Friday, March 04, 2005

Don't Quote Me
I'm sick and tired of expensive computer-generated animated movies that substitute humor with pop culture references. The Shrek films pulled it off mainly because they're nothing more than Disney piss-takes, and everyone loves pissing on Disney, you know? But I'd rather listen to Michael Ian Black talk about "Diff'rent Strokes" than watch Shark Tale or Robots. It seems like a lot of effort to anthropomorphize sharks and robots just so they can say "Is that your final answer?" or name-check popular movies. What sort of fantasy world would have talking animals that use slang, make potty jokes, and reference Matrix movies? Why is that funny?

Also, as a cartoon fan, why aren't any professional voice talents like Billy West or Tom Kenny used more in these films? Or am I supposed to regress into childlike wonder hearing Jada Pinkett Smith voicing a hippo?

Needless to say, the latest CG film, Robots, wasn't really on my must-watch list. The latest TV ads feature a glowing blurb from none other than Earl Dittman, whose praises are usually attached to bad movies. Dittman, a real person who once appeared on Jimmy Kimmel, writes for the elusive Wireless Magazine and tends to have glowing things to say about garbage films (he likes The Pacifier, for example). Even with that said, the Robots ad rubs wrong.

The first sentence that appears in the Robots ad reads:

"More Incredible than the Incredibles" - Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine

The next two sentences read:

The Ride of Your Life.
The Most Amazing Action Ever Put on Film.

Notice something missing with the last two quotes? There's no quotation marks surrounding them. So, are the last two statements (which seem a little too hyperbolic, even for Dittman) actual quotes from Earl's review? Or are they statements written by the marketing department and placed after a quote to make it seem like they're part of a review? Maybe the unquoted blurbs are written by an army of Earl Dittman robots. Either way, it seems deceitful to me. But what do I know? I don't find Robots making piss jokes either the ride of my life or the most amazing action ever put on film.

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