Stop cursing! Comics step on their own punchlines.

Attention late night cable comedy hosts.

Watch your mouth!

David Spade and DL Hughley both experienced comics and hosts of their own shows. During the punch lines they curse. A "shit" or "Mother Fucker" to sprinkle the punch. But it's TV so it gets bleeped. Then you can't hear the joke. There's a bleep. You take time to craft a joke, write a set up and then boom "BLEEP!" Thanks for ruining the joke.

This isn't the Osborn's, it isn't funnier to hear the bleep. Cut it out.

ABC NEWS-ISH

I'm watching Primetime LIVE with Diane Sawyer - respected journalist. She's interviewing George Clooney who made a movie about Edward R. Murrow.

DIANE SAWYER - (Voice Over) So we wondered how would Murrow, the crusader, feel about television news today?

GEORGE CLOONEY - Nowadays it's car chases. You know, local news. We love car chases. There is no news value in that.

DIANE SAWYER - (Off Camera) Would you ever put "Brad Pitt marries Angelina Jolie" in any broadcast?

GEORGE CLOONEY - Entertainment shows, sure. If I, you know, gave birth to a goat, it should be on an entertainment show. I think that -which, by the way, has never happened.

Why is a journalist asking a movie star if he would put an entertainment story on news show. He says no - but on an entertainment show. This is a news show. Why is a real journalist on a real news show asking a movie actor if he would do a fluff piece on a news show during a news show doing a fluff piece.

The answer is Yes.


DIANE SAWYER - What do you think about Murrow's accommodations? He did person- to-person entertainment show to keep the money coming in.

What do you think of it? You're doing it now!

Here are some more hard hitting questions.

DIANE SAWYER

(Off Camera) Okay. You can answer these or not answer these.

GEORGE CLOONEY

All right. I'm going to answer them all.

DIANE SAWYER

(Off Camera) Okay, here we go. Blonde or brunette, skinny or curvy?

GEORGE CLOONEY - Blonde or brunette? I have no preferences.

DIANE SAWYER - (Off Camera) The thing you're most shy about?

GEORGE CLOONEY - A room full of strangers always still.

DIANE SAWYER - (Off Camera) Last time you cried in a movie?

GEORGE CLOONEY - It was -I think it was at the premiere of "Solaris."For those of you who don't know, since probably no one does, that was a film I was in. I don't know. God, that's tough to think. "Terms of Endearment," you know. Big sappy movie. She brings the little kid in, you're like ...

DIANE SAWYER - (Voice Over) And when you get to heaven, what will be the sign that it really is heaven? What do you know for sure will be there?

GEORGE CLOONEY - If you get to heaven, it will be Rosemary sitting there singing with Nat Cole playing the piano.

Thoughts on the Emmys:

Last night, coming out of comercials and just before the segment where teh best dramtic actress is announced, they had a promo for the news. "tonight's Emmy winners" and they showed Patricia Arquette, the extra large Medium. Thanks.
How did she beat Glenn Close?


why was every late night host there but Jimmy Kimmel?
How much did Carson hate Jay if Letterman did a tribute and Leno was no where to be found? He did take the torch. "If Carson was alive today, he'd say, "Fuck that long chinned fuck."

The Scottich host of the late late show guy was unfunny and smug. Stepped on his own joke.

The news anchor thing was great. If not just for the Jennings tribute. All three men were forced out. one by age, one by scandal and the other by death. You pick which one.
Dan Rather keeps talking about having America's trust. He don't. He shouldn't.
It was cool that Lost won (get it). I hope it doesn't suck this year.
"Everybody love Raymond" won for best comedy. the cast looked like they would kill Raymond. "one more year!" Why did Brad Garret win and not Peter Boyle?
HBO might have the best shows and movies but who saw "Warm Springs?" "Empire Falls?" or SHowtime's movie about men of the cloth that love to love too much?
When will the Wire win everything?

From the Programing INsider at Mediaweek.com:

Insomniacs, Take Note:
GSN will remember Bob Denver this Friday, Sept. 9 with episodes of Beat the Clock and Password from 3 a.m. to 4 a.m.

Oh, that's a bold move.

"For all that Bob Dever gave us, please have your family join our family for a special tribute in the middle of the night when no one is watching anyway. Good nite little buddy."

"WORK!"

Early review

NEW FOX SHOWS:
"The War at Home" has Michael Rappaport as a Archie bunker type dad with teenagers. Of course they have three kids. All sitcom families have to have 3 kids. This time it's two boys and a girl. With the way youger kid being a boy. All sitcom families have the "change of Life" baby. As is 90% of sitcom wives, this one is blonde. Exceptions include "Everyone Loves Raymond" and most black family sitcoms. (The one show about an inter racial marriage had a black husband and a blond wife.)


If they put no laugh track what so ever, it would look like it was a smarter show. People would see it as a ballsy move like with "Arrested Development" or "Berni Mac." They could've push this show off as a smart look at families by just getting rid of the laugh track all together. The Lafftrack just makes the show look stupid, so bad that they had to tell people when to laugh.
The show is funny, but with the laugh track it has the feel of one of FOX's old loud sitcoms.

If Bernie Mac was a brightly lit show with a sreaming audience, no one would praise it. Same show, different feel.

The show does have funny moments. I laughed out loud twice, which is a lot for 30 minutes. But the laugh track is out of control. it's so loud, my neighbors asked me to turn it down. They are hitting the floor boards. Wow. I was shocked that it was funny since they jacked up the laughter.

At first you just see the father doing Bernie Mac type narration for the show. He's standing in front of a white background and they add clever touches. But then you learn that everyone gets a narration. Whenever the plot allows or a joke can be had, you see a character in a confessional type situation. This would be an orginal take ona sitcom if it wasn't sone on every reality show on E! and every where else. It makes me nuts to see it. Just let the plot run without interuptions. But luckily it's used to make jokes andnot to tell the viewer of what they just saw.

The show is funny, but with the laugh track it has the feel of one of FOX's old loud sitcoms.

If it's on, watch it. But I wouldn't tell anyone about it.

"Over There" a drama set in a war that we are
currently fighting.
The show did really well, but not for me...

I'm not interested in watching a show about the war we are in right now. It might be too soon to put it on.

If I want a fictionalize version of the events in Iraq, I'll turn on Fox News.

It'll be strange to wait every week to see what romances evolve or what the
"bitch" or "jerk" is going to say. It's not Dynasty, it's war. If someone throws a glass of wine on someone else I'm leaving. People have children and sposes
over there, they don't need a reminder. And who knew everyone who fights is so good looking. I would've been 4f'ed. Only able bodies and models to fight.

What's the point of view? M*A*S*H was a jab at the Vietnam war set in the Korean war.

Is anyone else bothered by this? FX is plugging it like it's a great service, showing us that war is hell. Thanks. I had no idea.

It's a strange time with new things coming out about the war to do a show about it.

there were complaints from the FDNY about another FX show "Rescue Me" a show I watch religiously. they complained that the characters are flawed. Dennis Leary is an alcoholic that's sleeping with his wife's cousin. Sure, it's TV! It makes great drama.

I don’t want to watch a show about a guy driving a truck, opening a hydrant putting out a fire, getting back into the truck and going to the station house to
whip up some ziti. Besides Randolph Mantooth, who cares?

For Over There" to be a compelling drama, it needs to have flawed characters. I'm not sure if we are ready to see our heroes in a dim light.

TV tried before to a war TV show. Tour of Duty on CBS was a Vietnam show that followed a platoon. It went on the air after Hollywood's string of Vietnam War films.
The good, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Hamburger Hill, Gardens of Stones and a list of others.

The TV show didn't make it to a full season. I guess people didn't want to see the war in their living rooms again.

FX is flaunting Steven Bocho's name around like it's a golden pinata. As if to say, "This guy knows about war, he did Doogie Hoiser." great the creator of Cop Rock.

He's great and by using his name, it creates trust that he won't fust too much with the events of the war.

FX trying to be HBO. After The first season of the Sopranos everyone was running wild. FX made a play to go from the man's channel to a free HBO.

The advantage HBO has is that they only need on hit show to make the channel profitable. You pay them the same amount if you watch one show or every showing of
"Ready to Rumble" or "Boat Trip" they have.

FX needs to fill 24 hours and 7 days to make a profit.

Man Show Host tells out of line reporter to shove it.
Comment below.
From:« Bourdain Confidential »

July 16, 2005
Adam Carolla, Outta Controla


Adam Carolla, forced to appear in front of a room full of people he loathes for the second time this week. He was here two days ago for his Comedy Central show "Too Late With Adam Carolla," debuting in August. I missed that session, but it must not have gone well, because in the middle of the press conference for his TLC show "The Adam Carolla Project," due Oct. 5 at 10, kid had a meltdown.


After he said that, all someone had to do was ask the former co-host of "The Man Show" and "Loveline" about a failed sitcom that apparently never happened...and, as
you can read here, the session quickly tumbled south.

"Hold on. Listen, why don't you just go to the bar, write whatever
(expletive) you're going to write. Just write the show sucks and I'm using
my own money and I'm -- just go and write it now and leave me alone, would
you? Jesus Christ!" he yelled.

"Write something (expletive) about the show and give the mike to someone
else, please. I don't care if any of you like the show. It's going to be a
great show, and you'll just be wrong. Everyone hated 'The Man Show,' and
everyone had a problem with 'Loveline.'"

Actually, I wanted to tell him I liked "Loveline," but by then the lunatic
was on a roll. "Everyone has a problem with everything I do, but the shows
are good. So there you go. Thank you. Thank you! Oh, 'The Man Show,' minus
four stars, minus three stars, I got minus a million stars! You look up at
night when you're in Colorado, that's how many stars I got minus! Fine! The
shows go on! Everyone likes the shows!"

Then a Discovery executive must have hit him with a tiny tranquilizer dart,
because he calmed back down to his usual level of surliness and started
ragging on Ty Pennington.

Better Ty than me, I say.
Posted by Melanie McFarland at July 16, 2005 07:59 PM

---------------------------------------------------------------
Carolla is right. the reporter was there to write a fluff piece about his show. Teh reporter (who we'll call "Bob")was sent there to promote his show. Why bring up his failed TV show? What does that get her? "Yeah, it sucked. so instead of making $400,000 a week I get $1,000 for two shows."

Why do that? Everyone in Hollywood has failed projects. It's a numbers game. This is LA, not Nebraska, she should know that.

I never heard of a Carolla sitcom. It's not liek it was a flop of Joey (just wait) proportions. It quietly went away. He had a sitcom deal that went away, so what? It's news in Hollywood if someone didn't.

Should Adam have talked about the Bob's failed marriage? Or the fact that Bob was fired from her last job? (I don't know if it's true.)

That's the problem with entertainment publications, like say EW (Pronounced "ew"), they try to be edgy and political about something that just is what it is.

Why go to a place where you are expected to write about a show and then bring up the guy's failures? It's rude. What paper did Bob write for anyway? The Star? Or in Adam's case the Negetive Star?

Was it a case of a bored reporter looking for a story?

Adam isn't running for president. We don't need to know his past.

Buy yourself a Peabody and an Emmy.

Why stuggle and work your way up to a job at a well respect place like the Daily Show, when you can take a class and get the job when you getgraduate?

May 18, 2005
Classes at The PIT will get you on The Daily Show, says The PIT

"PIT Student Hired at The Daily Show!"


PITizen Rachel Axler was recently hired as a writer on The Daily Show
with Jon Stewart. After taking "Writing for The Daily Show" with PIT
faculty member (and Daily Show writer) J.R. Havlan, her work was read
by the producer that reviews submissions for the show. On May 2nd, her
first day on the job, she joined PITizen Bob Wiltfong as a member of
The Daily Show staff. Congratulations Rachel! To find out more about
"Writing for The Daily Show" and other PIT classes, visit our classes
page.

------------

This is crazy. You can't go to a school and be promised a job at a fancy place writing comedy; unless you go to Harvard.

Yes, That Byron Allen


Talk show host Byron Allen is making a play to buy Paxson Communication's PAX TV with an offer of $2.2 billion in cash. Cash? Yes, according to www.cynopsis.com cash. He wants to have an "African American-oriented network including some of the network's current family-focused programming."



Who's this guy?
You know the guy who interviews people at 3 AM? Amazing. Where did he get that kind of money? You know when you stumble home at 3 AM and turn on the TV and there's that guy again talking to a bored celebrity? That guy is buying a network. Ain't showbiz grand!


A short history of the black Barry Diller:
He's a comic that was a host on Real People back in the Go-Go 80's. Then he had a weekly syndicated talk show, "The Byron Allen Show." I'm guess somewhere between not being able to book guests and not wanting to pay for a studio audience or writers, they started do press junkets. Like you see on the evening news. Free sit-down interviews that are paid for by the movie studio so the local news or cable station or ET can show 2 minutes of their star answering the same question for the 1,000th time and trying to look like they remember the reporter from the last time they did one of these.

It's brilliant. For years he's been taking interviews and footage he got for free and stringing them into a show. No over head. It's like having a store and just selling promotional items...and charging.

Then a few years ago his catalogue of free interviews was "bought" by a company "Entertainment Studios (.com)." I use the literal air quotes because I've never heard of the company before and it seems to just have old interviews and sell the products people are hawking. Brilliant! if you are promoting a CD, why not sell it too?

I think he started the site. He also spun off his show that's usually burned off at the wee hours in the morning into three shows that stations have to buy in order to get some other show they want.

The show:
It can get painful. He gets the biggest names, But sometimes it feels more like he's taking them hostage than interviewing them.

Now he's looking to have his own TV network. It's going to be a shock when he realizes he needs to pay for content. He might have enough archives of his own show to fill a 24 hour network.

But it's ambitious. Starting an African American network. Not Cable channel, but a seventh network. Remember, PAX was started as a "family network" and it's folding. Theses two idea are based on what the owners want there to be on TV not what the public is demanding. No one was demanding a family network.

There are many choices for African American networks, BET, MBC (run by another black comic Robert Townsend) and there's one more...I can't remember...because I just can't! And the pay movie channel, Black Stars.

Then there's the matter of programing.
It's hard enough to get Black programing on TV. It's not like you're going to get a lot of old shows. Where are you going to find repeats? Of what?

MBC shows "Rock Live." That's nothing to build a network on. And Black Stars will show some popular black movies, independent black films, lesser know black film, unknown black films and finally films with possible one black guy in it.
BET with all it's money behind it, just started showing less videos and more shows.

Since it's going to be the Byron Allen Network, will it only air at 3 AM and plug movies?

From the No shit file:


Get Dan Rather back! We have a ground breaking story!

The New York Post reported that the talking head shows that have invaded our cable airwaves are fake! Those witty comics, magazine writers and actors (that you've never ever seen before) are told what to say! You mean that guy from In Touch Mag. didn't think of that Britny Spears joke on his own?

You can't watch a show with someone looking askew to the camera and saying something snide.

It started with "We Love the 70's, 80's, and 90's" then they caught up with the times and made "Best Last Week Ever." It's people who don't necessarily have anything to do with the subject or any authority at all commenting on a subject. Why is wrestler Jerico talking about the 70's?

Well, it turns out that these people are prompted by evil producers! NO SHIT! It's still TV. It's job is to entertain. Why get someone who is qualified to talk about the 70's when you can get a chippy wrestler? Why get Jimmy Carter? Or the Iron Sheik for that matter?

It helps move the story along. These people are there to serve the story.

This producer quoted in the story was so offended that he was told to say things that he did what any whistle blower would do...he wrote a play and is plugging it in this article.

Good thing he had nothing to gain. How much plot could this play have? And does it have a narrator who talks to the camera?

In the article writers complain that they are invited to do these shows and then producers coach some of their answers. Well yeah. Why? Because you write for a music magazine the whole world needs to hear your opinion on Michael Jaskson's charges or Courtney Love's child costudy? Are you an expert because you're an editor of a gossip mag that prints the same type of trash that the show is showing?

At least it's not a one man show.

It's got to be the shortest play int he world.

Evil Producer: "Thank you for coming to "1000 worst hair moments in Duran Duran history. Tell me about Simon."

Poor pained writer: "Oh, thank you. I'm only here to inform the world of the history of the greatest pop band's hair do's and don'ts. I'm doing God's work, really.
Ok, Simon's hair now..."

Evil Producer: "Say his hair is different than the eighties."

PPW: "I can't! I have what's it called...integrity. I write for Us Magazine. I've had three covers, two were Brad and Jen Break ups and the third was one of the Bachelors."

EP: "You are right. Please tell the world what you really think of Simon's hair?"


And scene.
------------
from ny post


March 8, 2005 -- IF you adore guilty-pleasure shows like VH1's "Behind the
Music," "The Fabulous Life" or "Best Week Ever," get ready for a reality
check.


You know those fast-talking commentators who wittily expound on the trials
and vices of your favorite celebrities?

I've been there. I once participated in an episode of "The Fabulous Life" about Cameron Diaz. The producer asked questions like, "Wouldn't you say Cameron has a real knack for combining high and low fashion?" and I was expected to parrot back, bubbling with enthusiasm, "Cameron has such a knack for combining high and low fashion!!"

Although I didn't cooperate, I was invited to do more shows, but declined.

It was a series of similar experiences that prompted Marc Spitz, a senior writer at Spin magazine, to write his play, a 45-minute, five-man production playing at the intimate Under St. Marks Theater in the East Village.

"These shows are evil," says Spitz. "They're like a virus in the culture. When I started doing them to promote magazine pieces, they were a bit more sincere. But they've gotten worse."

Spitz finally lost his cool after doing a show on Axl Rose. "They kept asking me, 'But Axl Rose was crazy, huh? He started a riot and went nuts on his supermodel girlfriend, didn't he?' It was like they were throwing bait at me, and I wouldn't say what they wanted me to say and I just walked out.


Complete Story

Don't Quote Me
I'm sick and tired of expensive computer-generated animated movies that substitute humor with pop culture references. The Shrek films pulled it off mainly because they're nothing more than Disney piss-takes, and everyone loves pissing on Disney, you know? But I'd rather listen to Michael Ian Black talk about "Diff'rent Strokes" than watch Shark Tale or Robots. It seems like a lot of effort to anthropomorphize sharks and robots just so they can say "Is that your final answer?" or name-check popular movies. What sort of fantasy world would have talking animals that use slang, make potty jokes, and reference Matrix movies? Why is that funny?

Also, as a cartoon fan, why aren't any professional voice talents like Billy West or Tom Kenny used more in these films? Or am I supposed to regress into childlike wonder hearing Jada Pinkett Smith voicing a hippo?

Needless to say, the latest CG film, Robots, wasn't really on my must-watch list. The latest TV ads feature a glowing blurb from none other than Earl Dittman, whose praises are usually attached to bad movies. Dittman, a real person who once appeared on Jimmy Kimmel, writes for the elusive Wireless Magazine and tends to have glowing things to say about garbage films (he likes The Pacifier, for example). Even with that said, the Robots ad rubs wrong.

The first sentence that appears in the Robots ad reads:

"More Incredible than the Incredibles" - Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine

The next two sentences read:

The Ride of Your Life.
The Most Amazing Action Ever Put on Film.

Notice something missing with the last two quotes? There's no quotation marks surrounding them. So, are the last two statements (which seem a little too hyperbolic, even for Dittman) actual quotes from Earl's review? Or are they statements written by the marketing department and placed after a quote to make it seem like they're part of a review? Maybe the unquoted blurbs are written by an army of Earl Dittman robots. Either way, it seems deceitful to me. But what do I know? I don't find Robots making piss jokes either the ride of my life or the most amazing action ever put on film.

Oscar recap

Chris rock was great. He was funny and a little mean. You have to expect some of that. You don't hire Chris Rock and expect him to sing and dance.

His material about Bush fucking up and still keeping his job was dead on and is why Rock is one of the best comics out there.

Robin Williams should fuck himself. 20 minutes after Rock's very rehearsed monologue, William's decides to blast us with his old material. I think it was in bad form for him to do stand up after the host did. It made him look like he was grabbing onto something.

Rock had 12 writers and a couple of months of going on stage to get his opening straight. Williams took bits he's been doing since the Reagan administration and rehashed them.

Why was Beyoncee singing all the songs? Did 8 people cancel? Can no one else sing? She's great and all, but having her do 3 out of 5 songs was a bit much.

Antonio Banderas needs a shower and some singing lessons. He was making me beg for Marc Anthony.

It's the Oscars, it shouldn't be hard to book A-list singers besides the stand out from Destiny's Child. It's official, Bouncy Knowls is carrying that band. She's the David Lee Roth, before the break down.

I hope this doesn't mean I have to read about her in the paper every day like Britney or Paris or Iraq.

Carlos Santana needs a better agent. The guy is a living legend.

Julia Roberts was able to make this show about her, again. She lingered on stage. When Clint won, she kissed him and then before he could give his speech, she went back and cleaned off the little bit of lipstick that was there. Hew as fine. We get it, you're lovable, now let the guy talk.

All the people who won, should have. No upsets, no surprises. Sideways was never going to get best picture. The screen play award was typical and enough.

It would have been nice for Virginia Madsen to win, but it was steep Compton.


Next year's host? Shucky Ducky.

All That Razz

Once again, Media Yenta's Post-Awards Analysis of "Worst
Picture" Razzies


Congrats goes to Catwoman, George W., and the Razzie Awards itself, which celebrates its 25th anniversary with a companion book. Honorary "Our First 25 YEARS" awards went to From Justin To Kelly (Worst Musical), Gigli (Worst Comedy), and Battlefield Earth (Worst Drama). I'm happy to see more recently released pictures acknowledged as
the new classics of mind-numbing drek.


And this year's awards go to: Fahrenheit 9/11
footage
Winners: George W. Bush (Worst Actor), Donald Rumsfeld (Worst Supporting Actor), Britney Spears (Worst Supporting Actress), and President Bush with My Pet Goat or Condoleeza Rice (Worst Screen Couple) What We Said: Please, God, give it to Ben Stiller.

What We Say Now: While politicians make great fodder when visiting Pop Culture Land ("Sock it to me?" Nixon asked on Laugh-In), I feel the Razzie academy unjustly snubbed Stiller, the Olsen Twins, and Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2's Jon Voight.


And the awards go to: Catwoman
Winner: Worst Picture, Actress, Screenplay, and Director.
What We Said: We liked Scooby Doo 2.
What We Say Now: It's another bad self-conscious Warner Brothers film loosely based on one of their franchises, like Scooby Doo 2 (named Worst Sequel), Gremlins 2 and Space Jam. Will Batman Begins be next? Only time will tell.