Thursday, July 11, 2019

"Shameless" wife reveals which sex toy saved their marriage

Sarah Shahi goes on TV and reveals she likes to use a strap-on with her husband, "Shameless" actor Steve Howie. Watch to the end!

Friday, June 14, 2019


This was from the PDF of the proof for my article. There are a couple of errors. But the finished article is only in the actual physical magazine at a newsstand near you. I've written a couple of article for these people.

Monday, June 03, 2019

Man Demands refund for "Garden State" 15 years later

A local man is suing his local movie theater for the full ticket price of the 2004 film "Garden State."

"At the time I saw it, it seemed original and meaningful," said a man who wished to remain anonymous. "But then I started seeing other films and realized it was trite. The love interest was just a manic pixie dream girl, something you see in a lot of films."

 "I was tricked into thinking it was good by Zach Braff's charming interviews and the film's slow score."

The man won a similar court case last year against the same theater for the 2005 Oscar winner, "Crash. "
"That was a no brainer," said the owner of the movie theater being sued. "We made a lot of money on Crash.  And then we had to slowly give it back."

The movie theater has started to protect itself for further litigation. It's been noted that a "No Backsies" sign was posted during showings of "Green Book."

* Listen to Starlee Kine's thoughts on Garden State
* Professor fired for teaching that Hitchcock ripped off Brian DePalma movies
* Steven Segal wants a career do-over


Monday, May 27, 2019

CBS returns to the well

CBS is launching a new sitcom this season called Broke.
Below is the description from Deadline Hollywood. Basically, a rich person loses everything and moves in with her "poor" relative. I put poor in quotes b/c they usually have a large house that can easily hold the relative(s) and a studio audience. Wait, doesn't the show have two broke girls... they should call it that! (also about a poor woman and rich woman who lost it all)

But most networks, CBS in particular, seem to repeat this premise. The rich person is unbearable and ungrateful, but they are family. Every week they seem to learn a bit more about life and then forget it by the next episode.

But I want to watch a show about the person being rich and having no consequences to their crazy actions or watch them crash and burn. Great, now I get to watch them give life lessons to a moppet kid and hug at a lot.

You want an example of another show Broke? Well there was a show back in the day called "Fired Up." OK, they weren't related and it was the 90's, but they both had bars. Here's the description from IMDB:
A creative executive, Gwen, and her long-time assistant, Terry are fired from their jobs. After 3 months, Gwen shows up at Terry's door, broke. Gwen cajoles Terry into going into business with her as equals, which proves difficult after their previous business relationship. Gwen also moves in with Terry and her brother, Danny. Gwen also has to fight off the advances of Danny's boss, Guy, who owns the bar below where the trio live.

Another common theme is the One man surrounded by women. The show is usually called "Ladies Man." The show revolves a widower or divorced guy who lives with or near his daughter, mom, love interest, assistant, gardener, caddy... all women! WHAT!!!???

Last year CBS did another old school plot with the teenage orphan moving in with her cool aunt/sister with the show "FAM." As a kid, these shows were great fantasies. "You mean I could live with my cool babysitter? The one with a motorcycle in his living room?

The show lasted a year. I have an issue with the term "Fam." Totally my deal. I once worked with an announcer who didn't know anyone's name and just called us "Fam." Years later, I worked with him again and he remembered my name, which is Fam apparently. He just said it with more conviction.

Me: Hello, Big Boy (that's his name)
BB: Hello, Fam.
Me: We worked together years ago at blah blah.
BB: OH! Hello, FAM!

CBS also had a show last year about a regular couple that has a rich and famous rock (or movie) star that moves in with them. It's called Happy Together, get it? Too late, it's canceled.  So after two failed shows about people with unwanted house guests, CBS made a new one?

Why not a show about a poor woman and her son that moves in with her rich sister and causes havoc? We'll call it Havoc! Get Steven Webber on the phone! Well, then try his home phone, you know he's got one!

There are some great unwanted house guest shows besides ALF.
BROKE (Comedy)
When an outrageously wealthy trust fund baby is cut off by his father, he and his wife move into her estranged sister’s Reseda home, forcing the two siblings to reconnect. Cast includes Jaime Camil, Pauley Perrette, Natasha Leggero, Izzy Diaz, Antonio Corbo. Produced by CBS Television Studios/Sutton Street Productions/Propagate. From writer-executive producer Alex Herschlag, executive producers Jennie Snyder Urman, Joanna Klein, Ben Silverman, Guillermo Restrepo, Gonzalo Cilley, Maria Lucia Hernandez, Jaime Camil and director Victor Gonzalez.

Is the show good? I have no idea. I haven't seen it. Watch the trailer. 

Baby crying. got to go. 

Monday, May 13, 2019

Felicity Huffman: "I was one of those students that tried to get away with doing as little as possible."

Felicity Huffman foreshadows her future college scams on the red carpet. When asking if she was a good student, the actress responded: "I was one of those students that tried to get away with doing as little as possible."

Dennis Pastorizo asked celebrities at an education fundraising event what kind of students they were. While most people said they worked really hard to get all "A's," Huffman was a little too honest. 


From USA Today:

BOSTON – Actress Felicity Huffman fought back tears as she pleaded guilty in Boston federal court Monday afternoon to charges in the nation's largest college admissions scandal, becoming the highest-profile defendant to admit to crimes in the blockbuster case.
The former "Desperate Housewives" actress admitted to conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services mail fraud for paying Rick Singer, the nationwide admissions scheme's alleged mastermind, $15,000 to have someone correct SAT answers for her oldest daughter. 

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Eric's Super Hot Girlfriend, Canadian Model Dies Just Before Meeting His Friends

Model and Canada's premiere super spy has tragically died. She was very hot and very mysterious. People loved her. Canada's version of the president said in a statement, "She was very hot. Very hot. And loved to model and fight bad guys. But she had to stay in hiding in Canada so she could never come to the United States. Not even for prom, for example."

She is survived by her boyfriend 16-year-old, Eric Schieder, who she loved very much and did lots of sex with. They met at camp. Eric is so very sad about this death. "She was finally going to come and visit me in the States and even meet my friends. Ah, it would have been so cool. Oh, well."

The secret spy's last words were, "Goodbye cruel world. Although I regret not being able to meet Eric's friends and prove to them I am in fact very real, I will always treasure the time I spent with Eric having actual sex with him. Which we did do."

Services have not been set so stop asking.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Men Starve as "Captain Marvel" Reaches $800 Million

Captain Marvel Men across the country are sitting at their table with no dinner because their wives have decided to go to the movies.

This obvious threat to the American decency is nonother than the self-titled Marvel movie Captain Marvel. By putting a woman in the lead, the comic book company has hatched an evil plan to lore wives and mothers to the theater while their husbands starve and their children go to school without their hair being brushed properly.

One child was quoted as saying, "I got a celery sandwich, a rotten apple and a green sock for lunch today. Mom, please come home.

Experts weigh in on this issue and offer this piece of advice, "Don't be afraid to use brides to bring your woman home from enjoying herself at the theater so they can cook and clean."
One bribe they don't recommend,  coupon books for hugs. "This problem is deeper than that."

This is not the first time this web blog has made this observation.  This is a bigger problem than we expected!

Saturday, September 29, 2018

10 Lies we tell each other in LA to survive

We have a basketball team called the “Lakers” – but no lakes.
The “LA River” has no water running through it.
We call actual traffic jams, “Sig-Alerts.” It’s not an “alert” if it’s actually happening.

Hollywood is a hard town. So we have to tell each other little lies so we don't go crazy and move to a place with realistic housing prices and actual jobs.

I present to you - 

How to decode  Lies We Tell Each Other in LA to Survive 

  1. “Your meeting is at 11 AM.” = “Come at 11, get you a bottle of water and sit until noon.”
  2. "We will think about it and get back to you." = “We will not and we won’t. Use that door.” 
  3. “It’s a web show” = “No pay.”
  4. “I’m just out there pitching shows.” = “I’m not working.”
  5. “We’ll keep your resume on file.” = “You didn’t see the door? I just alluded to it.”
  6. "I'm not suggesting this, I'm just letting you know it’s an option."  = “Do this. If I’m right, I get the credit. If I’m wrong, I’m able to blame you.”
  7. "Yes." = “No”  
  8. “I need a ninja/rock star PA.” = You’ll be doing Producer work at a PA rate.
  9. "I love you." = "I know both your first and last name."
  10. “Do you need parking validation?” = “Do you need parking validation?”

Monday, July 31, 2017

Star Wars Life Day Special gets a Redo

Life Day is going to be celebrated again! The infamous Holiday special that aired on ABC, "The Star Wars Holiday Special" is about to get a remake. Disney has decided to remake the TV show that's been a blight on Star Wars legacy.

"There's so much interest in a new special. One that's done right can play in a family's living room for Christmases for years and years to come.  Sid and Marty Cross are rumored to come out of retirement to cash in.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Men Starve as Wives Go "Girls Trip"

This country is facing a famine crisis. All over the nation men are left home to fend for themselves while the women are out four at a time watching the new movie, "Girls Trip."

"My wife came home saying, 'I'm a Jada,'" recalled one neglected husband, "I said, 'Is that the one who can cook? Because I'm hungry."

It's ironic that the main characters in the film call themselves the "Flossy Posse," said a frail man who hadn't eaten in 7 hours, "I wish I could floss. It's a waste of time."

Part time lawyer, Gary Alright said in his
lawsuit again the movie theater, "This is also discrimination. It's called 'Girl's Trip.' What about a movie for men. Like one where 3 or 4 men go to some place like Las Vegas? People would go nuts."

Because of the success of "Girls Trip," men are prepping themselves for the inevitable, a sequel!

Saturday, April 01, 2017

Watching TV on the internet makes you smarter than people who watch TV on a TV

Studies show that if you watch TV shows on the internet and not on TV, you look smarter. "I love 'Two and a Half Men' reruns" will make you look like a neanderthal.

But if you say, "I Bit Torrent the 'Big Bang Theory.'" or "I caught 'Murphy Brown' on CBS All Access" you'll look smart. It's the new way of saying "I don't watch TV," when you clearly do. It's TV. You mean to tell me everyone on earth are hypnotized by the blue light of the TV, but you?

Remember when you could say "I don't watch TV, except for Jon Stewart?" Now that he's off the air, what's a pseudo intellectual to do?
Well you might be back in luck.