas" opened with a Baywatch size open montage of butts and boobs in bathing suits. Then the plot began. Someone tried to rape the bosses daughter with roofies. Now this isn't an after school special! This is NBC's latest and greatest show! NOW SIT DOWN!

They stretched the search on for the entire hour. Apparently, this guy just goes around all day looking for women to drug. I, myself spend all day playing "Dick Clark's Rocking Eve" nickel slots soaking up the free drinks. I'm also a Wheel of fortune man. But I can understand it. When I go to Vegas, C-Horse likes to play "the Big Cheese," while I'm at the nickels. While this guy is drugging chicks, his buddy must be playing progressive slots or stabbing people or something. "You drug, I mame, meet you at the Ghost bar at 11."

Oh, I forgot to tell you the plot of the show. They work in Vegas. That's it.
I honestly don't know how they can get plots form week to week. Well God Bless it.

the show is a pointless as those Oxygen bars on the strip. You do it because it's there, but you don't feel any better after it.

Monday, December 29, 2003



MONSTER with Charlise Theron and Christina Ricci is a great move. Charlise Yenta (she'll take my name when we marry) should win the Oscar.

But don't go see it because you heard there was a great lesbo scene. It ain't true. It's a lie. Don't fall for it. I was in tea Sunset 5, packed with hipsters all ready for an allowable girl on girl. NO one can get mad at you for watching, it's an art film. There's Oscar buzz. Theron made herself ugly. It's an independent film...

Well the film was great but as for the sex, rent Muholand Dr. Or even "Where the Boys Aren't 12."


They make such a big deal about Theron making herself ugly and gaining 30 pounds. Gaining weight isn't the hard part, it's the keeping it on for 4 years that's the trick.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

A short media storm brewed last week when a big story broke out of Indiana and everyone wanted in.

Here's my personal part. Late at night at work, I was told of a news article I had to break. I book real people and I get my ideas from the newspaper. Or Fark.

Well a writer found a news story out of Midwest about Jason Smith. He's a 6 foot plus high school basketball phenom who Purdue U. Really want on their team. But they offered the wrong Jason Smith the scholarship. The 5 '2 head of the chess team was flattered and refused to give back the free ride.

Brilliant. We want to bring the chess chump to our studio and have him shoot baskets. I have a little sour grapes about it because my boss got condescending and sent me off to my desk at 10:30 at night to find this story. Fine. That's my job.

When I did an internet search for "Jason Smith Purdue basketball" nothing came up. I couldn't even find the original article. I waited for the next day at work at and asked the writer for the article. Hoosier Gazette. In Big letters it said "Indiana's first source for inaccurate news and commentary since 2003."

The writer wasn't the only one who was fooled by the large 18 inch comic sans disclaimer. Jim Rome rallied on about it on his radio show. ESPN mentioned it. Josh the editor of the comedy version of the Onion, was shocked to see another one of his headlines from the Hoosier Gazette on a CNN scroll. "Indidana voted fattest state," maybe a true statement, but it was a made up headline.

What these people did was dumb and sloppy. They obviously went to Fark, pressed Ctrl- A, Ctrl-C, Ctrl- V.

But the San Diego paper committed a crime. They copied the story right from the website word for word. Then they changed the Headline and By line. Their article was "compiled" by one of their writers. Compiled nothing. They stole it. They quickly pulled it off the internet version and the next day printed this sorta retraction.

Again, if I can make this personal. (In the new year, should I start writing in an accent?)
I remember in college I failed this test in psychology of women. (I know, I know.) I went to the professor to discuss this bad start. She was very helpful and got me a tutor. (Yes, I had a tutor in the psychology of women. Yes, it was a woman. No. Now leave me alone!)

Before leaving the teacher told me of something also troubling. Another guy also got a 64. He also had the same wrong answers.

I remember him asking to cheat off of me and I told him it was a terrible idea. I confronted the stoner and he told me I needed to try harder and concentrate more. If not for me, but for his chances of getting into law school.

This plagiarism of weblogs has to be stopped. Why is Jayson Blair and that Shattered Glass kid getting punished and these jerks are getting by?

People should be fired. Movies should be made. I should be treated better at work. The vending machine should have extra Diet Cokes.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Enough

I can't watch another E! or VH0.1 "special" where D list celebs critique A listers. So Sharon Stone wore an ugly dress once? So Britney started a fail restaurant in NYC?

Who hasn't?
I've worked at them all. If you opened a restaurant, I've waited tables there, and if I've waited tables there, you probably fired me.

But enough with 3rd rate comics and Michael Musto, that dusty queen. At least change it up. I don't need to see the same four people on all the channels.

Apparently, VH0.1 is looking for comics right now in NYC. No pay, no experience, no prep time.

For those "I love the 80's" and "I still Love the 80's," they sent clips they already picked to the commentators and cut up what they said. They made two remember the 80's specials. I'm surprised they didn't run out of things to say. If they make a third, they have to talk about my Bar Mitzvah or my brothers mullet. (Oh, wait, that was me.)

I never found Michael Ian black funny. But his dead pan faux praise of all things tacky in the 80's is so annoying and over done. And Mo Rocco pretend that trivial things are very important events...Enough. You two are smarter than me and smugger. I get it. Now call your mom for approval.


Friday, December 05, 2003

SpikeTV: Why would Spike Lee broadcast such
shit?



Caught the last 15 minutes of the First Annual Videogame Awards on SpikeTV, the First Network for Men. What a train-wreck. Halo 2 wins Most Anticipated Videogame Award? That's an award? Sounds to me like Typical VideoGame Hype creeping off the pages of GamePro and onto the TV. All you with girlfriends might be asking: What's Typical VideoGame Hype (TVGH)?

TVGH means Magazine X features Game Y on the front cover and spine, plus prints pages of fawning previews, a fawning review, and a paid back-cover ad. The line between editorial and pay-atorial is always blurred in videogame journalism because, unlike in real journalism, ethics mean less than junkets and free swag do.


Here's an example of TVGH on SpikeTV. The last award, Best Music, went to Electric Arts' hip-hop wrestling game, Def Jam: Vendetta. Then DMX, who is in the game, came out to perform. Couldn't DMX go on before they award his game? Isn't that a conflict of interest? And is David Spade funny?


On the plus side, I got to see Orlando Jones curse several times to a Crank Yankers puppet (he got bleeped out, of course), while in the background, two children giggle at his language. Videogames aren't a bad influence on children, Orlando Jones is.


Before the awards, SpikeTV ran a marathon of "Most Extreme Challenge," their recycled and redubbed Japanese game show parody that makes "Bonzai" look intelligent. I wonder if Spike TV viewers realize that the original show is "Takeshi's Castle," and that the co-host Count Takeshi is none other than the venerable Japanese director, "Beat" Takeshi Kitano (Sonatine, Brother).

Seems that these shows were taped before he damaged his eye and face in a motorcycle accident.


Whatever. The dubbed voices just said "nose boogers." Har de har har, SpikeTV!


- Media Yenta's Brother