Friday, February 09, 2007

It's All Bad: 2006 Bad Movie wrap-up

Four years ago, we began covering the Razzie race as a parody of Entertainment Weekly's coverage of the Oscars. We know now the parody was never funny, but that won't stop us from handicapping this year's nominees.

Full list of nominees here. The Razzies wisely dropped their new category, Tiresome Tabloid Targets (sorry, Kramer) and replaced it with the Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment.

- Media Yenta's Unemployed Brother.

Who will win?

Wicker Man. Director Nick LaBute spent any remaining capital eked from initial films like In the Company of Men with this misguided remake of a furry favorite. Never remake any film classic starring Michael York, let alone one with an overrated theme song. Here's the low-lights.

Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screen Couple (Nicolas Cage "& His Bear Suit"), Worst Remake.

Will win: Screen Couple, Worst Movie, Worst Actor, Worst Remake.

Basic Instinct 2. Let's face it, this movie was a gift to the Razzie Academy.

Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Sharon Stone), Worst Screen Couple ("Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts"), Worst Director (Michael Caton-Jones), Worst Supporting Actor (David Thewlis), Worst Sequel.
Will win: If the Razzies are lazy, then this will sweep all, cheating Nic Cage and his bear suit.

Little Man. Semi-sequel to White Chicks. What's next, Gypsy Lepers? (Memo to Wayans: Gypsy Lepers, my idea).

Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Marlon and Shawn), Worst Screen Couple (Shawn Wayans & "EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans"), Worst Remake (rip-off of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, apparently), Worst Director (Keenan Ivory Wayans), Worst Screenplay.
Will win: Could nab Remake, upsetting Wicker Man. Shawn's acting could cement Worst Couple nominee, denying it to bear suit and lop-sided breasts.

Lady in the Water. As if Basic Instinct 2 wasn't enough classic crap for the year. This movie is so bad, a book decrying its shittiness was published weeks before its release. A "fairy tale for grown-ups"? Pass -- bad enough I had to pretend to enjoy Pan's Labyrinth.
Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay.
Will win: Screenplay is M. Night Shyamalan's to lose. As for Supporting Actor, he is a giant among fellow noms Danny DeVito and Martin Short.

Tim Allen. Nominated Worst Actor for three movies: The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog, and Zoom. Remember Zoom, the teenaged superhero movie?

Who should win?

Nacho Libre. This summer flick started its ad campaign early. Every bus, magazine and street poster had Jack Black as a Mexican wrestler on it. Then it was released on DVD and the horrible ads were back. Honestly the comedy is so disconnected, detached, and as ironic as a Hallmark card, I could only watch in five-minute clumps. Then I gave up. Like Three Amigos, it tries to parody Mexico by having everyone speak English in a funny accent. Nominated for: nada.

Horror Movies. Shit sells. Or at least that's what a precocious child whispered to me while staring at the walls.

Everything nominated for Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment. Congrats to Deck The Halls, Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties, RV, Santa Clause 3, and The Shaggy Dog!

Here's to 2007 and the release of Uwe Boll's Postal. In the meanwhile, the 2006 Razzie winners will be announced Saturday, Feb. 24th.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Lover/astronaut Lisa Nowak and host and Daily Show host Jon Stewart.

Just saying...