How "october road." must have been pitched...

NBC gives away the results to the Apprentice!

Yes I'm the last guy to watch the show. I still watch it. But last night I missed it and thought since I was early to work, I'll catch up on NBC.com rewind. On the Apprentice page---they have a big sign with who was voted off!

Whyhave a site for people to come and see the show if they missed it or not watching it on TV and then tell the ending?!?!??

It's All Bad: 2006 Bad Movie wrap-up

Four years ago, we began covering the Razzie race as a parody of Entertainment Weekly's coverage of the Oscars. We know now the parody was never funny, but that won't stop us from handicapping this year's nominees.

Full list of nominees here. The Razzies wisely dropped their new category, Tiresome Tabloid Targets (sorry, Kramer) and replaced it with the Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment.

- Media Yenta's Unemployed Brother.

Who will win?

Wicker Man. Director Nick LaBute spent any remaining capital eked from initial films like In the Company of Men with this misguided remake of a furry favorite. Never remake any film classic starring Michael York, let alone one with an overrated theme song. Here's the low-lights.

Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screen Couple (Nicolas Cage "& His Bear Suit"), Worst Remake.

Will win: Screen Couple, Worst Movie, Worst Actor, Worst Remake.

Basic Instinct 2. Let's face it, this movie was a gift to the Razzie Academy.

Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Sharon Stone), Worst Screen Couple ("Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts"), Worst Director (Michael Caton-Jones), Worst Supporting Actor (David Thewlis), Worst Sequel.
Will win: If the Razzies are lazy, then this will sweep all, cheating Nic Cage and his bear suit.

Little Man. Semi-sequel to White Chicks. What's next, Gypsy Lepers? (Memo to Wayans: Gypsy Lepers, my idea).

Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Marlon and Shawn), Worst Screen Couple (Shawn Wayans & "EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans"), Worst Remake (rip-off of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, apparently), Worst Director (Keenan Ivory Wayans), Worst Screenplay.
Will win: Could nab Remake, upsetting Wicker Man. Shawn's acting could cement Worst Couple nominee, denying it to bear suit and lop-sided breasts.

Lady in the Water. As if Basic Instinct 2 wasn't enough classic crap for the year. This movie is so bad, a book decrying its shittiness was published weeks before its release. A "fairy tale for grown-ups"? Pass -- bad enough I had to pretend to enjoy Pan's Labyrinth.
Nominated for: Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay.
Will win: Screenplay is M. Night Shyamalan's to lose. As for Supporting Actor, he is a giant among fellow noms Danny DeVito and Martin Short.

Tim Allen. Nominated Worst Actor for three movies: The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog, and Zoom. Remember Zoom, the teenaged superhero movie?

Who should win?

Nacho Libre. This summer flick started its ad campaign early. Every bus, magazine and street poster had Jack Black as a Mexican wrestler on it. Then it was released on DVD and the horrible ads were back. Honestly the comedy is so disconnected, detached, and as ironic as a Hallmark card, I could only watch in five-minute clumps. Then I gave up. Like Three Amigos, it tries to parody Mexico by having everyone speak English in a funny accent. Nominated for: nada.

Horror Movies. Shit sells. Or at least that's what a precocious child whispered to me while staring at the walls.

Everything nominated for Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment. Congrats to Deck The Halls, Garfield 2: A Tail Of Two Kitties, RV, Santa Clause 3, and The Shaggy Dog!

Here's to 2007 and the release of Uwe Boll's Postal. In the meanwhile, the 2006 Razzie winners will be announced Saturday, Feb. 24th.

Lover/astronaut Lisa Nowak and host and Daily Show host Jon Stewart.

Just saying...

Google Ad Sense made too much sense:

My friend from college's father died last month. He wrote about the last day with his father and how much he meant to him. I met his father a few times and knew my buddy always wanted his dad's approval and that he's dad was always beeming with pride when I saw them together. To read that his father called him out of the blue a month before his sudden death to tell him how much he loved him was amazing.

It was good to read that his entire family, including ex-wives and step parents were there bedside for his last moments.

The comment section was filled with readers of his blog and friends wishing him well and telling stories of their own loss. It was really touching to see people open up about their private pain like that. It gave them a chance to share this experience with someone.

Just before the comment section was a "Google Ads" banner with a link to sympathy cards. Way to go. The Google Ads is supposed to have some great spy like technology that can sense what the blog is about and then try to sell someone the reader would be interested in.

here's a website tells you what you need to know to be an extra in a movie.

It's filled with so much good information- It even has the current date in the corner.

So if you wan to be walking in teh background of some film or want to be yelled at by a 2nd, 2nd, 2nd AD who's nervouse this gig will cost him his career - then this is teh place for you.

live blogging.

watching Studio 60 right now.
the execs are arguing about the FCC fine for a soldier who cursed on the live news. I doubt the FCC would fine anyone. that's just crap. IT's the news. If no other other words could be used but a curse word then they will let it fly. A war would be an exception. Bono flinging out the F bomb at an awards show isn't the same.

So the guy from Wings calls the head of the network a moron because he's worried about this fine that would never happen. Ed Asner stands up for him and everyone votes to fire ed. in real life wings guy would be alone. no one would stand for that crap.

now they are talking about the arts and leisure section of the NYT.

now thy discovered a huge piece of info in the newspaper. wow! how cool.

this show is so bad. I'm embarrassed watching it. it's worse than the worse SNL sketch in the 30 year history.

now MAtt Perry is bitty for a date with a women that he doesn't like! But does he!

now the idealistic network exec who doesn't like bad TV is talking to the reality show person. she hates reality shows. b/c they are bad. in reality NBC is dumping written shows to have more reality shows.

now we are shocked that the reality show girl went behind her direct boss' back. surprise.

oooh! "uh, oh, there's another pretty girl at the dance and this one is not pregnant." OKAY! NO SHE DID int

now the ep is against saving money on sodas. the network gives them free sodas. Now they want to save money on the soda they give to the staff by buying liter bottles. The EP crumples up the memo in discuss. Was he mad about the free soda or that he got hid first memo on paper since 1998?

oh, no! The ep of a national TV realizes that he needs "letters of recommendations" from major directors like clint and steven to send to the woman he loves. who is the pregnant TV exec!

Now the black actor is arguing with the black writer. it seems that the famous black actor hired the nobody black writer out of obscurity and now the writer doesn't want to work on the black actor's sketch b/c he... i don't know why, but what i do know id if a guy hires you from nothing, you hook him up. this is also unrealistic.

now the Corduroy kid is nervously talking to the semi-hot brit writer chick. she's shocked. A male coworker hitting on you? Shocker. really? someone hitting on a hot comedy writer? never happens,

NBC promised this show would not be a romance but a show about something. I'm glad they fucked that up. this is bad, but so much better than before the rewrites and network notes.

now the wings guy is arguing with a Japanese guy about this non realistic FCC fine.

now the the female tv exec is in the network gym to apprize to the reality show person who's on the treadmill.

Ok - here's a funny scene about Japanese people arguing. the daughter wants to drop the promising career and hard work as a star viola player to do improvisational comedy. the dad is pissed! way pissed! the daughter doesn't understand why. Now, now this is real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The female TV exec asked the TV show ep to stop hitting on her. He said no. That's just creepy.

Screw TIVO!



I have a two and half year old model. It;s fine but it only records one show at a time...when I start tot complain about it I hear my mother's voice in my head, "One show at a time, that should be enough for a person. What kind of person needs to watch more than one show at a time?"

Who am I a prince? I should be grateful I have a color on my TV and that be the end of it.

Come to think of it, my mom's DVR can record two shows at once! Why can't I record both "What about Brian?" (WAB) and "Studio 60" at the same time? Now I have to choice which show to make fun of. (Note: I ended a sentence with a prep.) It's like Sophie's Choice (CLiche alert) if Sophie had to chose between shit and crap.

24 and Heros? Grey's and 30 Rock? Why couldn't I tape--I mean record-- Leno do "Headlines" and Letterman doing "Small Town News?" (Both in the second act of every Monday show)

So today while I'm in Best (not to) Buy looking for a new DVD player that can play 5 different types of DVD's (sorry mom, it's for work) I ask the clerk about upgrading my TIVO.

Before I asked him, I had to hunt him down like a Leprechaun with a pot of gold. He wore a name tag that read "Brian." He told me if I could not upgrade my TIVO and If I bought the new one which advertises that it can now walk and chew gum at the same time, I would have to sign up for a new plan. First of all, it's not a subscription, it's extortion. "You can buy our product, but you'll have to pay to keep using it."

When I bought a PC I didn't have to pay a subscription to use it...except for Spyware.

The new Tivo is only $65 after rebates, but I would have to get a new subscription. "But I have a lifetime subscription." That doesn't matter. Its for the life time of the box that I bought, not for TIVO in general. Plus they aren't offering life time subscriptions any more. Nice, dick.

I thanked him and we had a nice conversation about how he wants to be an actor. Then he told me if I needed anything, like an extra in something I might be shooting, I should ask for him by name, "Robert."

Well, fuck you TIVO and fuck you "Brian." Luckily networks are airing their shows on the internet.
So NBC, you won't get me watching and speeding by your ads on the local affiliate, but will watch on NBC.com. Sorry about the ratings.

Some people say they won't watch TV on their computer. I will. I'll watch TV anywhere. I'm an addict. It's sad but true. But you're saying you'd watch some kid getting kicked in the nuts on You-Tube or a cat stuck in a doggie door but you won't watch your favorite show?

I'm guessing it's a way to train people to watch TV on their computer. Then when we are all brain washed they can bring back "Hard Drinkin' Lincoln" and "Queer Duck."

On the computer you can pause, fast forward or rewind the show but you can fuck with the commercial. Luckily there's only one per act break. When I say one, the same one over and over again.

There's only so many times I see that Earl Dittman liked "Stomp the Yard."

I usually turn down the volume of I even look away from the computer.

In conclusion, f TIVO and no Robert I don't know anyone in casting.

Last week in Harlem I passed an ad for the ill fated TV show. Although the show went off the air in July of 2006 on a network that is no longer around, no one thought to take down this sign adn sell the post for something more up to date, like "Joey."

Apparently this fan likes to stand by the sign and tell people of Pepper's wacky adventures. If you are ever on 110th and Amsterdam walk by for some tales of Pepper past.

I totally forgot, but I booked Bin Laden when I was producing Jenny Jones.

It was the mid-nineties. Daytime talk shows were all the rage. I was two years out of college and working as an associate producer on the popular talk show. There was serious pressure for me book good guests. During the show a show topic and phone number would come on the screen.
“Is Your Brother’s Wife a Hoochie Momma? Then call us at 800 JENNNNY.”

People leave their stories and phone numbers on “carts.” Interns worked 10 hours a day straight transcribing the names and numbers on long sheets of paper.

Hard working interns and production assistants would listen to the phone messages and then give us the information. They all sit next to each other at a long table in the basement of the studio with headphones a blue Bic pen and a stack of paper. They have to put at least five names on each sheet of paper and they have to get through the stack each day. They couldn’t get up from the table. The volume of calls was so high, the EP had to limit bathroom breaks.

This one guy, Eric, started as an unpaid intern – I recommended him for an unpaid PA job. Eric always gives me the best names. Eric really liked it there. He was afraid he might have to leave because like most of the other guys he developed a urinary track infection. I promised to keep it secret.

Eric ran to my part of the cubical, he had a sheet of paper in his hand. He ran up taking two or three stairs at a time. He did so because he had a great lead and he had to get back to the long table.

I thanked Eric and told him if these pan out I’ll put in a good word for him to get a paid internship.

Originally, bin Laden was just an audience plant. Our host, Jenny, went over to him went over to him and handed him the mic. "Yes, um, Jenny, I have a question for that one over there," he pointed to the heavy woman on stage. "You think you're all that. But you need to be on Jenny Craig, not Jenny Jones." The crowd went nuts. The heavy woman stood up and slowing twirled around. "You can't handle all of this!"
"I wouldn't want to," he yelled back barely making over the screams of the audience.

Originally he called in for “My Mom Dresses too Sexy.” I told my producer that this guy was great.
“Do you love him?” she asked?
“Yeah, I love him.”
“Do you love him, love him or just love him?”
“I love him, love him.” That should have sealed the deal. She got on the phone with him to check him out.
“So Osama, I hear your Mom dresses too sexy…”
That was his cue to just start going off on his mother just as we planned.

Bin Laden was great. He went right into his thing about how she embarrassed him and his country and brought shame to his home and how she should be killed in public and so on.

My producer wasn’t impressed. “I love him. But I don’t love him, love him.”
“He has an accent. People will be turned off.”

Besides, she continuded, his standards for “too sexy” was way different than the people who watch our show. I couldn’t argue with that. We were looking for woman in short shorts and tank tops, not totally covered but showing some leg. I think he understood.

Finally I made him an audience plant.

I didn’t tell her, I just did it. I was allowed to book the plants, so I brought him in without telling her.

When the fat woman spun around and give Osama the “hand” that was the money shot. You hear about the hand, but you seldom see it. It’s a talk show staple. Like when the monkey peed on Carson - it meant I had arrived.

For the audience plant we paid him $50 and gave him a car to and from his non-disclosed location. After his appearance I asked him if he would come back. He was very excited, but needed me to cover his day’s wages. I made it sound like a big deal, but it was no problem.

Our boss loved him. I gave Eric some of the credit and Eric got a promotion and a salary.

I was then promoted to producer.

Bin Laden appeared on one of my many Boot Camp shows. His son was too wild and Bin Laden was at the end of his rope. We had to call in "Moses" the retired general who runs a boot camp style place where bad children go to be whipped into shape.

Osoma was pretty calm until someone in the audience (Eric’s plant) said that if Bin Laden spent less time at work creeping around caves and more time with his children, his son might not need to act out. Bin Laden did not take this lightly. He stood up and pointed at the guy. "You don't know," Bin Laden yelled at the guy, "You don't know me. You don’t know me. And besides, you need to sit down with those tired ass Jerry Curls." The audience loved it; they went nuts. Osama was right; the guy's hair-do was tired.

Years later I saw him on a video on the news. The footage was grainy, but he had lots of energy and charisma. I wondered how his kid turned out. I thought about my producer who almost didn’t put him on because she didn’t people would listen to him. Boy, was she wrong.

ENOUGH! Maybe the Emmys wouldn't snub the best show on TV.

The Wire has been snubbed again for best show.
24? great show - enough already.
Lost? not that good last year.
Big Love - never seen it
Heroes? never seen it.
Grey's - really good show

But "The Wire" is simply the smartest and most exciting TV show on TV. Why not recognize it? What's the hold up? Did people really see Big Love and say it's better than The Wire?

Today I was talking to my agent. He finally put a meeting together with the right agent. Apparently my agent for the last year does not specialize in my field. He's for writers, I'm a producer. It was like finding out i was wearing the wrong size bra.

He introduced me to the producer agent. As we talked it came out we went to the same school. I told him I graduated in 1994. I assumed he was younger than me...maybe '97 or '98.
He graduated in 2002. What the? He's been out of school for 4 years?
Questions arrise:
Can he rent a car?
Does he still have a sticker with his college's name on his back windshield?


We talked today. He feels we should go into the pitch meeting with a show runner. "Aren't I the show runner?" Apparently since I never ran a show a network would trust handing their money over to me. Understood. I get that. I don't want to do teh heavy lifting anyway.

He pitched a couple of clients.

He tells me, "We need someone young and hip."

My mind races. "Aren't I young and hip? I'm 35. Not young? When I was 25 I couldn't tie my shoes let alone run a show. Apparently at 35 I still can't run a show."

Who am I? Martin Landau in "Entourage?"

You find me someone the networks would trst with their money and I promise to only hire kids who ride skate boards. Now get going before you miss wing night.

This morning as I was reading my USA Today (What can I say - I love a graph.) I couldn't figure out why the review for the new TBS show "10 Items or Less" was in the movie section. Turns out there's a movie with the same name that came into theaters the Friday after the Monday that the wacky sitcom premiered. I haven't seen either but the ads for the TV show told me if I thought an Office was funny – wait until I saw a grocery store.


A lot of times movies that have the same plot like "the Core" and "Armageddon" or TV shows like “er” and “Chicago Hope” and the laugh out loud "30 Rock" and the unintentional laugh out loud "Studio 60" come out at the same time. Sometimes it's easy to explain - everyone wants a movie about the hot craze of break dancing, the Lambda or Christopher Columbus.

But it's always weird when a TV show and a movie with similar concepts come out. Like “Day Break” about a black cop caught in a time warp type thingie and tries to solve a murder and protect his girlfriend from dying and “Déjà vu” about a black cop using a time machine to solve a crime and save the woman he loves.

Then there's this fall's hit TV show "Ugly Betty" about a non fashionable woman working at a fashion magazine who befriends the stylist (the woman from the British "Office") who hands out wisdom and this summer's big hit "The Devil wears Prada" -about a non-fashionable girl who works at a fashion magazine who befriends the stylist (Stanly Tucci) who hands out advice.

They couldn't be copies of each other. They did not steal Ugly Betty from the Prada movie. They stole it from Spanish TV. The TV show is a copy of a Spanish TV show and the movie is based on a book that's based on real life.

Which do I like better?
Let's compare. I'd do columns like they do all fancy in EW (ewe) magazine. I can barely type.
The unfashionable girl –
Winner? Betty!
She really is unfashionable. They didn't mind making her really unattractive. they gave her terrible hair and braces and outrageous clothes. The Ann Hathaway girl is guilty of wearing last season's skirts and putting her hair up. Also it only took 20 minutes for Anne to have a make over and conform. 12 hours in and Betty is still ugly. At least one fictional character can stick to her guns.

As for the Fairy godmother stylist...
Winner?Stan the man Tuchers.
You can understand what he’s saying and it's fun to see him gay it up just a little - -but not too much.

That was a complaint about the film - The mean, mean boss wasn't that mean actually. OH NO! She wants things done on time and she doesn't want people to know about her failing marriage. Not quite "9 to 5."

Betty went on the air with lots of unfair comparisons to the movie - But now things have turned around- "Prada" is being developed into a sitcom for FOX. When and if the show goes on the air, it will be put side to side with "Betty" but this time with out the help of M. Streep and the Tuch.

This happened years ago when a movie called "Three Men and a Baby" came out right after a TV sitcom came also about three bachelors bringing up a girl(s) - "Full House." the movie became a monster hit that prompted a sequel that no one saw and Tom Seleck leaving Hawaii for Hollywood to do films. That worked out.

"Full House" ran for a 1,000 years.

Just for the fun of it here's where they are now:

Bob Saget .... hosting game show and making a comedy about penguins

John Stamos .... On "er" and other ladies.

Mary-Kate Olsen .... college student?

Ashley Olsen .... college student?
Dave Coulier .... in penguin movie

Candace Cameron Bure .... acting
Jodie Sweetin .... Hosting “Pants off Dance off” on Fuse