Media Yenta

that's mean Netflix

2011-08-04T08:50:00.001-07:00

Firemen love musicals and wine tastings?

2010-10-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

Kool Aide to advertise on Fox News

2010-07-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

Kool aide will now advertise on Fox News. "We know people are drinking it," said spokesman for the drink. Then the spokesman high fived the people around him.

Andrew Breitbart to Edit This blog

2010-07-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

We are proud to announce that Andrew Breitbart
has joined the masthead of "Media Yenta."
This is a site with fake entertainment news stories.
But people don't know which are fake and which are real.
"I tried to put a disclaimer. People didn't get it," said the
Media Yenta himself.
"But with Andrew as our editor, everyone would know
the stories are made up and not true."

"As an added bonus, Andrew's blogs get a lot of respect.
FOX news called him the 'publisher' of
Biggovernment.com. Publisher? He hits the orange "Publish Post" button
on his blogger account. They also called him 'founder.'
He has a blog. FOX news is giving his blog credibility. Why?
Is it on Wordpress? Was it a Tumblr site? Damn.
Why is his blog a respected news source?"

So please, join us in welcoming Breibart as our Entertainment Editor.
We need people to know we make shit up too.

NBC Executives Were Right About Leno

2010-07-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

NBC executives are patting themselves on their backs for the recent decline in ratings on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno."

"We called that shit seven years ago when we approached Conan to take over the Tonight Show," said Senior Junior VP Tim Urckson while his assistant assisted him in patting himself on his back. "I knew Leno would soften once he crossed that 60 years old mark. All it took was yanking him off the spot publicly, letting his audience scatter and then putting him back."

Does NBC regret pulling Leno off in the first place? "Are you kidding?" Mr. Urckson asked with a stern look that his assistant quickly put on his face. "We went to Conan because we thought this was going to happen. I'm like Magellan."

HuffPo will Now steal Travel Stories Too

2010-07-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

The HuffingtonPost.com announced the are adding a travel section. They said it will be like the rest of the blog - so they will be "linking to" articles on sites that pay writers. They will "feature" other posts and return the favor with a link to the original article.
"A big thanks," said an actual travel writer, "Now people can see my work and I get nothing!"

"We look forward to 'featuring' other sites. We will re-print more than we should and write summaries of other people's work. That's not stealing. It's reporting...on...reporting."

Canada stereotypes, just like us!

2010-07-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

After watching the second episode of the imported "Grey's Anatomy as cops" on ABC, I noticed that the one Jewish cop is struggling to be taken as a threat by bad guys. Somehow they instantly think he's a wimp. His name is Epstein. He also uses an inhaler. Also - not played by a Jew. Nice work Canada. It's good to know that the stereotype of the nervous Woody Allen type is alive and well in the great white north. At least you have free health care.
This is from the pilot episode.

First words out of his mouth... complains about the bill.

He has asthma!

This last episode after making a big bust who does he call...his mother. Then an old timer cop who's mad at him says "You look smart. You could've been a lawyer or a financial guy..." He looks smart?

The actor who plays Dov Epstein is Greg Smith. Nice.

Good Bad Movie Night: Cobra starring Stalone!

2010-07-16T03:16:00.000-07:00

Listen to Proudly Resents on Itunes or click this...

STALONE’S “COBRA” IS DISCUSSED AND CELEBRATED BY WRITER TODD LEVIN (CONAN & THIS BOOK), FILM EXPERT PETER AVELLINO, ERIC NYENHUIS (RETRORADIOLIVE.COM) ANND ADAM SPIEGELMAN (HOST “PROUDLY RESENTS”).

LISTEN AS PETER ADMITS TO SEEING THIS MOVIE LAST YEAR IN THE THEATER! HOW MANY GIRLS WERE IN THE THEATER?

BE AMAZED WHEN TODD SAYS WHY THIS IS STALONE’S BEST FILM!

BE BEFUDDLED WHEN ERIC SAYS THE 80’S WAS THE BEST DECADE.

ASK “WHAT DID HE SAY?” WHEN ADAM GETS TO THE MIC.

ALSO DISCUSSED - TODD’S EMMY NOMINATION, PETER’S ADDITION TO THE REVIVAL HOUSE WHICH IS SECRETLY OWNED BY A FAMOUS DIRECTOR, “MEATBALLS 2” - HOW GREAT IT WAS AND TODD’S FAVORITE LINE FROM THAT MOVIE.

“COBRA” WAS A BLAST. IT’S AVAILABLE ON ITUNES, SO CHECK IT OUT AND LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

(PLEASE NOTE: THIS SHOW IS WORTH IT EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO PLANS ON EVER WATCHING THE MOVIE. WE DID IT FOR YOU. )

Tell us what you really think, Hulu

2010-07-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

This is the link to an episode of "Last Comic Standing." Look at the tags section for an editorial.

Thanks to writer/beardwearer Todd Levin for this find.

Big Brother cast

2010-06-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

From this video we learn that CBS got 10 people in a house that will say whatever a producer tells them. "Will I do anything to win, well almost." "I will use my gayness for good and evil." - How? Does that sentence make sense?

"I'm an observant Jew. I'm very strict. I might not use the same plates as them. I won't eat the same food." You know who's getting voted off first...as always. Thanks for continuing to make us look annoying for being different.

There's a "Jersey Shore type." the Julie Chen, the host laughs when she says he's from Bayonne New Jersey. Julie is from "Queens"- ha! and her mom is from Ragoon! Ragoon! Wait, it's not the name that's funny. It's the stereotype of the New Jersey Italian. I get it. you know what? Forgetaboutit.

CBS took ten stereotypes - that look like Florida strippers, put them in a house and told them what to say. These guys can read a line.

2nd chance - for the "Proudly Resents" Podcast

2010-06-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Listen to a fun discussion of the movie on "Proudly Resents" on itunes or on Proudlyresents.com.

it's finally here!
A while back I wrote about a BS
director/filmmaker
who made shitty films.
I finally found it on the internet.
Was it worth the wait? Is this the worse movie ever made?

Oprah goes and makes every other boss look bad

2010-06-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

Talk show host Oprah surprised her staff today with $10,000 and a new iPad. She was just rewarding them for being great. Instantly as the news of the talkers generocity spread - so did teh nationwide depression.

"My boss stinks," said Aron Smallhorn a trader for a large Wall firm, "I got a six figure bonus last Christmas, but nothing today."

"They won't even let us drink from water bottles," said Danielle Leap of Johnson County Social Services, "We have to bring a cup. They get an iPad, I have to wash a cup."

"This is bad for bosses everywhere," confined David Mathers - supervisor at Johnson & Jackson, a part minority owned shampoo company, "No matter what I do, it won't be Oprah."

Fishing shows!

2010-06-16T01:33:00.001-07:00

Flash Forward fan leave their basements

2010-06-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

Cynopsis.com reports that Fans of cancelled FlashForward are planning to stage protests at ABC's offices in 5 cities this Thursday.
--
They plan to start out the protest really strong with lots of promise and then bring in some ringers and then just peter out until no one is left watching.
--
Fan of Jericho got their show back on the air...but the ratings dropped. they didn't even watch it. CBS spent all this money and they fans didn't turn out. they said it was because the network put the show on at 10 PM. So what? They put it back on, didn't they? ABC made the right choice, ratings wise to lose the show.
--

Meanwhile, no one is protesting the two wars we have going on. (OH! I went there!)
--

Dying Man's only regret is he didn’t do enough stuff with Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson.

2010-05-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

Merv Flipburn, movie producer died last Thursday. He worked behind the scenes and pitched movies for such actors as the wrestler turned actor.

“The one thing in life I regret not doing,” said the producer from his death bed and make shift HOSPICE in Beverly Hills Adjencent. “ I made him an inspirational sports coach, a mean bachelor who becomes a softy when he has to bring up the daughter he never knew he had, a video game turned hopeful but DOA franchise, indie film actor, a tooth fairy who learns to less of an abusive boyfriend/step father.

But there was always more I could do. He could’ve done a a rehab movie. "He had a 28 Days in him. I will always regret it. but there never seems to be enough time. Such is life. It will always regret not getting him a romcom."

Those were his last words.

Mr. Flipburn is survived by his annoyed wife and three disappointed children.

A Banner Day for Nerds!

2010-05-19T01:41:00.000-07:00

Loud cries of "I Told You SO!" rang out of mother's basements and North Hollywood studio apartments today when not one, but two conspiracies were revealed.

First George Lucas revealed to the EP's of "Lost" that he had no direction for Star Wars when he started the franchise.

Then in an interview, Shia LeBouf admitted to the LA TImes that the last Indiana Jones movie was bad.

"I thought it was bad," said this 45 year old reporter's roommate, "But the actors and the director kept saying it was good and there was a vision." Turns out that vision was blurred.

"This is like Watergate, but actually relevant to my life,"@HarvardGrad1985 twitted earlier while he was supposed to be working.

Stereotypes Needed!

2010-05-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Radar Online ("Where facts are not on our radar") is reporting that producers are casting a reality show about stereotypical Jewish American Princesses. Another show is being cast about Italians living on the beach in Brooklyn.

Since "Jersey Shore" was such a hit, every cable channel
(including it's home MTV) is looking for the next (copy of)
big thing. Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

But all these shows are racist. They take the worst parts
of a people and show that it's real.
No one cares that it's racist.

Of course racism rates. So does sex. Starz has a big hit with their
"300" rip off mostly because it has shirtless men fighting
and fucking hot women. That's the key to success. Shirtless fucking& fighting.

The challenge is to make a success without going base. Can you do it?
Look for my new show "Jdate my Dog."

MOP It Up, Please Take It

2010-05-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got to pitch some TV shows to a friend at a production company. His boss was late (his lunch meeting went late...past 3...) so just my friend and I went into the pitching room to do the awkward dance.

It was a conference room with two large orange half circle shaped couches. We joked around a bit and then I asked like an over booked hooker, "Should we do this?"

He nodded and we got dancing. After my first show he said they had tried to versions of that idea and neither worked. I went on to the second show, not much interest. So I changed the game up and for my wacky, outrageous, out there show idea.

After I finished I waited for the judges reaction. Then he dropped the bomb - "That show is a MOP." "What's a MOP?" "Most Often Pitched."

Some show ideas are constantly pitched over and over again. People, like myself, come into a meeting and pitch an idea that someone else just pitched and someone else to pitch the next day.

So you can walk around for months with a great idea that you think will shake up the history of TV or at least a pilot deal and

This turns out to be a real term. Even Mark (photo with male Tony Curtis) Sell Your TV Concept dot com uses this term - and they are trying to sell you a product!

So I guess, "Date my Dog" will have to go back on the shelf.

fan revolt: "That's what 'Avatar' is about?

2010-05-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

After selling a record breaking amount of 2-D DVD's the fans of "Avatar" finally got to watch the movie as a movie and not an amusement part ride.

"The plot is so corny," said 12 year old Tommy Boyd, "It's the same plot of 'Ferngally.'"
"What a rip off," stated Emma Besselmint, 46, "In 3-D you didn't notice the plot holes. I was so disappointed I almost cut my super long braided pony tail."

In fact the realization has gotten so bad that fan fiction has gone on a steady decline.
"I've been going to work," one fan told us, "And actually working. I've never done that before. I just don't have any reason to check the message boards. I was let down worse than Jar Jar. Turns out, I like my job."

"We forgot the bells and whistles," admitted one studio executive, "We thought that the plot, dialogue and acting could carry the DVD. We were way off."

The next round of DVD's will have "The Hurt Locker" on it.

New SNL viewers get ready to be disappointed

2010-05-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

SNL had their highest rated show in a year and a half with host Betty White. Next wee is just multi-Emmy winner Alec Baldwin. get ready for Sunday morning emails of people saying it's not as funny as the one with Betty White. It's hard to top a show with everyone's favorite cast member and sketches from the last ten years and Jay Z doing his most popular songs . So no matter what Baldwin pulls out of his hat, the new viewers will not be satisfied.

Here are some sketches that were cut from the show. They are some of the audience favorites over the past few years...enjoy...

PeTA prtoested

2010-05-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

PeTA, an organization that's no stranger to protests is getting a taste of it's own medicine. The animal rights group is under siege by protestors.

"Every few months or so, PeTA will say they have some famous person posing naked in an ad for their cause," stated the head of PWLTSB (People Who Love To See Boobs) "Then you see the picture and it's someone sitting there coving up the good parts. That's not nude. Nude is nipple. NUDE IS NIPPLE! NUDE IS NIPPLE!"

This reporter had to flee the angry mob of pent up protestors who started chanting "Nude is Nipple."

"I went to see that American Idol judge nude, all I got was her sitting there with no clothes in a way that you can see nothing."

Five protestors were arrested, two for throwing tanning oil and coco butter on PeTA members who were wearing clothes.

This reporter does not normally get personally involved in a story, but come on! Enough already. I can't be fooled again. Ok, again.

Questions about Betty White Hosting SNL

2010-05-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Why are so many people who don't usually watch Saturday Night Live exciting that the former star of the "Golden Girls" is hosting? These are viewers who say things like "I haven't watched the show since Blah-blah-blah" and "The show hasn't been funny since..." now they are excited to stay up late again.

If the ratings go up, will the people be able to pick all the hosts?

If the ratings go up, will Betty White get all the credit? The producers stacked the deck by having Jay Z as the musical guest and bringing back all the great women of the last 10 years for a special appearance.

Will this be a big hit or a flop of "Snakes on the Plane" proportions?

Is there going to be time for "What's up With that?"

Stay Classy A&E

2010-04-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'm watching their show about late night talk shows when they show the second tower being hit. "Why would they show that?" I thought. "I get you are going to address late night after 9/11 but why do I have to watch this footage again? This is the worst moment in our history. Why are you showing this on a doc about Leno vs. Letterman?
Then they put up Bill Maher unfortunate quote...the one about the cowards...It shocked me to hear that when he said it...sure...but to put the quote over a picture of the tragedy just made it a lot worse. Kind if unfair, don't you think?

Avatar biggest selling DVD ever: thanks to Brian Glick

2010-04-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Avatar sells 6.7 million units. Marketing executive Brian Glick lead the team to success. In a memo leaked to our site from Mr. Glick sites the contributions of the marketing genius.

the memo dated January 5, 2010 read - "Putting 'Avatar' on DVD would be a great idea. I really think people will buy it. There seems to be a demand for it."

The memo also has some useful tips that Mr. Glick points out helped in the record breaking weekend.

"We should advertise. A lot. TV, radio, in store displays, even the internet."

Mr. Glick was more than available for comment, we just didn't know what to ask him.

Update: Brian Glick found another email where he told the studio that they should work with James Cameron even though he hadn't made a movie in over 10 years.

Update: Brian Glick will be made VP of Marketing overseeing all the upcoming summer releases.

Update: Liam Fisher is stepping down as VP of Marketing overseeing all the upcoming summer releases to spend more tiem with his screen play.

I'm not sure what they are trying to say here

2010-04-23T10:00:00.001-07:00

The Worst movie of the Decade?

2010-04-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

An interview with the writer of Battlefield Earth... Pretty blunt.
Two writers - one blames the other. Check it out here.

The Razzies named it the worst movie of the decade. But they make choices sometimes based on who will show up to accept. The screenwriters accepted the award.
The worst movie of the decade? I would say "The Room." as for big studio films - "Gigli." But BFE is pretty bad.

Good Bad Movie Night: 2nd Chance.

2010-04-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

it's finally here!
A while back I wrote about a BS
director/filmmaker
who made shitty films.
I finally found it on the internet.
Was it worth the wait? Is this the worse movie ever made?

happy birthday Dan

2010-04-16T10:10:00.001-07:00

The future of comedy just got a little older! Keep the videos coming.

first it was exhaustion, now it's coffee

2010-04-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

Last week Ryan Seacrest shocked the world when he acted the fool on "American Idol." He was giving people silly intros and even made a joke about his former on-air co-host that he's been rumored to have had kicked off. Why did he behave this way? Well, it was first blamed on...too much coffee. Finally the whole ordeal was chalked up to playfulness. What a card! (Queen of Diamonds, HA I just LOL'ed on myself!)

Two weeks ago while driving to an ill-fated pitch meeting, the radio announcer said that Foo Fighters Front figure overdosed. On what? Caffeine. He had too much coffee and that was the root of his bizarre actions.

I don't know why those guys did what they did and who cares? (Is that enough legal mumbo jumbo? Can I move on now?)

In the past, bizarre celeb behavior would be blamed on "exhaustion." Or additions would be to "pain pills" not cocaine.

Saying someone acted outrageous because they had too much coffee just sounds like a lie. Do you know anyone else who said tons of embarrassing things, insulted people, broke stuff etc. because they didn't know a "venti" was bigger than a "grande?" Is Ryan Seacrest the first person in history to insult someone on air because of caffeine? I think you get the point.

Also, it's a bad idea to plant the idea in someone's head that their client had "too much" of anything.

here's a terrible job

2010-04-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Basically they want you to write, shoot and edit "viral videos" for them. A video is only viral if it because very popular. You cannot just produce a popular video, just like you can't just sing a hit song or write a blockbuster film.

what a great business plan - we have people make us hit videos for free. then we take all the credit. What are you thinking? that magic elves are going to come out in the middle of the night, cobble your shoes, video tape it and get it on Web Soup?

I love that they plan to then get the videos on "funny or die and similar sites" - you mean other sites that you can get stuff on for free? You have a deal with youtube? You know who else has a deal with youtube and funny or die? Everyone.

If you are applying for this job, please consider working for me. Here's my ad - "Be the next aint-it-cool-news.com. Writer needed to write snarky blog that will get tons of hits and make us some google ad bucks. must know how to write, spell, publish and promote. already having an ip address would help. Also light to heavy house cleaning. Some pay - you pay us."

Ricky Martin & Sean Hayes win Major Kudos

2010-04-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

Gay rights groups announced their big award winners this year. Recently singer Ricky Martin and actor Sean Hayes came out of the closet earning the respect of their fans and a great honor. Tomorrow they will recieve the "Way-to-go-and-come-out-of-the-closet-after-your-career-is-cold-and-during-the-height-when-it-would-have-meant-something-Award" from "Sarcastic Gays of America."

"Way to wait," Christina Max, President of SGA.

25 years later Paper boy still wants his two dollars

2010-04-05T01:37:00.000-07:00

Half way into "Hot Tub Time Machine" I realized, "This is a John Cusack 80's comedy." They figured out a way to do a sequel to "Better off Dead" and "Say Anything." What about "Another Crazy Summer" where JC returns, this time with his family in toe and they have to beat the old bully and his family? Just send the checks right to me.

Other stars from the decade of Reagan and "Where's the Beef" have made a comeback. When studios and stars are desperate for a hit - they are not afraid to go back in time from characters. Totally, dude.

Look at the great Bruce Willis - they threw a bunch of money at him to do a fourth "Die Hard." He's older and balder, but still hunting bad guys. They added a young side kick to get the kids in with their parents. (A hacker)

Harrison Ford did a fourth Indiana Jones movie (After the "Last Crusade"). Who knew Indy had to get back in the action? They added a young side kick to get the parents in with the parents. (His long lost bastard son.)

Stalone's movie career was dead in the water.  So he did another Rocky. They added a young side kick to get the kids in with the parents. (A new actor playing his son.)

Crocodile Dundee made a comeback in 2001 after his last appearance in 1988. He brought his son. You know why.

Now, like the other aging 80's movie stars, John Cusack's movie career was softening. Until his role in "2012" things didn't look too good.

From IMDB:









Igor (2008) (voice)  

War, Inc. (2008)  

Martian Child (2007)  

1408 (2007)  

Grace Is Gone (2007)  

The Contract (2006/I)  

The Ice Harvest (2005) 

Must Love Dogs (2005)  

Runaway Jury (2003)  

Identity (2003) 

Max (2002/I) 


Just like his male movie counterparts Cusack had to go back to his well. But he didn't have one tent pole franchise. 
He didn't have one character that he was associated with...except for...wait for it...John Cusack's best known character is "John Cusack." 


The  80's slacker who's a loner but a cool dude that everyone wants to know. The one guy who hangs out in the 7-11 parking lot that people would want to to "chill out" with. 




How do you get the pushing 50 Cusack back in 80's high school? Back on ski slopes? Back in his teen insecurities? Send him through time in a hot tub time machine. They added a young side kick to get the kids in with the parents. (Cusack's techno nerd nephew.)

Americans wear their Sunday best for "Clash"

2010-04-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

Nikki Fink reports that the remake of "Clash of the Titans" made a record $64 million over the Easter weekend. Some thought that releasing a violent movie over a holy weekend would be a big mistake. But studio executives not only knew what they were doing, they planned it.

"It worked for "The Passion of the Christ,'" media analyst Stu Potter told us, "After that super violent movie rocked the box (office) studios rushed violent movies into the pipeline for Easter weekend."

Some might say "Christ" was successful despite the violence and only because of the religious message. "Nope," Mr. Potter states with total confidence, pointing to the outrageous success of a poorly reviewed remake of a shoddily made B-movie from the 80's.

"Next year look to taking the entire family to the 3-D remake of "Caligula."

Is this the end of New Media?

2010-04-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

The New York Times reported on Saturday that the government is cracking down on unpaid internships. The department of labor are afraid that companies are replacing qualified paid workers with unpaid students.
From the NYT article:
“We’ve had cases where unpaid interns really were displacing workers and where they weren’t being supervised in an educational capacity,” said Bob Estabrook, spokesman for Oregon’s labor department.

This investigation has send shivers down the spines of new media companies. "How can we produce a full TV show for a website when we have to pay the crew?" Asked Carl "with a 'k'" Boomet from a leading production company and coffee shop. "Free labor is the only way we can meet impossible budgets. Our country was built on the backs of free labor. It worked out for us. If you excuse me, I have to teach an intern how to make Frapacinos."

Rosa Parks movie cast! Update!

2010-04-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

A bio pic of fame civil rights leader Rosa Parks is finally in the works. The whole project was cast contingent The financing finally went through and Blake Lively from "Gossip Girl" has been cast as the woman who stood up for her self and he and an entire race on a bus one winter day 1955.

"We wanted to reboot the Civil rights movements," said one studio executive, "Make it younger so we can get a longer franchise. It worked for Star Trek. "

Update: "Back that Bus Up" will be in 3-D.

Good Bad Movie Night - "Samurai Cop"

2010-03-31T09:57:00.000-07:00

I won't beat around the bush, this movie is great. "Troll 2" great. This movie has everything. It's bad, and inept, and silly and fun.

It's an 80's buddy cop movie. A white cop on the edge and a straight edge black cop.
The white cop is the "Samurai Cop," of course. Why wouldn't the white cop be an expert in the Asian Arts? No reason to bring in an Asian guy. Just use a white body builder with long Fabio hair.

let's talk about the hair. When we first meet our heroes the white cop is wearing a long wig and a baseball cap just sitting on top of the mess. The black cop makes a point of saying the white cop came up from San Diego, like that explains the wig and his fighting ability. My first thought was that he grows in the film and then he "cuts" his hair and truly becomes a Los Angeles cop. Within 40 seconds I learned that I was over thinking it. He doesn't cut his hair.

They walk into the unmarked police car. Now we cut to them driving and the white cop has real long hair. Then back to the wig for a close up and then back to the real hair.
He must have cut his hair after production and they needed to do insert shots and re-shoots. This goes on a lot in this movie. At first you think, "Ok, they didn't realize they would need a close up there until editing." But by the time you see fight scenes that go from location to location in one fight and long sequences of the hero fighting in a wig, you know there are bigger problems.

Most of the police don't have any badges on their uniforms. Just dark matching clothes. When I say "most" I mean all but one. He must have brought it from home.

Our heroes go to the hospital to question a witness. Guarding the door is one terrible actor in matching dark clothes. The director had to put a mark on the carpet so he would know where to stand. The whole time you can see the wheels turning in his head, "Act, act, act...walk to blue 't' and then say line...act, act, now sit down...and done."

After the witness is murdered the cop watching the door yells, "Someone get security." Wait, aren't you a cop?
Then he runs down the hallway - we cut to the same shot of the hallway and the bad woman running down it. They must have left the camera there and told her to run down. "No one will notice that they are running down the same exact hallway."

Remember in "Beverly Hills Cop" when Eddie Murphy meets the very funny and very gay store clerk. Gosh, that was funny. Well, they try that too. At a restaurant, they meet a very gay waiter that just spills all the beans. It's not funny. I would say it's not funny and not offensive because it doesn't make any sense.

The stand out scene is the nurse who hits on the white cop. It makes no sense. Even better is the reaction shots they get from the black cop. He makes these huge faces. He looks like a Michael Winslor for the deaf.

Look for the blue "t" on the floor in the hallway.

But what about all the samurai fighting the title of the film implies?
One scene at the end. Which starts in a desert and then appears in
the woods and then somewhere else.

This movie is great. It's fun and implausible that someone put this out.
There are so many moments where the director must have said,
"No one will notice."
You will, thankfully.

Scarface School Play

2010-03-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is real or not, but it's really funny.

Bring your daughters to podcast day

2010-03-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

Today on Marc Berman's excellent daily podcast "The Programming Insider" his sidekick brought his twin young daughters who had the day off for spring break.

There are some unintentionally funny moments in the show. One kid hates the "Zombie." Just the word scares her. But as luck would have it, Marc has a news story about a new zombie TV show. You can hear the poor girl traumatized for the next few moments.
Listen here.

Anyway, if you like TV, you should be listening to Marc. (His column is a must read.)

A post based on an email by Peggy's Steve

2010-03-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

Guest writer Peggy's Steve sends in this...

On the subway yesterday I saw someone reading the novel "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire". Not someone reading "Push" by Sapphire, mind you. They were reading a movie tie-in called "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire".

Now, I'm assuming that the text they were reading was indeed the novel "Push" by Sapphire. Because if it were a novelization of the film, the cover would have read "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" -- by (Someone Else).

But it didn't, so I can only assume the novel "Push" by Sapphire was retitled to match the clunky title of the film, which means that the front cover should have read: "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" by Sapphire.
That's not a great compromise either, because the title implies that what you're reading is only "based" on the novel that you're actually reading. Unless Sapphire did change the novel "Push" to match the movie more, in which case maybe the title should read: "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire based on the Movie Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire."

I sincerely hope that Sapphire didn't change a word, firstly because it would save literary scholars the headache of debating the relative merits of the novel Push by Sapphire, and the novel "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" (which itself is based partly on the movie "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire"). But more importantly, the absence of any new material would prevent the truly horrifying possibility of selling movie rights to this new work, which could be called "Precious: Based on the novel Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire"

(Peggy's Steve is a hot shot editor, great piano player and wears the hell out of his glasses.)

Watching TV in the internet makes you smarter

2010-03-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

Studies show that if you watch TV shows on the internet and not on TV, you look smarter. "I love 'Two and a Half Men.'" will make you look like a neanderthal.
But if you say, "I watched the 'Big Bang Theory' on the internet" or "I caught 'Gary Unmarried' on Hulu" you look smart. It's teh new way of saying "I don't watch TV," when you clearly do. It's TV. You mean to tell me everyone on earth are hipnotised by it but you?

Star Jones Heart Surgery Update

2010-03-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

While the former talk show host recovers from heart surgery the part of Star Jones will be played by actress Mary Reiley.
All Star Jones concerns and business should be referred to the stage actress until further notice.

Please do not confuse Mary Reiley with model Mary Riley, although she is very pretty, she cannot help.

Thank you.

Please view her reel below:

Star Jones had heart surgery, they gave her one.

Star Jones Survives Surgery powered by Target

2010-03-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

Former talk show host Star Jones underwent successful surgery. She is recovering nicely in the Holiday Inn Room watching her new Samsung 9002x TV while eating ice chips from her new Kemore freezer.

A rep says she will be driving home in her Audio A6 with dual air bags in no time.

Her people deny that the operation was a publicity stunt tied into a bunch of sponsors. Her person was talking to us from the new Droid smart phone.

She plans to stay healthy by working out at 24 Hour Fitness and where the latest in Under Armor. Her diet will be supplied by Staples.

A&E Goes interactive

2010-03-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

Jumping on the 3-D bandwagon, A&E will add an interactive component to their show Kirstie Alley's Big Life. Now you can throw peanuts at the large actress.
"Most shows on networks like TLC just show fat people and midgets," said TV expect Juan Getter, "But A&E has taken looking at people and passing judgments to another level. Now you can openly mock them by hitting them with peanuts."

The one black guy per movie rule stays

2010-03-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hot Tub Time Machine will follow the "Black guy in a movie" rule. In the movie a group of four guys, they have one black friend. Even though there's only one black guy, they have to make sure they are not a threat to the white man's masculinity - like crazy hair or Martin Lawrence or gay. In this case he's overweight.

These movies make the Black guy a non-sexual threat by making him henpecked, gay or just f'ed up. This way the white star can get the girl. Meanwhile white actors are played up to wacky and fun and get the girl. Like Chevy Chase and Bill Murray in the early 80's. Like John Cusack in the 80's and the 90's and in this movie here.

Then if they are straight, they are henpecked and have an overbearing wife they are afraid of. Check. We have that too.

Yes, there are exceptions. there always are. And I know you are searching your mind for them. But there aren't really as many as you think. This spring when the new fall season is announced, look to see how many black people are in each show and if they follow the black guy on a TV show rule. The rule seems to be for network TV, that every show can have no more than one black male and one black female. The woman is usually the best friend of the main character and doesn't get t do more than give out advice to the main character.

look what you did, democracy!

2010-03-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

You! You, America! You went to you voting booth (facebook) and pushed and pushed until Betty White became the host of Saturday Night Live. Well America, you got it. I hope you are happy, because this is what you got...Here's a scene from her upcoming sitcom on TV Land.

It's not too late to call for a recount! After that clip, we should impeach!

Jews Telling Jokes

2010-03-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

Comedy Legends Return!

2010-03-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

Cocco & Penny are back!

Watch more Asylum Sideshow videos on AOL Video

Cat gets it's own reality show

2010-03-17T11:28:00.001-07:00

based on the popularity, this cat hill be the star of "For the Love of Kitty." The cat will have 17 suitors and only one will end up the "Main Scratch." Jan Michael-Vincent to host.

Cat Confused By Scratching - Watch more Funny Videos

good bad movie night- "Baby on Board"

2010-03-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Heather Graham is super hot and a good actress, but she fell into a string a of bad films for a long time. "Baby on Board" is no exception. She plays a career woman who has it all. A husband (Jerry O'Connell), a gay assistant, a bitchy boss, an understanding sister who has the family that heather dreams of. Oh, the sister is married to Jon Corbett from S#x and/or the City.

Corbett is totally miscast as Jerry's wacky, drug taking, wive cheating, fast talking best friend. Basically the John Candy character from "Splash" that seems to be in every kooky comedy.

Anyhoo, Corbett talks Jerry into taking a number from a hot Asian chick at the gym. It's for a message, but she kissed the back of her business card. (The director made a point in the commentary that he was having trouble finding an Asian woman for that role. Does it have to have to be an Asian?)

Heather finds the card and thinks he's cheating. She doesn't accuse him. She just gets upset. Then tries to get him jealous. Now he thinks she's cheating. All they have to do is accuse each other.

Oh, she sees him making out with a woman at dinner. It turns out it was a grateful client. Still, that was cheating. Yikes. The kiss had to be long enough for Heather to see it. So it might be a grey area.

In fact she does accuse him of cheating and he just ignores it. She goes to her mom to find out how to handle the situation. Her mom's advice, ignore him. Corbett tells Jerry to do the same to her.

So they act like children the whole movie. Oh, she's pregnant the whole time. this movie wasn't fun to watch until.

Not a good bad movie. Not fun to watch. Watching the director's commentary is fun. That's all. no reason to get mean. Just not good.

Nikki Fink still on vacation- Hollywood not connected.

2010-03-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

While deadlinehollywooddailycougarmelloncamptylerperry.com editor/writer Nikki Fink is back packing through Europe, show business is not informed.

"People of LA have to wait two or three hours for a breaking story," said one nervous PR agent. "No one has Toldja'ed me all week. I'm lost."

Howard Stern's JD goes out w/ Spitzer escourt

2010-03-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

Here's the sega in three tidy videos.

Where Americans get their news

2010-03-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

For a long time studies showed that people got their news from Jay Leno's nightly monologue and the SNL Weekend Update. Then for a long time a generation of viewers got their news from "The Daily Show." Now a new alternative news source has arrived.

A study has found that most Americans get their news from Allysa Milano's Twitter page. It started out as an innocent curiosity of what the "Charmed" star and clothing mogul was up to.

"I just wanted to see what she had for breakfast," said one now informed fan, "And then I learned that Obama gave his Nobel Prize money to charity. I had no idea! Now when ever a news story breaks I check @Alyssa_Milano first and CNN second."

Editor's note: If you were to tell me that I would be getting news from a "Who's the Boss" star - I would've picked Mona.
@reachadam

Rosa Parks movie cast!

2010-03-13T09:30:00.000-08:00

STOP THE PRESSES!

2010-03-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

Dan Poetman has a new comedy video

Howard Stern: There is no Artie Lange Update

2010-03-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

After berating a caller Stern says, there is no update. Listen for yourself.

The best to Artie and his family.

Forget Ironman2!

2010-03-10T09:55:00.000-08:00

While everyone is excited about the Ironman 2 trailer, we have the latest Oscar winner, right here.

Is this part of Conan's Tour?

2010-03-10T06:30:00.000-08:00

This is not what I was expecting.

bookstore gives off missed messages

2010-03-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

Bossip Keeps it real!

2010-03-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

Cake, based on a recipe by Saphire

2010-03-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

This is the cake I brought to my Oscar party.

CBS Finds a TV Friendly Title to "Shit My Dad Says."

2010-03-05T17:31:00.000-08:00

According to The Hollywood Reporter, CBS may have found a new name for their sitcom based on the popular Twitter feed, "Shit my Dad Says." (Yes, it's a show based on a Twitter feed. stop writing that book or screenplay and promptly hang yourself. I'll wait.)

The show now stars William Shatner as the shit talking dad. The new title, "Shat My Dad Says."

Which is great, now I can finish my headline in the future and take a day off this fall. "The First Cancelation of the season, 'Shat My Dad Says.'"

A Nice Thing From A Blogger

2010-03-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

"Community" was funny last night.

3 Corections

2010-03-04T14:17:00.000-08:00

1) Yesterday, or last night, we reported that the "Marriage Ref" was a prank show to get celebrities with failed marriages to give advice about wedded bliss. We were informed that the show is actually a show where advice is given from celebrities and the host Tom Pappa. While we are relieved that the show is not that mean, it now just sounds boring.

2) We confused Eddie Izzard with Ricky Gervais or vice versa, we don't remember.

3) In the title of this post we misspelled "Correction." We apologize.

Marriage Ref: Best Prank Show Ever

2010-03-03T23:17:00.000-08:00

Not Since Ali G put on a yellow sweat suit has a show lampooned celebrities so well. Jerry Seinfeld came up with a show that has celebrities right where you want them. He invited famous people with even famous-er bad unions to talk about marriage. Normally you can't get Madonna to talk about her doomed partnership. But call her an expert and she'll fly in her fake accent first class.

The producers are very smart. The first week they put Kelly Rippa on the panel to throw off Alec Baldwin. "See," Alec's person could tell him, "Kelly has a good marriage. No one is going to find it strange that you're talking about happy marriages after going through a 7 year divorce.

The show has a wrap up done by Marv Albert. "You know the guy who got caught cheating on his second wife? The guy who...never mind," stated an insider, "You get the idea. He has no idea the producers were putting him on to shine a light on his affairs."

Hopefully they can trick John Edwards on the show before the first season is over.

Song Subject Speaks

2010-03-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

Even though most of the world forgot or weren't born yet, Carly Simon finally revealed who the song "You're so Vain" was written about. Turns out it was record exec David Geffen.

When reached for comment Geffen told this reporter, "I thought that song was about me."

Leno Wins, but in an uncool demo

2010-03-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

Last night's return of Jay Leno gave the Tonight show a needed boost of almost three full ratings points from when Conan hosted the show a couple a months ago and besting Letterman's competition on CBS.

"But they weren't cool points," stated Stan Worth researcher with the Gold, Worth and Much. "More people watched, which meant the commercials got more eyeballs and Jamie Foxx's movie have more potential ticket buyers...but those people are nerds. They live in the Midwest, eat at chain restaurants and think that Carlos Mencia is Mexican. Sure Tide sold more detergent on Leno, but to uncool flyover state folks."

"They got less people into Olive Garden when Conan hosted," Stan continued, "But those who did were cool and went ironically. That's the audience you'd want."

Poor NBC, will they ever learn?

Oscar Spoiler Alert! opening number

2010-03-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

Media Yenta, not Deadline Hollywood Daily Cougar Melloncamp Pinket Smith, has the exclusive footage of the opening number for the Academy Awards. TOLDJA!
Adam Shankman's 1997 Honda Accord broke down in front of Media Yenta HQ (Coffee Bean on Slauson).
Here it is, EXCLUSIVO!
The opening number from the Oscars...

Birdemic! the excitement is mounting

2010-02-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

The premiere is only two hours away. The theater is sold out and the writer/director was seen with an entourage walking down the trending Fairfax. Were they coming from ultra hip bar "The Dime?"

The movie makes it's Hollywood premiere tonight to a sold out audience. TV personalities "Tim & Eric" are presenting the spectacular.

In front of the historic Silent Movie Theater on Fairfax a search like truck is parked making it a legitimate premiere. Just half a block down is the director's minivan covered with homemade Birdemic! posters and fake blood, making the event less legit.

We will keep you updated with all the faux excitement this reporter can muster.

Jim Belushi Breaks Deal with Devil

2010-02-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

It was just announced that actor/comedian Jim Belushi will be starring in an upcoming CBS drama called "The Defenders."

"This is in direct violation of our contract," the devil told us while holding up a scroll with writing and a signature in blood that indeed looks like the actor's, "He was to have a very long running sitcom that would make it richer than anyone and then never appear on TV again. We had a deal."

Indeed the contract stated that he was to only make appearances at his "House of Blues" chain and corporate gigs.

"Maybe I'd be cool with an appearance on a high end cable drama playing against type or a walk on playing himself in some ironic sitcom," Satan said from his home in you-know-where, "But headlining his own series? That's unacceptable."

Right now the devil has no course of action. "I was going to reverse time and never put "According to Jim" on the air. But I realized it would bring a lot of people joy."

Eggs with your eggs...

2010-02-22T12:58:00.000-08:00

Name Game

2010-02-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

From Cynopsis.com:

Jay Harrington, star of ABC's Better Off Ted, may shift networks as he has been chosen as the lead in NBC's comedy pilot Nathan vs. Nurture. The comedy's plot, produced by Sony TV is about an overly-ambitious heart surgeon (Harrington) who finds his birth father and his underachieving brothers 35 years after his adoption. This new role for Harrington is in second position after ABC's Better Off Ted, though the sophomore series is not expected to be renewed by ABC.

Does this guy only play parts that are puns? His other shows are "Bird in the Stan" about an accountant at a zoo and "All the World's a Sage" about a health food store in the 80's.

Comedy Podcasts I listen to and like!

2010-02-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

Comedy Podcasts:
WTF with Marc Maron- Maron is about to take his narcissism to another level. Luckily it's very entertaining. First he'll talk about himself, then he'll bring out a well known comedian and they talk about him. He caps the show with an interview with his dad or someone else and they...wait for it...talk about him.
It's very funny.

The Paul Goebel Show Paul and his friends are supposed to talk about TV, but it rarely happens. Instead we get funny conversation about dating after divorce, open marriage, working at Trader Joe's, performing at open mic nights and other random topics. Also ends in a fun game. Lots of fun to listen to. Grows on you.

WFMU Seven Second Delay w/ ken and Andy My favorite show. Andy is the station manager of WFMU and Andy is a former SNL writer and creator of the TV show "Monk." This is the most innovative show on the air. Each week they come up with ways to play on the radio. One night they drove a cab around New York and recorded it live, a variety show only using acts they got off Craig's List. Once they did the whole show without a clock and competed with each other to see who would guest when the hour ended. Ken cheated. They once had Sometimes the bits fail, but that's half the fun. Stick with it. It's great.

Comedy & Everything Else - Each Monday Jimmy Dore and Stefane Zamorano get together to talk about comedy, and everything else on their minds. Since Todd Glass left the show has become more political. Still fun to listen to and entertaining guests.

Another great show is the nonsense of "Things We Did Before Reality" by Will Franken. He's created a bizarre and hilarious world. Franken rarely comes out with a new show, but you can go back and hear a lot of funny timeless and strange shows.

I Love MoviesDoug Benson brings on his comedy friends to talk about movies and play his entertaining movie games.

2010-02-17T02:33:00.000-08:00

Watch more Asylum Sideshow videos on AOL Video

2010-02-17T02:24:00.000-08:00

The first bottle is amazing. Totally new and full of character. The second bottle is just as great but for different reasons. The third bottle is instantly a bad idea, same old thing, makes you tired and for some reason has Andy Garcia.

Finally - a package of movies you never wanted to see

2010-02-17T02:06:00.000-08:00

Viewers would rather watch rape and murder than Leno

2010-02-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

The night after The Jay Leno show went off the air NBC replaced it with a rerun of "Law & Order: SVU." The cop show was up 13% in that time slot over Leno a week ago.

$66,855,000 worth of people had no plans for Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T09:16:00.000-08:00

The movie "Valentine's Day" made $66,855,000 proving that tons of people did not know what to do for the romantic holiday. No since "Titanic" has a movie gotten men who were out of ideas out of the dog house.

"It was a life saver," admitted Mark Richards, "I had no idea what do this weekend. Then I open the paper and there's a two page ad with the words "Valentine's Day" on it and times we could go. I called the babysitter and the good Olive Garden and it was became the most romantic night ever."

When asked if he was worried the movie would not be good he responded, "Ashton Kutcher was in the ad, just staring at me. He wouldn't let me down."

With no description of the movie, just faces of his favorite stars and a heart around it he had to take Ashton's word for it.

"To be honest," said Mark's wife, "I was bored during the movie. So i came up with a game. I tried to pick which celebrity on screen I would rather be with tonight. More importantly, who I would be with today if I didin't waste my youth with Mark."

"This movie really saved my marriage," Mr. Richards continued, "At least for a few months. Now if they can just come up with a film called 'Doreen's 40th' or '15th wedding Anniversary' we'd last at least until the kids got to college."

You can now dress like a d-bag at the Oscars

2010-02-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

The Oscar committee has made it ok for actors and presenters to wear either a tux or an Ed Hardy t-shirt ti the big movie ceremony.
"We see Ed Hardy shirts everywhere," said one member, "Funerals, opera, weddings, why not the biggest awards show of the year?"

This will also stop people from asking "Who are you wearing?" since it says so high up on the guy's chest.

It's also now legal to hold your phone when driving as long as you don't put it to your ear,

Does this look like a penis to you?

2010-02-13T19:47:00.000-08:00

Just checking.

Workers forced to lose sleep over TV

2010-02-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

We can't stay up that late! Isn't that why they moved him earlier in the first place?

Indeed NBC did claim the Leno move was to capture those fans that grew so old over the past 17 years that they can't stay awake long enough to get through the local news. So Leno went to 10 PM. good, God Fearing, hard working people went to bed at a decent hour like a responsible person after watching Leno for 7 months. Then it all hit the fan.

NBC moved Leno back to 11:30. People were lost. "I got to work in the morning. How am I going to catch up on 'Headlines' and then be awake enough the next day to work the forklift," an angry email from Ledfute415 read, "Of course right now I'm not working, but if I did I would be tired."

A midnight vigil was scheduled at NBC studios, but it as you probably guested, everyone was asleep.

"Undercover Boss" accidently gets laid off

2010-02-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

A CEO was accidentally downsized at his own company. On an upcoming episode of "Undercover Boss" - a show about CEO's pretending to be regular workers to know how the little people lived - Founder of Eipcore, Donald Fisman was mistakenly lumped into a large group of people who were downsized.

"I wanted to know how the other half lived," said the now out of work millionaire, "I found out real quick. I started this company 25 years ago and made it what it is today. And now I'm fired. No severance package or anything. It's my company!"

What's next for the former chief who couldn't get one day as an Indian?
"Maybe start another company in my garage," he said "Or try out for Survivor."

CBS is very embarrassed. One executive told us, "This is the biggest mistake we've made since we gave Jay Mohr a sitcom."

John Mayer's camp responds

2010-02-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

John Mayer recently got into some hot water when he said racists things to an interviewer for Playboy during an interview and then it was published in that magazine.

"First of all," started the new PR rep, "It was for Playboy and we never thought anyone would read it. Honestly, have you even seen a Playboy magazine? this is the first time Playboy has been relevant since they found naked pictures of Madonna. Quite frankly, I'm more shocked that people care what it's in Playboy than what Mayer allegedly said in the first place."

In the interview Mayer said he had a "Ghetto Pass" and then called it an n-word pass - but used the offensive term.

The publicist had a defense for this too. "Those are two totally different passes. One can get you into any kind of ghetto without any trouble and the other can get you slapped just asking for it by name."

Earlier today his ghetto pass was taken away and then was told to keep comedy for the comedians.

"Sex and the City" gets a change

2010-02-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

The popular show/movie/book "Sex and the City" has officially changed it's name. It will now be called "Sex in the City." "We give up," said a very tired exec. "I'm tired of correcting people."

In a related story actor Willem Dafoe has changed his name to William Defoe.

Tigers Woods' Mistress talks about everything but Tiger

2010-02-10T19:43:00.000-08:00

The news show Extra hit pay dirt when they grabbed an exclusive interview with Tiger Woods' mistress #1. Even though she refused to talk about the one thing that makes her interesting. Instead she talked about being a awful snob in high school, wanting a family, traveling to Asia and wanting to be like "Sex and the City." It's a segment called, "The worst first date ever."

Never once is the famed golfer talked about.

Future segments will have Dracula talk about how excited he is that there's an "A-Team" movie and an actual martian will discuss his favorite cookie recipes.

"It's our new direction," said a tired story editor, "Which is no direction at all. We hope people watch our show and say 'I don't get it.'"

Man saw divorce coming

2010-02-10T14:37:00.000-08:00

An LA man said he knew his marriage was in trouble way before his wife a power agent in Hollywood ended their marriage.
"I knew there was trouble in our marriage when she wouldn't return my calls until after 5 PM," confessed the recently ankled husband.
When the marriage was just a wedlet, he says things were bofo.
"I used to get returns right away. Then after things got tough, she was always in a meeting. I wouldn't get a call back until night time. Sometime after she got to our home."

His wife says things are fine with them, she's just going in a different direction.

Howard Stern considers a return to showbiz

2010-02-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

After leaving the public airwaves to go to a private entertainment service, Howard Stern has been rumored to be rumored to be possibly asked to maybe replace Simon (if he leaves - which he is rumored to) as a judge on "American Idol."

Although no official offer has been made to the former shock jock, a note was slipped in his agent's gym locker.

Here's what Stern had to say about the possibility of there being a possibly.

Sundance Channel sets new line up

2010-02-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

The Sundance Channel, once the home to cool movies and docs is expanding its roster to scripted police dramas and style shows. "When you hear 'Sundance you think the best in new movies and the future of cinema," stated one executive, "but we plan to take that brand, stomp on it, set it on fire, find the ashes and shit on them."

With a full plate of police dramas and style shows the goal is set to be gayer than "Bravo, Logo and La Cienega and Santa Monica at 1 AM on a Thursdy night combined."

1 Millionth Comic Makes Baby Joke

2010-02-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

Last night at 1 AM a new record was broken. The one millionth comedian made the joke "I slept like a baby last night. I cried and took a shit on myself."
"I honestly thought I wrote that joke," Matt Wilde told this reporter, "I was more shocked to find out I wasn't the only person who wrote this joke, let alone the 1 millionth."Although he's only been doing stand up comedy for 7 weeks - he's made a name for himself.

Last week, he got the honors of being the 2 millionth person to think he wrote the crowd work line, "What town are you from? Do you know Bob?"

Not everyone loves Mr. Wilde's sudden notoriety. The other open mic comics are jealous and have even shunned the celebrated joke teller.

"Just two weeks ago I told that baby joke," said Teddie Spaghetti from his job at bakery. "But I honestly wrote it. I didn't steal it. I lived the joke. I don't have any kids, but I cry and shit myself in my sleep. Now I can't do that joke anymore. What a waste."

(Phil Schwarzmann has nothing to do with this article. We just used his photo. Go check him out on his website.)

Hollywood reforms are working!

2010-02-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

One of LA LA Land's newest mandates has been a huge success!

In order to cut the number of A-list actors who have to do jury duty and distracting court cases, the county installed the "Jury Duty or Gary Marshall" initiative is working.

Since the court does not want to be have security issues or distractions when a huge star like Jamie Foxx walks into a jury pool, the city counsel found another place for them. A-list actors were given a choice between serving on a jury or acting in a romcom directed by Gary Marshal who was working off a traffic ticket.
A trial run was done last year with the movie "He's Just Not That into You." Movie stars were sent a notice to appear at the Downtown LA court house along with a script based on the best selling book. Some actors did not take part in either program because they either thought it was joke or their Q rating dropped.
"Once Luke Wilson started doing phone commercials," one city official said, "He guaranteed himself to a life of jury duty."

30 Rock gag goes amuck

2010-02-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

What was supposed to be a gag for an up coming episode of "30 Rock" has turned into an accidental movie release. Following past plot lines that Jenna was to star in such junk as "Rural Juror," Tracy Morgan's character was to follow up his fictional blockbuster "Honky Grandma be Trippin'," and "Who Dat Ninja" with "Cop Out." The idea was that Tracy Jordan was going to star in a by the numbers buddy cop film. "I thought people knew we were making fun of bad 80's cop buddy films when we 'cast' Bruce Willis," one writer told us in private for a free coffee and scone. "When I suggested that we put Kevin Smith as the director, we all thought everyone would get the joke."

But America fell for the irony and thought the movie posters and the trailers that told absolutely no story and made no sense were real. The studio is rushing to have something for theaters to show on the faux/now real release date.

The "30 Rock" writers promise to be more careful next time.

Where not to be seen!

2010-02-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

Wanna have lunch and not see people you know from business? Ran to Toast or Doughboy's and ran into a publicist and an agent? Tired of explaining what you've been up to? THen Eat at Jan's Restaurant. A diner without agents, managers or even an intern. Show biz types won't even eat there ironically. Enjoy a pretty good meal without hearing someone make a deal. Jan's!

Jon Stewart goes after latest media victim: The Daily Show

2010-02-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

This week, Jon attacked his own show for being petty and repetitive. "Making a face and going 'Wha?' is not political discourse," the host said about his own show and then showed a clip of himself doing just that over and over again.

"We just ran out of people to put down," admitted the show's producer. After Bush left office, the host had no one to attack. The administration was one that he supported. He was a political comment show with no one to comment on.

So he went after FOX News. Then Jim Cramer was fell victim to Stewart's scorn. It got so bad that in a wimpy move Cramer went on The Daily Show and admitted to being a dummy.

Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer - FULL VIDEO @ Yahoo! Video

Once Cramer apologized for not being as cool as Stewart, the TDS team needed another whipping boy.

The show went on a rampage and attached fellow TV personalities and shows from cable and network.
Then, last week the TV well ran dry and Stewart attacked the young children of the internet - bloggers!

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Now they have nothing left to put down. So like a hungry snake - Stewart went after himself.

This all started when he went on another cable news show, called them hacks and asked them to stop producing the show. CNN canceled the show right away and jobs were lost.

The staff of The Daily Show understands the irony of their show getting canceled because of attacks from their show. "Yes we understand the irony," the show's producer said, "It's irony. That's what we do."

Venture Brothers

2010-01-31T12:04:00.000-08:00

For the new season of Venture Brothers - the show takes a page out of the "Scrubs" playbook ---

Venture Brothers has changed formats and networks. Now the show that's a take off on "Johnny Quest" type cartoons from the past has changed names and format. Instead of being a low-key adult cartoon that subtly lampoons kid's adventures shows it's a low-key adult cartoon that subtly lampoons the spy genre. This change happened when the show moved from Adult Swim to FX. They also kept the cool opening credits.

For the ninth season of "Scrubs" the creators changes the show up to keep it fresh and accommodate the changing cast members. No longer did the show take place in a hospital, but now it's a medical school that for some reason is attached to a hospital. (I won't even get my hair cut a barber college let alone have my appendix taken out by a second year freshman.)
Bill Lawrence, "Scrubs" creator wanted to change the name of the show not to confuse the two formats. "Srubs: 2.0" as he called it in the press. But the network that airs and owns the show wanted to hedge their bets and and keep the name just in case the show failed and they can fold episodes into the "Scrubs" syndication.

Unlike the medical sitcom and future inspiration for "Grey's Anatomy," "Venture Brothers" changed it's name to "Archer."

Luke Wilson Party

2010-01-29T18:06:00.000-08:00

The "Luke Wilson Welcome to TV" party was a hoot. Everyone was there from the world of TV to help celebrate Wilson's transition from Romcom movie star to cell phone pitchman and HBO series regular.

Roth, Glenn Close, Gary Sinise, Joe Montagnia, Holly Hunter were just a few of the well wishers and party goers.

Stay tune for the John Heder party!

Podcasts I like

2010-01-29T17:53:00.000-08:00

Filmweek. Every Friday at 11 Larry Mantle and film reviewers talk about the latest movies. A lot of the reviews are negative, but they are always very interesting to listen to. Also there will be an occasional interview. The show moves along and there isn't any awkward banter.

Breaking News! New Yorker likes LA bagels

2010-01-29T17:44:00.000-08:00

A transplant New Yorker admits that the bagel at La Brea bagel was "pretty good." "It's a ton of bread with raisins in it. What about the water? The hard water? Who gives a shit?"

Something nice from a Blogger

2009-12-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

Although it stinks the the funny show "Better Off Ted" is being burned off in the dark winter months and most likely not returning - we must give credit to the network for putting the show on in the first place. It's not a conventional show - not a family sitcom, not about young singles, not based around a slumming star. But it's a show that's just very funny and entertaining.

The network gave the show two seasons and unfortunately it did not catch on. Thanks for trying something different. Hopefully you'll try again soon.

Movie Studios become a bit happier

2009-12-23T16:31:00.001-08:00

Studios are very excited by Bradley Cooper's break out role in "The Hangover." Hollywood found a new leading man. "Now we don't have to deal with Ryan Rynolds," said one studio executive, "That guy can now get his own chicken breast."
For a brief time, Hollywood thought Dane Cook would save them from the double R - unfortunately that did not turn out.

"Now if we can just hand over all of David Cross' parts to that Zach guy," continued the candid exec, "we'd all be a bit happier."

On tonight's show - the guy from last night's show

2009-12-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

It seems that the LA comedy podcasts all fish from the same pond. They all seem to have comedy regulars like Paul F. Tompkins and Chris Hardwick. Also Weird "Al" has become hip appearing on "CDR" and Doug Benson's movie show.

All these people are funny, but it makes the podcasts as limiting as the comedy shows. The hip comedy shows will have the same pool of comedians in LA. I guess it's about calling your friends and getting it done.

If Benson's show or CDR are the main stage of podcasts, then shows like "The Paul Goebel Show" are the open mic of podcasts. his shows feature new up and coming comedians he meets at the open mic. Some are funny and some are just fine. But it's nice to hear a different white male voice on the air once in a while.

This week a Todd Glass-less podcast of "Comedy & Everything Else" welcomes the Bud Light Golden Wheat of comedy (slightly less bitter than before) Marc Maron. On Marc's Podcast last week he welcomed hilarious comedian Andy Kindler. Just a Marc and Andy were guests on Doug "not now I'm talking up this chick" Benson on his funny podcast "I Love Movies." A week before that, Doug was on JImmy Dore's "Comedy & Everything Else."

Ahhh, the first cancelation of the season...

2009-09-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

Before you could make a bet with your friends the CW cancelled "The Beautiful Life." Although on paper this sounds like a great idea, model shows have traditionally failed. "But it's a show about hot women being hot!?!?" Still the track record is poor. Can you name a successful scripted drama or sitcom about a bunch of models? I can name two failures, "Paper Dolls" and "Models, Inc. " Both shows were spin offs of successful shows.
"Paper Dolls" was "Who's the Boss'" version of "Facts of Life" but with models.
"Models, Ince" was "Melrose Place's" version of "Melrose Place" but with models.

From Marc Berman and Mediaweek.com
First Cancellation of the New Season:
The CW has axed recently introduced Wednesday drama The Beautiful Life after only two episodes. The most recent installment plummeted to 1.05 million viewers and a 1.0 rating/5 share among adults 18-49 at 9 p.m. ET on Sept. 23 out of America's Next Top Model (which has spiraled considerably downward this season). Repeats of Melrose Place will step into the time period until further notice.

Why not leave the show on? The ratings are much worse than the other shows. and they promoted the hell out of Melrose and Gossip Girl.