Monday, January 24, 2005

And the Nominees are...

Forget the Oscars. The one movie awards we follow are the Razzies®, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation's annual pick for Worst in Show. Announced Monday
afternoon, here's the noms, which we'll handicap and, a first this year, we'll tell you if we actually saw the films. Congrats to the Razzie's celebrating 25 years, by the way. We took this off their press release at www.razzies.com

WORST PICTURE
ALEXANDER, CATWOMAN, SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2,
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS, WHITE CHICKS
Who will "win": This year is a toss-up. All are bad, granted, but usually the Foundation likes to peg projects with big egos who fall short. This summarizes
all of them. We say the Razzie goes the most expensive film, Alexander.
Which ones did we see: None, but we do plan to rent Catwoman and White Chicks.
Who deserves it?: Did we mention we didn't see any of them. But it's nice not to see the funny-at-times Stepford Wives on the list.

WORST ACTOR
Ben Affleck (Jersey Girl, Surviving Christmas), George W. Bush (FAHRENHEIT 9/11), Vin Diesel (RIDDICK), Colin Farrell (ALEXANDER), Ben Stiller (All his 2004 movies
except Meet the Fockers) Who will "win:" 2003 winner Ben "Gigli" Affleck's got
some competition this year. Please, God, give it to Ben Stiller. Which ones did we see: We saw Starsky and Hutch and it wasn't even a movie. Bush and the other politicians nominated (see below) were bigger embarassments in other docs from last year like Bush's Brain and Uncovered: The War on Iraq.
Who deserves it?: Stiller.

WORST ACTRESS
Halle Berry, Hilary Duff (2 films), Angelina Jolie (ALEXANDER and TAKING LIVES, but not Sky Captain), Mary-Kate & Ashley, "The Wayans Sisters" (WHITE
CHICKS)Who will "win:" It's either the Wayans or Joliexander.
Which ones did we see: New York Minute is next on our Netflick list, we swear.
Who deserves it?: Wayans

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Affleck & EITHER J. Lo OR Liv Tyler (JERSEY GIRL),
Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone
(CATWOMAN), George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR
His Pet Goat (F 9/11), Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, The
Wayans Brothers
Who will "win:" The President and the Goat. They make
such a great couple.
Which ones did we see: New York Minute is next on our
Netflick list, we swear.
Who deserves it?: Wayans

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Carmen Electra (S & HUTCH), J. Lo (J Girl), Condoleeza
Rice (F9/11), Britney Spears (F9/11), Sharon Stone
(Catwoman)
Who will "win:" Former winners usually do, J. Lo,
Sharon, talking to you.
Which ones did we see: All but Catwoman and Jersey
Girl.
Who deserves it?: Dr. Rice, for her performance in
the doc Uncovered when she emoted: "We don't want the
smoking gun to turn into a mushroom cloud."

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Val Kilmer (Alex), Schwarzenegger (AROUND THE
WORLD...), Donald Rumsfeld (F 9/11), Jon Voight
(SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2), Lambert Wilson
(CATWOMAN)
Who will "win:" Lambert deserved it for the Matrix
movies. Gov. Schwar is a long time winner. We believe
Daddy Angelina will get it.
Which ones did we see: We refuse to see the fucking
sequel to fucking Baby Genius.
Who deserves it?: Schwarzenegger

WORST DIRECTOR
Bob Clark (SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2), Renny Harlin
and/or Paul Schrader (EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING),
Pitof (CATWOMAN), Oliver Stone (ALEXANDER), Keenan
Ivory Wayans (WHITE CHICKS)
Who will "win:" Oliver Stone
Which ones did we see: None, but we promise to
watch...sigh...BG2, followed by...sigh...E4,
then...sigh...Catwoman...etc.
Who deserves it?: No brainer. Schrader's version of
Ex4 got shelved and then Renny Harlin made a new
better version. Which apparently really sucked more.

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL
ALIEN v PREDATOR, ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD
ORCHID, AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE (Disney), EXORCIST
4: THE BEGINNING, SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED
Who will "win:" Exorcist 4, for backstage noise alone.
Which ones did we see: We liked Scooby Doo 2
Who deserves it?: Paul WS Anderson's Alien v
Predator.

WORST SCREENPLAY
ALEXANDER, CATWOMAN, SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2,
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS, WHITE CHICKS
Who will "win:" Alexander or White Chicks.
Which ones did we see: Now that the nominees are out,
we're going to watch all of them. Well, except for
BG2, come on we're only human.
Who deserves it?: Mankind.

No comments: