Third Annual Razzies Guide
On March 4th, the awards for the worst movies will be announced. But enough
about The Independent
Spirit Awards, let's once
handicap the Razzies®!
Warning: The nominees contains high quantities of Jenny McCarthy and other glossy stars. In fact, the Academy - The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, that is - has a new category, Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets. Maybe the Acamedy
finally got E! on their cable box. 2005 was such a lackluster year for bad movies, even AO Scott of the New York Times wrote an article about how 2005 was such a lackluster year for bad movies. Now that's lackluster. We also blame watching movies on tiny iPod and PSP screens, watching movies at multiplexes, and that fact Soul Plane was released in 2004.
(Full List at www.razzies.com)
DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, DIRTY LOVE, DUKES OF HAZZARD, HOUSE OF WAX, SON
OF THE MASK
Who will win? Jenny McCarthy's Dirty Love, a Blockbuster wall-filler that barely graced theaters. Plus, Jenny hosts a show on E!
Who should win? Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Be Cool, Sahara, Monster-in-Law (All ignored by the Academy)
Tom Cruise (WAR OF THE WORLDS), Will Ferrell (BEWITCHED, KICKING & SCREAMING), Jamie Kennedy (SON OF THE MASK), The Rock (DOOM), Rob Schneider (DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO)
Who will win? Tom Cruise. He's appeared on E! the most last year.
Who ought to win? Steve Martin (Cheaper By the Dozen 2)
Jessica Alba (FANTASTIC FOUR, INTO THE BLUE), Hilary Duff (CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2, THE PERFECT MAN), Jennifer Lopez (MONSTER-IN-LAW), Jenny McCarthy (DIRTY LOVE), Tara Reid (ALONE IN THE DARK)
Who will win? Jenny McCarthy
Who should the winner be? Jane Fonda (Monster-in-Law). No offense, but Mariah
Carey had a better comeback.
BEWITCHED, DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, DIRTY LOVE, DUKES OF HAZZARD, SON OF
Who will win? Dirty Love, because Jenny McCarthy herself wrote it.
Who, yea, who ought it be? Star Wars Episode 3, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Bewitched,
John Asher (DIRTY LOVE), Uwe Boll (ALONE IN THE DARK), Jay Chandrasekhar (THE DUKES OF HAZZARD), Nora Ephron (BEWITCHED), Lawrence Gutterman (SON OF THE MASK)
Who will win? Uwe Boll
Who will win, in a just world? Shame on you, Jay Chandrasekhar, for delivering a PG-13 theatrical release, followed by an "unrated" DVD. The latter had "deleted" tacked-on scenes of topless girls in what seems to be one day of filming. Either
make a raunchy R-rated movie (sans reality star Jessica Simpson) or make a kid-friendly DVD.
WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL BEWITCHED, DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, DUKES OF HAZZARD, HOUSE OF WAX, SON
OF THE MASK
Who will win? Deuce. Too bad, it's still better than The Hot Chick.
Winner, in our eyes? All those God-awful remakes of '70s horror films. No wait,
that's this year. In that case, Bewitched.
MOST TIRESOME TABLOID TARGETS
Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Britney & K-Fed, and Ashlee, Jessica & Nick Simpsons
Who will win? Tom Cruise
Who deserves it? We're above watching E! and mocking celebrities. OK, who are we
kidding? Renée Zellweger & Kenny Chesney.