Writers return to work causes Red Vines shortage...

Will most of Hollywood's writers coming back to the office on the same day - the city's bulk stores were not able to keep the inferior Twizzler on the shelf. Under paid PA's scared for their lives grabbed tubs of the red stuff to impress their production coordinator and maybe get a chance to share an awkward joke with a real writer.

Hottie makes nottie a lottie cash

According to Boxofficemojo.com This weekend the Paris Hilton movie made $25,000 dollars. Less than the Paris would get paid for an appearance at a night club. So with all the billboards (or at least the one I saw at Sunset and La Brea that looks like she made it[picture to come{get off my back {it's coming!}}]) TV ads and press junkets and radio interviews, only 2,500 people were convinced to see the film.

Tiny shoe box theaters across the country laid w/ heat or air conditioning blasting for no one. Homeless people wouldn't even sneak in to get out of the cold.
"Could I have some change? I promise not to spend it on that Paris movie. It will all go to booze, I promise."
"In that case, here's a whole dime."


Here's some info on the movie's director: from imdb.com
Graduated from USC School of Cinema-Television (1994)
Named as "One of the 25 New Faces of Independent Film" by Filmmaker Magazine (Summer 2003 Issue).

He's won a bunch of awards. But so has Paris. I actually saw his 1999 film "Shafted" a take off of Shaft (no shit). To be fair, I don't remember what I thought of it. I can see myself getting frustrated and walking away.

NIkki Finke takes up Sudoku

The first Casualty of the writers strike ending seems to be Nikki Finke - journalist, blogger and WGA sympathizer has found herself with a lot of free time on her hands now that there's nothing to report. Now she will feel the same way the below the line people felt on shows that were shut down.

Hey writers, now that you are coming back to work...

Could you stop using cliches like, "I learned that on the Discovery Channel?" I just saw Kal Penn say that on an episode of House. The guy is playing a doctor, a brilliant one at that, so it would not be so far fetched that he actually reads and learned whatever fact in a book.

This joke is at best over used and old. It should be avoided. Thanks.

I wonder how many shows will have strike plots.

A waste of a Monday

There's been bad TV shows before. None as bad as "Welcome to The Captain." This laughless snoozefest is just that. That's all I got.

i don't want to be the blogger dude who snarks and shits on everything. But this show was so bad I needed to vent. This show might put the writers back on strike or at least re-think life.

This young mis-understood writer can't catch a break in Hollywood. he decides it's LA's fault and threatens to move home to NYC where apparently it's so much easier to get a movie made. His best buddy (Stereotype # 1) is a womanizing, sleazy manager named "Marty." Oh the guy is like 27. Somehow his parents were hoping to give birth to a 60 yeah old butcher. Seriously, I've been in LA for almost 10 years and I never met a guy...I've been in LA for almost ten years. Wasn't I going to do more with my life? How did I end up here for so long?

"Marty" gets this guy into his huge apartment complex packed with wacky characters fresh from other shows. For some reason theres a concierge at an apartment complex - it's the only ethnic character on the show. OH, here's a twist on the same old shit you get on TV, he's lazy and a smart ass. Oh, and he's due back on the set of Faulty Towers...at least on that show he was just dumb like everyone else...I've been in LA for ten years.


There's Raquel Welch plays the super horny cougar, and then there's the blond love interest that he falls instantly in love with but can't have until season three when the ratings start to sag.

At the end of the episode they pull the camera back to reveal how huge the building is. "Shit there's got to be at least 300 people living there. There must be better stories in that building.

It's not so much that it's not good. It's not funny. At all. Nope. the structure is there, but no funny moments. People always complain about laugh tracks, but I wish I had one so i would know when to laugh. The actors seem to pause after an joke as if they had to wait for a laugh. Don't bother.

Arnold, Please!

Last night to keep up with my Razzie nominations, I watched the epic sequel of "Daddy Day Care," "Daddy Day Camp." Don't pretend you didn't see the posters or see the trailer on a sick loop on the Pay Per View preview channel. You know, the film your kids begged you to see swearing it was the most important thing in their world.
If you took the kids you would know what a piece of crap it is.

If you didn't take them - you can buy my used copy for $27.45.

But whatever you are thinking about this film - it gets worse.

Instead of Eddie Murphy we get Oscar winner Cuba Gooding, Jr. Instead of Jeff Garlin we get a loaf of bread with eyes.


-Fred Savage (yes Winnie's boyfriend or Ben's older brother if you under the age of old) is the director. He directs with a very heavy fist and a crappy gaffer (I bet you never heard of someone reviewing the gaffer.)


- The opening shot is a little girl slowly pulling a sheet cake off the counter onto the floor. (You get it?)But someone is assisting her by pushing the cake forward, even when she is not pulling it.

- They make no effort in pretending that the skunk that strays the bus is not a stuff animal.

You might be thinking - "That's not so bad. It's a kids' film. Cuba knows how to take a kick to the balls. A raccoon may fall on his head. The fat guy farts a few times and blows up the can. Harmless."

Oh. Be warned. It's total crap. But I'm going on and on so I don't have to write about the most objectionably part of the film.

Some background - for no real good reason at all, Cuba risks his family's nest egg on a run down camp with no pool or lake. The owner of the fancy camp next door - that literally has valet and a pizza butler- is an evil dude who wants the land.

"I didn't see that coming."

Don't interrupt. The evil guy wants Cuba to compete in a made up competition. To show he's serious he brings a long of spear that symbolizes that a challenge for this made up this has been made. Cuba refuses and continues onto boring the kids and the audience at the same time.

Later, he gets so mad that he agrees to challenge and grabs the ceremonious spear and chucks it the white guy...

"What did you just say?"

Fred Savage! you were a product of the 60's. You'd think you'd know better.

Lost - the ultimate recap

Lost recently returned. In order to get the most new viewers (people who are ready to try it now that there's nothing else to see) the network aired 3 hours of recap shows.

Here's my recap of the series Lost in just a few lines...

Season 1: Wednesdays at 8 - The show comes on TV like a house on fire. Great special effects, mysterious monsters, people with powers, strange French women...It seemed like the writers never thought the show was going to last more than 12 episodes and just wrote great stories and didn't worry about answering any questions. The season ends with a bang.

Except the mysterious monster turns out to be a low budget smoke monster that would make Sid and Marty Kroft blush.

Season 2 - Wednesdays at 9 - Instead of answers we got new characters and new questions. Things are going fine, but every other episode feels like a rerun...it is! The new mystery is if this week's show is going to be new or a rerun. It was on it's way to go the way of "Moonlighting."

Season 3 - Wednesdays at 10 - The airs six new episodes in a row. They are ok. Then they take if off for 13 weeks! In it's place they put a ridiculously stupid TV show where every day repeats itself until the cop gets the day right or the network cancels it.


Lost returns in the winter with the rest of the episodes pretty non stop. They are bad until two brand new characters at killed off (or are they) in a very cool Twilight Zone type story line. It's back! The season ends with a bang! The writers got us back!


Season 4 - Thursdays at 9 - we are promised only 18 episodes of the year, but with the strike we get 8. So far so good.


I hope this helps.

failed slogans

"Jews! We came up with not eating pork first!"
"Libraries, not just for homeless people to search for porn!"
"AOL. Our business model is that we hope that people just forget to cancel us."
"Legalize Hemp, for shirt and ropes... that we can smoke!"
"Stereotypes. You have to admit; we are right most of the time!"

Finally - A reason to go to strip clubs

In Hollywood imitation is the highest form of art. If something worked once for someone then everyone figures it will work for them. Also you can't lose y telling your boss that you are working on something that is working.

That's why agents are rushing to strip clubs.

The latest flavor of the month is computer programmer turned stripper turned blogger turned memoirist turned screen writer who wrote the over written "Juno."

That's why when you ask an agent where they've been all day, they will proudly tell you, "The strip club." These fearless men and one sexually harassed woman spend hours gawking at dancers taking off their tops to the latest R&B sensation or "Hell's Bells" from AC/DC and negotiating lap dances. "It's research," one high powered agent in training was overheard telling his assistant in training when he threw down a bunch of receipts from "Jumbo's Clown Room."
(Yes, as you can tell from the club, it was an ICM agent. That's their turf.)

Strippers too are getting into the act. Instead of telling a customer the classic tale of "just doing this to get through law school while raising a kid," the savvy stripper talks about the screen play they are writing about a teenager who speaks in pop culture references and (fill in the blank).

So if you are looking for the next Robert Towne or you have a screenplay you've been dying to write (and you're willing to add Emo Rock) I have one piece of advice for you:

"Get on the pole."

My Bad

Sorry Posh Spice, we thought you'd be more interesting. We'll stop taking your picture and writing about you now. NBC gave you a reality series about you moving to Hollywood. It was canceled during the first episode and became a one time special. (This was the new NBC-not the 90's NBC. They don't have much to replace you.)Sorry about that. Do you have a more interesting sister?

Proof that Snoop is high

Can someone tell Snoop Dogg that he's rich and famous? He's a huge recording star, he doesn't need to do cameos on bad TV shows or be in crappy movies. He certainly doesn't need to do a faux reality show on E! How much could E! be paying him? $10.95?
It makes sense for Peter Brady and his reality show wife or the Kardashians who are not famous for anything to have one of those shows - but a certified hit maker? Why E!? Did he pitch it around and no one wanted Snoop on their channel? I doubt that.
Couldn't he just You'd think if he wanted to do a sitcom he could.

The show had huge ratings. No shit!

Stop illegally down loading Snoops music! He's forced to do this crap!

The show follows all the formulas for a reality. teh wacky family members taht can be boiled down to a type. The wife - "boss ladt." She cleans and tells snoop what to do. The son who's the ladies man - he looks and acts like the character of Chris' brother on the sitcom "Everbody Hates Chris."

There's the cooked story lines, Snoop goes to the doctor and is afraid of needles...guess what? There's a needle. He takes yoga for the first time. What a coincidence! Pretty soon he'll go to a spa.

Why do all reality show people go to a spa? Is that interesting to watch? It is to do - but to watch other people? I'm not sure if they introduced the pet yet. all these shows have a cute pet.



Snoop, put the bong down and get off E! Then pick it up again and do another album.

you people are sick!

I was just checking my site meter for the 1000th time today. People find my site while searching for something else and then never returns. Here's the latest search "montage of butts." Really People? Sorry dude.

Led Zep is back!

and some dude has the cell phone footage to prove it!